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"templars are the definition of LOVE and PEACE"

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Date: 02/11/00 04:02
Game Type: Starcraft
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Report Rating: 7.0, # of Ratings: 4, Max: 8, Min: 5
Lifetime Rating for T_Mac: 5.3636

I started this ladder season with the goal of reaching a new ladder high (previous high was 1200). Having been stymied using T_Mac and Storminator, I decided to create a new name, Aluren~. Things were going well, I had a record of 8-3-1, and a rating of 1131, when I saw a game in the join screen I couldn't resist.

1310, get points!

Upon seeing this, I grew as excited as any normal man would get around a fleshy teenage newt. That's right, THAT EXCITED!

I quickly joined and found to my dismay that someone had got there before me. I quickly checked stats on the two people, but had the feeling that I was going to be booted.

But NO, the other guy was booted! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! A third person quickly joined, and we were on our way to a 3 way ffa!

The Players

Aluren~ (me) randomed to brown protoss at 3.

~wop~punnisher aka the gosu one (1310) chose red protoss and warped into the 6 position.

And the_massa aka the chobo one (801) chose blue protoss and warped into the 12 position.

T_Mac learns to think

Instead of cloning my first 4 probes, I always take 2, clone then, and then take the other two. I do this because when you take 4, theres more opportunity for a misclick, which would then drive you insane, and cost you the game!

Anyways, I decide to do a 1 gate expand strat, with 2 cannons on my ledge. I send a probe to scout, and find that the chobo one has done a normal 2 gate strat, while the "supposed" gosu one has done a 1 gate/forge strat, while cannoning his main.

It was at this point, that my brain started to whirl~
I had found it strange that a 1300 person would willingly play an 801 person, and I also thought it queer that a person ranked among the top 1000 in the WORLD, would be a gay cannon turtler. I began to suspect a double team would occur, but did nothing about my suspicions, expect whisper bob what might happen, to which he replied a loving "HAHAHAHA"!

Just to be safe, I decided to send a probe to the empty main, to expand there should I find the need. And need I should find!!!!!!!

I was hit by around 8 zealots by the chobo one, while I had 3 zealots and 2 cannons defending. After some zealot dancing, I had lost 3 zealots, while he had 2 zealots left. He decided to run into my peon line, but some probe micro with a new zealot from my gateway quelled this threat.

My expansion nexus had finished by now, so I sent 12 probes down there to start mining. I also warped in a third cannon, cuz I hard this wierd feeling on the back of my neck (no, it wasnt bob this time).

About 15 seconds after the chobo one had hit me, the gosu one decided to get in on the action too. He sent around 8 zealots as well, and I had 3 cannons on my ramp, with no protection at my expand. Showing a small amount of skill, he decided to kill my expansion nexus, leaving me with 1 base to their combined 2.

At this point, I knew they were double teaming me, and that they were gayer than Mark4 at a barnyard full of antelope. Just like my hero whoop had done in his br of when he got TRIPLE teamed, I tried to think of a stinging remark which would get them to cry back to their mommies talking about the badman (kinda like mark does), but instead, all I could think of was

"you guys are gay"

Buckling down, I remembered the probe I had sent to the empty 9 main, and started 2 cannons, and a nexus there. I also started dual robo facilities at my main, since I had seen nothing but zealots thus far.

No point to this, just saying blanks gay :)

Things were quiet for a while, and I assumed that they had both expanded like me. Fearing containment, I sent 8 probes to my expand via shuttle, and when my first 2 reavers popped out, sent them to the 12 natural. As expected, I found probes happily mining away, I landed the 2 reavers, killed half the probes there, and when the rest ran away, loaded the shuttle up, and went to his main. There, I found even more happy probes to massacre, and once I had SLAUGHTERED his economy, packed up the shuttle and combined it with another one holding 2 reavers and went to the 6 natural.

Again, I found only zealot defense which was easily avoided, and again, mercilessly raped probes with the speed of bob at a rape party (damnit, you think being witty is easy? gah).

I then went to his main, and killed half of the probes there, until I was chased off by a dastardly dt. Starting an observatory at my main, as well as a third robo facility, I knew I had the game in the bag. Desperately sucking up to them, I told them that

"Double teaming is a cool idea"
and that
"1310 is a good rating"

I REALLY didnt want them to disc :)

Finally, I sent 5 reavers with 2 observers to 12, where I found zealots, and 1 goon, which fell quickly to the combined might of 5 scarabs up the wazoo. He quickly surrendered, with one small comment to his gay butt buddy

"Sorry Sean"

His name's Sean! *&%%)(&%#

While my now 7 reavers were on route to the 6 main, "Sean" quickly surrendered as well, saying that I was a "good player".

WEEEEEEEEE, I WON! Going back to nohunters, I found that beating those 2 gays had won me 37 points! I quickly found orc in nohunters and told him the entire gay story. He told lewis, and the story of my victory quickly aroused them to passion.


Any reports of homosexuality not involving Mark4 were probably false and the spawn of Bob's rampant daydreaming.
Also, this battle report was a way for me to mooch off Whoops and AQD3's former success by copying many of their words and styles, in a heterosexual orgy of guys and their ideas.

I would ask that you comment on the tactics that I and my opponent used during this match so I can improve my game. Thank you. The record of my ladder game is here at


*oops* :D
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