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Risktarding like a god: Paint is NOT overrated!
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Date: 02/09/14 01:02
Game Type: Warcraft 3
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Lifetime Rating for Eugenioso: 7.0000

Good evening ladies and gentlemen!

We are tonight's entertainment!

This is gonna be my third, i believe, BR ever (do NOT look up my other older crap. its dead and should remain dead lest the spirits of necroing be upset).

First, lets get some things out of the way:

- I am in no way a creative writer
- My girlfriend is NOT chubby
- My paint skills fall between the asscrack of a 4 year old and grandma playing solitaire.

With that small tidbit out of the way, at least now i can begin with an explanation. Fortunately, ive come to understand that i dont come to read reports, i come to look at the pretty pictures, so i will try to be as picture heavy as possible, and keep text to low amounts. 

Question 1: what the eff is Risk devolution Risktard:Total War?


Allow me to explain: Risktard total war is a special map made for Warcraft 3 Frozen throne. It attempts to recreate the original Risk boardgame, and just like the board game, it has snipers, tanks and the color pink.

The objective of the game is to either 

A) Be the last player alive

B) Have 100 income and the remaining player's income is not 1.5 yours

Like all awesome games, rules are simple, but achieving them is almost consistently impossible. There are also no rules as to how exactly you want to achieve this.

Looking at the picture above, we see certain important elements. I will explain the rules of the game as best as i can to leave it all clear.

BOUNTY: for every kill that you accumulate, you gain 1/4 of that unit's cost as gold to build up your force. Incredibly useful

Fog of war: self explanatory enough. 

max spawn: 10 turns. This means that holding a country will give a certain amount of free units (├íla Risk). Countries are defined by the border that surrounds it. the bigger the country captured, the more spawns it produce. 

In order to capture a country, you must kill whatever unit is holding the terrain marker right next to the barracks and then occupy it. Ships can occupy ports as well. The barracks (and ports) both produce units. As you can imagine, units cost gold. 

Barracks also have a ballista as an attack. this ballista does pierce damage and its used to represent, in a completely non abstract way, that defenders have the advantage. Ports get this nice attack too.

RISKTIP: always attack from the bottom to the top, so your infantry remains outside the barracks ballista range.

Lets look at the units shall we?

ugly bunch of dudes

Infantry: standard soldier. comes with a rifle. effective in masses. the workhorse of your armies all the game.

Medic: Heals units. its combat abilities are better left alone (except medic spamming for killing the last player, thats fun as s#!7)

Sniper: Exactly the same as in the singleplayer campaign. shoots mortar fire that affects multiple units and can blow up trees. good support for mass assaults, yet somewhat expensive.

Medic Lieutenant: Has a bit more attack and hit points than normal medic, but can, in addition to healing, cast Roar, that increases attack strength of units in range of the ability. highly useful in drawn out battles.

Captain (from barracks): a knight with good armor, lots of hit points and decent attack. a good damage soaker, but still expensive. 

RISKTIP: If a unit's cost does not equal its amount of kills, it is not a good unit. a knight cant take on 5 infantry singlehandedly, so either use in mass or ignore

General: Basically a super captain. has more hitpoints, more attack, can do Impish fury (i believe is the name of the attack) and can do Roar, same as the Medic Lieutenant. use only in lategame.

The tanks i ignore: 15, 20 and 25 gold, respectively. they are tanks. they do have reinforced armor though, so they resist much better infantry fire, which is pierce. Snipers however have siege damage, so they are the best way to tackle tanks, save for fighting tank on tank, since tanks all have siege damage. They are far too expensive, and 25 gold used on a tank can be detrimental to building SS ships (explained now)

yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

Ports produce all naval units. Obviously, you cant build ships at barracks. Ports do count towards the total of holding a country, so capturing ports is an ideal strategy for blocking opponents income.

BTW, turns last 60 seconds. at the end of your turn, or rather, at the start of one, you get your total gold amount. this means that sneaky assholes can block a country by capping a capture marker and deny the enemy the income of said country.

IM the sneaky asshole.

MARINE: the infantry of the ports. has 1 more attack, 1 less range and 1 more armor. 

Marine captain: has a few less hitpoints than land captain, but can use Roar. nuff said.

Marine general: same as land general, but a few less hitpoints, but has the Berserk ability. great for creating huge butcheries of infantry when used en masse.

Transport: can move upwards of 10 units across the sea. cant fight back, but has creative uses...

RISKTIP: a good idea is to launch disposable infantry en masse towards a port, to trap any enemy ships there. another is to block gaps with them, since they are dirty cheap, or to block enemy ships from moving away, thus giving you the chance to damage or sink retreating ships more easily.

c-b-a-s ships: skip over these in favor of...

SS-Ship: The kings of the ocean. period. if you can dominate the seas in this game, you basically have it 3/4 made. naval dominance is key to winning risk. 40g is a considerable investment, so keep them safe and withdraw so they repair themselves.

Oh another thing. All units regenerate health constantly. The more expensive the unit, the better its natural healing speed. Infantry heal very slowly (faster than wc3 riflemen) while SS heal very fast.

As you probably noticed, ports cant produce special units like the barracks. this means that landing forces from barracks with a transport to support your men can be a good tactic, but usually takes too much time to micro.

Ok... i believe ive gotten most of the basic stuff out of the way. if i remember something else, or something that i want to say, ill say it as it applies. 

Lets see the game, huh?

The first country is the hardest

I am the player Grey, so everyone remember that. looking at my choice of randomly assigned countries, i take the middle of the map and spawn my 4 riflemen in czech republic. 

BTW. the minimum gold a player can get per turn is 4. all players start with 4 gold. that means either 4 infantry, 2 medics, a lieutenant, or a sniper and an infantry. 4 infantry is always the best choice at start.

Why, do i probably hear you ponder, maybe, do i spawn in the middle?

- Players usually avoid the middle, ergo free conquests and no early wars, which can cost you the game

- to stay away from the corners of the map, which are deathtraps.

Corners face the issue of Australia: hard to conquer, but not very giving towards expansions or money. Also, too many players go to corners and love to stay there, moneywhoring the entire game.

MONEYWHORING: to get a small patch of easily defensible land, and camp it. since players tend to attack others while the moneywhore camps, an offensive against a MW can be incredibly costly. inexorably, however, moneywhores will run out of money faster than the non camping player, and end up losing.

Lets take a quick look at the map ok?

This is my main attack pattern, one that i always try to keep. i call it the Snail strategy (names arent my forte ok?) because of the snail conch pattern that it follows. this is a good idea for the following reasons:

- avoids me having to fight in bloody europe (at least until im ready)
- gives me plenty of room to back up to if i get attacked
- makes me look like a much smaller power, yet still have loads of money and territory
- takes full advantage of naval warfare (since its the key element of victory)

RISKTIP: avoiding the ocean is practically a death sentence. many land style players usually forego naval builds and end up losing half their income to well placed naval attacks on ports. Always play with the aim of getting a fleet, if not to attack then at the very least to defend/raid enemy ports.

As per my strategy, im going for poland, and the baltic states first. Its always better to capture a lot of early small countries than to go for huge countries from the start. by turn 2 you could have 8 gold plus any extra you get from bounties (either attacked territories or enemies attacking your other holdings). 

2 things: there are 11 players here on this game. the maximum is 12.
And also, i dont expect my strategy to survive contact with the enemy. since ive been playing risk devo for the last 8 years and im at least a partially known pubie (my ingame name is sopamanx), ive found this strategy to at least regularly give me victory (not counting the risktards)

RISKTARD: a risktard:Total war player that plays every turn, rather than every game. he simply focuses on short term objectives rather than the overall victory. he will attack the weakest player and leave himself wide open for attack, he teams and has no value of consequence... in other words, a risktard.

Hopefully, this game wont have a lot of them. a risktard move is to be expected eventually, however. lets hope im ready to counter said move by then.

First contact of the first kind against my first enemy

Well damn. first turn and already my plan goes down the crapper. The red player sees it fit to settle in my planned expansion route. must come with backup plan immediately!

Explanation: i follow a very strict set of moral codes in the game. 

1.- Thou shalt not team thy enemy, lest he be the strongest one
2.- Thou shalt accept every truce entrusted unto thee
3.- Thou hast every right to rape every last motherfuckereth that tryth to teameth thou.

these codes mean that the enemy will almost always keep a truce, and save for risktards, there is usually a strict code followed by all risk players. Sure, if you want declare war on everyone and team everyone, but dont bitch and moan too hard when you get teamed in return.

I could very easily destroy this small red outpost, but as per my plans and moral code i am forced to reconsider my routes of expansion.


Blue is going for bottom left corner, and will soon secure all of southwestern africa, and will no doubt go for spain and portugal (a small blue speck can be seen going into spain). no direct threat yet.

Pink is securing Romania and its nonexistant oilfields, as well as bulgaria and about to cap Moldova. he probably will expand southwest towards macedon and greece. no threat.

Yellow is securing countries south of poland. i hope he truces me and leaves me be. medium threat.

Red is no threat, with a single country owned, yet i will not attack him. no threat.

Green is north of red, and i can expect a war to spew out between them. good for me, as it keeps them from expanding and focusing on me.

PROTIP: like i believe i said before, avoid early wars like the plague. if you somehow end up spawning at the same country as another player, get out of the country fast and truce. early wars help noone except your enemies.

Brown is conquering Finland. he seems a weak and noob player going for a country so far, so i expect some resistance, but not much. minimum threat.

Dark green is conquering the middle east with little opposition. can expect him to be a long term enemy, but for now no threat.

Orange is located next to pink, and can be expected to either expand west onto europe and montenegro, or fight and die to pink. no threat.

Teal is going for Germany, and has already conquered switzerland. hopefully he's no risktard and accepts or proposes a truce. Medium threat.

Manly war shouts!

i turn my sights on the undisputed land of Belarus. with 4 territories and strategically located, its a good invasion plan and falls quickly enough.

remember my nice moral code? it only applies sometimes. red has expanded somewhere else, and RISKing (haha see what i did there? no? ok :( ) gaining an enemy later on, i attack kalininStalingrad, which fell with few casualties. Ive decided to stick to my plan, again, and i believe that green will be my enemy now. Red seems to have barely noticed the move, and didnt try to defend it.

Red goes for belgium and netherlands, and expands onto france. Conflict betwixt him and blue is practically certain.

Green goes for latvia and lithuania, while also expanding onto svalbard far to the north, and is going to capture Ireland. Also, he has Crete far to the south. idiocy or strategy? hopefully both, but mostly the first.

Teal conquered germany, but hasnt taken much else. will he take italy?

Pink is pretty big, but is well opposed by yellow. should both players go to war it will benefit me, as none of them will attack me out of fear of getting attacked by the other player.

Dark green (DG from now on) is still unopposed in middle east. should he face no resistance he might well grow into a superpower.

Brown goes for Scandinavia. since its on my war path im going to attack him.

STRATEGY: kill green in the baltic states, invade and conquer Scandinavia. Save money for an SS.

RISKTIP: the earlier you can get an SS, assuming you are a coastal power, the better. save as much money as possible from the beginning, but balance it with expansion, as long as its not costly in money. its a careful balance.

first down!

Leavers are to be expected on a risk game, like rain is wet and like your mom is also. Its part of the game. 

(red also left just now, but i bollock'd up the picture)

It sucks to win when everyone leaves imediately after getting attacked, but its better than having an angry risktard constantly harassing you even this early in the game.

If i accept his truce, which i wont, then my expansion would get blocked, and besides, i cant let him stay near my baltic states with all of scandinavia next to me. i have just enough money for an SS at the end of the turn (29 + 18), which will let me also occupy and free up the SS from whatever place i might attack...

what a shock 0.-

Though its obvious brown is my target. i block Sweden and its valuable nonexistant metal deposits, as well as norway right before its fully occupied by brown, and then move north to finland. Estonia, brown's sad attempt at strategy, is also landed by a force of marines right at its port, sealing away the few defenders there for food.

never indeed...

Pink has indeed expanded onto macedon and greece, as well as montenegro, the only port aside from turkey and greece in southern europe. he is however despite his power sandwiched between yellow and DG, so wanton attacks by him are not expected. no attack will go north either, at least not yet. also, Cyprus is under his control. i smell a sissy/manly color war very very soon...

Teal has finally taken, what else, italy, as well as malta and Sardinia, and denmark for good measure. i dont expect a teaming by him, seeing as he is directly opposed by blue.

Blue has secured control of all the western corner, putting him in a strong position by land, but not so much by ocean. should he be attacked by sea i expect little opposition, but lots of land action. he seems also to have blocked the UK (united kingdom, you dolts) from capture by orange.

Brown is on his last legs. with only Finland still under his control, he will no doubt fall soon... right?

Yellow has expanded onto some of orange (now known as oj)'s lands in europe, but leaves his last european territory intact. will a war spawn between them? i cant tell.

Orange is going for the british empire. he has no presence anywhere else in the world. what is going to happen now with him? his only real opponent is yellow, but will yellow retaliate and risk losing europe, or will he be the better person and let a pass? nor can he ignore the south, with blue eyeing the north as good expansion area (which would suck for me)

DG continues his expansions onto Russia, the highest income country with a whopping 14 income if fully conquered. the inherent risk for him is that, being the biggest player and holding russia, the other players might form an alliance against him. will he continue his russian venture, or will he fall to a super attack?

To be honest, i dont know. all i know is that this is the first update, and more reporting will come.

any comments go to comment sections, k? hope you like this start, because it will continue!

side note: uuf making a BR is a time consuming thing! ive been here 4 hours doing this! expect the next part soon!

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