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"Against this sort of power, the heroic Terran force is no match, and every marine goes down in a blaze of glory (while every medic sort of splits apart in an icky way, eeeew)."

Lurker Stew and A Side of Mashed Zergling
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Date: 07/04/03 12:07
Game Type: Starcraft
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Report Rating: 8.0, # of Ratings: 3, Max: 8, Min: 8
Lifetime Rating for BlueRibbon: 7.4348
Lurker Stew and A Side of Mashed Zergling

Welcome once again to another BlueRibbon battlereport!

Once again I will show you the magical side of StarCraft: Broodwar. Although I started playing Warcraft III, and enjoy it(because NE own your bones) StarCraft will always remain a favorite. I know I promised more Final Fantasy Six, and probably will deliver after this report, but I felt I needed to return to StarCraft, as it is like my hometown(full of dirty whores.)

"Starcraft is an art." If anyone has ever told you this, you should go find them(no "But they live three thousand miles away now.." bull) and, punch them in the face. I'm not good in "Art." I can't draw, color, paint, sketch and I can barely stay inside the lines. But Starcraft, I am occasionally good at. Not that I stand a chance against any of my friends (anyone else choke when you are actually TRYING to play well?) but quite often I'll play a good game with someone. Usually I'll find myself being bored after not playing for awhile, and my first game back usually is my best game back... If I've ever played a half decent game it is the one I'm about to "BattleReport."

You know sometimes I just can't figure out why I do things. I really believe my mind acts of its own accord sometimes. I'll be casually playing a "RTS", and start to do things that later I don't know why I did. Such as Starcraft. I'll magically come back to my base and stubble onto a few Dropships. My mind really likes to help me. That message if you haven't already guessed is "Drop you fucking moron." Other times I'll start a Siege with no prior ideal that a Siege is nessessecary. Like this whole paragraph, I don't even know why I wro... *Muffled Screams.* "This is the CIA speaking if you read this paragraph please leave your address in the comments section to recieve a special gift from us at the Agency. Thank you."

Dum Dum Dummmmmm. The Report :o.

The title was pretty classy. Don't you think? I mean who wouldn't want to eat at that resturant.

Anyways, as I was saying, before the CIA conducted there Lobotomy on me, If I ever played a half decent game its the one I'm about to report on. This game took place on none other than "The Found Temple" and is pretty good, I think. The game was about fourty-five minutes long.

Personally I think the best rivalry, is Terran vs Zerg, but if you think different, I do not give a fuck. Terran and Zerg is a problematic match up. If the Terran has eight-ten Barracks after awhile, he can replenish his forces that you might have killed, in thirty-fourty seconds. Also Zerg has two of the mother of all Infantry slayers. Lurkers and Guardians. Then again, Terran has its mother of Anti-Zerg, The Science Vessel. Then again, Zerg has Scourge. This goes back and forth, eventually makin this seem to be an even match up. However as YRM once put it, "Poor wave after wave of M&M here, repeat til Zerg Stew is done." Marines and Medics are the very backbone of the TvZ matchup. Terrans need these two to coordinate awesomely strong anti-Zerg battles. Marines are quite simply "Invincible" with medics, unless there is a decent amount of focus firing going on. Anyways...

Myself, BlueRibbon acquired Terran at the nine spot. My nemesis for this battle, LuX_Si(v)eon(whom will be referred to as Lux) got a Zerg at six spot. We both started our common builds. I did a Supply Depot at nine, Barracks at eleven, Barracks at thirteen. My opponent did a Hatchery at twelve, Spawning Pool at eleven, and Expansion Hatch at fourteen. Although the logical thing for me to do would be bunker rush at this triple hatch maneuver but, I decline to do so (brain wasn't helping me at that point -_-.)

If SCVs can repair things in the air, why can't they attack air units -_-?

"In the event of an accident, please put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye." This is a good term as it describes my action in this game pretty well. I let the game get out of hand, and let LuX tech and three hatch without so much a SCV to harass him. I let him get his tech and economy going and later had to wrestle it from his control. His usage of an ungodly strat of Muta/Hydra/Lurker wasn't that great, but his unit control, and ideas of where to go next were very great. I wasn't even going to go screw with his 4 sunkens, so instead I decided to tech, and tech hard. I started an Expansion for my natural, and a Factory for tanks and eventually Science Vessels(<3). In the midst of that, my opposition created a Hydralisk Den, a Spire, and began the construction of Lurker Metamorph and then created 5 lurkers.

''Yeah, well in conclusion I think you should try doing it... in the butt.'' - The Ladies Man

After Making his five fresh Lurkers and seven previously made Zerglings, LuX_ moved out to my third. He had a distinct advantage, I was not at all ready for this... My Marine's were in front of my natural making them an easy target for his attack. He quickly flung his Zerglings in first to be mowed down by Marine fire, and behind them were the real attackers. He burrowed his Lurkers quickly, and furiously. As the Marine's realized what happened it was too late, and the Lurkers Impaled at least nine of them.

Maybe the title should have been Marine Stew ;o.

Although things looked bad for the me, I realized I had a tank all ready sitting next to my Factory(gay rally point didn't work -_-). I moved that to my ramp and after putting up a missile turret there, tried to secure my natural once again. I fired down on a few Lurkers, and set up a Starport at the same time. As I pushed the enemy out of my base, I set down my expanse. All this time, the Zerg had been making Mutalisks, and researching drop & Overlord speed. Soon after I got my Expanse up and running the Mutalisks made a move to disrupt my Science Vessel production and took out my Control Tower before it finished. They quickly then retreated to prepare for an attack that could break any hardened Terran Veteran.

Fast Huntress + Demon Hunter is the best stra.. fuck wrong game. t.t

Though this looked like the end for me, I wasn't going down without a fight. I start my third and fourth Barracks, and got ready to go to War to counter-attack the Zerg menace. However before I ever got the chance, I was ambushed by a large Zerg drop. I wasn't exactly expecting to get Doom Dropped in about ten minutes so this was a complete surprise. I quickly sent my Marine/Medic from my expanse to my Main. Around that time, about 10 Mutalisk's swooped in from the same area. Now a drop I can see. But this is like D-Day for Christ's sake. I had about twelve Marines and four-five Medics. However, in some total streak of luck(and no I don't hack, newbies,) four Marines and two Medics killed about six Mutalisk. There owner was obviously preoccupied screaming about his failed drop to focus fire on my Marines.

My emotions can be sumed up in about four words, Doom Drops Suck Cock... kinda has a catch to it also, you know?

During this wave of insanity my M&M force mops up close to forty~ Zerglings and about ten Mutalisks. Also though I lost quite a bit of manpower, it was not hard to regain with my Barracks and two bases. I quickly restarted to search my mind for a plan.

Anyone ever play Dyansty Warriors 4? That games ideal can be given in two words, Crowd Control. :]
Not to long after this, with my four Barracks, I decided to set out with my previously thought up plan. I would attack the Zerg's main base. After reorganizing my men, I set up about twenty-five Infantry, a few tanks and two Science Vessels. With this I thought it possible to do significant damage to the Zerg, fresh off my defense of nine.

I moved my men southeastward to the Zerg's third. I didn't know it at the time, but he had already expanded to this base, and it was an open incentive to waste a basically defenseless expansion. However before doing so, I started my fifth and sixth Barracks, and a second Starport(2 port vessels baby! :]). LuX on the other hand had immediately started a Greater Spire during his invasion and had eleven Mutalisks in training. His hope was to utilize Guardians to overrun my forces. Meanwhile he just finished up his expanse at three main.

The almighty pimp force moves out to the south in search of the Viet Kong. CHARLIES IN THE TREEEEEEEEES :O

My men move forward to encounter LuX_'s expanse at six' third. As they move, my tanks pull in behind them and siege up. My Marines Stim, my Medics heal and my Science Vessels just kind of float there... like they do... detecting things... As I was killing the hatchery, LuX dropped a few lings from his cliff in to try and repel the attack. Once in awhile he also would send in a swarm of Mutalisks. However, nothing was able to stop the "Pimp Battalion"(as it will be refered to).

I've always wondered.

As the battle insues LuX finds a way to beat my forces back. He quickly turns eleven Mutalisks into Guardians, and prepares to do battle before his Natural is lost. About the same second the Hatchery gets to three-hundred hit points, the Guardians hatch from there cocoons that are a lot like Science Vessels, just floating there in the air... They move immediately to attack my Battalion. However, this was the mistake that would cost LuX not only a lot of money, but the game.

He sends the Guardians to the cliff just above six' third. The first Acid Blob that was fired at my Marines signified the Guardians end. My three Science Vessels moved to intercept and upon that cast irradiate on all but two of them. The Marines cackled at the Guardians as they were turned into mush in seconds. The last two Guardians were picked up by M&M.

What people do when they run out of Alt Text.

Now, I know :]

After surviving the onslaught as if it had never happened. I counted my losses. I had taken five marines loses total. Right after that I glanced at my base and rally area. I notice, "woohoo!" a good twenty Marine Medic good to go. After sending them down to the spot on which the Zerg third used to reside I moved into action.

I moved all my men into striking motions on the tip of the Zerg natural. I knew that my only route into the Natural was through four Sunken Colonies and no doubt Zergling Support. I moved my tanks forward to begin shelling the Sunkens to pave the way for an Infantry strike. This would be the end of LuX.

I love to sound all, strategical :].

As I began shelling the Sunken colonies, I scanned twelve and three to make sure there was no sneaky back shots. I scanned three to notice there was an expanse, which now, had a decent defense, and most of LuX tech rebuilt. He must have thought it was over, and rebuilt his tech there. Soon after I realized a expanse at three's natural. He had a decent economy left despite my attack. Soon later I realized my path was now clear and Stimmed and Defense Matrixed my Marines. I sent them into wreak havoc on the Zerg Natural at 6, and busted up another base.

Defense Matrix is so rigged. Not really I just like to start arguements.

Soon after I finish my New second Starport and about my ninth Barracks. Although I had the game in my hands now, LuX was not willing to give up so easily. He quickly remade his tech at three, and started making Hydralisk to counter and draw attention away from six. He sent about sixteen Hydralisk down to six Natural, but before arriving they were cut off by about eight to nine Marines. However, these Marines were just reinforcements for my lost men. They had no Medics and sadly Marines don't carry grenades. The Hydralisks cut through the Marines in a "split" second. After this, the enraged Marines of six that HAD Medics, moved North to engage this threat. The Hydralisks whom were victorious before were overwhelmed by Marines and Medics.

And no, my John Madden attack path drawing will not cease throughout the report! :P

The attack did deprive me of the men I needed to overtake the six Main, but it did open my eyes to the fact that there was another Zerg Base worth taking. In three, I realized that if i take it then i can secure the game quickly. However that would be a task all too difficult to accomplish yet.

I moved my men up to the outside of three. It was here that I would launch an offensive into the three main. However, the many Sunken Colonies that awaited at the top, and the several newly produced Hydralisks, would disrupt my path.

Yeah its 3 AM and I'm here, writing this, trying to get it to the people who are lacking Battlereports right now... Obviously, I have no life.

Though I had lost only a few Marines to the Hydralisk battle, I would now have to climb the dreaded Sunken Colony Cliff. Let's Designate that as "YCYDGGC." This of course stands for "You Climb, You Die. Good Game, Cliff." You see the way I figure it is, If all else fails, attack. However maybe it should be when all else fails go somewhere else and wait for the easier road. In short, be a lazy asshole till someone does the job for you, this way you're bound to go places in life.

Designate: YCYDGGC. Do Not Enter.

Soon after my new reinforcements were slaughtered by Lurkers, and I was pushed into the newly destroyed three natural. The Lurkers that slaughtered the reinforcements now wanted the rest of my force so he moved them to just below the ramp. This way I couldn't leave without having a battle, or having my men impaled by spikes. So I chose the logical path. I Irradiated the shit out of the lurkers, killing all five. Then to avoid the YCYDGGC Sunken Row, I used Defense Matrix on one Marine and sent him to hold off the Sunkens well the rest went by unscathered. The Marine defending, even survived :].

After Realizing the fool hardiness of my Invasion of three, I resumed my attack on six. By this time LuX had re-expanded to the six natural, and had taken the main at twelve. He was reluctant to surrender even one piece of Minerals to me. So I took my new Reinforcements and split them in half. One went with the "Pimp Battalion" well the other eight Marines and one Medic, went to twelve before it could become a functional base. Also I expanded to nine third and began to harvest Minerals from there as well. This would be the last expansion I would need.

If anyone ever wants to play WarCraft III with me my handle is EnTuBrutus, on USEast. :]

Now I was in position to put LuX_ out of business for good. All I needed to do was remove six and its tech from the game, and prevent twelve from becoming a fully functional expanse. Twelve would no doubt be handled just like three, Sunken Colonies on the cliff, which would force me to designate another YCYCGGC, which isn't cool. But however, as my Squad of men arrived at twelve I realized it was yet to be defended. Twelves cliff hatch was killed by eight Marines and one Medic in a matter of seconds, however the Zerg countered those, with twelve Zerglings. Then also, LuX made Sunken Colonies on the creep that was retracting near the cliff, which prevented him from needing to rebuild that Hatchery, although he did anyways. My luck at six was much better. At the same time my Squad at twelve engaged, I struck six. I overwhelmed the forces at the Natural, and then proceeded to move into the Main.

As I overwhelmed the forces at six natural, I mass produced Science Vessels and M&M. Tanks were not that much of a necessity now but i still made four. After my quick defeat of the six expanse, I moved my men up the ramp and over to the perfectly undefended, Tech Supporting, Main Base. Six was to fall, and hopefully crush LuX's dreams of coming back into this game. No Zerg counter force was ever sent to the area, they must have found it more useless then not to try and save it. The Zerg lost there home, and there heritage that day.

GG home and heritage. =D

With six now gone, and my natural at nine now depleted, it would seem I have to conquer two more bases. Off of just one mineral patch at nine third, I decided I could overrun the bases of twelve and three, and think nothing of it. I had a massive abundance of gas as I hadnt been buying many Tanks. Therefore I built 4 dropships and maxed out my lines of production with Science Vessels. I moved all my men into preposition for the Assualt on twelve, which would be easier to oversee then three(which I was holding out for dropships anyway). I placed my newly reformed "Pimp Battalion" under the ramp far enough out of range of the Sunkens. From there I would launch an Attack that would shock any Hardened Zerg Cerebrate.

I hate flys yes I do, boo bedie boo bedie boo bedie boo.

Defense Matrix is like Washout, in Magic the Gathering. If you've never played it, I'll explain what it does. "Makes you die." that is basically the sum-up-ance of what it does. If I ever had a Gayest Ability Award, it wouldn't go to Plague, or Darkswarm, or Ensnare, but to Defense Matrix. When an ability, in enough numbers, can basically win ANY battle you enter, it is beyond gay. Anyways, the only reason I'm telling you this is because...

''Well, I'm going to count to ten, and if i hear one more frigin squeak...'' - Kung Pow: Enter the Fist

Yes indeed. If you said "Ouch!" or "Ewww!", when you saw those, I can imagine those would be the correct terms for it. My newly made half invincible force move toward the site under the cliff where they would attack in full force. This would be the end of another main and another home of which LuX & his Zerg would lose. In the end all must fall to the greater strategist, and that is obviously me. ;o

If you really thought he stood a chance please call this number 1-800-suicide, they will give you the help you need.

Now that LuX has lost his everything he knows he cannot last any longer. However in a last desperate move, he creates around eleven Lurkers and sends them down to the cliffs below twelve. His hope was to ensnare my men in a world of pain under alot of Lurkers. However, my Science Vessel, that was out front spotted the trap and with Irradiate and M&M rushes, the threat was barely even ever there. LuX was now just waiting for the end, and I was sure to give it to him. The four dropships I created earlier were now ready and waiting at the cliff below twelve. My new objective was to create a "illusionary attack" in order to draw the most of his power, well the most of my men charged up his cliff. This was so done by putting two Tanks, sixteen Marines and eight Medics into dropships. I defense matrixed the Dropships and sent them into the Main at three. Finally the defense of three had been broken. As what was left of three's home defenders died to the drop, the rest of my force, about twenty-five infantry and two tanks charged the front, wreaking havoc and destruction. LuX surrendered, and the War was over. "The Terran Pimp Battalion" was successful in the strategies and had defeated the now tired and worn Zerg Menace.


Well thats it. To wrap up this Battlereport, we will show you "Pictures Not Appearing in This Report."

This is the pic of the Lurker block being overrun.

This a Pic of my natural at nine going dry.

And this is a Picture of well... the end :]
yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Nice Logo O_O

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