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LuckyNewbie vs Whatshisface
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Date: 03/16/06 06:03
Game Type: Starcraft
Labels:Image Heavy(1), Famous Reporter(2), Starcraft(3), Warcraft 3(1), Civilization(1), Rare game(1), Old Classic(1), Gorgeous(1), Great Writing(1), Pro Player(1), Problem: Broken Images(1), Long(1), Funny(3), Problem: Spam(1), Text Only(1), Fan Fiction(1), Strategy Focused(1), Tutorial(1), Funny Comments(1), Series(1), Flashy(1)
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Report Rating: 8.0, # of Ratings: 1, Max: 8, Min: 8
Lifetime Rating for LuckyNewbie: 7.5000

Hello ladies and gents. All four of you are in for a treat tonight. I bring to you a terran versus protoss match between yours truly and the 2004 basket weaving world champion, maarza-whatever.

Tonight (or today) you shall bear witness to one of the grand matches of our time. There will be probes, there will be scvs, and there will be APM rates at a marginally average level. There may even be a build order between the two of us. So put away your random websites, stop browsing wikipedia for pornography, and scroll down to be amazed.

This epic game was on the lost temple. Marrke chose protoss and was given the 12, while my chosen terrans spawned at the 9. Standard build orders commenced, amid discussions of Dagomar's homosexuality. March went for 2 gate dragoons, while I aimed at the ever so classy vulture drop.

Aiming to get an edge in this match, I put the pressure on mreek with a bold proclamation:

First contact involved light probe skirmishing, and an attempt at breaching my wall with a failed pylon-ninja move. Marrger was a cunning opponent, indeed.

The attack commenced when my opponent had two dragoons in hand, prompting my philosophical attache to go nuts drawing analogies about birds and bushes. With only two vultures and a few marines, I was left to MacGyver a defense.

Shooing the ninja probe away with my marines, I laid a few mines outside of my choke and allied the goonmaster. The dragoons walked up and started tearing down a depot when, to the amazement of their owner, they suddenly died. This gave the reinforcing dragoons pause to re-think their "attack the base" plan.

Sending their probe up to investigate, they glimpsed my dropship headed north with vultures. I adopted the Bush strategy and sailed full speed ahead, damning the torpedoes. Marsburger had seen the dropship, but could only run his dragoons back. Mines were laid, grenades were fired. Sadly, thanks to dragoon range and some rather poor mine placement, there was no glorious 40 probe death-orgy.

I seized on my victory over the 6 probes and expanded under the cover of two tanks. Marge likewise did, with slightly more protection.

Using my comsat and some horrible intelligence analysts, I thought that, of all things, I would soon be on the receiving end of a dark templar drop. Marfhe, with slightly better intelligence, decided he could overcome the front gate defense. You be the judge:

And so he attacked, with 9 zealots and 6 dragoons. With the aid of some reinforcing vultures and a tank, the attack was easily beaten. Maarp's forcce had been obliterated, in exchange for 4 vultures, 3 mines, and a tank. But man did he get some good quality screenshots from the affair.

Glorious as the dragoon blood filled natural was, Maarrge did not let his power train stop for defeat. Adopting the Soviet tactic of clogging my attacking lanes with his dead, the cunning protoss expanded to the nearby 3 o'clock.

So how did you win? you ask. Ah, a question I always love answering. Should I take my reinforcing vultures forward to harass his unprotected bases? Should I give a good old fashion tank push up his alley? Dare I take the six o'clock to capitalize on my momentum?

Ba-ha-ha. I scoff at such amateurish tactics. For I am no amateur tactician. I need not more than a tank and two vultures to win this. I am LuckyNewbie, master tactician. I sent these to demolish his main, to leave Murger writhing in pain.

Obviously, Munchman is wise to my game here. </ego>

Whilst I was buzzing around his main, Maarweem had brought the 3 o'clock natural and main fully online. I once again do what I do best, and send four tanks to the 3 natural. They only manage to get the nexus down to 150 hp before my cunning opponent put an end to such nonsense.

On the return leg, my dropships came under fire by Marlboro's dragoons. He had established map control. I continued to pump units, aiming to disrupt his economy just enough to even the playing field.

As soon as the dropships returned, I picked up four more tanks. Rather then sending them to the plateu, I put them below the ramp. They promptly destroyed Marjorie's nexus and a number of probes. Once again, my tanks were swiftly destroyed.

Now I want you to understand something. Before this game, I had been playing mostly on either Big Game Hunters or even the single player campaign. And, if I remember correctly, playing against this particular opponent was very, very similar to playing the single player campaign. You just put a few tanks up and then he waits to die.

And so I rushed forward, with what I was sure to be a winning combination and number of tanks. I had been producing (somewhat) non-stop from four factories.

After spending about an hour manuevering my tanks off my cliff, I attack moved. I sipped my coffee, preparing to enjoy watching all 30 of my machines roll MarssBar into the ground.


I didnt mention it, but I had about 110 supply. Maar had just maxed out. He flanked me from three directions. I circled the wagons, but these indians had plasma cannons and a really effective rain dance.

And so it was that Maar cleaned up my main. And by 'cleaned up' I mean 'made a mess.' With extreme prejudice. I know, I couldn't believe it either.

Lessons Learned:

1) Don't play maar if you have an undefeated record against him.
2) Play less BGH.
3) Write a battlereport instead of doing a take home test. It's good for your grades.
4) Never promise to battlereport a game if you lose it.
5) It's never too late to decide using dropshadows in your report.
6) It's possible to use CSS without externally linking, and not fuck up the reports page.

And thus, I leave you a little wiser. Oh, and thanks to ZerG~LinG for the CSS template at And Dialtone_ for not paying the warsmith hosting or domain name. And maar for letting me misspell his name at least 20 times. And improper sentences. And JV for making comments mess up with apostraphe's.

As always,

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