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#1 Suck (Part Deux) Game2
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Date: 08/23/00 09:08
Game Type: Starcraft
Labels:Famous Reporter(1), Starcraft(1), Old Classic(1), Problem: Broken Images(1)
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Report Rating: 9.4, # of Ratings: 5, Max: 10, Min: 9
Lifetime Rating for ::nobody::: 9.0000

Warning: This report has big pics. Duh. I decided against putting music in this one until I decide a good way to do it for those godless modem folks. The anime chicks in this BR aren't quite as good as in other BRs, but I liked the first one, and the end pic was just TOO ::nobody::ish to not put in. (you'll understand when you see it) :P I think that it may be time for another anime chick BR :D so if y'all bug me enough ill do a sequel to the anime chick BR :P But right now we are going to focus on this BR :D So sit back, relax, and enjoy!

I didn't draw this one, but I did color the blood on the sword :D

Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to game 2 of #1 Suck (part Deux ). For those of you with really short term memories, Satanic_Toaster won Game 1 by pulling the victory out from under the feet of Enthused. The remaining players are now [z]RubberDucky , Enthused, and SlingsNArrows who will battle it out today in a 3ffa. The two losers will then play in game 3 for the title of #1 Suck! But before we get to the action, lets take a quick commercial break!

Confessor's polishing tip: 'To polish the trophy, rub it quickly and vigorously until that wanted shine is obtained.' Yikes.

I've heard that the hosts of the Ultimate Starcraft Championship endorse Conf's trophies…but that may be a rumor… :P

Satanic_Toaster (proudly wearing the title of #4 Suck) will join me as the obs for this game and help me in my mockery of the 3 remaining players.

Last game was played on Sherwood Forest, because there was no way that #1 Suck could win on a non-temple map. This game, however, would test the players skills on another map. BLOOD BATH! #1 Suck must be crappy enough to not even be able to win on this (the best map ever as Bob puts it). Toaster and I were laughing our asses off as we saw the players reaction to the map when they joined the game :D

The little map that could. :P

Enth warped in as brown toss in the upper right, Ducky received toss in the lower right, and Slings landed as white terran in the upper left. I purposely chose BB for a 3ffa, b/c I knew that the one open starting spot would draw lots of attention and create chaos! Muhahahah! Nobo = evil BRer.

The action commences as both Enth and Ducky go for 2 gates in an effort to mass zealots, while Slings goes for a depot, rax, then bunker to defend against the early rush. My guess is that Slings is going to try and go for tanks to abuse the small map and gain control. Enth and Ducky look to be going for hardcore zeals in the true BB rushing fashion. Ducky and Enth also plop down forges to try some cannons that can be very effective on such a small map.

The first action occurs when Enth moves a group of 8 zeals out into the middle of the map. His force is large and could probably do some serious damage to Slings, but luckily for our Hamlet loving friend, Ducky moves his group of 10 zeals to the center at the same time. (edjkashunal note: Hamlet contains the line, "…or suffer the Slings and arrows of outrageous fortune…" this is where Slings got his name :P) The two groups of zeals duke it out for a bit and Ducky emerges victorious as Enth retreats to Ducky's superior numbers.

Lets take this quick break in action for another commercial break!

Roger Ebert gave this movie a thumbs up, and Gene Siskel rose from his grave to make sure this sucker got TWO enthusiastic thumbs up

OMG that movie looks too damn cool. Nobody likes that ::nobody:: fellow, but nobody realizes how sexy he really is. (my name rules :D)

Slings still is building up, and has a fair force of m&m&f, but still no tanks have hit the battlefield. He also has a great deal of trouble because his odd building placement has trapped all his SCVs in! He has to lift his factories to get them out and building :P The reason that Enth didn't have as many zeals as Ducky was do to his sneaky plan. He had a probe across the map at the choke to the open starting spot warping in 3 cannons. It seems that Enth was laying the first claim to the open starting spot.

Ducky isn't standing idle, however, and sees the warping cannons just as they are finishing. Ducky sends 8 zeals to dispatch of the threat, and he takes down the 3 cannons, but then Enth arrives with 8 zeals of his own, as well as a dark templar. Enth's force takes care of Ducky's zeals and heads straight to Ducky's main. The zeals rip up a few pylons and a gate, but Ducky has newly warped zeals that save the day. Unfortunately, he has only one cannon in the back of his base. Enth's dt gets in a few easy kills before Ducky is able to warp in another pylon to defend his base.

Toaster asks the question that we ALL want to know :P

At this point, Slings still seems to be doing very little :P He has expanded to one of the 3 patch areas in the same area of his main and he has tanks, but they are all inside his base and he hasn't moved them towards the center. He also has a large contingent of m&m&f that seem content to hang out in the main… what is Slings up to?

Sling finally moves a few marines out to scope out what is happening in other parts of the map, but they are quickly slaughtered by Enths squad of 5 dts that are guarding the entrance to the lower left where Enth I once again trying to expand.

I wonder if they pimp mooses? (btw, what the hell IS the plural of moose? Mooses? Mice? Moose?)

Like last game, Enth is in stellar form and seems to have the upper hand. That is until Ducky's plan is unveiled! As I look at the mini-map, I notice a long line of yellow in Ducky's base…could it be??…OMFG THE CANNON WALL!!!!! Ducky has pulled the cheesiest strat known to man and almost makes me stop the game and declare him #1 Suck on the spot. The only thing that stops me is the realization that on BB, the cannon wall is a pretty good defense against attack. Here is a pic you don't see too often: the cannon wall on BB.

This is almost obscene.  Parents plz cover your children's eyes.

Quick expansion update:
Slings is mining from his main and one of the 3 patch "naturals" in his base.
Enth has secused the open lower left corner and is mining from it and his base.
Ducky has only one Nexus but is sending probes to the two 3 patch "naturals" as well as the main patches.

When the other players see the cannon wall, it causes them all a good laugh, but it also gives Enth a boost of confidence that he will only have to deal with the terran commander Slings. Enth Warps in 3 stargates and does something almost as obscene as the cannon wall. He goes for carriers! Think about that folks, hes going for carriers on BLOOD BATH. :D This was getting too good :) Enth also takes the time to spell out his name in zeals.

I'm just glad that he spelled it correctly :P

About this time the shit hit the fan and a flurry of activity erupted. Slings starts by taking one dropship and he tries to drop a group of m&m&f and 1 SCVin the upper left corner of Enth's main. He starts to build a turret, and the troops kill about 1 pylon before about 20 zeals come and smash them in a very gruesome manner.

At the same time, Ducky has started the ever-popular offensive cannon in the lower right corner of Enth's expansion. With 3 cannons warped in, Ducky drops 12 zeals to begin the attack on the expansion. Enth, however, quickly reacts with dts and mass zeals. Ducky is ale to defeat a great deal of Enth's troops, but Enth quells the threat and holds the expansion. What is important is that Ducky does not see the stargates that have just finished their first 3 carriers.

Slings then drops 2 tanks and some m&m&f in the upper left corner of Enth's expansion. Enth's remaining zeals and dts are reenforced by the newly warped carriers and hold off this third attack. Enth is very sure about his chances of winning as he has just held off 3 attacks from both of the other players.

2 words: moose salesmen

For some reason, Slings still feels the need to keep most of his army close to home. Perhaps he is trying the turtle method like toaster last game. He must envy Toaster's l33t #4 suck skills. Ducky then whispers me an impotant bulletin. He too is going carriers! The funny part is that he doesn't know that Enth is also going carriers, so he feels pretty special with his 1 gate as opposed to Enth's 3.

Enth has now kicked it into high gear and masses about 9 carriers for an attack. He seems to be content with just his one expansion and he feels he has the game won. After all, what can beat carriers on BB?

Enth begins his assault on Slings, choosing to stay away from the massive wall of cannons in Ducky's base. As expected, a terran on BB is not in a good position to stop mass carriers. Enth used the gap in between his expansion and Slings' main to take pot-shots at Slings base while keeping his carriers out of trouble. Slings marines do their best and a few goliaths are able to take down two carriers, but in the end, firebats and tanks just don't seem to be able to hack it against the flying blimps. Slings does a good job of holding out, but in the end the carriers are too much. Slings tries to lift off and expand somewhere, but on BB, there is really no place to go…one of his CCs gets caught in Ducky's cannon wall :P With Slings down, it looks like Enth just has to take out Ducky.

Bats should be able to toast the flying hot dogs :/

As Enth's carriers approach Duck, I notice two things. Ducky now has about 9 carriers all from his one gate since it took Enth so long to finish Slings. Enth, so sure of his victory, has only built 3 new carriers and has 10. Enth approaches Ducky's base from the bottom left corner to try and avoid the cannons as much as possible. When Enth hits, however, both he and Ducky are surprised to see each others' carriers! In an absolutely amazing carriers war on Blood Bath, Ducky's cannon wall proves to be the deciding factor as his fleet is actually able to destroy Enth's fleet!!!! Enth is STUNNED and on such a small map has no time to rebuild!! Ducky takes the reast of his fleet and begins to lay waste to Enth's expansion!

Carriers on BB.  That's sick. Sick sick sick sick.

In an amazing turn of events, DUCKY has won the game!!!!! The cannon wall, as crazy as it seemed, was the reason he won the game! He was able to keep Enth away and the cannons were the deciding factor in the carrier war. What an amazing game for BB!!

This of course means that Slings and Enth will battle it out for #1 Suck in game 3. Game 3 hasn't even been played yet, so im also in suspense :D Slings and Enth! Get on bnet and finish this up! :D

Lets take a quick commercial break before I make my parting comments :D

Quality SPAM, yes sirree.

Total Scores:
Enth: 132,882
Ducky: 123,868
Slings: 65,596

Stats for the two #1 Suck games:
Number of times Enth has had the high score: 2
Number of times Enth has won: 0
Number of offensive cannons: 2
Number of cannon walls: 1
Number of games that were totally crazy: 2

Well, I hope you all enjoyed this report :D I'll begin work on game 3 as soon as its played :) Nothing too special about the last anime chick pic, its just my house :P Hopefully ill do an anime chick report soon. Make sure to comment on this BR with any comments, suggestions, flames, and as always, 10s.


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