|"Drintr: How far are you willing to go to be named "The Rook?"|
Mattzarella: I will make out with Endersshadow, but I don't think I would go to third base.
Drintr: Don't know him well enough?
Matzarella: He told me he was saving himself for Jaood."
|Ap`Taktiks vs. Crazy|
|Date: ||05/18/00 03:05|
|Game Type: ||Starcraft|
|Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 3, Max: 10, Min: 9|
Lifetime Rating for Casper...: 9.3333
in IE 4.0+. Netscape sucks.
This sucker is gonna
take forever to load.
Go eat something (preferably
your significant other) while it loads.
If you don't
have a significant other, I heartily recommend that you
find a sock and engage in "relations" with it.
You've been warned. Enjoy.
Channel NoHunters. My decidedly negative perceptions
of the channel and it's rather bleak inhabitants were,
sadly, unchanged upon my initial requests for 2 players
whom I could feature in a battlereport. As I waded
through the nonsensical ramblings of multiple
fresh-off-BGH llamas, avoiding and squelching the random
crap which emanated from their (hopefully) distant
keyboards and hunched figures complete with gnarled
teeth, uncombed hair, and carpal-tunnel infested
arthritic fingers, I pressed on, finding greater resolve
as I continued my search for two players who would
ultimately prove worthy of my battlereporting
talents.Soon enough, two llamas of a much different,
conceivably better, breed of online warriors stepped
forward in quiet agreement to wage virtual war, both
eager to claim the online notoriety which would surely
follow them should they win enough of these damned
Let's meet our two players.
But before we do that, let's pause for our
ceremonial Pre-Game Bobo quote!
And now onto the players :)
primarily for his flawless tank pushes and superb
execution of various protoss Island strategies, not to
mention his spectacular run on the Tao Bnet Ladder,
Ap`Taktiks is, as
his name suggests, a master of tactical execution.
Although fully capable of winning a pure macro war, I
consider his style of play to be most effective when he
is making key assaults and micromanaging ALL battles.
Please note that Ap`Taktiks has the requisite ladder high
of 1200+, which is emblematic of all truly skilled
players, especially given the mannerable nature of the
Crazy is known primarily for his hard
rushes. A mostly terran player with a respectable ladder
high (~1170), Crazy's
style of play is more about overunning your lines with
mass units rather than with proper tactical execution.
Nevermind that this mofo is completely nuts; Crazy has no fear, and is
blessed with the talent to pull off whatever strat he
decides to play. Crazy,
despite his talents, has the unfortunate tendancy to
overpower, and if successfully drawn into a micro war,
will probably lose one.
Now onto the game.
Selected Protoss @12
Selected Zerg @9
Map: The Lost Temple
Following the customary pleasantries
both players commenced with their initial
Ap`Taktiks opened with a pylon below his
ramp, followed by gates on 11 and 13. The position of
his gateways obviously signalled his intent to expand
early on, as his gates were positioned specifically to
block off his natural expansion.
Crazy opened with a hatch on 12. To my
surprise, he chose to place it at his mineral-only
expansion. He then followed up with a pool on 13, then
placed his third hatch at his natural at around 15
supply. While not saving up any larva.
Ap`Taktiks, seeing that
Crazy wasn't at 3,
chose to do the "in thing" and built a second nexus
before a 2nd pylon. Of course, this left him unable to
rush Crazy's exposed
hatchery, but it was a calculated play designed to take
advantage of Crazy not
being at the 3 spot.
Take note that neither
player knows where the other is at this stage of the
game, nor does either of them command military units of
Here's a look at their stuff so far:
For those of you
that don't know, Protoss develops much faster in the
early game than zerg. You will notice that Ap`Taktiks is building a
nexus at 17 supply, while Crazy's third hatch has just begun to
morph. This is due to the small pauses in drone
production needed to build those early hatches and the
spawning pool, while a Protoss can build non-stop
probes. Of course, a zerg becomes very powerful if
permitted to build drones out of multiple hatches during
As Crazy would soon demonstrate. But for the
moment, Crazy slowly
built up 12 lings and a sunken at his mineral only while
on staying on top of his pylons while building probes
and zealots from his 2 gateways.
requisite scouting both players chose to build up their
bases, each finding no vulnerability to melee rushes in
the other. Crazy added
a 4th hatch in his main ~30 supply, while pumping drones
from his 3 hatches. After a little skirmishing around
strong choke, he decided to build 2 additional
sunken colonies seeing that his zergling/zealot ratio
was rather weak. That done, he began collecting gas from
both geysers, then quickly brought his hatch count up to
6 once he had the minerals while pumping a ridiculous
amount of drones from his 4 active hatches.
did much the same. He started collecting gas from both
geysers at ~40 supply while building nonstop
zeals/probes, while putting up a cybercore, citadel,
robo-facility and archives, in that order. Twin forges
were soon erected to allow dual upgrading. He then
slowly raised his gateway count to six while training
non-stop zeal/probes and upgrading 1/1, zealot legs, and
While Ap`Taktiks had been teching and building,
Crazy had completed 5
of his 6 hatches, and a hydra den. Eager to capitalize
upon his current power, he begins to mass hydras in earnest. He
also set down dual evo chambers for missle attack and
Ap`Taktiks in a somewhat
risky play, decided to expand to the 3 o'clock natural
expansion. Given the sheer number of hydralisk soon to
be in play, it was a ballsy move on Ap's part. As part of his
preparations, Ap`Taktiks took 10 zealots and spread them
out in a vertical line stretching across the map's
center. Understanding that the expansion
would immediately come under fire once discovered, Ap began building 3
cannons positioned so that they could layer fire into
the choke entrance, precisely where incoming hydras
would stumble about while attempting to return
stumbled upon the expansion attempt with a drone (don't
ask me why he sent a drone) and immediately sent all 18
of his hydras to engage the building cannon defenses.
Ap saw the movement
with his extended line of zealots and immediately
withdrew his troops in a desperate delaying action to
allow his cannons time to finish.
In the ensuing race
to the expansion, Ap
was able to marginally outrace the speed upgraded hydras
with his unlegged zeals, then was able to engage the
superior numbered hydralisks effectively enough that his
cannons were able to complete.
Here Crazy showed a glimmer of
intelligence by retreating his remaining troops knowing
that his forces did not have the critical mass needed to
defeat both the zealots and cannons should the zealots
retreat to the finished cannons.
successfully managed the games first major engagement,
initiated by Crazy,
Ap`Taktiks moved his
remaining troops two screens north from where he had
engaged the hydras, expecting subsequent attacks.
was correct in his expectations.
This was Crazy's first attempt to take
the pivotal mine:
As you can see, it did
little more than water the tree of gayness with the
blood of slugs.
As you may
have noticed in the GIF, Ap has not yet achieved Dragoon range,
though he does have Nike© shoes
for his pimp zealots. Aside from coming away with this
little tidbit of info, Crazy's foray turned out not to be a
complete waste as he had expanded to the 6 main and
upgraded to Lair while his hydras were being thoroughly
Unfortunately, Ap's successful defense had absolutely no
effect on Crazy's
ability to select larva from 6 hatches and produce
Ever eager to kick Ap in his big brass balls,
Crazy blitzed it again:
meatgrinder quickly became known as the place where
hydras came to die. After 4 seperate blitzes and 5
withering storms, 2 hydras were all that remained to
"press" the battle. Sensing that he had reached his
limit of exploitation, Crazy spat hydra phlem on the effectively
isolated Nexus for a few moments, then ran his two
veteran hydra off a ways and burrowed them.
Satisfied with his ability to
rape the 3 natural at whim, Crazy expanded twice more to the 6 natural
and mineral-only, slapped down a queens nest and spire,
then Maynard transferred some drones to 6 while building
a second hatchery there. His hatchery count now stands
Meanwhile, Ap had begun a nexus at the 3 main.
Frustrated by Crazy having sent secondary blitzes at his
main with the singular goal of stalling reinforcements,
Ap`Taktiks now found
himself with a rather sizable unit advantage having
successfully held off ~50 hydras with 2 templar, 2
dragoons, 10 zealots, and 4 cannons. Perhaps a bit
flustered by this game having been completely dictated
by Crazy's actions thus
far, Ap force
marched his 16 zeals, 4 goons and 4 templar to the map's
Upon seeing massive Zealots back by
Templar moving out to do him like Fishburne in
proceeded to run screaming bloody murder like, well,
that chick in Scream.
I love Neve
*Casper is away (Drooling over pics of
the nubile Neve Campbell).
Yeah, I know she hardly ever screamed
But back to Crazy's running like I-Ball
in the communal shower at Bootcamp. Crazy quickly arranged his temporarily
outmatched hydras in two groups: one to the west and the
other to the south of Ap's army while frantically hatching
hydralisks from 7 hatches and upgrading his Lair to a
It was at this point that I noticed Ap`Taktiks had allowed his
robotics facility to sit idle all game. As a Protoss
player, I can see how this might've been a problem
especially seeing how Crazy was well on his way to a Hive, and
therefore, a ph@t vial of Crack. I felt worried for my
little Zealot homies.
and the randy Templar:
with all this standing around, Crazy decided to throw units at Ap`Taktiks' troops
Or so it seemed. The madness
continued for a good minute, with Crazy burrowing hydras in plain sight,
only to have them stormed by Ap's randy Templar and their itchy trigger
fingers eager to summon storms on the seemingly
Some of you may have sensed that I was working
towards something there.
You were correct.
While Ap`Taktiks had been managing the battles,
Crazy had unburrowed
his 2 veteran hydra and had long since been attacking
the undefended Nexus.
After having cleared
out each and every one of Crazy's hydra from the map's center ,
Ap finally noticed
over his announcer that his expansion Nexus was slowly
burning to the ground. Crazy's 2 elite hydralisk had put the
Nexus in the red.
Ap`Taktiks moved to save his Nexus with
his victorious army. Would he reach it in time?
In short, no. A boom echoed across the war-torn
battlefield as the beseiged Nexus buckled under the
persistent hydra fire and exploded.
And just like
that, a mere two Hydralisks had thrown this game
competely in Crazy's
And far off, seated upon a
folding chair in a dreary dorm enclosed within an
obscure corner of the United States of America sat a
young man with the Battle.Net nick of Ap`Taktiks, upon whose
bowed head 12 drunk Rhesus monkeys each wearing little
miniature pointy-coned brassieres danced a jig.
Now left with precisely this many
minerals in his main, Ap`Taktiks was officially in a world of
Especially with Crazy in position to initiate the
"Build infinite hydras then leave to eat while Shlomo
goes nuts trying to kill em all" strat. So he did
what any sane man would do in this situation.
To his credit, he
placed the cannons on 3's cliff and NOT in his main.
Crazy countered by
adding 3 more hatches, and upgrading to Greater Spire.
course, found the cannons and sent in the Guards, but
succeeded only in providing me with this pretty shot:
Past the point of caring about
his "loss", Crazy got
prepped to get his game in gear. And he did. And Ap`Taktiks died.
|The answer is
Pretty Damn Big: |
Met by an endless stream of
hydra/crack from Crazy's now 15 hatches, Ap`Taktiks was slowly
driven back into, then relieved of both his main base
Despite landing at least 15 telling storms over
the course of these lategame blitzes, Crazy just had too much stuff and Ap's well-cannoned
expansion went the same way as his Main as GG's were
exchanged by both players.
|This report has
been a Casper...© production.