There was some confusion last report of where exactly I
obtained the background. I apologize, this disarray was caused by my
failings as a person. I atoned for this by repeatedly flogging myself and
vowing that this atrocity will never happen again. Here is where you can
download this fine background:
I apologize in advance to all of the people I owe
battlereports. A game with a player named JewMarket takes battlereporting
precedence over any other game.
CornStore - poa
WeedStore - cornstore's slightly mischievous brother
JewMarket - cornstore's evil nephew, thrice removed
T_mac - author of the greatest battlereport ever
testosterone - male hormone
(bowie)Iggy - punk masta
SyncMaster_6Ne - i don't know but with a name like syncmaster he's
probably going to die
Good Manner Gaming at its Finest
Almost everyone built conservatively to survive a rush.
Testosterone and JewMarket
9-pooled, T_mac and CornStore went 8 Barracks and 9 Depot, SyncMaster_6Ne warped in a Pylon and Gateway at
7, and (bowie)Iggy hatched an Overlord
and pooled at 12.
WeedStore wanted nothing
to do with T_mac, however. He 6-pooled
and sent his initial zerglings to him before T_mac could construct any bunkers. Six
zerglings snake their way through T_mac's structures and charge toward the one
marine there. In a normal game, T_mac
probably would have been able to hide has marine behind his SCVs, but the
lag prevented him from properly microing. The marine falls and SCVs are
forced to destroy the remaining zerglings. WeedStore refused to accept failure, though,
and sent 6 more zerglings and his only 6 drones to finish the job.
While WeedStore sent his
second wave of zerglings, Testosterone sent his first six zerglings
to the powering (bowie)Iggy. They met up with a creep colony,
a hatchery, a spawning pool, and drones. The zerglings attacked the
morphing creep colony, and (bowie)Iggy
surrounded them with his drones. Testosterone quickly pulled out
after razing the creep colony, but he still lost half of his zerglings. He
tried going back in (bowie)Iggy's main
to harass more drones, but (bowie)Iggy
had zerglings by now, and Testosterone limped back to his main with
one zergling. After his successful defensive stand, (bowie)Iggy promptly disconnected.
Meanwhile, T_mac was
amazingly fighting off WeedStore's
second wave of zerglings and drones. WeedStore reluctantly spent his remaining
minerals on zerglings and finally forced T_mac to lift off his Command Center and
burning Barracks. WeedStore won the
victory that he set out to win, so he sent his remaining 10
zerglings and 4 drones to attack Testosterone instead of trying to
mine again. This didn't do much direct damage, though, as
Testosterone had a sunken colony in the perfect position behind his
During this commotion, though, JewMarket morphed in a sunken colony at the northern end of his main before
Testosterone could spot it. This could reach Testosterone's
two rightmost mineral patches, and he was forced to mine with only four
T_mac quietly landed his
Command Center and repaired his Barracks with a new SCV at this time.
WeedStore took observer
status since he had no more minerals or units. Everyone visioned him, and
WeedStore was shocked to find out that
T_mac was still alive.
T_mac: whyd I vis u
T_mac: u stuipd fucking bitch
T_mac was saved by
collective indifference. CornStore
quietly climbed up the tech tree, Testosterone hatched 12 zerglings
and sent those and his drones to JewMarket in an attempt to destroy that pesky
creep colony (also because JewMarket was
far ahead of him in tech, currently morphing a spire), JewMarket was busy expanding in the empty
observer main, and Metal, err...., SyncMaster_6Ne was busy begging CornStore not to siege a tank in his
Testosterone's zerglings and drones charge into JewMarket's main. They fought a valiant fight,
but they couldn't fight their way through the other three sunken colonies
in front of the problem sunken.
Testosterone opts to go shower
since, like WeedStore, he didn't have
any minerals or units.
mutalisks after the attack and sent them around the map. They eventually
followed SyncMaster_6Ne's zealots to
SyncMaster_6Ne's main to find shuttles,
reavers, and zealots. Three mutalisks kill all of the mineral-mining
probes, and SyncMaster_6Ne's had to send
all of his reavers and zealots to JewMarket's main to distract JewMarket long enough to build a photon
cannon. The zealots and reaver manage kill a few drones and destroy two
sunken colonies before the mutalisks return and pummel them.
It was time for T_mac to
get revenge on WeedStore. A pimp squad
of one marine and three SCVs proceed toward WeedStore's main and open fire on his Hatchery
and Spawning Pool.
WeedStore: OM OB
WeedStore: of course
WeedStore was eliminated.
WeedStore has left the game.
The Plot Thins
CornStore and JewMarket were in the best shape at this
point, since CornStore hasn't been
bothered all game and JewMarket has an
fully-operational expansion in the bottom right corner of the map.
SyncMaster_6Ne and T_mac, on the other hand, were in serious
trouble. Losing all of his probes to mutalisks really hurt SyncMaster_6Ne. Too add (unintended) insult to
injury, CornStore sieged up a tank by
his Command Center and destroyed SyncMaster_6Ne's Robotics Support Bay. He also
grabbed (bowie)Iggy's old expansion in
the northeastern corner to match production with JewMarket.
T_mac was in more serious
trouble. JewMarket placed a sunken at his expansion that was able to reach T_mac's SCVs. T_mac hastily started a bunker below his
mineral line, but JewMarket flew in with
his mutalisks and eradicated the marines and SCVs. T_mac floated his Command Center and Barracks
northward, he really had nowhere to go at this point.
tried to drop a reaver behind the minerals at JewMarket's expansion. He failed, though, as
he was unable to click on a spot unobstructed by my floating Command
Center. Mutalisks quickly descend upon the shuttle and shoot it down. My
Beaten up and destitute, T_mac pleaded with CornStore to give him shelter.
T_mac: help me oh mighty savior
T_mac: ive made 12
units all game
(dramatization, conversation may not have
CornStore, out of the
kindness of his
heart, let T_mac land his
buildings by his structures outside of WeedStore's old main.
Things got worse for SyncMaster_6Ne. JewMarket's mutalisks continued to
periodically fly in and kill a few probes and CornStore's siege tanks migrated away from his
command center and got in the range of more of SyncMaster_6Ne's structures.
JewMarket stopped picking
and flew his mutalisks around to see if he could deal any damage to CornStore. They fly around counterclockwise
and find that CornStore recently
expanded to (bowie)Iggy's old main in
the upper right corner. The SCVs there are destroyed before marines and
irradiate drive them off.
CornStore countered by
moving 4 tanks, a science vessel, and a handful of marines and medics
outside of JewMarket's main. The tanks
siege up and begin firing on the outer colonies. The row of buildings
behind them: a Spawning Pool, Queen's Nest, and Greater Spire.
Yes, JewMarket was
morphing six Guardians at his expansion while this began. They swoop in
and annihilate the attacking force after the Spawning Pool and Greater
Spire falls, suffering only one loss from an irradiate.
T_mac offers his vote of
confidence to CornStore.
The guardians are sent northward to take care of CornStore once and for all. They descend on
CornStore's helpless group of infantry
when.... one wraith arrives on the scene. The wraith splatters one
guardian.... and the others retreat back to JewMarket's main. They retreat to the
protective beacon of.... a sunken colony. Bemusedly, CornStore sends his group of infantry in to
finish off JewMarket's main.
CornStore sieges up his
group of tanks outside of JewMarket's
expansion, and finishes him off. This is more or less the end of the game.
SyncMaster_6Ne had another expansion
attempt that failed so miserably that it wasn't worth mentioning. Also,
CornStore destroyed all of T_mac's structures, which I guess is
Winner: CornStore in 22
minutes and 26 seconds
Link to replay: http://www.battlereports.com/viewreplays.php?replaynum=2596
This is a CrackHeadJeb