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A Public Service Announcement..... and a battlereport.
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Date: 03/07/01 06:03
Game Type: Starcraft
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Report Rating: 9.0, # of Ratings: 2, Max: 9, Min: 9
Lifetime Rating for CrackHeadJeb: 8.9556

I've been noticing many battlereports lately that have broken images and html problems. Use the preview report button! It is your friend! People never know that I suck really bad at html because I preview each report 31435153 times before submitting!

Now, for entertainment's sake, I present:

Yes!  A battle between a fictional cartoon character and a piece of metal!

This map isn't as good as Solar Station, Divided Factions, River Styx, Challenger, Sherwood Forest, New Gettysburg, Plains of Snow '98, Mausoleum, Astral Balance, Binary Burghs, and Winter Conquest.  So let's play some of those other maps.  Okay?  Okay.

Initial builds:

Joe.Smurf: Supply Depot at top of ramp (SCV scouts clockwise after completion), Barracks at top of ramp, Refinery, Supply Depot on ramp (completing wall-in), Factory, Factory, Supply Depot near minerals, Machine Shop addon on first Factory, Starport, Engineering Bay, Supply Depot.

Tiamat: Pylon, Two Gateways simultaneously, Assimilator, (Probe scouts counterclockwise after seeing SCV), Pylon, Cybernetics Core, Robotics Facility, Pylon, Pylon, Observatory, Pylon, Pylon, Forge.

Okay, I know that my 'initial' builds take us ten minutes into the game. Let's back up a bit.

How in the hell can I win?  I'm the observer.

Both competitors go for their typical initial builds. Joe.Smurf's scouting SCV discovers Tiamat's gateways and hide in the southwest corner of Tiamat's base. Tiamat sent a late probe to scout, and I was skeptical of its ability to gather any useful information. The probe manages to penetrate the base, however, as Joe.Smurf couldn't complete his wall-in because his SCV building the barracks was blocking the construction zone.

Joe.Smurf completes the wall-in, trapping the probe inside his base. The probe spotted the refinery and attempted to harass an SCV. Unfortunately, 4 SCVs > 1 Probe. Joe.Smurf's SCV takes another peek at Tiamat's base and spots a Cybernetics Core before being chased off by two zealots.

If they're repairing the building on the other side, wouldn't the wall-in simply recede backwards?

Joe.Smurf's SCV hides in the southwestern corner of Tiamat's base. Tiamat decides to see what kind of damage he could cause to Joe.Smurf's base with his two zealots instead of chasing around an SCV. Joe.Smurf had a factory near completion, but no marines. Zealots tear into a depot, SCVs repair it from the other side. The two zealots manage to get the Supply Depot in the red hit point range; however, a newly built vulture and marine drive them away.

Joe.Smurf's SCV takes one final look at Tiamat's base and spots a Robotics Facility being built. It then tries to pick a fight with a probe. Unfortunately 4 probes > 1 SCV. Joe.Smurf builds a Starport to climb up the tech tree and for scouting purposes. He then follows up by constructing an Engineering Bay.

The two injured zealots that tried to break the wallin were sitting at the bottom of the ramp. Joe.Smurf's vulture destroys them and continues to Tiamat's base. No combat units at all were there, so the vulture parked behind the mineral patches and played target practice with the probes. Three probes exploded in a cloud of metallic fragments before a dragoon destroyed the vulture. Tiamat then warps in an observatory in his base. Joe.Smurf's wraith flys over Tiamat's base and discovers this before being driven away by dragoons. Joe.Smurf constructs the Control Tower addon for the Starport at this time.

Hey, if you're terran at 12 o' clock, you need to use every dirty trick available to you.

Tiamat warped in a Forge and a Citadel of Adun in the northwestern corner of his base. He also used his first shuttle to transport a probe to the southeastern island to expand and to scout the bases at 6 and 9 o' clock. Joe.Smurf constructed an Armory and another Depot. By this time, he had a few tanks and had Siege Mode researched for tanks and Spider Mines researched for the vultures. Joe.Smurf sieged up two tanks along the river around Tiamat's main, and floated an engineering bay over the tanks to give them an increased line of sight. Tiamat's forge was under fire.

Tiamat wouldn't let this kind of insolence stand, and he sent his six dragoons to Joe.Smurf's base after receiving recon from his observer there. Joe.Smurf attempted to lay spider mines to stop the offensive, but they were located and shot down by dragoons with the help of an observer. The two tanks behind Joe.Smurf's wall-in and the two tanks in the gully were able to destroy the dragoons, though. Tiamat warped in a Templar Archives to harness the destructive power of psionic storm and the gayness of dark templar. Joe.Smurf starts construction of a Science Facility.

After the tanks in the gully destroy the forge, they spread out so that one can hit the assimilator and that one can hit the Citadel of Adun. The assimilator falls, and Tiamat attemts to delay the destruction of the Citadel of Adun. A shuttle drops a zealot by each tank. One tank is killed by the other's splash and the other one is forced to unsiege and retreat. After the zealots die, the surviving tank resumes fire on the Citadel of Adun. Joe.Smurf began a new command center during this and it is 4/5ths of the way complete now.

Joe.Smurf tried to drop two vultures behind Tiamat's peon line. Two dragoons arived at the drop spot quickly and destroyed the two vultures and the dropship. Simultaneously, Tiamat dropped a dragoon on Joe.Smurf's tank in the gully and destroyed it. Joe.Smurf kills the dragoon with reinforcement tanks and sieged another tank in the gully. He also set up two turrets there to deter future shuttle drops. Confident that his tanks on the top of his ramp and the minefield in front of his base can hold off an impending attack, he floated his second command center to the 12 o' clock expansion.

The tank in the gully destroys the Citadel of Adun and continues its fire on the Templar Archives. More turrets, tanks, and mines are placed on the eastern side beneath the 3 o' clock plateau. Tiamat could only mine 1904 vespene gas from his main, so he warps in an expansion Nexus and a pylon at the 9 o' clock main. Joe.Smurf's expansion is fully online now and his factory count is up to 5.

This is not the way to spend minerals, kiddies.

Here you can see Tiamat warping in five gateways and a forge simultaneousely at 9 o' clock.

In all fairness to Tiamat, he may have been a little indecisive when he saw what Joe.Smurf was doing. It was going to be very hard of him to stop Joe.Smurf from eventually dropping tanks on his plateau and continuing to destroy his whole main. Would it be wise of Tiamat to place all of those new buildings at 9 o' clock?

One of Joe.Smurf's vultures (who also laid mines at the 6 o' clock mineral spots) discovers this expansion about the same time that Tiamat maynards 14 probes there with a 4 dragoon escort. 1 vulture < 14 probes and 4 dragoons. Joe.Smurf constructs another command center in his main for future expansion purposes. Meanwhile, Tiamat moves a modest containment force of 3 dragoons and 3 dark templar to the mineral-only expansion outside of 3 o' clock.

Joe.Smurf sent a dropship loaded with three vultures to Tiamat's 9 o' clock expansion. A zealot spotted this, however, and newly created dragoons thwart the attack. Tiamat clears out the mines at the 6 o' clock bases with spare troops, and expands to the 6 o' clock main and the mineral only expansion north of the 6 o' clock plateau.

Joe.Smurf's force of five tanks, three vultures, and one science vessel move to Tiamat's 9 o' clock main. Tiamat's containment force of 3 dragoons and 3 dark templar engaged them. It looked like an even fight until the science vessel continued to move to its original destination, while the dark templar cut up the tanks. Seven zealots joined the depleted containment force after Joe.Smurf's troops retreat. Tiamat builds two more gateways at the mineral only expansion at 6 o' clock.

Reminds me of that Simpsons episode where the Nuclear Power Plant was melting down and Mr. Burns escaped in his escape pod.

Current upgrades:

Tiamat: Ground: 0/0/0

Joe.Smurf: Vehicles: 0/1 (attack)

(Forges and Armories are active, though)

Joe.Smurf sends eight vultures and two siege tanks to break free of Tiamat's containment. With the help of defensive matrix and vulture micro, Joe.Smurf defeats the containment force and only loses a few vultures. The completed command center in Joe.Smurf's base is floated to the northwestern island.

Joe.Smurf gathers 12 vultures, 4 tanks, 2 dropships, and a science vessel and pushes on to the 9 o' clock main. The small protoss group of 4 zealots and 2 dragoons were crushed. Joe.Smurf's vultures and tanks encounter more protoss troops - 8 dragoons and 4 dark templar. Dragoons are splattered into piles of goo. Spider mines seek and destroy Dark Templar. During this conflict, Tiamat begrudgingly warps in another Citadel of Adun in his main, since the old one was blown away. He also warps in three Stargates and two more Gateways at his new base at the 6 o' clock main. When the Stargates completed, he warped in a Fleet Beacon.

The cowardly Dark Templar are blown back to Aiur.

Joe.Smurf was content to gather his tanks and vultures just outside of the natural at 9 o' clock. He only had one fully-operational expansion (12 o' clock expansion), one expansion that just became operational (northwestern island), and one extra command center being built in his main. Tiamat had 4 fully operational expansions. Joe.Smurf was going to have to be more efficient than Tiamat at this point to win.

Joe.Smurf completes another command center and floats it to the mineral only expansion beneath the 12 o' clock plateau. Tiamat's new Citadel of Adun warps in at his main and he warps in a new Templar Archives. Three more tanks join Joe.Smurf's forces waiting outside of the 9 o' clock main, and they proceed up the ramp. Tanks siege. Vultures turn the area into a perilous minefield. Dragoons charge. It looked as if Tiamat's forces at 9 o' clock would be able to overwhelm the attacking forces, but one spider mine popped up and killed 5 dragoons. Tiamat's Observer has great timing and shows up after the dragoons soak up the mines.

Reinforcements pour from all of Tiamat's bases. The tanks on the top of the ramp have superior positioning. Dragoons die... and die.. and die, but eventually overwhelm the tanks.

Current upgrades:

Tiamat: Ground:1/0/1 (armor/shields/weapons)

Joe.Smurf: Vehicles:1/3 (armor/attack)

Joe.Smurf still has siege tanks sieged outside of the 3 o' clock plateau, and he uses dropships to unload 4 tanks on the plateau where approaching melee troops would be under fire if they attempted to engage the tanks. More tanks are dropped, and Protoss tech buildings are leveled. At 6 o' clock, three newly produced carriers and three corsairs move to the tank force. By now, Joe.Smurf has 8 tanks and 1 goliath in Tiamat's 3 o' clock main. The carriers eventually kill the goliath and harass the tanks, but these are no ordinary carriers, folks.

It's not cost effective when 5 goliaths could potentially kill three 4 interceptor carriers.

Yes, these carriers have four interceptors. This enables the tanks to leave the 3 o' clock plateau with no losses. Instead of retreating to the safety of his base, Joe.Smurf sends his force of tanks to Tiamat's 6 o' clock bases. They encounter and plow through one group of zealots but are cut down by a combined group of dragoons and zealots before reaching defenseless structures.

Maybe the carriers did have a purpose, though. Joe.Smurf upped his production of goliaths and now had a rough ratio of 2 goliaths to 1.5 tanks.

Big hotdog needs more interceptors. :P

Tiamat gathers a group of nine dragoons and his three power carriers and clears out the minefield in front of Joe.Smurf's base with the help of an observer. A tank rolls forward and sieges up. The interceptors scream out of the carriers and are... vaporized by the 9 goliaths escorting the tank. Seriously, folks, the 12 interceptors from the 3 carriers only did one flyby before the goliaths gunned them all down. With the aid of defensive matrix, the tank and the goliaths kill the dragoons and manage to shoot down one retreating carrier. Tiamat did accomplish one positive thing from this. He expanded to the natural at 9 o' clock.

Joe.Smurf loads up 3 Dropships with 10 Goliaths and dropped them into Tiamat's defenseless expansion at the 6 o' clock main. I say defenseless because it only had two 4 interceptor carriers. Tiamat tried to eliminate the threat with 7 zealots, but goliaths can dance like hydralisks, and all seven zealots were killed without any goliath losses.

Six more goliaths are sent to help the other ten. They run in to Tiamat's mineral-only expansion at 6 o' clock whose defenses consisted of a photon cannon and a dragoon. The goliaths prevail, and continue to pummel the probes and structures there. Joe.Smurf also sent tanks and goliaths to clean up the unpowered Protoss structures at the 3 o' clock main.

Tiamat dispatches a group of about 4 dark templar and 12 zealots from his 9 o' clock base to eliminate the goliaths. Tiamat's group overwhelms the goliaths at the 6 o' clock mineral-only natural and continue to the 6 o' clock main where they overwhelm the goliaths there.

Joe.Smurf establishes a command center at the 3 o' clock main to gain access to the vespene that Tiamat was never able to use and he also constructs a command center at the 3 o' clock natural. He successfully disrupted mineral gathering at two of Tiamat's five bases, and if Joe.Smurf can hold on to these new bases, he could compete again economically.

Tiamat would not have any of that, though. After a scouting probe discovered Joe.Smurf's expansion at the 3 o' clock natural, he sends in a force of zealots, forcing Joe.Smurf to lift off his command center. When the command center lifted off, Tiamat cleverly used the probe to warp in a nexus and assimilator there. Simultaneously, Joe.Smurf turbo newbied Tiamat's base at the 9 o' clock natural with 8 goliaths and 2 tanks. The probes retreat to Tiamat's base at the mineral only expansion at 6 o' clock while the tanks hammer on the buildings. One of the fabled 4 interceptor carriers tried to stop this, but it exploded in .6 seconds.

Tiamat rebuilt his templar and robotics tech tree at his 9 o' clock base, so Joe.Smurf used his dropships to move everybody off of the cliff and he sent them into 9 o' clock. An observer spotted this, so when Joe.Smurf sent his forces up the ramp, Tiamat attacked from two fronts. Troops streamed from Tiamat's 6 o' clock bases and his 9 o' clock base. Joe.Smurf's troops were bottled up on the ramp and quashed.

You know what big pics indicate.  Huh huh.  Huh huh.

Joe.Smurf tried to send a large group of reinforcement goliaths, but the dark templar waiting for them there did a fair share of damage before a comsat was used (because of the action at the 9 o' clock ramp). They pushed forward to the center of the map, but Tiamat simply had power in numbers. After the goliaths died, Joe.Smurf attacked the remaining Protoss ground troops with his idle SCVs from his 12 o' clock mineral only expansion beneath the plateau. Around 24 SCVs manage to kill one dragoon. At this time, Tiamat expands to the 6 o' clock natural.

Joe.Smurf turbo newbies Tiamat's expansion at the 3 o' clock natural with 8 goliaths and 2 tanks. Joe.Smurf's only bases that weren't mined out were his island expansion in the northwest corner and the geyser at Tiamat's old base. Joe.Smurf felt that he had to continue these surgical strikes for two reasons. The "cliff" expansions all still had plenty of minerals and 4 interceptor carriers sure as hell won't evict 8 goliaths and 2 tanks from a cliff.

While the odds were stacked against Joe.Smurf, he was doing everything in his power to win. He saturated the area in from of his base with mines, forcing Tiamat to clear the mines before reaching him, thus buying time.

Current upgrades:

Tiamat: Ground:2/0/3 (armor/shields/weapons)

Joe.Smurf: Vehicles:2/3 (armor/attack)

Tanks cluster and siege up behind the minefield and on the 3 o' clock plateau. The dragoon ranks swell further. This is going to be bloody. During the massive buildup, Tiamat takes four 4 interceptor carriers and tries to eliminate Joe.Smurf's last source of minerals on the northwestern island. The two turret, 1 bunker defense drives them away, though. Meanwhile, Joe.Smurf does a more successful drop on Tiamat's southeastern island expansion. Joe.Smurf only takes the time to kill the probes there before returning the dropped tanks and goliaths back to his base.

Joe.Smurf is harder to uproot than an Alabama Tick on a hot, summer day. (I deeply apologize if I mangled and butchered that Predator quote.)

24 Dragoons, 5 Zealots, and one dark templar charge at Tiamat's base. I figured that this was the end, but I underestimated the raw power of siege tanks. Eight frontal siege tanks, 4 siege tanks on the 12 o' clock plateau, and 2 siege tanks on the 3 o' clock plateau hammer the attackers. Dragoons stream in, and die.. and die. Tiamat's four 4 interceptor carriers followed up, but were destroyed by two turrets and three goliaths.

Joe.Smurf had new life! He regained the 3 o' clock natural after his two tanks destroyed all of the Protoss structures there. Tiamat warped in a nexus at the 9 o' clock natural again, since the troops that turbo newbied earlier were moved. He also warped in another nexus at the mineral only expansion outside of 9 o' clock.

Joe.Smurf knew that it was critical that he keep his command center at the 3 o' clock natural. He sieged up tanks on the plateau overlooking the choke in anticipation for an attack.

I had to pause because I had 100 screen captures at this point. This game wasn't over yet. Before I actually moved the screenshots, I clicked on the StarCraft tab to see if I was being cussed out. I wasn't, but I saw that Tiamat found the source of his problems.

(Tiamat): no wonder my carriers suck ass

Action resumed with sixteen zealots charging into the Joe.Smurf's expansion at the 3 o' clock natural. The five tanks on the ledge open fire on them, and the zealots sprint up the ramp instead. The tanks caused a lot of splash damage, but it looked as the zealots would overwhelm them. Just at the last second, eight goliaths arrive in 2 dropships to save the day. During this action, Joe.Smurf floated a command center to the mineral only natural outside of 3 o' clock.

Nope.  This is the same pic from before.  The carriers still have 4 interceptors.

Current upgrades:

Tiamat: Ground:3/0/3 (armor/shields/weapons)

Joe.Smurf: Vehicles:2/3 (armor/attack)

Joe.Smurf used two dropships to drop one tank and five goliaths on the ledge overlooking the 6 o' clock natural. This killed the probes and nexus there, leaving Tiamat with resources at his bases at 6 o' clock, 9 o' clock natural expansion, and 9 o' clock mineral only expansion. Joe.Smurf currently has resources at the 3 o' clock natural expansion, the 3 o' clock mineral only expansion, and his northwestern island.

At this point, both sides had access to an equal amount of resources, but Tiamat had reaped most of the potential first. He gathered a force of 14 zealots, 6 dragoons, and 4 high templar in the center of the map, and charged to Joe.Smurf's expansion at the 3 o' clock natural. They run in to a 2 barracks wall-in. While Tiamat attacks the wall-in, his slacker zealots in the back wander north and kill SCVs at the defenseless mineral-only expansion outside of 3 o' clock.

Joe.Smurf sends a mixed group of goliaths, tanks, and vultures into the fray. They are blanketed with storm. Joe.Smurf has great anticipation, though, and manages to avoid losing many troops to the storm. The sheer number of Protoss units forces Joe.Smurf to retreat. Joe.Smurf is forced to float away his command centers at the 3 o' clock mineral-only expansion, but his SCVs open up a can of whoopass on the one dragoon and four zealots that try to destroy the 3 o' clock natural.

This picture is worth three words. =)

Tiamat reads my reports. That is good. 8*) I couldn't resist making a comment, though.

Slammed by the typo king!

Joe.Smurf tank pushes back to the 3 o' clock mineral only expansion and lands a command center there again. By now, though, Tiamat has another large group of dragoons, zealots, and high templar. After ravaging Joe.Smurf's last expansion attempt, good games were exchanged.

The winner in 50 minutes, 41 seconds: Tiamat

Great game, guys.

Is this pic really better than the Elton John pic, Fox? =)

This is a CrackHeadJeb production.

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