Hey. I'm proud to present to you what
was really one of the best games i've ever observed. No 3 game series with crappy 10
minute games, just one of the funniest, heavily contested, and spontaneous games i've ever
seen. I won't say "well played" ... you will find out why =]
That night i was in clan nwtr, trying to fit in amongst those oh so cool and mature
nwtr people. I joined a game that i believe Sqick hosted, observed for about 10 minutes,
and started to do my typical gay spine style lag. They proceeded to whine, moan, and
bitch, despite my generous offer to save the game so they could be featured on an utterly
spectacular spine br. But alas, twas not to be, as they were BAD MANNER and despite saving
the game, dropped me. Of course Bob said i was lagging because i map hack ... which is
definately not true .. heh heh heh. I promptely restarted my piece of trash computer,
finally got a good connection, went back to nwtr, where i found Old~El~Paso and
-|-GodlyCow-|- chatting with a couple peeps i'd never seen there before. Anyway, after a
gay game that involved a lot of mutas, they decided to rematch. And off we go ...
NWTR vs the lamers
aka: The "mature" ones
-|-GodlyCow-|- (Cow) randoms to toss, SW
Old~El~Paso (OEP) picks terran, NE
Team Lamer, aka: Team NH
$uprimo (Suprimo) picks toss, NW
|~ProZerAn~| (Prozeran) randoms to toss, SE
Well, toss/terran, v toss/toss. Sounds like a gay goon or sair war. Bah. As far as the
players go ... OEP said he was very good at Terran on dire, but other than that, he sucks. Cow just said he
sucks at everything. I had observed Suprimo and Prozeran in the last game, and knew that Prozeran was quite good, but
didn't really get to see about Suprimo since he was killed off early by a double team ... but we'll
Note: Prozeran is NOT [FLS]Prozerran.
All players got gas first before their builds began to diverge. OEP then went rax,
fact, and then got an academy and starport at about the same time, preparing to get
wraiths, before getting a later second starport. Cow went gate, core, stargate, and then another later stargate,
going mass sairs to gain air control. Prozeran went gate, core, robo bay, and then robo support and another
robo bay, going for power reavers.
You're probably wondering about Suprimo's build? Well, it was so "unique", that he deserved a paragraph of his own. He went gas,
gate, forge, core ... pylon, pylon, pylon, stargate, stargate, stargate. To the side, he
brags to his partner about how gosu his build order is.
After laughing hysterically at Suprimo, i decided to look at what was going in elsewhere on the map.
gotten 3 sairs out of his 2 starports, and finally set them off to get recon and possibly
do their gay thing. They move east, towards Prozeran's base. Once he reaches there, Cow is pleased, as Prozeran only has 2
reavers and a freshly made shuttle. With no anti air, the shuttle is quickly dispatched by
The sairs proceed to go towards the middle of the map, with the intention of traversing
to Suprimo's base for some recon. Suprimo's starports had finished by that time, and
i could see them flashing, probably indicating that he was getting some sairs. But alas, i
had definately overestimated his skills. I gape in amazement as i see what came out of his
starports. A SCOUT! Yes, a scout. Sigh. Anyways, his gosu scout ... scouts the
middle of the map, and runs into Cow's 3 corsairs. The scout valiantly screams at Suprimo to get him
the hell out of there, but gets no response. His death is quick and sudden, but manages to
take a sair with him.
After laughing for a while, we start playing again. Cow gets a citadel of adun, robo
facility, and gateway, because he is a putz. He also sends 2 of his sairs back to Prozeran's base,
where he again, finds a shuttle and 4 reavers. Mmmm, toasty. He starts chasing after the
shuttle, but 2 of Suprimo's sairs come (yay no more scouts) and start to battle evenly
with Cow's 2 sairs, before 3 more of Cow's sairs come and smack around Suprimo's 2. To sum that boring
crap up, 5 sairs > 2, and sairs > shuttle.
The next move is done by OEP. He sends 4 of his wraiths west, to the NW corner above Suprimo's base. He
follows this by sending his wraiths at Suprimo's probe line,
hoping to catch him detectionless there. And he lucks out, as although Suprimo has about 4
cannons in random spots on his base, he doesnt have one to cover his peon line. The
wraiths start taking potshots (yes jason, pot) on the probes, before 4 of Suprimo's sairs come
in and commence the smacketh downeth. I waited impatiently for OEP to cloak his wraiths, but it
never came. And without cloak, the tin-can planes were killed easily before OEP retreated one
back to his base.
Following this, OEP scouts Prozeran with 2 wraiths, finding some reavers and only one goon for
anti-air. The wraiths cloak (took long enough), and after about 5 hours, kill the goon.
They then move on and win just about the only battle they are capable of winning - vs some
reavers. 4 wraiths manage to take down a single reavers, (after another 8 hours) before
they are scared away by a godly goon, along with an observer. OEP then floats the CC he has
been constructing in his main to the 12 o clock expansion (btw 11 and 1 o clock), where he
lands it and begins to fortify with a few turrets. Meanwhile, his partner announces his
plan, probably influenced by the skill level of their opponents.
Knowing he needs a lot of gas for this godly strat, Cow expands to the 6 o clock
expansion, the one between him and Prozeran.
The next move is done by Suprimo. He and Prozeran, once achieving air dominance with their sairs, decide to
attack Cow. Suprimo's job is to clear the path with his skill intense sairs while Prozeran does all
the damn work. And is is actually able to do what is needed. His 6 sairs kamazaki into Cow's base, meeting
up with Cow's 4. And contrary to popular belief, 6 > 4, so Suprimo won with 4 sairs
remaining. However, they were chased away by a few goons that Cow was now pumping from his 2
gates. The pic to the side i included just b/c the sairs gay attack looks cool. Well, it
does, doesn't it?
Meanwhile, OEP continues to power. He floats another CC to the right-middle island (the
one in the right middle), while constructing yet another CC in his main for
floating. He also puts wraiths over all the expansions so he can know when his opponents
are expanding. Speaking of expansions, the mature nwtr team is definately beating the
lamer team. They will soon have 3 expansions (once OEP finishes floating his), to
team lamer's 0!
Remember that devious, masterful plan that Prozeran and Suprimo had? Well, Prozeran was finally ready to complete it. He loaded up 2 reavers and
3 goons into 3 shuttles, brought along a few sairs, and shipped them to Cow's base. Coupled
with Suprimo's sairs, they had a formidable force. However, Cow had built a pylon in range of where the reavers/goons were dropped. One
of the reavers, once dropped, immediately fired a volley onto the pylon, alerting Cow of their
precense. Cow only has 5 goons, and will have to pull off some tight micro and gosu
skills to get out of this. And that he does ... well sort of. He uses "tight
micro" and right clicks on one of the reavers, and is able to kill it while only
losing a single goon to one volley. Prozeran's remaining reaver and 3 goons are enough to kill Cow's 4 goons, but
reinfocements of 2 goons and a zealot easily finish off the reaver, and then chase after Prozeran's last 2
goons for a while before wasting them.
Did someone say mindless chatter?
You there, reading the report ... no sarcastic remarks about how gay that was.
Suprimo then does a absolutely pitiful attack on OEP, with a pathetic 2 goon drop.
But then again, what should i have expected? Something skillful? Needless to say, they
Hint to Suprimo: YOU NEED OBSERVERS TO SEE WRAITHS
Prozeran, realizing that his team is pretty behind in resources, expands to the 3 o
clock expansion. He then instructs his incompetant partner to expand as well, and he does
this a few minutes later, at the 9 o clock spot. A small scuffle occurs over Prozeran's
expansions, involving a few corsairs blowing up more tinfoil wraiths with the aid of a
magic observer that speaks in german.
A small break in action occurs, as the players build their forces. Cow and Prozeran both begin
massing goons, with Prozeran getting shuttles while Cow is almost at his goal of
godly arbiters, and most likely recall! OEP has some wraiths, and realizing his surplus in resources,
decides to do what is obviously the most applicable strat: mass nukes.
Another few minutes of silence pass by, before i notice one mighty shuttle
belonging to Suprimo pass down the far left side of the map, towards Cow's main. It hooks down, and he
unloads his cargo on Cow's peon line .... 4 zealots. Ah, the godly 4 zealot drop, 20
minutes into the game! Mad skills here. However, i winced as i watched many of Cow's probes
helplessly being mauled by Suprimo's 4 vicious zealots. Before bursting out laughing
again, i noticed several purple dots on the mini map, over Cow's expansion. I quickly looked
over, and to my surprise, and possibly delight, saw that Prozeran had dropped 6 goons on Cow's expansion! Cow's only defense
was a single cannon and a bunch of probes, which began to be razed at once. OEP sent some
wraiths, but despite comstating the area, trying to find an observer, his wraiths were
destroyed by the goons, with only a couple of casulties. This is because the observer was
in an absurd spot, close enough to see the wraiths but far away (north and east) of the
location of the comstat. Going back to Suprimo's godly 4 zealot drop, it actually did some major damage,
wiping out around 10 probes. This, along with the destruction of Cow's expansion, crippled his
I begin staring off into space, amusing myself while looking at Suprimo's godly army
of 6 scouts. Suddenly, i notice a huge red blob in the corner of Prozeran's base. I quickly look
over ... YES! It is! The recall rush strikes again! Ah, for Cow had recalled
about ~14 goons into Prozeran's nearly defenseless base. Prozeran only has a couple goons
there, and they quickly become soup at the hands of Cow's farly superior number of
goons. They begin taking down his buildings one by one. *que gay music* But no one fear! Suprimo is here! Ahh
yes, our favorite hero Suprimo has arrived with his impressive scout army! H ingeniusly
starts firing on the only thing that he can see, the arbiter. Luckily for him it is also
the only battle that scouts are capable of winning, and they wipe out the arbiter in the
matter of a few seconds. He then proceeds to then run his scouts right across Cow's army of goons,
where all but one die. Smooth. But, this did enable his partner to actually have a
But 10 of Cow's goons remained, to only 5 of Prozeran's - but he is fortunate, as he is able to distract 3 of them to
attack his 5, since Cow's other ones were busy talking about how they had just owned
those scouts. 5 > 3, so Prozeran was victorious in that small skirmish. Cow next sends his
other group of goons, and they are easily able to win, with 5 surviving. They commence
beating up on some buildings again.
I then take a break from the
exciting goons vs gateways battle to notice that Suprimo has shipped 4 goons over to OEP's base. A laughable battle, i
figure. But OEP decides to make life difficult for himself, as he merely attack - moves
with his 6 wraiths and 4 marines, without cloaking his wraiths. He then proceeds to get
severely owned by the 4 goons, while killing only one. The 3 goons then go on a rampage,
killing all in their paths! Well, actually they killed OEP's academy before i was
distracted by the bitch lady saying ...
And again ... this time making the picture bigger for dramatic effect
Yes, 2 nukes. So i look frantically around to find out who's gonna get stuff blown up.
My eyes finally set on 2 blue dots a bit south of Suprimo's base. I then find the
red dot, centered on one of Suprimo's 2 gateways, surrounded by a core, citadel, and forge. I
wasn't sure if Suprimo had seen this or not, but i assumed he did, since i saw a probe go right
by the 2 ghosts .. and build a pylon. Yes, Suprimo's response to this is by building a pylon.
Despite Suprimo's skillful
tactic, the nukes still fell. And they blew up lots of stuff. O, dey blew up dem stuff
gooood. Dem stuff being 2 gateways, a core, forge, and a cannon. Apparently Suprimo likes the
feeling of being nuked. Personally, i dont get anything pleasing out of it, but to each
their own =P
From nukes, to boring goons. Suprimo's huge army of 3 goons had been relentlessly pounding on some
of OEP's buildings. The disturbing truth of this is that these goons had killed OEP's
academy, and 3 depots, before they were finally ended by a few wraiths (cloaked this
And again, from boring goons, to boringier goons. Cow's 6 goons had dwindled to 2
goons from Prozeran's goons that were constantly coming out of his gateways. These 2 goons were
finally destroyed when Prozeran retaliated with 5 goons and several probes, at last getting
his base free of enemy occupation. However, both of Prozeran's starports, and 2 of
his gatewys were destroyed.
What, you want cheesier?
Cow, realizing he needs to quickly get his expansion, as his main is nearly
dry of resources, shuttles a probe to the mid left island, and begins fortifying it with
Suprimo also shuttles a probe to an island. However, the island is Cow's
main base. I see him start making a pylon ... then a cannon .. then another ... and
another ... and about 5 more. Yes, Suprimo has topped even himself in idiocy. Mass cannons seem to be
the dish of the hour. However, it was not to be. Cow coincidently scouted with a zealot in that area, probably
because he saw something warping in. Needless to say, Suprimo was DENIED the godly
offensive cannon strat by a bunch of Cow's goons. It was cute though.
After verbally bashing Suprimo for a bit, Cow realized he was in deep crap. The expansion he was fortifying
at the left middle island was never given the chance to reach it's full potential and be a
young, successful expansion. For Prozeran was able to drop 4 goons on it before cannons came up, and
since Cow had absolutely no way to shuttle his large goon army there, he was
defenseless, and the expansion fell. A few minutes later, he takes the expansion for
himself, fortifying it with a few goons.
The next few minutes are pretty boring, so i will entertain you with some gay chatter
involving red being a hacker and OEP trying to find out where the hell he put his stuff:
Cow is in no way out of this game yet though. He still has upwards of 15
goons, and a shiney new arbiter! During the gay chatter he slowly, patiently waits for his
arbiter to get 150 energy ... which takes about 30 minutes. And when it finally does, he
sets of with mr magic arbiter to Prozeran's base. This time he recalls in a different spot of his base -
the northish part, to be specific. This time i catch his arbiter in action doing it's
thing, recalling 14 goons. Cow's 14 goons then proceed to easily kill Prozeran's smaller
goon army of about 7 goons, and then slowly begin laying waste to his base. Suprimo provides
help with several corsairs by again kamazakizing into the arbiter to kill it, and then
dieing pitifully to some goons, but it doesn't matter this time. Cow's goons are too many in
number, and Prozeran's main is wiped out. GGs are exchanged, but in no way is this game over,
although our scrappy lamer team has been dealt a huge blow. Looks like Prozeran will have
to rely on his super gosu partner to get them back into the game. However, Cow's goons
become stranded on Prozeran's main, as he has lost his arbiter, and has no shuttles to
ship them back.
There wasn't much time to ponder about this though ... because a second
later, the satanic bitch lady speaks again:
Again, i frantically look around the
map. And finally, i find that little red dot on the northern part of Prozeran's 3 o clock
expansion. Super gosu OEP figured out that he is able to nuke that little spot from the
extreme southern part of HIS main base. I wait in antipication to see what it blows up,
but am dissapointed ... the nuke's radius just missed out on blowing up about 10 probes,
and it only kills a cannon and about 4 of Prozeran's probes .. bah. To the side is another YRM
inspired graphic, which i have to do because i have no idea in hell as to how to do
After this, Suprimo decides he will be of some help to his partner whose base is currently
dieing, so he brings a shuttle filled with ... 4 zealots to try to save him from 12+
goons. Fortunately, he realizes that these zealots will do somewhere near the equivalent
of jack shit, so he gets their scrawny asses back into the shuttle and far far away from
the scary goons.
then tries to continue to hit Prozeran's 3 o clock expansion from the extreme southern part of his
main. He brings 4 tanks and several wraiths down and sees if he can
hit something from his base. Prozeran sees the tanks seige up, and decides that he will not stand
for this. He attempts to do a carefully planned attack, first bringing in an observer, and
then corsairs to deal with the wraiths, and then a shuttle filled with 2 goons to drop
right next to the tanks. However, it goes completely array from the start. OEP pings at just
the right time, killing the observer. Then the sairs come in, but without an observer,
they are helpless against the godly cloaked wraiths. The shuttle comes in next, and is
able to drop, but drops within the range of the tanks, and the goons are blasted a couple
of times, and then finished off by the wraiths.
Can this get anymore pathetic?
The immediate goal for Cow is to get an
expansion ASAP. His main is dry, and probably has very few minerals. He plans to retake
the 6 o clock expansion. However, there is a slight problem. Suprimo has just taken it,
despite the fact that Cow still has a pylon sitting there =P. Confident little sob
isn't he? Well, Cow is just about to teach him a lesson he'll never forget. Cow reaches back to
pull out the most humiliating, bastardly, and devestating drop that he can pull off on
Suprimo's expansion attempt ... the 8 PROBE DROP!. Oh yes, goons are 2gosu4cow.
Probes are the order of the day ... and with the help of some of OEP's wraiths, the probes emerge
triumphant from battle. Some foolish sairs of Suprimo's, obviously again underestimating the power of the probes, try
to attack OEP's wraiths. But Suprimo still does not seem to understand that you need OBSERVERS to
see cloaked wraiths, so they promptly die. They then start building a nexus of their own,
while having a tantalizing conversation mostly involving the words "jobooty",
"groin", and "meow".
A short peace insues, while the players build up their forces (or what is left of
them). Suprimo begins making a goons and shuttles from a couple gateways, while OEP continues to
mass wraiths from his 3 starports along with the occasional tank, and of course, your
complementary nuke. Cow just works on rebuilding his expansion and buffing up his 8 probes for
some dirty mining work, and Prozeran builds up his left middle island, continuing to fortify it
with cannons. He also starts building starports on it.
Uhoh, its time for the bitch queen again.
Once again, everyone searches for that god damn red
dot. I find it quickly of course, but it sure is hell in a weird spot. OEP is nuking
Suprimo's main from his 12 o clock expansion, specifically targeting a cannon. Suprimo is not able
to find it in time, and the nuke falls successfully - ALMOST being cost effective. It
killed 2 cannons ... GJ OEP!
OEP's partner Cow, realizing the ineffeciency of OEP nuking stuff, decides he has
to step in himself and do something useful. So he begins ferrying in goons with his one
shuttle to Prozeran's 9 o clock expansion. This proves to work quite well, and his ranged goons
are able to pick off Prozeran's 2 cannons one by one, destroying them with only one casulty. Cow then starts
picking off probes and various buildings at the expansion.
Hrm ... need more nukes?
Yep. OEP's ghosts are able to hop onto
Suprimo's island now since his 2 cannons were blown up by another nuke. So OEP lands a ghost to
the right of Suprimo's 3 starports, sets his ghost up, and aims his nuke. I was unable to get a
pretty picture of the nuke, but the single nuke was not enough to kill the 3 starports,
although it did bring them hundereds of hitpoints.
You might be wondering why i was unable to get a pic of das nuking of de starports. Well, it was because my jaw just about hit the floor when i was what Suprimo did. He
dropped 5 goons and 2 dts on Cow's main base. Keep in mind it took him about 40 minutes to mass
this huge force =P. Anyway, it didn't matter how long it took him to build this
force up, because Cow's main base was only defended by a few goons. Without detection, the dts
were able to rip up the goons while Suprimo's own goons were able to act as fodder. The
goons and dts then commenced ripping up Cow's base, until something .. or someone, interupted them ...
had to pause for an "unknown" reason (he had to wank it). Anyway, this went on
for about a minute (boy hes quick). During this, we had a particularly retarded
conversation, of which i was going to include the whole thing in a dementedly huge 110 kb
graphic, but i decided to spare you poor people with 56k modems the loading time, and just
included 2 lines that pretty much summed up the whole thing:
Soon after finishing, OEP unpauses, and Cow continues dieing. He calls for help from OEP (wraiths), but
several of OEP's wraiths get caught by a few cannons, and die. Damn tin cans =| Meanwhile, Prozeran finishes
warping in a fleet beacon (the thingy that lets you make blimps), probably preparing to
make blimps =P GAY! OEP, being the good partner that he is, starts attacking Suprimo's stargates
with his remaining wraiths rather then helping his partner. Oh well, Cow wasn't of much
use anyway, right?=] OEP does make himself of some use though, as his wraiths help
finish up Prozeran's 3 o clock expansion. He TRIES to send some wraiths to save Cow's main (again),
but gets caught in a web of cannons at Prozeran's left middle expansion, which is completely filled with
cannons and stargates. All he needs is templars and he can be as gay as toss can be!
Sorry about that long wordy paragraph, i don't like to read either, so i try to cut
down on things like that ^^
Hrm ... i sense we are have a void or something .. that we need something ...
OH YEAH! THE BITCH!
This time it's easy to find. The ghosts are where they were last time, to the east of Suprimo's stargates.
However, OEP this time has 3 nukes in his
arsenal, and uses this for "fun". Boy, he must have been pretty happy after that
pause. Unfortunately, i was unable to get a pic of the huge explosion because of my GOD
DAMN DAD who had to check his email like an idiot and then take 10 minutes to figure out
his to print it. GRRRRRRRR... so all i have for my loyal fans is a "before and after
picture". Hopefully you can guess which is the before and which is the after, or you
might just be a redneck.
Below, Cow tells me to quote him on that, while OEP is still searching for random
things he forgot. Hrm, maybe that little pause fest had an effect on his memory?
Not just pathetic, but gay
While Bob and Tmac have sex, and Lewis watches Orc and Cathy (off screen) go at it, Suprimo reloads his goons and dts
into dropships, and sets off to Cow's 6 o clock expansion, his lone base at this point. His cargo
unloads successfully, and Cow only has 2 cannons protecting his base. The cannons die quickly, and his other buildings start to go down, but dont
fear *que gay music again* Old El Paso is here! And NOT the salsa, although that is quite the spicy
stuff. No, it is the Paso with the wraiths, and OEP brings down his paper planes to Cow's lone base, and finally
starts helping him. And since wraiths are cloaked, and Suprimo and Prozeran have still
not, 50 minutes into the game, figured out that you need OBSERVERS to see wraiths, the
goons die slowly .. very slowly. So slowly that Cow's nexus is destroyed, as well as all his probes. So he's
effectively out of this game, with only a few goons sitting around with no way to ferry
them. But he can bitch at partner a lot for not saving him, which is often more fun than
decides that he has to strike and he has to strike now. So being the gay 'tactical strike'
player that he is, he shoves 2 ghosts into a dropship and unloads them at the extreme
northern end of Suprimo's base. Keep in mind that Suprimo is 100% resource dry at
this point. If these ghosts are allowed to succesfully nuke Suprimo's buildings, and he loses
his tech, he will be unable to build them, and he is effectivly out of the game.
Again, the bitch queen speaks her satanic tone:
The ghosts aim ... right at Suprimo's nexus. The horn signals. The nuke is armed and ready, and it
springs from it's containment area, prepared to do incredibly destructive damage. The
nearby templar sits for a while ... sits for a bit more .. and .....
Following this tense moment, silence ensues. Prozeran builds up his carriers, OEP prepares for the
inevitable encounter with the carriers, since he knew that they were coming with the aid
of one of Cow's observers. A few scuffles with some of Suprimo's scouts and OEP's wraiths occur,
winning since Suprimo still hasnt figured out that you need OBSERVERS to see cloaked wraiths.
Finally, Suprimo gets the necessary observers to complement Prozeran's gay carriers - 2 of
them to be precise. Then, they set off. 7 carriers and 2 observers, along with a scout of
two belong to Suprimo. Their first destination is OEP's 12 o clock expansion. They get there within seconds, and
quickly start razing a few turrets in his base. OEP reponds quickly. 12 wraiths are on call, ready for some dirty
work with Bob and Tmac. A quickly comstat is placed, and the observers are located.
The wraiths go to the spot, knowing their orders. However, OEP makes a crucial mistake, and
does not comstat again. The wraiths kill the first observer, but a second remains! The
wraiths, not knowing what hit them, proceed to get thoroughly owned by the carriers, only
killing one carrier. OEP's 12 o clock expansion falls, and the gay carriers move on ...
Suprimo then decides to be cute and storm stuff anyway. He ships 4 templar to OEP's
base, prepared to show off his gosu storming skills to everyone. Here's more pics to add
to the fucking demented loading time that this br will already have
The gay carriers move on to OEP's mid eastern expansion, where they meet up with little
resistance. Lockdowns were numerous, but troops were few. More carriers joined in,
bringing their number to 9, and OEP knew he was done for. Here, come sums up the game rather
In a heroic and truly epic last effort, he lifts off all his buildings and sends them
to Suprimo's base. Suprimo actually had shuttled over a few archons to OEP's base, but
still didnt figure out that you need OBSERVERS to see cloaked wraiths. So, they began
firing those sexy psionic things at the poor buildings. Amazingly, Suprimo was able to
survive the deadly random building drop on his main with the aid of the approximate 10
cannons that he had in random places, and OEP, knowing that he was truly dead, surrendured. GGs were
exchanged for the second time, and it truly is over.
GG guys! It was really a great game to watch.
Das Lamer Poll!
Well, Darkhawke asked for it. Folks, it's up for YOU to vote. Who is lamer? Your
choices are below ...
- Scouts own
- Pubbie lamers > nwtr
- My neck hurts
- Voting in "The Lamer Poll" is cool
Comment people, comment =]