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"I know you're probably sad, because now you have to go back to watching Star Trek and hanging out with your mom. But don't worry, it'll be okay. Maybe one day down the road I'll get bored again. And maybe on that day, I'll write another battle report. Maybe even with someone as gay (but hot) as Dag again. Or maybe I'll die of liver problems at 25."

A Titleless BattleReport...
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Date: 02/08/00 11:02
Game Type: Starcraft
Labels:Image Heavy(1), Starcraft(1), Long(1)
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Report Rating: 9.2, # of Ratings: 4, Max: 10, Min: 9
Lifetime Rating for Probe: 8.4286

(as in any other report that has a few pictures, there has got to be one)

This report is abnormaly picture heavy (next to the average battlereport). However, next to one of my older, it has slightly more :P. Please, scroll thru the report at high speeds, lose track of your mouse pointer and make the little scroll bar reset to the top, then let go and watch your browser perform an illegal operation and shut down, closing off your 10 other browsers that were currently on forums while you were waiting for this to download. (that is a very long sentence, describing what will probobly happen to you:). Anyways, after you get yourself settled, come back and read the report, after the images load!

The above picture was taken by me.. after I pressed the Ladder button out of curiosity, to see how high the abusers had gotten yet. I figured around 2400, with one or two being reset.. but wow, all 10 reset? What a treat:) Anyhoo...


Heyzers! welcome to yet another utterly-godlike battlereport of mine. Here's the intro!!#!#!#!!!##!#!#!#!!#!##!#!#!#! (n stuff)

give this a 10It was a calm day, I was sitting around in clan nwtr, looking for a game to observe and report since I had that feelin' in my gut that I needed to do one! So, I start to offer 2v2 br! 2v2 br! 2v2 br! need 4 for a 2v2 br! join game probe9/probe9 for a 2v2'ed br!

me=godSo I make it on one of my many, many, many versions of observer lost temple, and 5 people join. Some dude called ILost=[ (I do not know him, don't ask) Whoop (using his name that shows the activity in channel A-X), [FLS]prozerran (using the name SukADik! yes, really) King-Lewis (also in A-X, using his name Advisor-X) and last , but most definetly least [jk], OrcManiac (using his A-X clan name, Assaillant-X ).

me=godOriginally, Orc didn't want to play, so he was in the other observer slot with me. But, since everybody knows King-Lewis and OrcManiac are regular team partners, we all bugged Orc to play. ILost=[, on the other hand, was being commented on by whoop, saying he didn't know him, and stuffs. Nobody wanted to be with the outcast, so eventually one of them rejoined , orc played, and ILost=[ went to the other observer slot. Yay! So now we have Whoop / Prozerran vs Orc / Lewis ! A classic battle of nwtr regulars.

For those of you that don't know any better, nwtr >>>>>>>>>>> nohunters :-b (teehee, that should get more comments from you people out there)

you will give this report a 10Lets meeeeeeeet the players, even tho you all probobly know them anyways. This is just an area for me to make witty and sarcastic comments about all of the players. BY THE WAY-- I am changing Lewis' brown color to blue for the report, so you can read his name easier :-b

Whoop, known as the man that surfs the internet and acts cool for 250k a year, he is a well known player for his macro style of playing. Having gone under dozens of smurf names, he has whomped on many a public BGH newbie along with prozerran and ice, as well as others. He has randomed to terran in this battle (i think).

[FLS]prozerran, also known as prozzy, Big-Penis (hence the short filename of this picture, 'bp.gif') , is using a name that again relates to the male 'unit' , SukADik!. Prozerran is known as the zerg star that lost in both of YourRoleModels World War 3Way FFa's (whee). [FLS] is "a short chinese guy with black hair and glasses" as he himself described. He has also randomed to terran in this battle (again, i think).


OrcManiac, also known as CathyOwnz (since, if you haven't read King-Lewis' battlereport, Cathy and Orc have strong online feelings toward each other;). OrcManiac used to be a pure terran player, until he relized how much they get slaughtered by protoss in ladder, which is when he started randoming and picking races other than terran. Orc is a quebecer (sp?) and speaks pure french in his games with lewis, with starcraft terms thrown in. Orc randomed to zerg in this game.

King-Lewis, also having a few smurf names, is a quebecer along with orc. He too speaks french in his games with orc. King-Lewis was a star in my last battlereport too. He randomed to protoss this game. (notice how lewis has the shortest description text? He isn't cool enough for me to say anything interesting about him.)

Editor hidden text fun. Midi is missing.

The above is to start playing a midi I attached. For those of you that never played Final Fantasy 3, it is Kefka's theme music. I think it fits the report if you play it now, instead of having it play from the start. Enjoy! :)

The Actual Game!

The game started off with the players selecting their peons, telling them all to harvest the same chunk, then the lag screen came up and every player dropped from the game. Well, no, not really, but it did lag for a couple of seconds then it all got clear , when every player and their brother give this a 10 Set network for extra high latency . After all of the latency settings were set, they began playing, while I spammed for them all to

Ally me
ally / vis me
vision me fools
ally me so i can hear your chat
ally me
ally me
ally me
ally me
vision me !

I then tell my fellow observer ILost=[ to "gp" (go private [put on allied chat] duh ). Well, apparently he didn't know what that meant, as the other players had some debating on what it meant.

After the players scout each other and state their plans to their allies, their build orders become sortof clear;

Whoop walls off his base with the classic depot-depot-barracks approach, quickly getting a factory and then a starport, apparently going for quick turbo-newbies to shut down the early expansion Orc took.

Prozerran goes for a wall off also, but he obviously does know that you cannot properly wallin his 3 o clock position. Zealots (or any unit that is medium sprite size but small official size) can fit thru the area to the left of the ramp, which is usually where a depot goes. That is why he most likely extended his wallin to build a bunker there. He also builds a command center asap, most obviously to float it to his natural or island to get an early economic advantage.

Orc does a standard zerg build for 2v2's , hatchery at ramp, 1-2 sunkens , and zerglings. He gasses quite early, with a lair morphing shortly thereafter, and a 3rd hatchery. Orc is most likely going for the Zerg vs Zerg strategy of choice, fast zerglings and mutalisks.

King- Lewis does a common pylon-gate-gate-pylon build order, with gas shortly after. The probe in the pic them warps in a pylon, and then a cybernetics core after another pylon or so. Zealots gather at the ramp, and an overlord from Orc provides detection.

All of the players continue to build up, harvest minerals, make troops, and float command centers, in Prozerrans case. Orc makes zerglings, King- Lewis starts on Dragoons with more zealots, Whoop starting on more barracks , and BP with more barracks as well. Orc then expands to his first natural expansion.

ILost shares with me how he rarely loses a particular matchup, while I gleefully take dozens of screenshots of peons harvesting and scvs acting stupid.

Prozerran starts on tanks and more marines, while getting his island expansion up and running. ILost shares his opinion on what Lewis should (attempt) to do vs Prozerran, and , well, we all know what would happen.

Whoop has teched up to starports, and created a wraith before his control tower add on and dropships. The wraith goes exploring, killing an Overlord that was terrainspotting. Whoop loads up a dropship containing 3 marines, 1 scv and a tank, and heads over to Orcs cliff overlooking his expansion. Orc, however, almost has a spire completed, which he cleverly hid at his ramp hatchery's creep, so the average comsat-at-the-main-base-to-see-the-tech wont find it :-b. He also created a queens nest, however that was at his main base.
Lewis , being the smart frenchy he is, created a robotics facility previously to help deal with the threat of turbo newbies. He also went to the templar tech, getting dark templar and high templar. He still does not think 2 techs is enough however, and creates a stargate as well, and builds some corsairs, bringing his total tech routes up to THREE

Whoop unloads his dropship at the very tip of Orc's ledge, and starts a bunker, with a tower shortly after. He does not send the marines and tanks to engage yet, he waits till the bunker and tower are finished, so he gets the maximum killing of drones and units before he can run them away. Lewis drops off 4 zealots to try to uproot the terran, but soon a second shuttle of reinforcements come, and the zealots are driven back, with the terran suffering 0 casualties.

By the time that expansion is down, Whoop has teched up to covert-ops, and a nuclear silo, while taking his natural. [font color=yellow>FLS] then takes his natural, now having 2 sources of income (island and natural). Lewis takes his natural expansion as well, defending it with some photon cannons, templar of assorted types, and zealots. Whoop heads down to Lewis' cliff overlooking his natural, and unloads 2 ghosts, precloaked. A science vessal that was escorting the shuttle fires an EMP shockwave projectile at the nexus, instantly lowering its shields. Corsairs and Dragoons destroy the Science Vessal as soon as it finishes EMPing, but then the ghost walks up right next to the two dragoons, shuttle, and corsair, and then we have...

With the instant annihilation of his expansion, King- Lewis was angry. And myself, being the observer, was cheering with joy, as nukes make for awesome battlereports :))))))). So after that happend, Lewis started rebuilding his expansion, and set to work on observers.

Orc, having 0 expansions, sneaks a Drone out and takes Lewis' second natural expansion , the mineral only. Orc also had plans on taking his own natural back as well, with a Hive finishing and his Spire beginning the transformation into a Greater Spire.

With a little comment from ILost_=[ the game boringly continues. Then, Orc's Greater Spire Whee.finished, and he has started to morph 8 or so Mutalisks into cocoons, most likely devourers so he can mass-suicide all of them into the bunker/bunker/turret/turret defence of the turbo newbie and drown them all in blood. Well actually he morphed them to Guardians, then attack moved them to the top left hand corner, with support from Corsairs. The battle(?) wasn't interesting because , well, bunkers and turrets sortof just sit back and watch as Guardians throw their globs of acid at them.

Whoop, by himself, decides to attack Lewis. He encounters Orc's expansion, the one that he took when his natural was being sieged. 18 or so marines and a couple medics unload their gauss fire into the hatchery. Lewis immediatly sends a large group of dragoons and templar, while
Orc sends a fast steam of zerglings (with speed and crack upgrades) to help. The marines, (with now support from a few tanks) are quickly overran by storm , claws, and plasma balls. Whoop shrugs off this loss and continues to build.

The Guardians are now at the top left island expansion, escorted by a couple of Corsair. Out of the blue, Prozerran whips out 4-5 dropships that I didn't even see him build, and he flys them directly over the guardian/corsair mass. The 4 corsairs make quick work of 2 dropships, (with a comment from Prozzeran) , then they might'eve even gotten a third. However many he got (at least 2) Prozerran only escaped to the safety(haha) of Whoops base. The corsairs could've kept chasing right then and there, but they must've been scared off by the smell of Whoops marines.

Then, Orc attacks the left side of Whoop's base with his Guardian mass, escorted by Corsairs. He starts to destroy some random buildings, depots, armories, starports, etc. boooooring Lewis also wants a piece of the American bastage, and sends 12 or so Dragoons to Whoop's natural expansion, and sneaks by the tank and marine defense while destroying the command center there. At this time, Whoop does a smart thing and calls for "help". Up to this point, Prozerran hasn't done anything but sat in his base (besides losing 3 dropships) [as seen in this picture] , so he finally decides to do something, this in the form of helping his ally.

The guardians are fought off by many, many marines (with no medics!) , and 3 wraiths, which were eventually killed by the corsairs. So, Whoop is left with no source of income, but a fair amount of money in the bank. The 12 dragoons at his natural were quickly turned to goo by Prozerrans reinforcements.

Lewis snuck out a large group of Dark Templar to assassinate some units, and assassinate they did. They run into a LARGE group of medics supported by a smaller group of marines, and all of the units are quickly dispatched.

Lets take a moment to look at a view of the minimap, shall we?

Orc then morphs 9 or so Mutalisks into Guardians, escorted by Overlords and Corsairs. These are morphing right over the land to the left of the FLS's island expansion.

At this time, Whoop / FLS decide to counter, and choose Lewis as their prime target. Upon arriving there however, they run into Orc's expansion at Lewis' second natural which was already blood stained from Whoop's previous battle there. Tanks siege up, marines stim, medics shine their little flashlight thing that is somehow attached to their hand, while dragoons trip on each other, templar move (with that cool blue swirl effect) and guardians are lobbing their acid balls. (These are new guardians, from mutalisks that were already sitting over Lewis' natural expansion). At this very moment, Orc was attacking Prozerran's bottom right hand island expansion with his guardian force, and manages to destroy the whole island, at the cost of nearly all of his guardians (from Irradiate). The battle at Orc's expansion was a bloody one, and I think this picture describes it best. (Sorry ~CB~ )

Whoop has gotten his macro back up to par with Prozerrans (Now that he can finally harvest his natural expansion) and is pumping mass marines and vessals.

At this time, both of the players take up an attack of their own, and decide its time to end it. Prozerran sends another very large force of M&M&F, Tanks, science vessals, and wraiths, and heads on over to finish off Lewis. Whoop sends a large force of marines and a few science vessals to hit
Orc. (However, I failed to mention earlier that Lewis got payback and stole Orc's mineral only natural, mirroing Orc's expansion). Lewis faught a *bit* more vailiantly than Orc, as he sent dark templar, zealots, and high templar into the battle, while Orc sortof..well..died:). Lewis got off some excellent storms, taking many marines lives.

@)(*#The game is basicaly over at this time, small skirmishes as the remaining terran units march into the Frenchies main bases and run them over. Whoop then decides to be annoying, and starts to mass-irradiate anything zerg, that moves. GG's are offered, and Orc has a little comment to say.. :)

And we can't forget this comment from Lewis, now, can we? :)


Well, a GREAT game was played by all, and I happily enjoyed reporting it. Some things that I didn't include are

1) That ILost=[ fag was told to leave after he repeatedly said "Nuclear Launch Detected" (to all, centered in the mostly middle of the screen) SEVERAL TIMES!

2) I had to pause the game 2 !@!@!@#~!~@~! times to move pictures to a different directory.

3) I ended up having 270some pictures, and Only used like 39 in this report:)

4) There is some secret messages in here, but if you are a rater, don't read them, you have already gotten them subliminaly


After game chat

Boy, i hope this comes out right


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