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"I killed the server admin w/ knife headshot twice in a 40 round game. Some people just have no sense of NINJA RESPECT."
- TheRubberDucky

The Best of Bnet
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Date: 02/11/01 05:02
Game Type: Starcraft
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Report Rating: 9.5, # of Ratings: 2, Max: 10, Min: 9
Lifetime Rating for The..Scarab: 8.4583

Word, pretty blue things

Disclaimer for the whiners: this is all in good fun, and if you take if offensively, you're a moron, so chill.

Hur hur.  What the hell do you mean "Best of bnet," Scarab?  No, this does not have anything to do with skill.  No it does not have anything to do with who runs off to Korea and wins their thousands at this game.  This, friends, is about what matters.  Its about race and religion.  I mean, there's quite a mix of races and relgions in bnet, obviously.   Almost each of these groups have a few people who highlight their kind at the game of Brood War.  And I would love nothing more than to set out and find these gods of their specific relgion or race.  Yes.  The BEST of bnet.

Wow, this wouldn't be too easy now would it.  Ah, hell, it should be quite easy.  Whats easier than just making a game called "1v1 (whatever race or religion)."  Duh, this would be quite simple.  So lets rock.


Yes, Jewish folk.  The somewhat widely joked-on religion with that "other" Christmas holiday.  The question on everyones mind is: are these people good at Brood War?  I just had to know.   Btw, When Jews Wore Turbans.

JEISHMan, that kid likes his dreidel













After the NON JEW left, i hit start and we were off.  Yes, the map was the all famous Jew map of Lost Temple, which will be the map in all of my religous adventures.  I spun off at 6 with Toss.  My opponent, Terran at 12, as my scouting probe would soon discover.  I did a rad 7pylon, 10gate, 11gate.  My first gate was finishing its warp as soon as I found driedel boy up top.  He had a rax done, and was making his gas.  My Probe was quick to move in and eliminate the SCV building the gas, and did so effectively.  Hell it even killed another SCV before Xerrik quit lighting his candles and decided to take care of it.  By then, I had about 3 Zealots, and had started gas of my own.  But this game needed to be special.  I wanted to do something cool, something for the Jewish.  So I did what I thought was nice, and kindly asked him what the most Jewish-type Brood War unit is, and I was gona go all out on that unit.  That was the plan.

Yea, HTs are prety jew

There you have it.  I'm gonna go all out HT.  Eh, dosen't seem so bad.  Problem now is, I need some damn gas.   I quickly ran to take the expansion at 9, and grab the gas there.  I continued small Zealot production, and threw down a Core, followed by the usual HT necessary tech.  

By now, my only concern was what I would have to deal with on his side of the map.  So I sent a Zealot up his ramp to see what he was up to.  There was nohaha puff of jew wallin of any kind, as I saw from the beggining.   But instead, he had about 12 rines at the top of his ramp and an SCV constructing a I know he didn't know I was going straight HT, but come on.  I could have run my 14 Zealots in right there and finished it.  But that would be boring as hell wouldn't it?  So I let him be, and opted to take more expansions.  I went ahead and grabbed the 9'o clock main, after getting it's natural.  About now, my High Templar production was up and running from about 5 gates.  I then took the 3 o'clock natural, and went on and on with the HT.

Just for fun, and scouting, I made one DARK Templar, and ran it up his cliff.  It spotted 2 finished bunkers, and 6 Tanks.   It made it past the tanks, but came a little to close to a turret that was next to his Command Center.  The DT got blown away quickly, but not before seeing a finished Academy, Armory, and Starport with addon.  Whatever the hell he was going for, it was gonna give me plenty of time to mass my HT.

I own mines cause I float

About now, I had a full going 3 expansions, and was planning on maxing my psi with HT.  Just to hold him off somewhat, I sent a few temps and zeals from my 3 oclock expansion and set them outside his ramp, away from the tanks.  I sent up a shafted like a jewzeal to give view, and attempted a storm on the tanks.  One of them got off, the other 2 Temps were blown away in a blue cloud of jew.  From what had been seen, he had about 12 tanks up there, but still a couple starports.  I left the remaining zeals and temps out side his base to storm any tank that dared come down.  Although, my main force of temps chilled at home, growing bigger by the minute.

It seemed, by now, that It wouldn't have been to fun to run 80 temps up his ramp, so I planned to come in another way.  I was gonna drop as many of them as I could.  I quickly, and easily, with all my exps, threw down about 6 Robo bays.  To further see how effective this would be, I made abitch, please. im cloaked quick Observatory, followe by a few obs.  I flew the first around back at his minerals.  The coast was clear.  If it stayed that way, my mass HT drop would prove succesful.  I then veered one over to his natural to find that Xerrik hadn't taken it. 

Soon, however, Xerrik's plan was obvious...he was going Wraiths.  The observer that was chilling by his mineral noticed the flyers pop out of the starports one by one.  This was laughable, as HT would rape the living jew hell out of them..but it had to be done.

Well, I guess now he had finished his matza bread and woke up, cause he finally decided that he needed to break out of his main and expand.  This would have been quite easy with tanks, but he first decided to send a lone marine to scout it out.  It was stormed.  It died.  Cleverly, he sent ANOTHER rine out, and quickly one storm > one rineturned it around...then he did that again.   Obviously an attempt to lure the ht toward his tanks...well, seeing as HTI named this file jewmap.jpg..why? don't have an attack, this idea sorta passed over(hur hur).  To humor him, I made an archon out of the 2, and when his rine came out, the archon followed, shot by one tank, and retreated.  I just wanted him to feel good ok?  Well, anyway, it wasn't gonna work, cause I sent more and more temps out side his ramp to keep from any movement with those tanks.  There would be no problem expanding to his natural..but whatever.

SPACEjew, mark, SPACEjew

Well, finally, my HTs were ready.   I decided to stop at 12 shuttles.  4 ht per shuttle.  48 mofuckin HTs about to be dropped on him furiously.  I loaded them up, asked him one more time about his love for jewish HTs, and set off for the attack.  They came right into his main, and even went a little over toward his minerals, the Wraiths must have been busy with..some other jewish pop. ow. fuck.ritual which I have not mentioned in this BR...cause they decided to chill, and not attack the incoming shuttles, that is, until they dropped their load.   His main reeked of jewishness as, one by one, Temps were unloaded on his base.   The 6 wraiths finally flew over, and it took not but 2 storms to destroy all of them.  Those 2 storms also took care of thI stormed myself about 20 times. fu.e majority of his scvs, as he flew over them.  For a couple seconds, the ht just sat there with nothing to kill..then his tanks ran right into me..a few more storms took care of those, althought to relentless tank fire (2 shots) took out an already weakend HT...he died for ...whatever jews worship.

why cant those pussies just attack

To my suprise, 2 more wraiths flew in from some SECRET HIDING PLACE, andyea lets place bets, archon or wraith went after the HT.  I was a little bored now of satisfying the jewish religion, so I just made a damn archon, and took the hell out of his wraiths.   I then proceeded to make archons out of the rest of my HTs.  I ended up with an even number, and therefore, all archons.  Do the math again.  Theres alot.

They finished the remnants of Xerrik's buildings, and then went on to take out his defense at the front.   Suprisingly, there were tons of tanks left, and, with the size blue fire and and and red fire and and and fuck tanksof the archons, they kind of just ran in circles as they were shot.  Screw micro.  Well, luckily, there were still enough to take out most of the tanks.  All of the archons were douched,shafted like a jew but got sight of his (FINALLY) expansion at his natural.  Well, I wasn't about to spend another 10 minutes making 100 I uh, made the Temps..jewish cousin the Zealots.  So I still killed him with jewish units ok?  They ran in, took out his exp, took out the remaining 2 tanks, and all was well for the opressed jews.between my foot and your ass bitch

In-game Jewish talk

load it with buter. ok.

many arms would just own

Ahh, the mighty Hindu.  Many starcraft players on Bnet, coming from a long line of hindu people, such as, POA, POA, and POA.  Lets see how good they are.  Btw, Tunak Tunak.

I didn't know pimp was hindu

I hit start, as the sand man ordered, and ended up with Zerg at 6.  Now, let me tell you, I was deathly afraid of my hindu opponent.  I felt I didn't have a chance against this dude.  Do you know how many arms those mofos have? Do you??  It fuckin nuts.  I did the only thing I could do out of fear.  I 4 pooled.  To keep him busy, however, and have him possibly lose to my 4pool, I started with a little hindu talk/chat.  My first question to him was, does he think that hindus are better at Brood War than americans.

no sir, I will not shout the fuck up

Well. weather or not they could, It didn't matter.  My first ovie saw he wasnt at 9, and as the lings ran off, they tried 3 first, no hindu there I obviously ran4 P O O L to 12, seeing him there as a zerg.   He had his pool done, and was making a second hatch next to his first.  He threw down 2 sunkens at the sight of my lings, which were destroyed before finishing.   I tore through a couple more of his drones, which all fought back, killing 2 of my lings.  Finally, some lings of his own morphed and took out my remaining 4.  My 4pool had failed.  I was more than screwed.

I thought and thought, as fast as my amerian mind could think.  How am I gonna take out a hindu that survived a   4pool..?  Then it hit me:


CooL LiKE GaHnDi








YEAAAAAAA boy.  Gahndi fuckin owns.  That was the answer.  Non-violent resistance baby.  I did what the sand man himself would have done, and threw upyes theres a lot more than 4, im just being kind to your modem sunken after sunken, after spore, after spore.  There was no way he was gonna touch me.  I was gonna get my own damn salt.  It was pure silence as I just continued with like a 1 hatch drone build for sunkens and spores.  He hadn't hit me until I had about 8 up.  He came with maybe 20 lings or so.  It was ugly.

Thats why they call it the CAGE, baby

So now, he knew his place.  He didn't bother coming at me with any more lings, he obviously had something else up his sleeve.  I mean, imagine what he can do to me with al those arms, as far as miro goes.  Anyway, I wasn't concerned with his plan, only with mine, as my sunkens and spores streched across my main.

face in the sand, gettin kicked by the man

I would have loved to had overcome him, with all the trashtalk he was doing.  I was gona do it for America.  But the fucker just had too many damn arms.  He came at me with about 20 Mutas.  I have 4-5 Spore to deal with them, in comparison to the 20-25 sunkens I had, it was obvious that his omni-armed will had scared me into building not enough spores.  The mutas easily tore through the few spores, and I was going down.

fuckin gahndi

So the Jewish one was owned, and the Hindu one ownd me.  What else was left?

Remember me?

Faster than a bowl of chitlins.   Able to leap slums in a single bound.  ITS BLACKS!  Btw, Black People PC.

that was easy

Ah, what to do now.  I really needed to know what race or religion owned bnet.  Yes beleive it or not, it could be blacks.  So lets just see.  Well, first thing was first.  I just had to know what the black veiwpoint was on Bnet.  I wanted to know how they felt about the game.  So i did what I've dont for the last minutes that you've been reading.  I questioned him.


You heard him.  White like snow.   Anyway, I ended up with toss at 12, and would soon discover him being Terran at 9.   I, of course, needed a wacky strat to do for this game.  I started, however, with a usual 7pylon, 10gate, 11gate.  Then I found his main, consisting of a rax, depot, and a few rines.  He seemed about decent at the time.  But I wanted to give the brotha what he wanted, so I asked him.

yea carriers just kick everyones ass

Carriers eh?  Eh, no problem here either.  Might even be fun.  I wanted them quick, so I sent out the 8 Zealots I made, to outside my ramp, and expanded to my natural.  Another scouting probe I sent showed that he hadn't expanded, and hadn't walled in.  He had about 5 Barracks and was making rines like mad.  With only 1 or 2 Medics.  It wouldn't be a problem to hold that off with my Zealots..but I've always wanted to know how many rines I could kill in one storm.  So I threw down a temp archives, seeing as I already had my Core, ready to open up on this bitch with Carriers.

After the last probe had died, I quickly sent another to keep watch of his ramp.  Well that probe didn't make it, cause he was sending out his rines, and shot up the probe on the way out.  I readied by troops to take him out with storm.

anyone done better? leme know in the comments, really

OK.  21.  I suppose that's a record for me or something.  But it dosen't end there, kids.  There still the little matter of the black Carriers that the brotha wanted.  And I wasn't about to let a nigga down. 

After my expansion was up and running, I went on with the plan and made 5 Stargates, ready to pump the big mofos and 'kick everyones ass'.  After the big bubble lookin building was done, I clicked the carrier icon in each little box, and was ready to go.  Another quick scout to my opponent revealed that he had expanded, and it was guarded by more rines, and a couple tanks.   I guess he hadn't learned his lesson about how RINES ARE MOTHERFUCKING OWNED BY STORM.  Oh well.

Then, unfortunately, the nigga said 'his mom was bothering him."  I told the homeboy that he should tell his momma to shut da hell up and buy a nigags some f'oties.  But to no avial.  He stated that he would have one final attack, and thenlittle teeny interceptors lala have to go.  I stalled him as much as I could, but only came up with 8 Carriers.  I didn't want to let a nigga down, so I just sent what I had.  The Carriers first ran into an ueber-number of marines, and, since not all the interceptors were done, it was actually a threat.  But shortly, my force of 8 zealots and 4 temps followed, once again taking out his weak force.  The remaining 8 carriers invaded his expansion, taking it out with niggardly force.


I named this one "carriersownblacky.jpg"

Well unfortunately, the bro had to go collect his welfare and wasn't able to play again with me.  It would have been quite fun, getting to know the nigga a little better, but ah well, I guess not.

SOOOO, what did we learn today?  Well, the jews can really have alot of passion when it comes to songs about driedels, but they kindof get owned by mass HT.  Hindus like songs from Daler, and cant speak a damn coherent word of English, but they can win a Starcraft game.  Blacks like Carriers, and do not like white people.  They also think there should be a "Blackcraft," and I agree.  Well, thats gona be all outta fatty for tonight.  Se ya around.

I lost 0 pounds by sitting on my fat ass! Thanks couch!

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