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Sinkhole of Shame
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Author:~CattleBruiser~
IP:pcp66014XXXX
Date: 11/30/02 02:11
Game Type: Warcraft 3
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Report Rating: 9.7, # of Ratings: 3, Max: 10, Min: 9
Lifetime Rating for ~CattleBruiser~: 9.3900
 
Sinkhole of Shame, A Battle Report by ~CattleBruiser~
Introduction

You say sinhole, I say shithole... This report was originally supposed to be released two weeks ago, but finding four players willing to leave the comfort of their all-obs lifestyle is a Herculean task. Because of the lateness, you'll be getting a two-game series for the price of one.

This map is the fourth original ~CattleBruiser~ map and can be downloaded by following this link. It's the first map for more than two players to appease the demands of the picky NoHunters denizens, like PR0TECT0RZ, who says that CB maps scare him, and TheAwakening, who thinks Frostbite Crater is imbalanced because you can attack dragons with footmen and die.

"It looks like a turtle." - alphaq-

The design of the map is a combination of highlights from Lost Temple and Timbermaw Hold. The easier creeps are centralized in an attempt to trigger early sparring, and two islands of uber-creeps are at either end of the map. Allied main bases are side-by-side, though not exactly "shared", and are fairly easy to defend in tandem. Expansions are close enough to be considered "naturals" but too distant to effectively defend when expanding early.

The minimap either looks like a flattened turtle or two dinosaur sock puppets growing weed. If you'd like more information about the important areas on the map, keep on reading. On the other hand, if you don't care where the battle takes place as long as there's blood, gore, and gratuitous frontal nudity, skip ahead to the next section.

If you see unusual doodads on the map, chances are good that there's creeps there. Stop asking where they are, assclowns. A: The main bases are located in opposite corners of the map, and share a common entrance. They're separated by a narrow swath of trees so it's possible to create a shortcut between bases with a little dedicated chopping. This can easily be done before Tier Two is reached, but not in time to counter an early rush. Each starting mine contains 12,500 gold, which seems to be an acceptable standard on most maps.

Every base also has a small ledge of mostly harmless Razormane tribesmen who possess a Level One tome. Contrary to most CB maps, you probably won't be able to steal these tomes from enemy bases, but you're welcome to try.

Temple of BOOM works on so many levels. B: In the foothills above the main bases is a Goblin Laboratory guarded by golems. It's only accessible by cutting down trees so many players choose not to take advantage of it until late game. However, rushing to clear the Lab for seige drops or Reveal is a perfectly viable strategy. The trees are placed so that you can't try for the Lab and create shared bases simultaneously; you'll have to choose which is more important to you.

Future versions of this map will NOT include retarded LT-style ramps connecting to the main bases. Stop asking for it. C: Alcove expansions are at each of the four compass points. They're easy to creep with a small army, but too tough to solo early in the game. The head creep here is the Razormane Medicine Man who can set healing wards and summon rabid pigs. Each mine holds 12,500 gold.

People have said that the creeps on this map are much more homogenous than earlier maps. Apparently the ethnic diversity of Frostbite Crater was not well received. D: The irregularly-shaped groves in the center of the map are home to fairly easy creeps, much like the pavilion around the fountain on Lost Temple. There are three nooks on each side of the map and they can be cleared with a simple circular route. Chances are good that opponents will meet for the first time while killing these creeps.

Four of the six nooks contain centaur archers and a centaur impaler, which you can solo with a Demon Hunter if you need to prove your manhood like TheAngel. The outer nooks contain slightly harder centaur groups backed by bloodlusting sorcerers. They're annoying but redeem themselves with +2 tomes for the ladies.

Good lord, Ansel, this collage is a work of art!

E: The other ends of the map are full of mercantile goodness. Like the cheese-carrying child, no CB map would be complete without a murloc tribe huddled around a cauldron of heads. As always, these guys carry a Level One tome.

On a bluff nearby is a Goblin Merchant, but his place of business has been taken over by a renegade band of centaurs. Even though archers are Level One, they still sting. The best bet to defeating the centaurs quickly is to arrive at night and destroy the barricades before waking them up. Jaood does it -- He is sneaky like that.

The last place of note is the Mercenary Camp which is guarded by three dangerous owlbears and a harpy rogue. A fun pastime is to catch the opponents while they're creeping the Merchant and goad the owlbears into joining the fray. Although it's a pain to clear, the Mercenary Camp sells the best merc in the game -- the Razormane Medicine Man. Orcs aren't the only race that can abuse healing wards.

I'm using alt text because of popular demand, but it feels funny, like I'm wearing someone else's athletic supporter. F: There are two mines with 12,500 gold in the center of the map that are protected by owlbears. To prevent them from being cleared too early, a Level Five Humpy Storm-Hag is also thrown into the mix. She revels in casting Curse and Sleep and being a general nuisance. The expansions themselves are right in the thick of things, but the natural topography makes for a fairly easy defense.

With a little lumberjacking, it's possible to seige the expansions from the overlooking ridge. However, the ridge is too narrow to build static defense or create an effective firebase on.

G: The final sites on our tour of the sinkhole are the high plateaus in the far corners of the map. Each plateau is home to a Level Nine Storm Wyrm and two Drakes. The items here are decent statistic buffers (like the Medallion of Courage or the Helm of Valor, for example). The plateau expansions aren't intended to be regularly utilized in games (much like the islands on Lost Temple), and they're more accessible because of the stone lip which prevents tower building and ensures a zeppelin landing site. In addition, the plateaus can be seiged from below if a player has a flying unit for sight, so island stalemates should be kept to a minimum.

Experience-wise, this map has about five hundred more experience points available than Lost Temple, so getting double heroes to high levels is definitely possible. When it comes to items, there are a few nice drops but no must-have items. None of the creeps drop aura-producing items.

The Opponents

HaTE84 / Orion TheAngel / Aquabat

Both sets of allies have worked together in the past, though neither team is a dedicated AT front. Each team was made up of one player who had played the map before, and an ally who was seeing it for the first time.

This two-game series took place last night, just in time for a brand new month. The replays for these games can be downloaded here and there.

Game One:

    HaTE84, Undead (Southwest)
    Orion, Human (Southwest)

    TheAngel, Night Elf (Northeast)
    Aquabat, Human (Northeast)

Game Two:

    HaTE84, Undead (Southwest)
    Orion, Random Human (Southwest)

    TheAngel, Night Elf (Northeast)
    Aquabat, Human (Northeast)

To make it easier to remember teams, HaTE84 and Orion will be the Red Team, and TheAngel and Aquabat will be the Blue Team.

Game One:

After much proselytizing from members of the "Obs Should Outnumber Players In Every Game Society" (D.U.M.B.), the game began with all four players choosing their races. HaTE84 and Orion chose Undead and Human, and appeared in the lower left base, while TheAngel and Aquabat appeared on the opposite side with chosen Night Elf and Human. The Red Team began with a fairly conservative build, with HaTE84 getting a Death Knight and a small flock of ghouls before upgrading to a Halls of the Dead. He sent an early ghoul out to scout the enemy, being unfamiliar with the map. Orion started with an Archmage and a few footmen from a single barracks, and both allies cleared the "training-wheels" creeps inside their perimeter.

TheAngel and Aquabat were also playing it safe, with TheAngel getting a Demon Hunter and starting huntress production from a single Ancient of War. Aquabat chose to begin with a Mountain King, and constructed a second barracks for twice as much footmen frolicking. After clearing their respective Razormanes, the Blue Team returned to the homefront to find HaTE84's scouting ghoul attacking a building. It was dispatched by the Demon Hunter, but not before gaining valuable recon for the Red Team.

Netscape users can't even see the alt text without viewing the source. The Red Team's next goal was to clear their expansions at C. The allies kept their forces split and simultaneously attacked the western and southern expansions. Meanwhile, Orion began upgrading to a Keep and built a Lumber Mill closer to the tree line, hoping to carve a shortcut through the trees to his ally's base. The Blue Team was clearing the eastern expansion at the same time. Since TheAngel's huntress production was a little slow, he assisted his Human ally instead of losing his meagre forces to the northern creeps. He was also upgrading to a Tree of Ages, because he starts shaking and seeing spots when he has less than two heroes to play with.

Blue Team's combined huntress-footmen army made a beeline for the lower Goblin Merchant next, easily clearing it without breaking a sweat. Red Team had the same idea in mind, but they stopped at D enroute to clear some weak centaurs. Had the ghoul-footmen army gone straight to the Merchant, they could have caught their enemies mid-creep. As it was, the Blue Team had time to pick up treasures at the Merchant and continue construction back home. TheAngel built an Ancient of Lore and trained a Keeper of the Grove, while Aquabat made a Lumber Mill and Blacksmith in quick succession. Aquabat finally began upgrading his town hall after capping his population growth just below the Low Upkeep barrier. Meanwhile, Orion was hastily erecting two Arcane Sanctums and HaTE84 was building a Graveyard. He had just trained a Dreadlord who was enroute to joining the army in the field.

No love, I tell you. With a little bit of luck, the Red Team's forces arrived on the scene just as the Blue Team attacked the tough creeps at the southern Mercenary Camp. The forces were evenly matched, with all the primary heroes at Level 2. Since none of the units were upgraded yet, the outcome might have been up in the air, except that the Berserk Owlbear on the sidelines was having fun war-stomping Aquabat's footmen. TheAngel broke off his attack on the creeps and protected his ally from the Red Team's surprise attack. Aquabat continued attacking the creeps, gaining a Stone Token which he immediately used. Unfortunately TheAngel teleported home just as the Stone Golem was summoned, and Aquabat was forced to follow. The Stone Golem was reduced in rank and became a trailing member of Aquabat's elite creeping force until its time was up. Feeling encouraged by this victory, Orion started producing sorceresses from his two Arcane Sanctums and HaTE84 began upgrading to a Black Citadel. It looked like double-aura ghouls would come into play, backed by Slow-casting sorceresses. TheAngel was slowly mixing dryads into his huntress army and Aquabat began to train an archmage as a second hero.

After a suitable interval had passed, the Blue Team felt that it was safe to venture back outside their base. TheAngel's army stumbled across the Red Team while Aquabat was creeping an easy nook, and discovered that Orion had added a Mountain King to his army. TheAngel attacked a trailing line of units, but wisely retreated when the entire army came to defend. Both teams gathered close to the center, anticipating a frontal assault that never materialized.

The Red Team became bored with the standoff first, and resumed their journey to creep the northern Goblin Merchant. The centaurs who had conquered the Merchants were pretty pissed off, and saw the Red Team's army approaching from their high cliff vantage point. Filled with rage, they charged from their fortifications and attacked the front line of HaTE84's 1/0 ghouls. (Actually, this little spark of storyline in the report is a feeble excuse for my map editor mistakes -- A centaur sorceror naturally looks like it's in "camp" mode because of its colour, so I forgot to set this attribute. It will charge stupidly from its spot as soon as someone gets near).

Speaking of no love, what's up with obs these days? Following a pit stop at the western expansion to place a scouting sentinel, the Blue Team headed north to find HaTE84 and Orion attacking the Mercenary Camp creeps in a reversal of roles. Such incredible irony is not usually found in games, but the Blue Team wasted no time in musing. TheAngel led the charge with 1/0 huntresses and dryads, followed by Aquabat's footmen who can't run fast with their funny stumpy legs. The undead army was caught in a moment of panic and fled to the far side of the Merchant, leaving Orion's army sandwiched between owlbears and huntresses. Despite liberal doses of lightning shield from a purloined wand, Orion's Mountain King died and was quickly joined by his Archmage. While the owlbears decimated the last of the footmen, the Blue Team rushed in to steal items and creeps. HaTE84 returned to the fray to avenge his ally, but it was too little too late. His death knight teleported the army away after a failed sortie, sacrificing the Dreadlord who was entangled when the spell was cast.

At this point, the Blue Team seemed to have a clear advantage. TheAngel's heroes were Level 3 and Level 2, and he was sitting pretty with a 45 supply of 1/1 huntresses and 1/0 dryads. He had yet to upgrade to Tier Three, and a small fortune was accumulating in his bank. Aquabat had a Level 4 Mountain King and a Level 2 Archmage supported by a few footmen. He was still in No Upkeep and was spending his time on Master sorceress upgrades (none had actually been trained yet).

However, you can never tell the outcome of a war by advantage, because CB reports always have some retarded twist at the end where one player pulls twelve gryphons out of his ass.

People think it's their god-given right to observe every game now. <3 MasturNate In rebuilding mode back home, HaTE84 pumped 2/0 ghouls out of two crypts while waiting for his Dreadlord to resurrect. He had no other tech buildings, so it looked like he was putting all his faith into the power of the undead army. Orion already had a standing force of Adept sorceresses becaused he had opted not to use rally points during the previous battle (or any battle for that matter). He started Master training and settled in for the long wait while two heroes came back to life. Orion hadn't built a Blacksmith yet, apparently content to focus on magic while using weaker footmen for cannon fodder.

A lot of obs are still mature and polite but there's always someone... Once production was back up to acceptable levels, HaTE84 sent his army south for more creeping while rallying a new acolyte to his western expansion. The acolyte became the greeting piņata for a riled up Night Elf army just outside the Red Team's main entrance, providing an early warning to the imminent attack. TheAngel's army cornered Orion's magicians there just as HaTE84's ghouls engaged a nook of centaurs farther east. As usual, Aquabat's 0/0 footmen were straggling in single-file, panting to keep up with the top-shape huntresses. Orion wisely teleported back to his base, which bought time for HaTE84 to finish off the centaurs and teleport back as well.

The Blue Team took a deep breath and charged madly into Orion's main base, using as many items as possible. A felhound was summoned into the fray for mana burning fun and both teams activated Scrolls of Protection. This effectively prevented anyone from really knowing what was going on underneath all the Protection icons, so both sides had to fake it when it came to micro.

Obs Rule #1: If you join a 2v2 with three people, please don't ask to obs.

The Blue Team's first target was Orion's Level 1 Mountain King. Once it had died, Aquabat tried to breach the front line with his footmen to get at the enemy sorceresses while dealing with ghouls using Thunderclap. He had a few of his own sorceresses arriving from home, but not enough to seed much mayhem. Meanwhile, his archmage was busy blizzarding enemies while TheAngel tried to micro his Demon Hunter to the back for clearer mana burning paths. Because it was slowed, it ran into misfortune when Orion converted all of his peasants into militia just as it passed. The Demon Hunter was quickly surrounded by vampire-aura'd militia men who killed the uppity hero. With perseverence and a whole buttload of Slow, the Red Team reduced the attacking army to a Keeper, an Archmage, a sorceress, and just four dryads! The remnants turned tail and ran, having failed in the attack. HaTE84 was left with several ghouls and damaged (but living) heroes. Though Orion had lost all but one sorceress, surprisingly few of the militia had died, and his economy was not crippled.

Obs Rule #2: If you see 'join game cattle, no obs' in the channel, don't join and ask for obs. The Blue Team split their forces when fleeing, and the Red Team opted to chase TheAngel's Keeper and dryads. With a well-placed Entangle and slow-poison spears, TheAngel managed to kill off the pursuing Dreadlord and then teleported away just as ghouls surrounded him.

All of the surviving heroes from that battle had reached Level 3. With about 3000 gold left in mines, the players realized that it was time to expand. Orion sent four peasants to the southern expansions where he built four guard towers before starting on a town hall. He poured all his money into expanding, choosing not to rebuild his army or his Mountain King yet. HaTE84 sent another acolyte to the western expansion but realized it would be futile to expand until he could chop down the owl sentinel there. This cost him precious minutes since he had no ghouls close by. Meanwhile, he sent his Death Knight and 3/0 ghouls north to search the middle for stragglers.

Normally, TheAngel expands within the first ten seconds of a game, so it was quite a surprise to realize he had not yet cleared his natural. He sent his Keeper and 1/1 dryads to the northern expansion while his Demon Hunter resurrected. At the same time, Aquabat queued up his dead Mountain King and continued producing sorceresses and unupgraded footmen. His earlier No Upkeep antics had reduced the need for expansion.

Obs Rule #3: If you see 'join game cattle, wait for slow-ass Marius to download map first', in the channel, don't join immediately and steal his bandwidth. British people need all the help we can give. Things had gotten pretty boring at this point, so I applied my considerable powers of mental telepathy to move HaTE84's army from its defensive position. It wandered north (sans Dreadlord) just in time to see TheAngel's army leaving the expansion there. The ghouls surrounded the trailing Keeper without mercy and killed it, giving Level 4 to the nearby Death Knight. In retaliation, the Demon Hunter gained Level 4 by killing some ghouls. Bravely (or foolishly), HaTE84 decided to fight, ordering his ghouls through the huntress shield to the unprotected dryads.

Obs Rule #4: If you're obsing a game between players like HurtnTime and Jaood (as a hypothetical example) and your record is incredibly horrible, you will look very stupid when you start trash-talking their build orders. HaTE84 killed three dryads at the expense of his Death Knight before Aquabat's reinforcements arrived, and amazingly, did not lose any more ghouls. TheAngel pulled his remaining dryads into the protective glade at his northern expansion and began building a Tree of Life there. Aquabat had also been scouting with an invisible footman, and noted the imminent construction of an expansion at the western site.

Now that his expansion was online, Orion began to rebuild his army, going for pure sorceresses instead of footmen. Aquabat's invisible footman scouted both of the Red Team's bases before reappearing in Orion's base. He fled under fire from the massing sorceresses. Red Team was content to stay on the defensive here, since it was apparent that their forces weren't big enough to do any damage. HaTE84 camped at the bases' entrance while Orion scouted the empty eastern expansion with his Archmage.

Obs Rule #5: If everyone joins a game and immediately becomes an obs, it will probably be a very short game. The Blue Team resumed creeping at the northern middle expansion (F) while rallying their troops to that same spot. For their troubles, they received a Book of the Dead and Claws of Attack +9 among other goodies. Their next stop was HaTE84's budding expansion to the west. The force attacked before a Necropolis was finished, but the Undead heroes had no items left regardless. The expansion went down without a fight, but Red Team's forces gathered outside to destroy the jubliant enemies. Once all their members were accounted for, they charged into the expansion just as the haunted gold mine collapsed. HaTE84's ghouls attacked Aquabat's sorceresses while his ally's sorceresses distracted TheAngel's army.

Le GG.

Aquabat's magicians are saved in the most humiliating manner possible, by polymorphing all of HaTE84's ghouls. Both sides cast Slow constantly, but this time TheAngel's dryads have enough mana to dispel. After a harried frenzy, HaTE84's heroes die and it becomes clear who the victors will be. The Red Team concedes.

But wait, there's more! Thirsty for revenge, the Red Team agreed to an immediate rematch on the same map. Now would be a good time to take a break and grab a soda before coming back to Part Two of this indubitably zany battle report.

Everbody loves a Deere.
Game Two:

After a brief interlude spent convincing TheAngel that playing a second game would be more beneficial to humanity than going to sleep, round two began. TheAngel and Aquabat kept their old races of Night Elf and Human, and ended up in the same bases that they had before. HaTE84 chose Undead, but Orion went random, hoping to get some variety into the series. Of course, he randomed Human. And of course, his unit colour was Blue, which will needlessly confuse many people since he is on my Red Team. Since this was the second game, players were more comfortable with the map, and had a feel for how their opponents played.

Because of this, it was imperative that players not follow the exact same strategies they used before. Expecting that their opponents would expect them change strategies, the Red Team opened with the build orders of Game One. Orion trained an Archmage and footmen from a single barracks while HaTE84 sent an early ghoul scouting as his Death Knight trained.

Expecting that their opponents were expecting them to change strategies, and expecting that such a change in strategies would be expected by both sides, the Blue Team decided to change their strategies after all (hoping that the wily opponents' expectations were to expect the old strategy as a counter to the expectation of a change). TheAngel opened with a fast Hunter's Hall and Demon Hunter, showing his intention to go for a fast Second Tier tech. Aquabat trained a Mountain King and footmen, and opted not to build a second barracks so early this time. He also sent a militia man out to scout. It passed HaTE84's ghoul on the road with nary a hello.

Spying an upgrading Tree and no Ancient of War with his ghoul, HaTE84 decided to match tech and upgraded to a Halls of the Dead. All four players cleared their starting creeps, and Aquabat's scout discovered Orion's randomed race before dying to a bevy of Azeroth's finest footmen. The Blue Team then built an Ancient Protector and Guard Tower back home to defend against an early rush, and Aquabat started upgrading his Town Hall for a second hero. At this point, Orion was the only player still content to stay at Tier One, but he's a sucker for peer pressure. Scant seconds later, he upgraded his Town Hall and built a Blacksmith.

Thus concludes my tirade about obs. Just as in the previous game, expansions were the next targets. The Red Team split up to creep their expansions with footmen and ghouls, while the Blue Team cleared the eastern expansion with footmen and TheAngel's only unit. I was tempted to reuse last game's minimap but that would diminish my worth as a human being.

The inane creeping continued on the southern circuit (D) with the opponents killing the weak centaurs on opposite sides of the grove. As soon as TheAngel's Tree of Ages was complete, he built two Ancients of Lore, because dryads and bears only suck when you're on the other team. Aquabat finished his Keep upgrade, but instead of training a hero, he jumped immediately to Castle tech! What was brewing in his keg?

There were no surprises in the Red Team's bases. HaTE84 was summoning a Graveyard, while Orion was upgrading footmen weapons while waiting for his Tier Two upgrade. Meanwhile, the armies had finished creeping their local centaurs and had moved around the circle to clear the sorcerer centaur group.

It was here that the opponents clashed for the first time. Aquabat's forces chased the Undead ghouls away from the centaurs but turned tail when Orion's reinforcements arrived. TheAngel's Demon Hunter showed its worth by using Evasion to absorb some blows while covering the retreat. The scared Blue Team returned home to meet up with a new Keeper of the Grove and to start building two Arcane Sanctums in Aquabat's base. Meanwhile, the Red Team's army was joined by a Dreadlord which helped clear the contentious nook of centaurs in the south. Orion started on his own Arcane Sanctum while HaTE84 upgraded to Black Citadel for ghoul frenzy researching.

It's not that obs should be universally hated. After all, without obs, there would be no live battle reports.

Not wanting to start another gang war in the south before dryads are available, the Blue Team headed north for creeping and and cleared the northern circuit of centaurs. Unchallenged, the Red Team takes on the murlocs and Goblin Merchant centaurs in quick succession. After resting, the army is joined by a new Mountain King and more 1/1 footmen to help the 1/0 ghouls take down the owlbears nearby. The reward for this venture was an Ankh of Reincarnation and it was quickly hoarded by the greedy Archmage.

On the north side, TheAngel had been pumping nothing but dryads. With nothing else to do for the first minutes of the game, upgrades were his only release, so they were already at 2/2. Aquabat added an Archmage to his motley crew and was pumping priests from both Arcane Sanctums. With his early Castle upgrade, he had Inner Fire ready to roll. This combined army cleared the Goblin Merchant and Mercenary Camp in record time and also got an Ankh as a reward.

AND IF YOU PACK MORE OBS IN ONE OF MARN'S GAMES MAYBE HE WILL HAVE LESS OF A NEED TO POST REPLAYS OF HIMSELF SINCE EVERYONE THAT CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF HIS MADCAP WAYS WOULD ALREADY HAVE SEEN THE GAME. The creeping continued, much to my chagrin, and the Blue Team cleared the northern expansion with dryads, priests, and footmen. TheAngel began expanding there immediately, and the Blue Team then cleared the northern central expansion (F). The Red Team cleared the southern central expansion, relying on a new Liche and water elementals to defeat the harpies. It also didn't hurt that HaTE84 had picked up a Razormane Medicine Man at the Mercenary Camp. The glow of a healing ward kept everyone in good spirits.

After checking in on the eastern expansion, the Red Team travelled to the northern central expansion, finally provoking a battle that did not involve creeps. (Note the innocuous bat highlighted above the gold mine in the picture below. Obviously I am the master of effective doodad placement).

There's so much angst in my alt text. I should be a rapper.

HaTE84 had three Undead heros (Level 3, 2, and 1) backed by a mass of 1/0 ghouls and a Medicine Man. Orion had blizzarding Level 3 Archmage, a Level 1 Mountain King, and several 1/2 footmen. On the other side of the chalk line was TheAngel with a Level 3 Demon Hunter, Level 2 Keeper, and many 2/2 dryads, and Aquabat with a Level 3 Mountain King, Level 2 Archmage, unupgraded footmen, and a slew of Master priests. It should also be noted that both the Blue Team's melee heros had potions of invulnerability.

The Red Team's forces wisely separated the defenders. Orion's footmen engaged the front line of footmen while the ghouls sneaked through the cracks and wrought havoc on the light-armoured dryads and priests. Both sides were a-blizzarding and the Red Team used a Scroll of Protection to drain the mana of the autocasting dryads. To add even more mayhem, Aquabat summoned a Red Drake and Orion threw in a few water elementals.

Yo yo! Check this out.

The battle went equally horrible for both sides. Almost all of the ghouls and footmen were lost and the Blue Team's melee heroes were almost dead before they managed to kill Orion's Mountain King. HaTE84's Death Knight was preoccupied with saving the Dreadlord, so it didn't have time to coil either one before they simultaneously quaffed their potions of invulnerability. Continued spamming of water elementals finished off the Red Drake and then prevented reinforcement priests from joining the battle. While the invincible heroes focused on killing HaTE84's Dreadlord, the leftover ghouls and footmen were demolishing all of TheAngel's dryads.

You go A to the M to the MK techin', with a tri-hero pally do some creepin' and some trekkin' to harass their ass 'til they've passed the past at last for Tier Three to amass. Ultimately invincibility wasn't enough to turn the tide of the battle. TheAngel teleported his two Level 3 heroes away, and Aquabat did the same with his Mountain King and lone priests. The Archmage was beyond saving and died before it could teleport. In the sudden silence, the Red Team celebrated around the eerie glow of a healing ward. They had lost most of their units and one hero, but were in better shape than the Blue Team.

In the lull, Orion trained Adept sorceresses and 1/2 footmen while researching new spells. HaTE84 continued to place his faith in 2/0 ghouls from double crypts. TheAngel had finished a Tree of Eternity during the last battle and queued up a healthy mix of dryads and bears. Last but not least, Aquabat continued making priests and unupgraded footmen. Everyone except HaTE84 had let money accumulate during the last battle, and although TheAngel had the only expansion, he actually had less money than his partner or Orion. Some might attribute this to better macro, but my guess is that it resulted from not having any wisps in his second mine.

If the orcs got the urge for the purge and the docs out the box, they go bust with the lizzust but they fucked and outta luck like sittin' ducks when those gryphs make a ruck...us. Not content to rest on a victory, the Red Team sends men out to expand at the western and southern expansions while scouting the northern one. And indeed, they struck gold with an undefended Tree of Life, courtesy of TheAngel. The put-upon Elf had a scroll of Town Portal, but not enough troops to defend the site. He uprooted the Tree and chalked it up as a loss. Back home, he reached a comfortable level of supply for bears and dryads, and began researching Bear super powers.

That was horrible. Never let me do that ever again. HaTE84 then went on a whirlwind tour of the northwest, searching for leftover creeps and such. This tour ended at the eastern expansion (which was still unclaimed) just as the Blue Team reached critical capacity and ventured back outside. The timing couldn't have been worse for the Red Team. The combined mass of the Blue Team hit the rear guard of HaTE84's ghoul army while two separate sections of Orion's army were converging to meet them. The resulting miscommunication on where to retreat to and where to hold position gave the Blue Team some free hits before Red Team became cohesive again.

Now I feel dirty.

The upgrades had not changed since the last battle, but now the Blue Team had bears. It was a matchup between footmen with Roar and Inner Fire and a ghoul/footman mix with Vampiric Aura, Unholy Aura, and a Healing Ward. Effective use of Carrion Swarm and Blizzard decimated the front line of footmen, but TheAngel took that opportunity to morph his bears into, well, bears. HaTE84 triple-nuked Aquabat's Mountain King to death with Undead goodness before teleporting to safety, and the remnants of Orion's sorceress army followed suit.

Orion proved his sorceress fetish by continuing to train them from his double Sanctums and HaTE84 fired up the crypts for some more ghouls. Though they had lost the battle, they still had a monetary advantage, since neither player on the Blue Team had an expansion. Orion felt comforted by the four towers at his expansion in the west, and HaTE84 fortified his southern expansion with a few ziggurats and a Necropolis.

Often in games like this, you run across rude players, and tonight's game was no exception. Rather than having the decency to wait for the ziggurats to finish, the Blue Team attacked HaTE84's expansion immediately, forcing him to unsummon everything. Bad-mannered bastards.

The Red Team realized that Orion's expansion was the next likely target, so they positioned their armies outside their main base in a defensive formation. They hoped to intercept and distract the Blue Team and it worked exactly as expected.

It's fun to polymorph units at the entrances to bases on this map, because the resulting sheep are completely underwater.

Hi mom. The Undead triple-nuke was brought back into play and Aquabat's Archmage died immediately to the Swarm - Nova - Coil combo. The Keeper was next, though it survived and ran away. Meanwhile, HaTE84 wormed his ghouls to the rear and tried to murder as many dryads and sorceresses as possible. Next to go down was TheAngel's Demon Hunter, to a mix of Lightning Shield and Death Coil. All this hero assassination was great for scores, but in the meantime, the Red Team's army had been destroyed. HaTE84 teleported his three heroes to safety but Orion's Archmage became surrounded and died. Luckily, it had an Ankh, so it could come back to life and die again, this time with more feeling. The Demon Hunter also had an Ankh, but it managed to stay alive on its second wind.

With no resistance left, the Blue Team stormed Orion's main base. Though the Red Team made a valiant effort at defense, ultimately the win belonged to TheAngel and Aquabat.

Le GG.
 

Halp halp!

This report is the fourth in a new series of reports by "Halp Halp, i'm beng reprssed!" Productions, an offshoot of CattleBattle Productions.


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