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"Slings: I found God for you. he's hiding behind these brass knuckles"
-CynicalMagician and Fox^1

Mission:Unpossible! PART 1
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Date: 03/24/01 11:03
Game Type: Starcraft
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Lifetime Rating for [FLS]prozerran: 9.0833
READ THIS WITH IE. Netscape sucks.

Note that this series was played over 3 months ago.

Before you had finished downloading the gigantic flash movie below, you are probably reading this introduction paragraph, which is intended to waste several minutes of your time while your pathetic modem is struggling to absorb 331KB of the movie, as well as another 3MB of other eye candies and 700KB of additional flash for scores. While you are still waiting, I guess you go visit Somethingaweful for a laugh, post a flame at the Flame Forum about POA's mom, or go to the forum and grieve for Cearas since "FUKK GUYS CEARAS ISN'T GOING CAMPING." ~Mogalin Or better yet, check out this awesome report.

This report is dedicated to several games. Total of six actually, but some doesn't count because of Bob and several unfed hamster for the reason which you will see. Also with 6 games in a report, this will be a super long ass read, so go do all the necessary preparation such as taking a dump, finished your meal, go offline on ICQ and log off AIM. In order to speed up the download time for the images for the next pages, click here to cache the images. Make sure you won't close the popup window after about 2-10 minutes to cache all the pictures, depends on your connection. It took me about 15 seconds for your information.


If you think playing a game of starcraft against a competitive opponent(s) is hard, try to join a BGH game without people leaving/dropping in the first minute. If you think joining a playable BGH game is possible, try finding a game in nohunters without spamming for 5 minutes and flaming them observers wannabes who will never play a game. I did, and with the advantage of creating the game, I picked Proving Grounds and urged Bob to join by making such a game name:

Bob = Bitch

As usual, there were 6 people joining the game, and we all wanted to observe. Not only we all wanted to observe, we also want OTHERS to join to observe. Here is the proof:


nothing interesting in particular
Finally, we settled with I_Hate_Medics, SlingsNArrows (smurfing as Telamonian), Bob the Newt, and ko[B]ong (or Bong) playing, and our fellow observers-wannabes are: [FLS]prozerran, Dr.Zchivago, and ProtectorOfAiur.

Now let me ask you all a question. Is it possible to find a playable game in NH with so few trials? I was feeling lucky, since there were actually PLAYERS who joined and agreed to play. This thought, however, did not last too long. Let's see the outcome of this first game.

T_Mac invasion!

Finding a game in NH? UNPOSSIBLE!


ewwwww, what with the two together?Disappointed by Bong pulling T_Mac's Wang (perhaps literally too you never know), I immediately created another game and hoped that there would be enough courageous players to join so I could observe. Now with a sexually arousing name like this people couldn't really resist and many joined my game. Again, we had 7 people in the game, including Bob, Slings, and Dr.Z from the previous game, and with some serious negotiation skills I managed to push 4 players up there.

nothing intesting again

Being a silent observer, I was hoping that my fellow players would entertain me throughout the game. Of course that included their conversation before the game started, and here it is:

winner = Hellrazor-}{  'Who is POA?'

Teams? Why is it so important? Huh? Oh WAIT we have a game going with no one disconnecting. OMG OMG this is true! It was certain that the players were amazed too, and all began to demonstrate their skills in front of many observers:

Bob hax.  Enuf said.

Finding a game in NH that last over 5 minutes? UNPOSSIBLE!


Now back in the channel, we were all very happy that the game actually did get started, despite the fact that it only lasted 3 minutes. We moved to NWTR after giving up on NH, hoping to find a game that last over 5 minutes. There I met disgruntledape, Mepheus, and Bob and Peon were still with me. We created a game on Rivalry and all started to pray that this would last for 10 minutes. Tazec was my fellow observer.


ape is a joker

As we can see in the above screenshot, Bob and Peon were on the left side drawing a protoss/terran combo while ape and mepheus commanded the zerg and terran. So we have 4 different players commanding different races we are deemed to see different ideas and strategies. First, let's see who has an idea of what's going on, and who doesn't.

Yup.  Losing a drone could cost them the game. Be more clueless Meph =P why not bob

Bob and peon decided to go for the zealot/marine rush combo with 2 gates and 2 barracks, while ape and mepheus decided to combine teching and rushing: Ape went heavy infantry from 3 rax and mepheus "fast tech" to lurker with 2nd hatch at ramp and 3rd at expansion at the 9 o'clock position. The outcome was inevitable, when peon asked bob to hit mepheus with about 8 zealots, 8 marines and 2 medics. At the same time, ape asked mepheus to send a zerglings to both peon and bob for recon, and both were intercepted by zealots and marines which were already about one screen away from mepheus' ramp. A 2nd sunken was quickly morphed at the ramp as well as more zerglings. Knowing that the combined offense would overwhelm his defense, Mepheus quickly asked for help from ape and 8 marines and 2 medics were promptly sent to help. While Ape's marines were still on the way, peon and bob's zealots and marines reached the choke point and charged up. Mepheus' attempt to block the ramp with zerglings and let the sunkens do the real damage, was proven futile, since the zerglings were dispatched by zealot in front and marines behind a little too quickly. 2 zealots and a couple of marines were lost, but not before destroying the 2 sunkens and all Mepheus' zerglings. Ape's marines arrived right after Mepheus lost his last sunken, and they caught Peon's marines off guard below the ramp while Bob's zealots were on top. Peon lost all but two marines to Ape's, but not before he cut down Ape's number in half. The remaining marines were eliminated by bob's zealots and continued to rip mepheus' base methodologically. Mepheus did not have enough time to research the lurker aspect since the zealots targeted the den first after their clear all the defense. He realized the situation was hopeless, and conceded the game. Ape also quitted seconds later.
move your mouse over on the image to see the result

Finding a game that doesn't end by a single rush? UNPOSSIBLE!

Scores? who cares this game sucks anyways.


After the previous game, Bob's randomness gene started to take on effect and suddenly decided that SC is no fun and quitted immediately. Or perhaps he did not want a rematch and ran away with his win. I resolved by messaging our great Drefsab from NH and got him in our 4th game with Peon, ape, and mepheus staying. The battle was chosen on Plains of Snow, between team Peon/ape and team Mepheus/Drefsab. For those people who don't know any map other than Lost Temple, Dire or Rivalry, Plains of Snow has 8 starting locations aligned vertically on the left and right side of the map. Each starts has one gas node and 9 mineral patches, each has 1500 or 3000 minerals. The only expansions are in the islands in the middle, and each are in close proximity to each other, and on two other islands at the top middle and bottom middle of the map. Here is a screenshot of the minimap.

no obs map sorry Proving Grounds

I said already NO OBS MAP

Realizing that the previous game was very short, Ape and peon quickly expressed their feelings and disclosed themselves in front of everyone.

*porn music starts now*

Being a zerg in such a large map, Peon powered his economy by building 3 hatches in his main before pool, and ape whored even more by expanding to a new main between him and peon before his first gate. Mepheus and Drefsab, however, followed their normal build with 2 gates and 2 rax while teching to templars and tanks. The first offensive launched by Drefsab and Mepheus consisted of 9 marines at ape's main and 7 zealots at his expansion. Due to long travelling time, ape was able to built 5 zealots from his main when the marines arrived. Dref's marines were still travelling in the l337 single file line and were caught in their pants when ape's zealots suddenly charged from the top. All the marines were dispatched with one loss in ape's zealot force. Mepheus' zealots reached ape's expansion shortly afterwards, but they were also repeled by a group of zerglings and reinforcement zealots from ape.

ape the whore lives!

While this was happening, Mepheus had teched to templars already and Dref also got tanks and bats. Ape was still producing mainly zealots while starting a cybernetics core, and peon build hatchery after hatchery, all at his main, until he had five, and slowly teching to mutas. Drefsab was not disappointed by his first offensive failure and launched a second attack consisted of 2 tanks, 7 marines and 7 firebats headed towards ape. Ape's total force was 12 zealots and a dragoon, and they fought bravely against the terran invasion. Drefsab made a crucial mistake of putting his marines in front of the firebats and got most of them killed before the firebats got in combat position. However, once the firebats started flaming the hell outta the zealots, all zealots that were saying "my life for Aiur!" out of the gateways are now screaming "my ass on fire!" awww my arse is burning babyand ALL 12 of them got burnt with 2 firebats, 2 marines and 2 tanks remaining in the battlefield. At this time, Peon's 18 reinforcing zerglings arrived at the scene and terminated the remaining terran troops before they could escape. His zerglings continued to charge into the terran base, but Dref had 4 marines and medics as well as a tank waiting there and dispatched the counter losing only 2 marines.

While Dref was fending off an attack, he felt the economic advantage that ape has was going to cost them the game, and proceeded to float a CC to the island in order to even out the mineral advantage. Unfortunately, Peon had just sent another two groups of zerglings towards Dref's base and caught the building-in-process CC in the pants, and forced Dref to cancel the CC when the SCV constructing it got killed. Ape also joined the attack in the form of 5 dragoons and faced Dref's defense consisted of 2 tanks, and about 6 marines and bats. Knowing that his defense would fall, he called for help and Mepheus quickly sent a group of speedy zealots, DT, and an archon when Drefsab's defense was dispatched. Both the dragoons and zerglings were killed by Mepheus, but not before Dref had lost half his peon line.

That archon somehow doesn't really hit in the picture since it did nothing.

After saving his partner, Mepheus quickly ordered a counter attack on Peon's main base. Noticing that peon had been building all zerglings, Mepheus decided that zealots and archon would be a perfect combo to combat the critters. Dref scanned the zerg's base before the hammer fell, 13 zealots, 1 dragoon, and 2 archons charged and faced with one sunken and 20 zerglings. With the archons' splash damage the zerglings were quickly turned to a poo of blood, and the sunken did not last long either. Mepheus lost a grand total of 2 zealots after eliminating peon's defense, and proceed to destroy over half of peon's peon, wow that archon got a large... uhm... well as his recently finished spire. Ape came to rescue in a form of 15 dragoons and repeled the attack with only 2 losses. During this attack Mepheus expanded at another main at the top right location. Drefsab also tried to expand by constructing another CC at the exact same spot as last time, hoping to be able to float it over to the middle soon.

Bob = bitch.  Just want to say that againApe and peon did not wait too long before they launched their counter attack. They pick Mepheus this time because he had lost all his troops at peon's main recently, and 2 groups of protoss troops consisting mainly of dragoons with a few zealots, along with 12 zerglings from peon, charged into Mepheus's main base. The protoss troops found Dref's SCV constructing the CC, and again, forced him to cancel it when the dragoons killed the SCV. The attack arrived at Mepheus's main shortly and met little resistance of 4 dragoons and 2 zealots. An observer was tagged along with the dragoons to eliminate the threat of cloaked DT's. Mepheus' main slowly fell to the invading force, but he immediately rebuilt 3 gateways and the templar archive at his expansion above his main. 6 zealots and an archon were quickly built and sent to the top left location to where peon had recently expanded. Surprised by the unexpected attack, peon lost this naked expansion without letting a fight; but ape immediately sent another 12 dragoons from his main towards the invading force which were now heading towards Peon's main base. After losing his only offensive troops, Mepheus believed that it is now hopeless, conceded and left the game.

curly penis ain't that great.

Drefsab was not discouraged by his partner's departure, and proceeded to build another CC EXACTLY at where he had built and canceled twice earlier. Unfortunately, before Dref could use the CC, ape sent 3 control groups of dragoons and zealots and overwelmed Dref's troops consisting of 3 tanks and 12 marines and medics. Drefsab conceded when his defense was broken, although he was very happy that he finally finished the CC undetected this time.

Now move on to the next phase!

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