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The gosu war3 report -_-
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Date: 05/08/02 01:05
Game Type: Warcraft 3
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Report Rating: 9.3, # of Ratings: 3, Max: 10, Min: 9
Lifetime Rating for ThisIsNotAnExit: 8.4000

Hey Hey -_-

Well this report is a long time in the making. It is quite large however *cough (no fucking kidding) cough* it is not however the epic 3 game series vs gosus w/ flash as I have promised, since I do not have time to find pirated flash and learn it since finals are 2 weeks away =/. However this report does feature 3 games, and gosus, a few names are, Pillars , Tiller , Cantona, Karma , and Smaq ( who the hell ? ) Yes... Neway while you are letting the report load, because it will take you awhile. Read this its no pics, and its the funniest thing that has been submitted to this site in a long time, IMO.

Now for the Title picture.....

Sup -_-

The delightful piece of entertainment I'm brining you today is a result of a day lingering on in a deep depression at my horrid war3 skillZ. I was invited by various people to observe some very good games between some very good players.

Currently the war3 community resembles the old Kali community ( yes I was there, silently).The same types of inventive players are on 24-7 only taking breaks to eat sleep and shit. Sharing there strategies with an elite few and creating complicated social webs of highly experienced and l33t players.

However something different than kali has formed this time, NOT EVERYONE IS AN ASSHOLE. I remember my first time on kali I spent half the day looking for a game and being rejected because I was " scum"; players like X_Mage_X were more ego than skill. Currently the beta has drawn a host of skilled, mature players, that are increasing the level of fun by being pleasant to interact with.

So... I was sitting in the channel talking to Tillerman about a game we had played when Pillars and Cantona whispered him to join a game to obs, Tiller invited me, and I was excited to be allowed to obs One of the highest rank players, Pillars, who is currently at number5.! ..

Rar !
Well thanks to blizz for renovating the load screen I can introduce the players and the map at the same time. !

First the map, Gnoll wood, the 4 inner Neutral buildings are goblin merchants the outer three buildings are merc camps. There is a fountain of mana at the center of the map. 5 creeps guard every expansion led by lvl 5 gnoll wardens. Two lvl 6 golems and one lvl 9 granite golem can be found lurking near each start spot. IMO this is a very well balanced and fun map, though some positions have a better angle at defending Expansions.


Cantona, all I really know about him is he is in GG clan as [GG7]Cantona ( or something ) Who cares, hes good ?
Pillars is a little bit more popular ( huk ). Being an old timer BW GOSU, why should I tell you about him when you can read about him here ?

So the screen pops up and I sit back and get ready for some Crazy
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

Yes that’s right, Pillars gets Undead at the 6 o clock spot and Cantona gets OrX at the 10 o clock spot. Me and tiller start talking about how he whooped me a few games ago. As Pillars and Cantona start there l337 B.O.s. Cantona drops a Rax a Burrow and an altar in that order, with Peons coming from his hall taking only 1 from his original 5 peons from the gold mine. He replaces the first and sends the next couple off to build the rax and altar, then he produces roughly 4 more for chopping wood purposes.
Pillars on the other hand is doing some odd stuff to say the least, and I honestly don’t understand how he got all the wood for it , but I must have missed something. Pillars expertly splits his ghoul off from his starting group of 3 acolytes, produces two acolytes at his necropolis and starts a crypt and a graveyard. Pillars sends his 3rd acolyte back to the mine and waits until his ghoul has returned lumber 3 times. Then, he starts an altar and waits a few more seconds to start a Ziggauraut.

The fuck you mean ? Buildings are boring ? WHAT? ? ?

After the minute or so of watching buildings build, Which by the way, if you didn't read the picture, is fun, the buildings finished and units begin to be produced. Pillars pumps ghouls out of 1 Crypt while upgrading them at the graveyard. He rallies the crypt onto the forest where the Ghouls immediately start hacking lumber.

Cantona has started another burrow right after his first and has a Grunt and a farseer soon produced. Around this time something very confusing happens, Cantona and Pillars start talking for no apparent reason, in Yes's and No's, as if some disagreement had begun. Me and Tiller couldn’t figure out what they were talking about, maybe you can. WHAT ? Mind you they haven’t scouted each other yet, and they are on opposite parts of the map.

Pillars soon adds a Death knight and another ziggaraut. His Death knight bravely waits mounted on his horse of death watching his minions of Death return lumber to his HALL OF DEATH !@. While all this scary DEATH stuff is going on Cantona has decided to strike first, and sends his Farseer clockwise around the map. Now this farseer had its sights set on one thing, Acolytes ! This farseer had a real problem with Acolytes, I think sometime in the past an Acolyte must have killed his other wolf or something. Anyway this guy was so bent on killing some Acolytes he managed to sneak his way up and around the right side of Pillars base like this......
Sneaky I say , SNEAKY!

As Cantona approaches Pillars base from the right, he sneaks in under the Death knight and throw his first Chain lightning at, you guessed it! an Acolyte. With two more shots, one Acolyte bites the dust. The chain lightning breaks off two times after reducing the damage by half each time. Pillars quickly reacts and pulls his Ghouls and Death Knight to the area. Cantona has mad skills though and jukes left then right and then back to the mine to nail another Acolyte with a Chain. He targets the first acolyte on the right side, which has not yet been hit by a chain. It brings the Acolyte very near death, but not quite dead. Cantona starts to take off but realizes the Death Knight and the ghouls aren’t giving much of a chase. As the cool down for Chain ends Cantona again targets an Acolyte, amazingly he targets the one Acolyte that hasn’t yet been hit by any chain. Now three acolytes are at very low health. Then a funny thing happens, an Acolyte walks right out of the Necropolis and over to the Gold mine, and beings mining. Did the dishearten Cantona one bit ? NO. Due to Pillars complete lack of being able to surround and catch up to Cantona’s farseer, Cantona fires off his fourth Chain lightning at the leftmost Acolyte. Killing it and jumping, to you guessed it the brand new Acolyte with full health. Soon after another Acolyte walks out of the Necropolis and onto the Gold mine. The moral of the story is, killing two Acolytes worth 70 gold a piece with 4 chain lightnings when 100 mana costs 100 gold, at 75 mana per chain, this was not a beneficial use of Cantona’s mana. Though it drove Pillars mad to no end, so maybe Cantona only meant to aggrivate his opponent. This is called Inefficiency
It soon becomes apparent Cantona was using his Successful "waste the chain lightning" strategy to distract his opponent why he powered his ass off and pumped, an astonishing army of 3 grunts and 4 headhunters.

That’s some crazy macro..

Cantona heads towards Pillars with his Ground shaking army while Pillars takes this time to clear out some creeps. Pillars hero has gained lvl2 through the creep killing and he adds unholy aura to his skill forte'.
Cantona comes in underneath the expansion where Pillars is lvling, Pillars probably could have saved his town portal and made it back to his base with only a few dead acolytes. Instead he Portals immediately to the scene of the tresspass. Pillars manages to portal his hero and troops to the right side of his Necropolis in a perfect spot to surround Cantona’s Farseer. The farseer quickly dies, and the rest of Cantona’s mighty army is Smothered in DEATH#Q@$.
With that the game ends.

just kidding hahahahaha. ?
Anyway Cantona realizes he’s in a lot of trouble and figures the only thing to do is build some grunts and level his awesome (revived) lvl 1 farseer. Meanwhile Pillars knows he should keep the pressure on both in experience and Economy. Pillars death knight is now at lvl 3 as he clears out another Expansion point in the mid right.

Hmmm… 2 grunts and a farseer  vs  11 ghouls and a DK, things are looking up for cantuna

At the end of the above Dismal death of Cantona’s army, Pillars had sent an acolyte to the low-mid-right-inner expansion he remembers and starts a Haunted Gold Mine ( 5 dollars for adults , 2 for kids , Seniors get in free.)
no refunds
Pillars knows he has a large advantage after such a Decisive battle. Cantona however for some reason does not know this, and decides to clear out the mid-left-inner Expansion and start a town hall. Pillars walks from the mid-right-inner Expansion where he just killed the above creeps with the aforementioned party of life challenged, Skeletally endowed Ghouls, to the top mid Start spot. Cantona is elusive though, and is not at the start spot where he did not start. So Pillars walks down to the left and stumbles across a newly semi erect Town hall. Pillars blows right over it however, and the situation quickly goes limp for Cantona. Cantona trys to erect a burrow once again but, Pillars wouldn’t have none of that either. Soon help comes for Cantona’s poor little peon in the form of around 5 grunts a headhunter and a lvl2 ( applause ) Farseer. Things look disgustingly not close at all when something happens to change that. Pillars uses a scroll of protection ( the cloudy thing over the ghouls ) this makes things dramatically more disgustingly not close. Cantona fires off 2 chain lightnings before all the grunts are et alive, HALP! Pillars chases after the farseer, with a group of speed enhanced Ghouls, Surrounds Mr. Morg Wolfsong, and rips into him like a Garbage disposal into a younger siblings hand. ( yes I know that was wrong..) The whole event looked nothing different than this.

well that was close.

After the Dastardly daunting defeat Cantona calls cautiously "GG" Pillars politely pronounces "GG" and that’s that !
the scores looked something like this

if you enjoy looking at the scores, look long and hard cus u get no more !

It was a GG but I was left unfulfilled, I mean Pillars Roxxed him :( . Neway back in the channel Pills is done Gaming for the day, I recognize a friend of mine, Karma I say sup and so does he, we had played quite a few games together. One day I was playing ladder and was matched with him 5 times in a row ! It didn’t help that we were playing at 3 in the morning and were both picking lost temple as our sole map preference. Well I landed myself 4 losses but came out with 1 win ! Karma was a very good sport about it seeing as how at the time he was ranked 30 and I was somewhere around 140. Currently Karma is number 12, so he’s pretty darn good.
So we are talking about some imbalances in the patch particularly the "siege" imbalance when Mr "Elite_Knight" comes in and eavesdrops on our conversation. Tempers flare and accusations are made, and a Game is created! Actually Karma just spammed "1v1" and Elite_Knight was bored so, a game was created!

WEll well, here we are again, After spending 3 hours talking on Aim creating the pictures for this section of the report, and doing random chem problems. Then going to fucking chemistry and walking up fucking 4 flights of stairs and then down 3 flights of stairs then back up 3 flights then back down 4 then all the way to the fucking student union. Then all the way back to the fucking dorms. Then up 3 stories to my fucking room, then down the hall to listen to Matt and Eric jerk off on there guitars. Then I had to walk all the way to the fucking student services center to enter our band in a talent show next weekend and when I get there they tell me " OO the deadline was april 30 " So I say "oh" and walk all the way back to my dorm and up the stairs and fuck.

So yeah ok I'll shut up now,
Well as I said earlier Elite_Knight decided to play Karma so they joined the game and the load screen looked like this.
shut up ..

yes yes, many ppl turned out to watch Karma ( currently 12 on ladder ) vs Elite_Knight ( currently numero UNO ) Although many other observers were present let that not detract from my battlereporting grandeur, as I was invited and they were not. That makes me better then the other ppl observing the game. Yes it does.


Karma is a cool guy, easy going very good skills, very creative with the tech trees of his race. He likes Humans and N.E. bestest I believe. He is also bad ass with a mountain king ( ouch )

I don’t know much about Elite_Knight except he’s Elite and he’s number one on ladder, so that’s good enough for me.

HALP ITS TEMPLE !! yes its temple ! ok look at the picture, the neutral buildings are merc camps and the fountain in the center is a fountain o life. -_---

So after the cool load screen, is done loading. I put my feet up, sit back, and watch Two gosus Duke it out.

treeee power!!
now I'm going to break a trend in my warcraft 3 reports, this is a good game. It was fast paced and close for most of the game. Both players put it all out, they had a lot to prove and they had a lot of us obs people to prove it to.
SO there would be no mercy, no frivolities, no " no siege " rules would be implemented. This was a battle ! thus Karma and Elite_Knight both choose the most Aggressive opening they can, Starting with 5 wisps each their builds are almost exactly the same for the first 5 minutes. Elite_Knight orders one of his first 5 wisps off to the slope leading down to his Expansion and starts a tree of life.( proxying trees of life is like Proxying a CC near an occupied Expansion) Karma on the other hand decides to go with a slightly more conservative build and places all 5 wisps immediately on gold, his first wisp out goes towards his Exp slope and creates a moon well,( moonwells fill up with ether and recharge ally units with health and mana) the second wisp out creates a Tree of life on the ramp giving Elite_Knight this advantage.

I think the Tree of ages look kinda like Dogs, trees, but dogs, kinda like a big Tree dog, leading me into the “bark worse than bite” line see, it must be a dog. Just stop arguing with me and I’ll shut up.. SHUT UPPPP

Elite_Knight takes his first wisp out and puts it on to the mine, his third creates a moonwell, and his fourth starts an altar at almost the exact same time as Karma . Both players produce about 4-5 more wisps and another moonwell. fine they aren’t dogs

Soon there respective altars blossom and they both start the new "blademaster" the Demon Hunter, let me briefly explain why he is an asshole. First reason is Immolation, Immolation rox all early game units especially creeps. Second reason is, all his skills are useful, evasion being the least useful is still pretty useful compared to other heroes less useful abilities. Mana burn is pretty fucking cool, Take mana from an enemy unit causing it damage equal to the mana taken, and also possibly prohibiting them from casting something. just plain mean !

So these bad boys head out to there Expansions to find some creeps and IMMOLE them. Both Demon hunters get to the Expansions at about the same time. The hunters start ripping into a Troll shadow priest lvl 4 ( heals himself and other creeps) both players turn immolation on once they are close enough. After the shadow priest falls, both players retreat their hero back to the moonwell to recharge life and mana. Then they go back and finish up the damaged lvl 4 headhunters.
during this time Elite_Knight has busied himself with creating two more moonwells and an elder of war, and upgrading his tree of life to a tree of ages. Karma has however dropped two more moonwells and two elders of war and a hunters hall.
Soon the heros have ridden the Expansions of creepers, gaining expereince almost to lvl 2 and a treasure. Elite_Knight is able to walk his tree of life right in as the creeps are dying, however Karma’s Tree of life has not completed yet. With the expansions taken care of and the necessarry advantage taken advantage of, the players turn their attentions toward each other.

Oooo Don’t touch me I’m to HoT… Both players send down there Demon hunters, to the east and west entrances to the temple. There they encounter a group of gnolls. Elite_Knight is still using his Demon hunter as a one elf army, however he has finished the upgrade on his tree of ages and the christmas lights on his Altar are blinking. Also, Elite_Knight has two Elders of war growing in his main, and an Ancient protector ( Cannon ) growing at his nat along with two moonwells. Karma on the other hand has started pumping Huntress' to aid his demon hunter.


AS you can see both players were creeping a little to close to each other, when Karma’s hunter and 2 huntress' runs into Elite_Knight’s hunter, Elite_Knight’sreaction is quicker as he Mana burns Karma . Karma returns it immediately, then Elite_Knight notes the two huntress' and attacks the sleeping lvl 5 ogre in order to occupy Karma while he makes a run for it . Once the Ogre runs after Elite_Knight a bit, he gets tired and turns on Karma . Karma can’t take the Ogre and his two flunkies with just two huntress' his Hunter and Elite_Knight lurking about, so he awaits reinforcements.
Elite_Knight realizes the importance of getting the next mana burn in and Goes back to snipe Karma with a mana burn, depleting Karma’s mana to 30 something. Karma does not take to this kindly and chases Elite_Knight out of the temple and towards his natural area. Elite_Knight gives way until all of a sudden a blazing red figure mounted on a blazing white tiger blazes onto the scene. Elite_Knight has summoned a priestess of the moon to aid his 1 elf army. The hunter and POTm turn on Karma who engages briefly, long enough to lose 1 huntress. Karma pulls out after this and is greeted by a reinforcement of 2 more huntress'.

The spat is over and Both players turn to a bit more creep killing Karma has amassed 8 or so huntress' while he has cleared out some other creeps in the temple. Then Karma decides to clear the fountain taking out the 6 something creeps there, getting experience, 3 treasures, and the fountain of health.
Elite_Knight has decided to exploit the awesomeness of Siege units and rolls out to the 6 o clock natural with his Demon Hunter Potm and Two ballistas. After Elite_Knight removes the creeps at the 6 o clock nat he rolls his ballistas back down to the east entrance to the temple where he is joined by two more ballistas. Elite_Knight also sends out a wisp to the 6 O clock nat and starts a tree of life in Expansion position.

Karma has finished off all creeps in the temple and starts to upgrade his tree of ages to a tree of eternity about the same time Elite_Knight does. Karma’s upgrades are 1/1 range and he has thrown down a Ancient of lore. Karma also has decided another hero wont hurt as his Demon hunter is nearing lvl 4 and Elite_Knight’s hunter has only just broken lvl 3. Karma’s new hero is a priestess of the moon wich gives his units trueshot aura, as Karma moves out to the east entrance of the temple the two forces engage.
Why is there a little panda face on the Demon hunters Sword, why ? I’ll tell you why Gfraizer works at blizz, Connection? Some things are inexplicably Gay.

Elite_Knight gets a few good shots in on Karma’s group of 6 huntress' and Demon hunter and Potm. Soon though the tides turn when Karma brings in two of his own ballistas. At the first shots Elite_Knight retreats losing two ballistas, and killing 3 huntress'.

get that swirly green shit off my head already!

hey look, I’m a farseer! , now where’s my bitch dog?

Karma gives chase to Elite_Knight nat before turning back as Elite_Knight adds two more Ballistas to his arsenal bringing him back up to 4 and 2 heros, plus an Ancient protector and moonwells at his nat. Karma pulls back to the fountain and regens his Huntress' while hes joined by two of those Sexy Dryads.( see Sexy dryads below ) Elite_Knight has rolled two more ballistas out bringing the grand total to Six and also his Tree of Eternity upgrade has finished. Once again the christmas lights on his altar starts to blink.
After Karma is done regenerating he moves out towards Elite_Knight’s nat with roughly 6 huntress' 3 dryads and 2 ballistas, plus his Potm and demon hunter. Elite_Knight gets a funny feeling something might be up so he sends a Demon hunter out the front door of his base to scout out Karma’s troop movements, wanting to protect his 6 o clock nat Expansion. The Demon hunter gets quite a good view ( good view to the right ) of Karma’s troops moving in towards his Expansion. In response, Elite_Knight moves his ballistas Down to his expansion. Karma comes up and sees 6 ballistas, a Potm, and a Demon hunter, plus 3 moonwells and an ancient protector. He turns around and decides to secure an expansion before pressing his hand.. N.E. is official SekC race of war3

Karma heads out past the temple and up to the 12 natural to clear the creeps there and start an Expansion. He also starts two Chimera roosts, his upgrades are now 2/2 while Elite_Knight is only at 1/1. Elite_Knight has decided that if you’r going to have 2 heros you might as well have 3 heros. ok only 25 more alt texts to go @#%#%ERDGDRFH$W%&^^$^R

Adding a Keeper of the Grove to his force, Elite_Knight decides to move out and strike at Karma’s expansion in a quick hit and scroll attempt. Elite_Knight pauses at the eastern entrance to the temple as Karma returns from the 12 o clock nat where he recently set up an expansion. Elite_Knight sends his force out towards Karma’s natural, but the heros get seperated and the result costs Elite_Knight the battle

A battlereporters work is never done

If it wasn’t for the fact that Elite_Knight’s heros were seperated from the ballistas, I think he would have won this fight. As the fray begins, Two huntress’ join Elite_Knight’s forces to fight roughly 8 huntress' 3 dryads 1 Druid of the claw and Karma’s two heros. At first it looks really bad for Elite_Knight, but Karma’s priestess of the moon goes down incredibly fast to ballista focus fire. ”GottaKarma focuses on the ballistas first while Elite_Knight’s heros stir it up casting mana burn and Immolation and focussing on dryads. Slow poison, Trueshot, and immolation help Karma take the ballistas down fairly fast while only losing half there number. Eventually Elite_Knight sees the outcome unreasonable and sCroll of Town portals out of the battle back to his Expansion.

During the battle Karma has started two Chymeras. Elite_Knight Quickly restocks his unit count with more pure huntress' about 5, plus his three heros and Ballista. Elite_Knight quickly sets out across the map knowing by this time he has an advantage in resources and must try and stop Karma from expanding. Also he knows Karma will most likely be clearing creeps for another future expansion, and he might be able to catch him away form his house. Karma’s ressurrected POTM and a couple new huntress' join his main army down below the eastern entrance to the temple just in time to meet Elite_Knight . At first it looks as if Elite_Knight has a chance to inflict some damage and pull ahead in troop count but instead of fighting at the corner of the entrance limiting the surface area of the attacking huntress' he is lulled out and stretched thin. However his Ballista is positioned well on the other side of the trees, and get in some good shots.

Gotta colorize everyones Frikking names

Elite_Knight Scrolls away from the battle after only a few casualties on either side. Elite_Knight decides that seeing Karma with stronger ground then him means he should try the Siege again. So Elite_Knightadds 4 ballistas to his force while Karma’s first Chymeras roll onto the scene
Gotta put alt text on the Frikking pics.

Karma realizes the makeup of his opponents army is strong anti ground and knows the time has come to press down on Elite_Knight. Following his intuition he checks Elite_Knight’smost likely Expansion choice. He arrives at Elite_Knight’s 6 o clock nat uncontested, but as the first shots are fired the blue swirly signature of a Scroll of T.P. brings the hapless Expansion some Halp.
gotta do the raters Sexual favors…

Despite his best efforts to repel the assault Elite_Knight is left facing a retreating ground army and two chymeras and a decimated tree of life. O by the way Chymeras are the most bad ass air unit in terms of kicking the shit out of ground troops and buildings. They cannot attack air, but Rape ground horribly and are very tough to kill as well. During the battle Elite_Knight’s Keeper of the Grove is seriously injured and the keeper and the POTm are the only anti air he currently has. Realizing this he trys to make a run for it to the fountain of life in the temple and also he starts two ancient of the wind to start producing hippogryphs ( anti air, and can be trained to carry archers making them ground/air ), and starts pumping archers.

Karma has not been lazy though, and has kept his Chymera roost queued in order to keep the pressure on.
Meanwhile Karma’s chymeras have been hunting down the keeper of the grove, and nail him just as Elite_Knight enters the temple, he reaches the fountain only to be greeted by two more chymeras. Seeing this a generally bad thing Elite_Knight leaves two wounded Huntress' as bait while his force slips out the back towards his own base.
Once safe from the flying death, Elite_Knight heads around the top of the temple up towards the 12 natural where he makes a critical error Attacking Karma’s expansion there. Karma quickly town portals an impressive force of 6 chymeras, 6 huntress', 2 dryads, and his two heros. The effect is immediate as Elite_Knight’s Keeper of the grove goes down in .2343 Seconds. Elite_Knight’s POTM gets hit by some slow poison from Karma’s dryads and are quickly overwhelmed by the Chymeras, only Elite_Knight’s Demon hunter and 2 huntress' make it away from the battle.
Karma pursues and rips into Elite_Knight’s natural where he has throw together 3 hyppogryphs some archers and his ressurected Keeper and Priestess. IT is To little To late however, and that’s the game.

yes GG -_-

So back in the channel we talk about the game a bit, about how much Chimeras own, and how 3 heros might be to many. Also about how proxxying tree of ages is gay. Me and smaq complained bitterly on and on about the lack of variation in the opening of the game.
all of a sudden , why who should appear but jamers! followed by eight tiny reindeer. Smaq was feeling fresh and needed a test, so he challenged jamers to a duel to the death !
Let me tell you a bit about the players

Jamers : very high on ladder since it started basically. Really good player adept at the art of random.

Smaq : a very very skilled player yet very incosistent. AkA luckyXsmurf a good friend of mine, and a good friend of FroZ, Smaq has potential to be a Serious Gamer in the future.

This game is the best war3 game I have obsed so far, very close and very intense, however I was lost in the intensity and didn't take any screens, so the rest of the report is all text ( roofleZ ) just kidding , I had smaQo Send me the rep and a pirated replay viewer. The funny thing is though, unlike a starcraft replay on war3 you can only get vision from one player at a time on the replay. A first person view, in a manner of speaking. So most of these images are composed of Diff angles and positions, I tried to make it as understandable as possible. Anyway, enjoy !

quite possibly the ownest SS ever.

I realize this report is incredibly long, and therefore will try not to bore you with tedious details.
”remember Me and lifeboy join up to Obs and Jamers and SmaQ are pitted as 7'O clock and 10'O clock hoooman respectively, on the Tranquil paths. Jamers starts out by placing all his workers on the Gold mine and waiting for his first peasant to complete training before ordering him to start a farm. His next peasant starts an altar. The third through 5th peasants are placed on lumber after the first farm is completed another is started and the altar completes. Jamers orders up a paladin and starts a barracks with his now idle peasant. Jamers appeared to be building a solid foundation for his war machine. Or maybe he just decided to go get some pizza before things picked up, because Jamers didn’t do much but build farms for awhile.


SmaQ on the other hand decides on a slightly different tech route. to sexy for my Horse… Creating only a farm and an altar and accumulating around 4 lumber harvesters plus his starting 5 on gold, he upgrades to keep. He drops a blacksmith and a barracks shortly after his first Hero is summoned, a mighty blue pally.I’m to sexy for my hammer both players put there paladins skill point into holy light ( heal on steroids )
Jamers is taking his sweet time getting around to a fighting force, he has added another farm and a lumber mill when finally his rAx completes a little after SmaQ’S . Jamers adds a second Barracks to begin some hardcore troop pumping.
SmaQ on the other hand has traded an early troop count for a Secondary hero, as his Keep finishes he orders up an Archmage along with two Riflemen. Jamers has added around 5 footmen and started the attack upgrade at his newly made Smithy. Eventually both armies get bored and decide to go find some amusement.


SmaQ places his archmage’s first skill point into blizzard and proceeds to make liberal use of it through the rest of the game. Jamers hits the closest Creep spot where an Ogre mauler and a Troll berserker are snoozing. He dispatches them with no losses, with the help of some holy light.
at about the same time SmaQ heads to the creep spot where two berserkers and a golem are snoozing. SmaQ blizzards the area and holy lights 1 or two times, killing the creeps rather efficiently with only 2 riflemen a pally and an archmage.
Though its not pictured ( I realized I left something out of that pic , well to fucking bad ) SmaQ hits the nearer creep spot where the ogre mauler and berserker are on his way to the merc camp. Once he gets there SmaQ takes out the Ogres there and buys an important troll shadow priest ( heals ).
SmaQ finds himself near the low left Expand spot and probably figures its time to give some attention to his enemy. Lucky for him he doesn’t have to go far before he runs smaQ ! right into a Newly erected Town hall. After Jamers dispatched the Ogre mauler and berserker , he went straight to his nat with about 5 footies two riflemen and around 5 peasants.(like in war2 human peasants can repair a building to make it build faster) Quickly clearing the Expansion he orders the town hall constructed just in time for SmaQ to stumble upon it.

yah mon, love yur neighbar mon
That’s right no one loves the pallys. As SmaQ engages Jamers becomes aware of his deficit, quickly he orders a tower constructed and repaired by 4 peasants. Quickly it is a scout tower and Jamers ups it to a guard tower while juking back and forth with SmaQ’S Army. Back and forth they go with SmaQ casting blizzards and Holy lights and Jamers pulling injured footies to the rear while constructing another tower. With the tower almost completed and an influx of 2 Riflemen Jamers steps up to the plate and engages SmaQ’S force, SmaQ’S riflemen target the pally and its quickly in the red. . Jamers pulls his pally out while targetting SmaQ’S pursuing paladin. SmaQ flees as well and finally Jamers targets SmaQ’S Archmage which has been near death for quite a while. SmaQ holy lights in the nick of time to keep the mage alive. Quickly he retreats, back to his base.
Things look good for Jamers now having taken an early Expansion with 2/1 riflemen and having just added a brand spanking new Archmage to boot. SmaQ on the other hand is 1/1 with both range and melee and has started his castle upgrade. Upon returning to his base he starts another barracks and takes 5 peasants with him to his natural to do a little of this.
nice Mohawk though

. SmaQ dispatches the Creeps at his natural and quickly sets to work repairing his Town hall.
During this time Jamers has reached around a 12 unit troop and heads out to fight some Creepies near the fountain of mana. Jamers’ ups are now 2/2 range with a lvl 1 mage and a lvl 2 pally. SmaQ is 2/1 , 2/1 mellee and range and has a lvl 1 mage and a lvl 3 pally. SmaQ also decides that he needs to " get teh monies " ( I never saw those fucking coins before in a game I swear ) and goes to his Fountain of mana to take down the lvl 6 Ogre mage the two lvl 5 maulers and the two lvl 4 berserkers. Gaining quite a lot of Exp and monies. Unfortunately for Jamers, Jamers had a better camera angle so he gets a bigger picture of the fountain battle -_-
Broken promises don’t upset me, I just think; Why did they believe me ?

Somehow Jamers’ battle takes much longer then SmaQ’S and SmaQ is free to attack more creeps Jamers heads to the left to kill some creeps at the merc camp that SmaQ already cleared out. SmaQ chooses to clear the top right Expansion first then he goes to the low right Expansions clearing the creeps there.
Jamers doesn’t like being left out of the action and shows up to the party just a bit late. Jamers is able to streamline SmaQ’S troop movement by cornering them in near the woods, SmaQ takes a lot of damage that way. So SmaQ takes off running, for some reason Jamers doesn’t chase him initially and SmaQ stops to creep once more removing a patch of creeps near the meadow in front of the top fountain. Jamers manages to get to him right as he is leaving again but gets a few hits in. SmaQ runs back to his Exp where he has 1 tower and a little surprise for the pursuing Jamers .
When the going gets rough ! FUCK this shit im gone..

When Jamers arrives at SmaQ’S nat SmaQ turns and the armies Square off Mage vs Mage Pally vs Pally and Knights, Rifle, and footy vs a lot of rifles. Pound for pound Jamers had more oomph, but SmaQ casts a decisive blizzard over the front line and Jamers realizes the combination of A.O.E from above, the large melee units soaking up damage from the front, and the Rifles hitting from the back would quickly crush his all range force. Jamers retreats to a nearby goblin laboratory to remove some creeps. you have no idea how long it took me to get these two pics to line up.
After seeing his force intimidate Jamers so, SmaQ moves out to the meadow while sending 5 peasants over to the top right natural Expansion, there he starts a Town hall and begins repairing it, he then moves his force down the path on the right side of the circular center of the map. ”Jamers had sent earlier a group of peasants to begin a town at the low right natural expansion, SmaQ strolls right in though, and promptly quells any such Expanding ideas. Jamers initially heads toward the hapless exp, but realizes it will take to long to reach and is better to counter SmaQ’S natural, At the turning point in the game Jamers is 3/3 range with a lvl 3 pally and a lvl 2 archmage, and SmaQ is 3/3 ground and 2/2 range with a lvl 4 pally and a lvl 2 archmage. Jamers gives his all and charges into SmaQ’S natural. 5 Seconds later SmaQ drops the Smaq and uses his Scroll o Town Portal.
Jamers quickly picks up on the tension in the air Sensing he is not welcome, either that, or the falling ice tipped him off.
Thank God this game is almost fucking over
The battle is brief and one sided Jamers’ archmage ( and his horse ) fall very fast to a combination of rifle and knight's swords. Jamers manages to kill a handful of units but is completely decimated by Blizzard.  Consider the daffodil, and while your doing that I’ll be over here looking through your stuff As Jamers retreat before portalling out SmaQ pally and Mage lvl up. During the battle one of Jamers’ Riflemen stumbled upon SmaQ’S new Town hall in the top right natural Exp spot. After killing 1 peasant, SmaQ calls forth a mighty 3 man militia to quell the terrorism. SmaQ rides again, once more, taking the route leading him around the right side of the circular center of the map. Jamers who has ressurrected his mage knows he must stop SmaQ’S resource advantage to equal him with his superior lvled army. Jamers sets out and is halfway to SmaQ’S base when SmaQ charges into the left side of Jamers natural. Two towers are waiting for SmaQ there and he sets to work bringing them down. At the same time Jamers reaches SmaQ’S completely undefended natural, he first massacres the peasants there and then sets to work on the Town hall itself. At first its a race to see who can destroy the Town hall first, then SmaQ realizes that he should try and save his hall and hold onto a bigger advantage that he might have if they both lost there naturals. SmaQ Town portals back to deal with the infedels.
SmaQ my Bitch up ! SmaQ smAQ
Jamers stays long enough to lose his Archmage ( again ) and send SmaQ’S Town hall into the red with 13 hitpoints where it stays until it is repaired. Later Jamers was quoted on the topic by saying " fucking ndsfsdknf shit it didn’t die ? " Jamers had used his last Town portal and must run all the way back to his base, the long way up the path leading to SmaQ’S base SmaQ takes this opportunity to overrun straggling dwarves with the faster knights wittling Jamers force smaller and smaller. When Jamers finally reaches his own natural and reinforcements, SmaQ’S cavarly/range combo coupled with Holy light and blizzard are to much for Jamers to handle
and with that I leave you . Good night fine sir, O brave valiance in face of many words. Hark and hear your praise. JJAALLELLLUUJJAAHHH JJJAAALLLELLUUJJAAHHH JJJJJJAAAAAALLLLLLELLLUUUJJJAHHHH the report is OOOOVVVEEERRR !
After the battle Jamers Paladin bravely accepts his fate as Jamers and SmaQ exchange GG's.

Well if you read through this entire report, well your amazing. ! GO you ! I hope this wasn’t to bad a read. I enjoyed writing it though ( yes I was dropped as a child )
Before I go I'd like to shoutout to Smaq , Dino and a big one to Jeb for helping me proof this monster.
Also to Karma, Jamers, Cantona, Pillars, and Elite Knight for letting me obs.
also to mark4 for giving me front page hookups for my last Battlereports -_-, GOGOG mark4 !
50 .jpgs and 1 .gif later,I'm done

Thanks for my New Smurf Mr. Medio

this has been a Joe.Smurf production

thanx for the read, and thanks to the site

;) – out

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