|"Did anyone notice that that Bob The Newt logo looks like a man with an extremely large penis?"|
|Looking for a few good machines: a LSN report|
|Date: ||08/10/03 08:08|
|Game Type: ||Other|
|Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 9, Min: 8|
Lifetime Rating for Mark4: 8.6829
The last few seconds of consciousness are trickling away. The oil drips from the tears in my chest, my bent and broken joints barely keep me upright. Still, I know I cannot fall…not yet. One of the beasts is still out there, and there’s still a round chambered in my plasma gun. A quick scrabbling in the dark distracts me from my pain and I focus all my video sensors forward. Here he comes…
Welcome folks to a Laser Squad Nemesis battle report. LSN is a play by email turn based real time strategy game. That means that you both deploy, then send ten seconds of orders to the server. The server recieves the orders, determines the results of the ten seconds, then sends those results to both players. Then you send your next ten seconds of orders in and so on. You start by challenging or being challenged by username or email address, then selecting your race: marines, machine and spawn. If you think of them as terran, protoss, and zerg you’ll be close enough for government work =]. This match takes place on Wipeout, a random map generated when I challenged ‘Humbaba’. It’s about half and half open courtyards/alleys and buildings. Each side deploys on the upper right and lower left, I pulled the upper right, giving me a nice indestructible metal building with some firing points as my main base and relatively solid concrete buildings surrounding it.
This was the third game of LSN I had played. They have a neat feature where you can download and play the game as marines for free, and they set you up with three free challenge matches vs an instructor of their choice. After that you can be challenged and play all you want, or pay $7 a month and challenge people and select your race. And btw, my username is Mark4 if you want to challenge me. Anyway, I had gotten schooled by my free instructor on this map; he had used grenadiers to blow down a lot of the walls I tried to hide behind and I was impressed with the quantity of arse whuppin’ this provided for my amusement. With this in mind I selected the following load out for my machina forces:
(2) Missile Tanks: they shoot a missile every five seconds (ten second turns), move slowly, and have heavy armor. They also have no close range guns, they have only five missiles, and their missiles do splash to anything around them. I planned on using them to just level everything around the middle of the map and then work some missiles back towards the enemy HQ. Four points each, and well worth it as heavy artillery.
(1) Mech HQ: Right in the middle of my indestructible metal fortress, this re-supplies ammo to my ever hungry MTs, and my other units. One point.
(6) Exterminators: Humanoid metal monsters, they have very tough armor for their size, medium rate plasma guns, and decent speed. They only cost one point each and make great foot soldiers.
I deployed my forces in skirmish mode, the two MTs at each side of my fortress, close to the needed resupply of the HQ, two exterminators in the front windows of the fortress to spot and snipe incoming marines, and two exterminators in the buildings to the left and right of my fortress. I had a plan, I had the tools, I had the talent. Soon there would be nothing left but the smoking left boots of the enemy. I eagerly awaited the email that would contain my enemies next ten seconds of orders and planned how my victory dance would go =].
The email came and I loaded it into the LSN program. My first turn orders were simple. My exterminators were on opportunity fire covering the approaches, my MTs moved up the sides of my fortress from the doors, and I launched my first missile at a midway building in preparation for clearing it in my huge sweep of death.
It seems I should have informed my enemy of his part in the plan. The next email brought with it a grim surprise; he had chosen the spawn, with their in close death dealers. He would rapidly try and close with my forces and tear them up. My loadout was one of the worst possible balanced ones for this type of fight, my MTs would be almost useless in targeting his units. I had made one of the classic blunders, second only to engaging in a land war in asia, or going in against a Sicilian when death is on the line; I was attempting to re-fight my last battle and not looking forward to the next one. Still, I haven’t played thousands of games of starcraft and warcraft and not learned anything about adapting tactics. If this guy wanted a fight, he was going to find out how my reputation for never giving up was earned.
Two buzzers came flying into the alley on the right of my base near my MT. Buzzers are exactly what they sound like, flying little mosquito looking bugs, low damage, low armor, very fast. Another one crossed in front of my other MT on the left, accompanied by a splatter. Splatters are the goblin sappers of the LSN world, they run at things and blow up. Thankfully he was a courtyard away from my troops, and equally luckily, my first missile was heading for a wall right near him.
The next turn clarified his strategy. Where before I had seen only a portion of his force, it now became clear what his plan was. Each side had three buzzers assaulting it. On the left was his main thrust, he had the aforementioned splatter, which I clipped with the end of my rocket blast, taking half its health. He also had a goo spiitter, guess what folks, it spits goo. The goo slowly damages over time, and almost as importantly slows movement in its blast area for a few turns. Also on the right a drone followed his troops in and several drones on the left. Drones are essentially zerglings.
My exterminators on the left finished off the wounded splatter in a large explosion. Unfortunately, my opponent knew how to manage his troops and had kept the volatile beast away from his own troops. The buzzers were set to ignore my troops, or make only fleeting attacks. They quickly moved on and disappeared behind my troops to the base. One on the right made the mistake of flying into my building with the two exterminators watching and sustained heavy damage. Another flew into the fortress and was dispatched with a little effort from the left exterminator posted there. A second one attacked the same exterminator a second later and suffered the same fate, albeit leaving that heroic unit with a third of its health.
At this point the action starts to get frantic. The goo spitter on the left gets a round through the building protecting my exterminators. A second and a third splatter begin approaching on that side also, while three drones run past the buildings front towards my MT. The second splatter succeeds in closing to the wall, then detonates itself on the building right in front of my leftmost exterminator. He’s almost fatally injured while the second one loses half his health. As the turn switches, all three drones are redirected towards the weakened exterminators. A missile from my MT is shot towards the building behind the attacking force, but detonated halfway there near the third splatter, damaging it badly. The goo spitter takes a plasma bolt from the left exterminator in the fortress. I send a missile into the wall next to my MT. All enemy forces are in close now, it’s kamikaze time! A missile launched from the right MT also smacks the wall next to the left MT, killing a buzzer and damaging the MT and splatter further. The three drones close with the two badly damaged exterminators and finish them, but lose one of their number in the process. The final splatter moves next to the left MT, which has no missiles left and is running for the HQ to rearm. It suicides itself but the heavy armor softens the blow and the MT survives with a fraction of its health. The two surviving drones have circled behind the building and attack it. It soon explodes, injuring both drones, and one is picked off by the left fortress exterminator, who is still limping along. I make a mental note to give him the Mark4 medal of cost effectiveness as he’s already killed three times his point value in enemy units =].
But what has been happening on the right? The battle was no less fierce there, despite the lower unit count. After that buzzer on the right escaped, it was quickly followed up by a drone. The drone divided up its attacks between the two exterminators in the rightmost building, but I couldn’t tell why. Why would my opponent divide his attacks and thereby almost ensure he’d merely damage both exterminators rather than try and kill one? I managed to put down the drone, but then a buzzer at full health came from behind and finished off both exterminators. This left me with the dubious force of one MT and the right fortress exterminator to protect that flank. The wounded buzzer moved around to assault the MT, just as it was launching its missile in support of the other MT. I moved out the right fortress exterminator to give it some covering fire, when a splatter ran around the corner. The covering fire came a moment too late, and the splatter fulfilled it’s destiny as red mist, taking the buzzer along with it and heavily damaging the MT. The MT was down to its last missile, so I sent it towards the HQ. It made it inside the fortress before the final buzzer, low on health but not expecting resistance from the MT attacked it. I deployed the right fortress exterminator against it, as the MT rolled past it. Unfortunately, the buzzer was just fast enough….in a violent explosion it gave up its stored fusion plant power, killing the buzzer, the exterminator defending it, and damaging the HQ. I was down to my last man.
Yes, the very last exterminator who had performed so well for me so far. He was badly damaged and I had no way to repair him, but the final enemy drone was badly damaged as well. The drone rounded the front of the fortress, then cleverly ducked behind an interior wall, taking too short a time for my exterminator to get off a shot. Rounding the corner, right on top of my unit’s position, it leaped into the attack….
And promptly got a plasma frontal lobotomy for it’s trouble. Victory went to the just! Or the lucky =]. GG to Humbaba, and I hope I see you all playing some LSN. If you want to dload the game and have me challenge you drop me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.