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Johnny Vegas the literate Orc in "The Unlikely Alliance"
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Author:Johnny_Vegas
IP:user-12lXXXX
Date: 12/11/04 08:12
Game Type: Other
Labels:Famous Reporter(1), Rare game(1), Fan Fiction(1)
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Report Rating: 7.5, # of Ratings: 2, Max: 8, Min: 7
Lifetime Rating for Johnny_Vegas: 8.4483

The adventures of Johnny Vegas the literate Orc

"The unlikely alliance"


ATTENTION!  The following is a ficitonalized representation of a World of Warcraft gaming session that took place on Dec 10, 2004 with Mark4's 18th level Warlock and my 14th level Warrior.  We are both member's of the nohunters guild on the Blackrock server.

*hands you some ale*

I be Johnny Vegas, orcish warrior of the Horde.  Having learned the basics of reading and writing from human captors during the great war, I am able to pass this tale on to you.

I had just traveled from the Undercity on a previous mission to collect ingredients for discolored healing potions, greatly cherished by my tribe.  To complete the recipe for these potions I was to hunt the deadly Wargs of Silverpine so that I could brew their diseased and rotting hearts into an elixir that would heal, ironic wouldn't you say?

My mission had been a success, but I had been quickly called back to my Orcish homeland of Orgrimaar and reassigned to the Crossroads, a desert area filled with much violence and uprising.

Riding the zepplin from the Undercity to Ogrimaar

Arriving at The Crossroads I was soon joined by the nefariously deadly Alicefour the Warlock.    Alicefour had just arrived here in the crossroads, having been reassigned from torture detail in the Undercity.  She loved her old job and certainly was not pleased to have to consort with the likes of me.  Still, the Orcish lords had become more friendly with our Undead allies and "integrated missions" were becoming more common.  It was said that whatever the Horde must do to keep pressure on the Alliance was to be done without complaint.   Those that did complain found themselves in the company of Alicefour and her minions in the dreaded chambers deep beneath the Undercity.

It seemed that a local Alchemist greatly needed the spores of a rare and poisonous mushroom, that was to be found nearby at an Oasis.  My commander sent Alicefour to accompany me just in case the possessors of this deadly fungus were reluctant to give it up.

Alicefour: "I SHALL REMOVE THE FUNGUS FROM THEIR COLON IF NEEDED"

Certainly this Warlock meant business.  She even summoned a pet by the name of "Zharvog" I believe was its name.  It was a large creature from another plane of existance that did not enjoy being stared at.  What it did enjoy was releasing the most foul gaseous odor at random times, especially whenever I partook of my breakfast.

We ventured forth.  Before leaving the Crossroads behind I was coerced into sharing some healing potions with the witch.  She presented me with an alternative that I did not find appealing, so I conceded the brew to her.

On the way to the oasis we were attacked by a band of viscious giraffes hungry for our blood!!!  We managed to slay the beasts, using a combination of my axe, Alicefour's foul curses and the efforts of her smelly pet.  Afterwards Alicefour insisted on inspecting the giraffe's "nether regions" for any sign of it having grazed on the fungus.  These Barren giraffes, uniquely were known to graze on these normally deadly mushrooms.



Finally hot and thirsty we arrived at the fabled Oasis.  There we happened upon the mushrooms that we sought.  As I stooped to harvest the rare fungi a sudden jolt of pain coarsed through my body.  Turning I saw that some creature had attached itself to my foot!

"HELP ME!!" I cried, as I was slowly drug towards the dark waters of the Oasis.  Laughing, Alicefour approached, after what seemed like an eternity for me of grasping for my axe and clawing at the dirt for a handhold.  Now I understood why she had been chosen for this quest... piercing bolts of dark energy sprung from her outstretched hands.   I turned to see the rapidly decaying attacker release my foot and recoil as its mottled green skin started to shrivel and age before my eyes.

The sudden activity had roused the lake.  Soon dozens of hungry snapjaws were emerging from the brackish waters to feast upon us.  The element of surpise removed, I charged into their packs, bringing my great axe around in viscious chops.  I quickly learned that their shells were impervious to any sort of attack and focused on beheading the foul creatures.  My wounds dripping with blood only served to increase my rage, chopping and hewing like a mad man, I soon had a pile of heads at my feet.

I was just lucky my leg was all it latched on to...

Meanwhile the Warlock and her minion were not being idle.  Arcs of bluish-black death streamed from her outstretched arms holding back the aquatic terrors.  Her summoned minion fearlessly grappled with a snapjaw that had ventured to close.  Becoming overwhelmed, I noticed that Zharvog had been drug into the lake.  Alicefour more graceful than I thought undead could possibly be, ran and dove into the lake!

Weak from the battle, I waited.   Eventually I assumed the creatures of the deep had vanquished her, so I continued to harvest the precious mushrooms.  Long minutes went by and just as I was prepared to leave I readied my axe for another emerging turtle.  But alas, it was no turtle, but Alicefour.  She had Zharvog in tow, and had taken the time to fashion a necklace out of the snapjaws heads!

"The vile Warlock doesn't have to breathe", I thought to myself.   She had dove into the waters, slayed scores of the beasts, feasted on their souls and fashioned for herself what she must consider to be a fashionable piece of jewelry.

"Hey next time could you make me a shell hat?"  I bellowed jokingly.   Alicefour smiled so wickedly that I swore to never give her a reason to do so again.

As we were leaving the oasis we were ambushed by Bristlebacks trying to get their hands on the rare and toxic mushrooms.  They had witnessed our battle from afar.   But after slaying a few, the rest saw Alice's necklace, thought better of confronting us and fled like little children.




Night had fallen back at the Crossroads, without a word, the Warlock threw a sack of the mushrooms down at the Orcish Alchemist's feet.  With wide eyed terror in his eyes at the site of Alice's horrific necklace, he could barely whisper "thanks".

"YOU WERE OF USE TO ME, PERHAPS IT WILL BE SO AGAIN" was all that she said to me, as she gripped an ornate stone.  Her ghastly form dematerialized and slowly drifted away into the night air.

"She's back to the Undercity", announced my commander.  "Next time, a greater challenge awaits you."

"I hear Trolls are decent warriors..." I desperately suggested.  With a grunt, my grinning commander headed to the tavern.  I followed.

"Your next adventure will be to escort a group of non-heterosexual goblins to Booty Bay.  The ship is docked in the nearby port city of Ratchet."

And I thought it couldn't get any worse than spending the day with an undead warlock!

"Oh yeah", my commander added, "I guess the goblins need this Thunder Lizard Lubricant." pointing to a barrel, "Must be for one of their 'inventions'.  You are to deliver it personally." he said.  With that the tavern erupted in laughter and whistling.

I don't like the way the goblin smiled at me when I arrived the next day...




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