your home for Starcraft Home Forum Starcraft Tournaments

"lurkers kick very little ass when unburrowed"

Grinding the Corn of Destiny 2
View or Add Comments (# of comments thus far: 32)
Date: 02/20/00 12:02
Game Type: Starcraft
Categorize this report
Report Rating: 8.0, # of Ratings: 2, Max: 8, Min: 8
Lifetime Rating for Mr.Mediocre: 8.0000
we're the planeters, you can be one too

Gentleman, I bring you the most highly anticipated sequel of the century, breaking even the viewer records of such great entertainment endeavors as Star Wars and Titanic. With a world wide audience of over 3.5 billion and total merchandise grossings approaching the Trillion dollar mark, Grinding the Corn of Destiny was and is a legend. Now, all limits have been stripped away and the highly trained and professional staff at Mediocre Enterprises has been given total freedom over this new project. Can such a bold move be interpretted as pure an simple genius? You decide. As for me, I prefer only the biscuit.

I was in the channel NWTR when in comes Maynard. I had just gotten through winning the well know SC tournament, i2DGIdhGUSC45 Gold, and I was feeling lucky. So I ask him for a 1v1. He says sure and he makes the game on LT. I immediately turn on my -5 to attack hack and my -500 to mineral spots hack. The reason for this is simple: If I have a minus five to attack and he has no minus then when we attack his troops will have sortof a +5 giving me a -5 advantage and that means that when I have more units, x5 more units to be exact, then we'll be even and then if I lose some I can make some more.

Map: Lost Temple

I think we're alone now..I had gotten the Protosses and he had gotten the Zergs because I saw him pick it in the channel so I knew he was rushing with about 6 zergs. I knew that I started with 4 protosses and all I had to do was make 7 protosses and I would win. One of his zergs, one of the little ones that look like crabs, came in my base and turned around. He has seen my 7 protosses and he knew he couldn't win, but thats when it hit me, I had forgotten about the -5 to my attack! He would surely come with his 6 zergs and win! I quickly made 2 diamonds to protect my pyramid and I turned on my money hack. Now I had 10,000 monies to build things with. I made protosses until i had 25 of the ones that shoot lighting. He came with about 8 zergs after I had made my 25th one and he retreated again. He said 'OMG LOLOL'. I knew what that meant, 'OH MY GOD, LOG OFF LOG OFF!' He wanted me to log off so he could win. He wasn't going to trick me that easy though. I started to make those one buildings that look like pyramids all around my diamonds. I tried to make some in other places, but when they turn red, that means they dont make good protosses, so I made them where they turned green.

Noone is around but me and you..I had started to make the protosses that look like men when a bunch of zergs came in my base. These were the spitter kind. I took my protosses and ran past his spitters because I didnt want to lose any of them. My protosses did a really smart thing too, they turned invisible as they walked past, they threw down smoke bombs and dissapeared. HA! He couldnt hurt me now. He ran away from my base when they turned invisible and said he was gonna go get something to drink. This was when I knew I had to make my move. I made another lighting protoss and built about 29 diamonds around the entrance to his base. He couldn't get through it because the zergs dont have any metal things to bust open a diamond.

Scrogging TimeI built some more buildings at my base and started to make the wizard protosses. I knew that I could turn them into balls because I saw Mark4 do it one time. I also started to make some birds. I made some of those birds that can carry things in them, like pelicans. Maynard came back and when he saw my diamonds around his base he said 'Dude I have about 6 Ultras." I thought to myself "YES! If he has that many sores in his stomach, then theres NO WAY he can win!" I started to make spider protoss at that time too. I had to turn my money hack on again because I had spent a lot of money making my wizards and birds. Finally I started to make all my wizards into balls. I had a plan. I would put my ball protosses into my birds and send them over his base, this would make him scared because I could probably squash about 3 zergs at time if I dropped my balls on them, then I would run into his base and build shooters (The things that you make grow from the ground around the diamonds) and then I'd win because shooters are a lot stronger than zergs I think. I had 9 birds now and they were all full. I also had my lightning protoss ready to run into his base. I moved my birds off up the middle towards his base. I tried to enter his base from the top, but I would've had to cross over water.

Guess what?I knew that if he had any birds at all, mine might get shot over the water and my protosses would probably drown. So I took the path right up the middle. He had a bunch of big zergs, the ones that look like elephants and a bunch of spitters. All of his spitters started to shoot at my birds, but I didnt care, I was already building a diamond in his base. When all of my birds were dead (by the way, where do the balls go if they are in the birds when they die? Arent they supposed to drop out?) I had 3 shooters already up. They started to shoot at one of his elephants as it passed. He just went on by and paid no attention.

Anyone that lives in WA that reads this BR, please tell meMaynard said 'ROFLMAO', I knew what that meant, too: Roogle Ouf Foul Loud My Abob Ogon. Thats swahili for 'Please dont kill me, Mr.Mediocre' I kept on letting my shooters fire however, even though the voice kept saying 'Your forces are under attack' He was trying to trick me into thinking that my diamonds were getting killed, but I knew better. I had killed a lot of Maynard's base when all of a sudden, the elephants appeared in my home base! Maynard was cheating! He must of used a hack! I immediately disconnected, because I was afraid he might try and ERASE MY COMPUTER WITH HIS HACKS! I went back to my favorite channel, Nohunters. He followed me in and started to tell everyone lies about how I sucked and how dumb I was. I knew the truth and I tried to tell some of my friends, but they just sent me text pictures of butts. I hope Maynard reads this and sees that the truth has been posted. He knows my protosses were stronger than his zergs and that I won for real. But until that day comes, I must wander the channels and look for new challenges. I understand my power now, I comprehend my ability. Can no one stand up to me? Can no one threaten me? No, they can't, because if they do, I'll just make more protosses and more protosses until they wont be able to stop them with any number of zergs or terrans.

Now, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that soon I will be releasing a 3 part Ren and Stimpy BR. The bad news is that the ppl from Red Meat who own the rights to my Mr.Mediocre picture came and beat me for using it. I won't be able to put him at the bottom any more, but I will have one last special surprise at the end of the Ren and Stimpy BRs that pertains to the pic. You can write to me:

3333 Street Road, Xville TN. for Grinding... merchandise. And yes, I really do live in xville, look at my IP.

"Sorry, no quote today."


*NOTE TO RATERS: I dont want you to rate this report. I really dont want this to get a 3 like the last Grinding... Any 10s are welcome, however. Thanks for reading. :-)

View or Add Comments (# of comments thus far: 32)
Back to Report Listing