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- Anathema

Basin Street Blues
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Date: 08/30/03 05:08
Game Type: Warcraft 3
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Report Rating: 8.8, # of Ratings: 5, Max: 9, Min: 8
Lifetime Rating for ~CattleBruiser~: 9.3900


This match is fresh and barely legal, having finished less than eight hours ago. Thrown into an embrace by the matchmaker system, the combatants valiantly fought to defend their clan honour. Twenty seven minutes later, one team emerged victorious.

The battle report you are about to read may feel smaller in scope and overzealous catchphrases than my previous reports. This is intentional. Basin Street Blues is the first in a new series of reports by mnr mnr hrt hrt productions, an offshoot of halp halp productions, which, itself, is an offshoot of CattleBattle Productions. Treat it like the hors d'oeuvres of the battle reporting world and you will not be disappointed.

Map Overview

Scorched Basin: where the women are uglier than the tileset and the peons require state-sanctioned bussing to reach the nearest trees. Because Blizzard knew that reinforcement-intercepting creeps were every player's favourite feature, they took it one step further with this map, and made the central creeps cylcone-casting reinforcement-intercepting creeps. Scorched Basin, which everyone has played on at least once, is characterized by narrow battlefields and bases which can be impossible to crack without siege.

The Opponents

The Match Begins...

The Nightfall clan spawns in the upper right and middle right positions on the map. nf-sWoop chooses Orc while his partner, nf-Stealth randoms Orc. Jaood gets his chosen Orc in the upper left spot next door to nf-sWoop, while CattleBruiser chooses Undead and appears on the left side of the map. Pleasantries and phone numbers are exchanged and the opponents get down to business.

CattleBruiser opens with his standard fiend build: Graveyard, Crypt, ziggurat, Altar, and another ziggurat, with three ghouls on wood. His Death Knight is slightly delayed, but arrives just as the first crypt fiend is trained. Knowing that the Undead are lovely targets for harassment, he summons the Graveyard adjacent to his gold mine, and prepares to upgrade the ziggurat to a Nerubian tower as needed.

Being down with peer pressure and the like, all three Orcs start with their Altar and a burrow. Jaood begins training a Farseer while his barracks is under construction, and nf-Stealth does the same with a Shadow Hunter. Meanwhile, nf-sWoop puts his Reign of Chaos skills to the test with a Lumber Mill and quick upgrade to a Stronghold.

CattleBruiser sends his first crypt fiend south to scout, but nf-sWoop is the first player to make contact. His Farseer arrives at Jaood's base with plans to harass with wolves, but flees when he sees that Jaood has wolves of his own (A rule of thumb for new players: wolves in the yellow will always beat wolves in the red).

nf-sWoop returns home and joins forces with nf-Stealth, who's job it is to ensure his partner's survival until tier two. With the help of wolves and serpent wards, the team quickly clears the creeps at the expansion between their bases. They are rewarded with goodies, like new Boots of Speed for the Shadow Hunter, and a Tome of Intelligence, also for the Shadow Hunter.

Jaood and CattleBruiser are still unsure of their opponents' exact location, so they join forces and begin scouting the north side of the Basin. As luck would have it, the first place they scout is nf-sWoop's base, and Jaood's grunts make quick work of a burrow before the defenders come home. With three fiends and several grunts, the clan halpmeh army is easily larger than clan Nightfall's creeping army, and the battle spills back into nf-sWoop's base. nf-Stealth spams serpent wards which the fiends eat up for an easy twelve experience points each, while Jaood's grunts keep the heroes on the run. CattleBruiser lines up for a perfect Death Coil on nf-Stealth's wounded Shadow Hunter, but a split-second use of Town Portal spirits it away to safety.

nf-sWoop's base is now without an army, but his tower and burrows are positioned for optimal defence. CattleBruiser attempts to take down the outlying Lumber Mill, but abandons the task as hopeless. As nf-sWoop's Farseer struggles to stay alive, nf-Stealth's Shadow Hunter appears below the base with the stench of a Healing Salve upon him. Taking the bait, Jaood and CattleBruiser puruse the Shadow Hunter and his grunts to the purple base.

Warcraft pathing is horrible, but it works in CattleBruiser's favour here. While trying to take down a burrow, his troops accidently surround the Shadow Hunter and trap him between buildings. This time, the Death Coil does not miss, and the Shadow Hunter croaks. (Get it? croaks? like a frog? because he can cast Hex! HA HA HA).

nf-sWoop has been busy back home. His bestiary is near completion, and two fresh-faced heroes arrive to support nf-Stealth's defenders. The new Tauren Chieftain helps to seriously wound the Death Knight, and CattleBruiser is forced to run him all the way home. He wisely leaves his fiends behind though, focusing their fire on nf-Stealth's units. The fiends use their erotically bulbous abdomens to hamper the Chieftain's path, and soften him up for Chain Lightning from Jaood's Level 2 Farseer. With one hero down, CattleBruiser and Jaood's armies chase nf-sWoop's Farseer back to the other Orc base in the north, but don't manage to kill him.

The flickering lights of nf-sWoop's Bestiary scare Jaood, and lacking any anti-air, the grunts and fiends return home to regroup.

Tier Two

nf-Stealth currently has a Shadow Hunter on the verge of gaining Level 2 and five grunts. His base went surprisingly undamaged in the last fight, and he begins upgrading to a Stronghold. His partner, nf-sWoop, is a little worse for the wear, but has a living Level 2 Farseer and a reviving Chieftain. His first wyvern is about to fly out of the Bestiary, and he's created a second bestiary in the suburbs between the bases.

Jaood has five grunts and a Level 2 Farseer, with a Shadow Hunter in training back home. He is very minimalist in his building choices, with only a Lumber Mill, Altar, one barracks, and some burrows surrounding his Stronghold. CattleBruiser, on the other hand, has built one of his typically compact, if-we-need-to-town-portal-here we're-going-to-be-screwed, bases, with his tech buildings surrounding a line of ziggurats. His Halls of the Dead is complete, so he begins training a Liche while an acolyte goes summon-crazy and warps in another Crypt, a Slaughterhouse, and a Tomb of Relics. He's obviously going for mass fiends backed by statues, since he has no imagination and knows of no other strategies that stand a chance against high-level players.

After starting the research for Web, CattleBruiser joins Jaood and clears the expansion between their bases. It's here that the Nightfall army hits them, but they arrive too late to actually creepjack the halpers.

Jaood creates a solid front line, but nf-Stealth activates his speed hack and deftly maneuvers around Jaood's grunts. Now surrounded, Jaood's grunts fight for their lives, aided by the occasional Healing Wave and Frost Nova. CattleBruiser's fiends are busy destroying the wyverns and incessantly spammed Serpent Wards, and he fails to notice Jaood's plight. Luckily though, CattleBruiser has gotten his micro together and hero-nukes the Tauren Chieftain into the land of Death. With only three fiends and two wolves remaining, Jaood and CattleBruiser manage to destroy the rest of the wyverns, but the enemy Shadow Hunter and his grunts get away with their lives. nf-sWoop's foolhardy Farseer stays behind and gets hit with a pleasant combination of Death Coil, Frost Nova, and Hex, but flies away on the wings of a Town Portal before being annihilated.

Though small, the clan halpmeh armies push ahead into nf-sWoop's base to find that he's switched from wyverns to raiders. Jaood throws up a Spirit Lodge back home and CattleBruiser begins pumping statues from his Slaughterhouse. nf-sWoop has not made any more buildings in his base, but has constructed a Voodoo Lounge halfway to his partner's base for ease of sharing. All the heroes are Level 2, except for Jaood's Level 3 Farseer and a Farseer that nf-Stealth has just trained, in hopes of totally confusing the readers with duplicate hero types.

Jaood and CattleBruiser poke at nf-sWoop's base, but don't do any real damage before nf-Stealth's troops arrive. Like a well-oiled machine, nf-sWoop and nf-Stealth pincer the remainder of CattleBruiser's fiends and force a total rout. CattleBruiser's army was undermanned, because he had managed to mess up both of his rally points earlier in the game. As a result, he had two statues parked in a random field, and a steady stream of crypt fiends heading to the nearest expansion (Patch 1.13 will convert the game into 2D, making it much easier to click on the desired units when setting rally points).


After a few minutes spent leeching health from three statues, Jaood and CattleBruiser decide to attack nf-sWoop's base again. CattleBruiser is still going bread-n-butter fiends while Jaood, who is all about ethnic diversity, has mixed in headhunters, a demolisher, and witch doctors. The pair hope to draw the fight outside of the base, since it's nearly impossible to flee a base on Scorched Basin, especially when you're wounded.

Luck is still on the side of the home team, as the halpers hit the base while the enemies are creeping. nf-sWoop is creeping a Goblin Merchant with kodos and raiders, while nf-Stealth is clearing himself an expansion with grunts and a demolisher. They rush home to find Jaood taking advantage of nf-sWoop's main base, while CattleBruiser destroys the Qwik-E-Mart to the east.

Like the previous battle, it's as if there's two solo fights going on adjacent to each other. Jaood stands his grunts shoulder to shoulder with the enemy grunts while CattleBruiser uses his fiends to focus fire on raiders and Serpent Wards. The Liche tosses a Frost Nova into the mix when he can, and then sits in the back uselessly. Had CattleBruiser been brave enough to waste precious mana on Frost Armor, the battle might have gone much quicker. As it was, the four armies held each other at a standstill, with the aid of Jaood's Stasis Traps and nf-Stealth's Serpent Wards and Healing Wards. After a full minute, nf-sWoop has lost all of his raiders. However, Jaood has lost all of his grunts as well. With his heroes unprotected, Jaood breaks formation and circles around CattleBruiser's fiends. The Nightfall partners follow, and the crypt fiends are surrounded like the tasty filling of an Undead twinkie.

The scene is so chaotic that it becomes impossible to tell which Orc is which. CattleBruiser's Liche becomes the first casualty, despite being surrounded with four statues. Next, nf-Stealth takes advantage of the Death Knight's penchant for running up to the front lines. The Undead hero is reduced to a hundred hit points and teleports away with three statues and three crypt fiends remaining. This leaves Jaood alone -- two valiant heroes against nf-sWoop's grabbag army (a wyvern, a demolisher, and a kodo), some hired mercenaries, and all four surviving heroes. He wisely chooses to teleport away.

I Spy

Fifteen minutes and thirty seconds have passed since the match began. Both partners of the Nightfall clan expand while the halpers recuperate in their bases. CattleBruiser almost expands, but then decides to heal his remaining statues instead. He ostracizes a crypt fiend who was hit by a mercenary's faerie fire and waits for the Liche to come back to life (or death, as the case may be). Jaood is just finishing up the research for Healing Wards to supplement CattleBruiser's statues. His army is small in comparison to CattleBruiser's, whose double-fisting of crypts has quickly replenished his fiend army.

CattleBruiser sends a wily shade to nf-sWoop's base and discovers that he's switched back to wyverns. The shade follows a wyvern, hoping to find the rally point, and discovers both enemy armies in the center of the map. He rushes his fiend army to the center in hopes of creep jacking, and Jaood sends his meager army of wounded grunts to help.

The halpers are lucky yet again, as they arrive just when nf-Stealth and nf-sWoop have engaged the difficult central creeps. Preoccupied with getting into formation, the double Orc army apparently didn't notice the faerie fired crypt fiend rally all his buddies for a beatdown. Thinking fast, they finish off the creeps before engaging the Undead fiends, so they have access to all the mercenaries that money can buy.

Despite having no meat shield, nf-sWoop and nf-Stealth stand their ground, aided by multiple mercenaries and Burning Oil from their demolishers. The battlefield is lit up with so many coloured lights and spell effects that it looks like an amateur mapmaker's attempt at making an Unreal mod. Jaood worms his grunts into the fray to cause general mayhem, while CattleBruiser uses his fiends to focus fire on mercenaries. His goal is to level up his Death Knight to Level 4, and once he's succeeded, he begins hero-nuking in earnest. First to fall is nf-Stealth's Farseer. As CattleBruiser prepares to target another, he notices that Jaood has lost all his grunts. Hoping to draw the enemy off the hillside, the halpers retreat a short distance away. This turns out to be a bad idea.

The retreating crypt fiends attract the attention of the local harpies, totally breaking the karma of the attack. Jaood teleports home and CattleBruiser beats a hasty retreat sans Death Knight, while three angry Orc heroes follow in pursuit. When it becomes apparent that the battle is over, the Nightfall partners return to nf-Stealth's base for some repairing and relaxation. nf-sWoop and nf-Stealth begin making raiders and demolishers, while Jaood and CattleBruiser go for their tried and true unit mixtures with nothing new. Jaood also expands but CattleBruiser does not, having expanded no more than five times in the past fifty games (hardcore!!!) (!).

Let's Try That Again

The wily shade is still out and about, tracking the movements of the double Orc army for CattleBruiser. When they attack a cadre of harpies in the center, Jaood and CattleBruiser decide to creep jack them again. The two halpers get into position on the west side of the center, waiting for the Nightfall partners to attack the nearby thunder lizards. nf-sWoop and nf-Stealth end up bypassing the lizards, attacking the next harpy group instead, but this puts them in an even better position to be jacked.

The Tauren Chieftain is the first to get hero-nuked, but lumbers away with a scant twenty-four hit points remaining. Left with no target, the fiends and the nukers turn their attention to nf-sWoop's Farseer and quickly destroys it. nf-Stealth's army, which was on the far edge, is a little luckier. He manages to save the majority of his army, losing only three demolishers to Jaood's grunts. The Liche also picks up a set of Scourge Bone Chimes, which is a matching item to the one that nf-Stealth picked up previously.

The halp army is still in impeccable shape, so CattleBruiser calls for the army to chase the wounded Orcs. He makes a beeline for nf-sWoop's base, but changes direction and goes to nf-sWoop's expansion instead. CattleBruiser still has not expanded, and hopes to even out the income game a little bit.

CattleBruiser destroys the watch tower and burrow in the cubbyhole to make it more hospitable, while Jaood uses Stasis Traps and grunts to hold off the defenders to the south. nf-Stealth sets off an insane amount of Serpent Wards with his Level 5 Shadow Hunter, but they aren't as effective against the crypt fiends who shoot over the heads of the fighting grunts. With Healing Waves flying in every direction and a healthy dose of hero-nuking, Jaood and CattleBruiser gradually press the defenders back to nf-Stealth's base.

The Final Fight

Instead of burning nf-sWoop's expansion to the ground, CattleBruiser sends his fiends to nf-Stealth's base to help Jaood. They are greeted by a new wild card: taurens and spirit walkers courtesy of nf-Stealth. Jaood loses his Shadow Hunter when it stupidly chases nf-sWoop to his base, but CattleBruiser avenges by giving nf-sWoop's Farseer the mixed drink known as Nova-Coil. Strangely, nf-sWoop has reverted to making wyverns again which get netted and destroyed by the crypt fiends like rabid dogs by overzealous Animal Control personnel. Jaood creates two tauren totems to the west and sets up Healing Wards around the crypt fiends. That, coupled with the obsidian statues, ensures that no crypt fiend will ever die again.

Soon, nf-Stealth's Shadow Hunter is left all alone to defend the base, as can be seen in the picture above (purple arrow added for readers with ADD). The Shadow Hunter uses all his tricks to avoid defeat, but he finally gets an honourable death cowering behind a burrow in the back of the base. Jaood makes use of his new Earthquake abilities to finish off nf-Stealth's main base while CattleBruiser heads back north to clear the expansion again. nf-sWoop had taken the opportunity to refortify it, and returned to making raiders and kodos again. nf-sWoop's Tauren Chieftain makes a cameo appearance in defense, but both of CattleBruiser's heroes are now Level 5, and a single cast of Nova-Coil drops the full-health Chieftain down by 60%. The expansion falls, the Undead heroes reach Level 6, and the main gold mines start collapsing (reinforcing, once again, that it's better to sell back all your buildings than to expand EVER. Try this at home, kids).

Next stop on Razing Road is nf-sWoop's main base. The halpers join forces again and attack nf-sWoop's strategically placed buildings. Realizing the end is near, the Nightfall partners graciously concede, and clan halpmeh is victorious.


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