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The I_Hate_Medics Chronicles
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Date: 01/26/00 09:01
Game Type: Starcraft
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Report Rating: 10.0, # of Ratings: 1, Max: 10, Min: 10
Lifetime Rating for WilliamWC3: 9.0882
Warning: There are two types of people reading this report. The first kind is already off staring blankly at my pretty pictures. The second are the ones reading this warning because none of the pictures are loading. The reason for this is one of the following: Bill Gates is the devil; Netscape Navigator was programmed by a bunch of monkeys; a butterfly flapped its wings in Hong Kong (or one of its near by suburbs); you are actually trying to download this through a phone line (be serious people); or Bill Gates is the devil. Regardless, if you are in the latter group please hit the refresh button, clasp your hands together put your left thumb in front of your right thumb, put your right thumb in front of your left thumb, repeat. And please, please, please, have a nice day.

No one knows for sure why he hates medics but I think he's still pissed that Sarah hasn't called him back.

Wouldn't be a WC3 report without one.

This is the story of a man cursed by the fates. This is the story of a man who has lost every reported game in which he has appeared. This is the story of Obiwanjebroni. To begin this story we are going to have to travel back in time and visit two roommates as they were about to embark on their fateful journey. One of these roommates was a reporter and the other a player and they had a plan. A plan, perfect in its simplicity. The player, JPaikman / Obiwanjebroni, would beat top notch starcraft players and the reporter, WilliamWC3, would observe and write about these games and word of both their talents would spread about the land.

They began their endeavors small with an innocent victim who couldn't possibly have understood his role in the grand scheme of things. His name was Zileas. Unfortunately for the roommates fate had already turned against them and JPaikman was crushed by the old protoss legend. The roommates regrouped though and thought about their situation a little. Their plans had been spoiled by Zileas so perhaps they should start smaller with someone less well known.

A protoss player by the name of Iced-Tree is designated as the second victim. Unbelievably though, JPaikman is beaten again. Now our two heroes are desperate. They scroll down the list of people in No Hunters challenging anyone who isn't over 1100 ladder. Finally someone by the name of uncle_a accepts. At last JPaikman can begin to rebuild his reputation. As the game begins though uncle draws protoss and he refuses to fall at the hands of Paikman's zerg. After an epic battle through probable use of the Mark4 skill hack uncle_a is able to overrun JPaikmans zerg.

Now the plans of the two roommates lie in ruins. How can they ever rebuild JPaikman's reputation after such losses. Who will even bother playing him now. But just as they are about to give up and go buy copies of Diablo, the god who had turned away from them so cruelly in the past weeks suddenly sent a blessing. Another challenge, another game, one more last chance to save their reputations.. And so begins the I_Hate_Medics chronicles.

Huk Huk

We take up the action right where we left off in the last report after JPaikman's crushing defeat at the hands of uncle_a. It has been just 24 hours since this game and it is once again three AM and I am once again in nohunters. Zileas is here under one of his new logins arguing with about fifteen goofballs. If you can call it an argument. Zileas would make a well formed opinion about imbalance and then every goofball and his brother would start contradicting him with some of the most ridiculous irrelevant nonsense I've ever seen.

Well Zileas finally grew tired of this and went to bed. After the goofballs finally realized that he had left and they were now just contradicting each other they began to split off into games presumably to prove once and for all whether or not six corsairs beat six devourers. At this point in time I begin to pay more attention. I watch as people challenge each other to 1 v 1's looking for a good match up. I_Hate_Medics is searching for someone to play and LionLord says he will. Hmmm.. This could be an interesting game. LionLord played in one of my reports earlier and has observed in two of them. I_Hate_Medics curiously turns him down though saying that LionLord would own him. Suddenly an idea dawns on me. I tell my roommate to get his ass online.

My roommate enters the channel and tells Medics that the game is on. Medics who is relieved to get a response out of anyone other than LionLord, accepts the challenge. I begin by clarifying what my role will be with my standard "Me Watchy, Me Watchy...", and we begin map discussion. I immediately make it clear that I am not doing a report on another Temple game. My roommate suggests Rivalry and I groan so they tell me to just create. A bad idea always; I contemplate creating on one of the maps I have designed but realizing neither of them will play decide to stick with Blizz maps. I begin going through my map folders looking for decent maps never played on. I finally decide on Forsaken Valley (ahh now the sandy background is starting to make sense) a four player broodwar ladder map on desert tile which is played only slightly more frequently than Medusa.

Ok, its lets meet the map time. Forsaken Valley is a 196x128 (wider than it is tall) land map with starting locations in the corners. There is one ramp into each main that goes downhill into the main. Each starting location has one natural with out gas up the ramp from the main. There are two other expansions (one on the far left and the other on the far right) which have four mineral patches and a gas that are accessible by land. All other expansions are in the valley and cannot be reached without drop capability (floating bases etc.). In the valley there is four more expansions with only minerals and two expansions with both minerals and gas. This map is also know for being insanely easy to get troops behind someone's supply line as the minerals are just kind of in the middle of a wide open area.

Ok hold on so this map is not temple and its not rivalry..  wait I'm confused.

JPaikman attempts to begin the game with a suicidal ramming of his overlord into Medics' but Medics hacks his way out of it. I create the game and as usual the first person to join is another observer. This time though its not LionLord but rather the star of my last report uncle_a. Our two contestants join and uncle informs us all that he doesn't know the map. I tell him that he'll just have to wing it and hope he doesn't screw up and float his base the wrong way. As I start the game I_Hate_Medics chooses zerg and JPaikman lets the fates decide which race to fight for today. As soon as the game starts and I instruct uncle to float his base to the center of the map, I see that the fates have decided that JPaikman will also be zerg. Son of a.. Zerg v zerg is about as interesting as watching paint dry. The only thing worse is protoss vs protoss which is about as interesting as watching paint just sit there and not dry. uncle tries to cheer me up by telling me that at least it will be over quick. Well we'll see. As for starting locations Medics drew the upper right with Paikman in the lower right. Their overlords were both sent straight to each others bases and crossed in the middle.

The only sensible counter to the 13 pool is the very challenging 12 1/2 pool (experts only).

Will Britanny's boob job cost Medics the game? Well lets get this party started. JPaikman's opening build order is cancelled extractor on 9, hatchery on 10 and spawning pool on 13. I'm thinking that this is a wee bit questionable in a zerg v zerg game where you both know each others races and starting locations (the overlords have already crossed) but then I'm also thinking that I suck at this game since I've been playing for a year and a half and still manage to lose to people who have only been playing for a week. Now I check Medics base. He went extractor on 9 (not cancelled) hatchery on 13 and about the latest ass spawning pool I think I've ever seen in ZvZ. Well so much for JPaikman's build being questionable.

Hey wait a minute that drone doesn't belong there... Now JPaikman's overlord reports back to the cerebrate this peculiar build order and he realizes that it is still open to some zergling / offensive sunken harassment despite the spawning pool on thirteen. JPaikman sends a drone up to the base and begins building six zerglings at his. The drone arrives at the base but realizing that zergling support is still far away decides not to start anything suspicious just yet. The drone notes a creep colony being formed but also notes that the spawning pool is still far from completion. Oddly, despite the presence of a purple drone on his creep Medics continues to build drones and not save his larvae for zerglings.

JPaikman is quite the Ash Hole I hear As JPaikman's six zerglings enter the base his drone begins morphing a creep colony on the northern side of the creep. Medics pool has finished now and he begins converting his creep colony into a sunken. The zerglings immediately target the structure though and manage to kill it before any zerglings are lost. Now Medics' first six zerglings hatch. The zerglings engage and one zergling from each side is lost before JPaikman retreats his five zerglings. Medics five zerglings now target the sunken while JPaikman's zerglings split up. Two of the zerglings start flanking Medics ones which are fighting the sunken while the other three head for the supply line.

sigh, I guess we'll have to keep watching after all. JPaikman's three zerglings which make it to the supply line are immediately greeted by spitting drones as Medics instructs his gatherers to defend themselves. The three zerglings manage to take a few drones with them but are quickly overwhelmed by the twelve or so spitters. Back at the sunken Medics' five zerglings after doing significant damage to the sunken are forced to engage the two zergling that are flanking them. The result is that both sets of zerglings die leaving a 110 hit point sunken and ten or so drones. The drones surround the sunken and losing a couple more of their number manage to make it explode.

Mutaliks RULE!

Medics' first flyers. While this was going on JPaikman has sent a drone to the bottom-left corner and began a hatchery there. Meanwhile, Medics who was upgrading his base even during the attack has almost finished his lair and being the Korean fanatic that he is, is going for the standard muta/ling. While Medics finishes his fast tech to mutalisks, JPaikman builds his economy at both bases adds a hydralisk den and finally starts the lair upgrade. As Medics' first four mutalisks hatch and begin searching the map for overlords to hunt a small task force of eight zerglings and four hyrdalisks are on their way to his base.

Ah, its just hyda guts. JPaikman's zergling-hydralisk force finds one sunken stationed out in front of the base a bit. They target the structure and manage to take it down quickly. Twelve of Medics' nearby zerglings charge JPaikman's remaining six 'lings and overwhelm them. The hydralisk immediately begin to retreat with Medics' eight surviving 'lings in pursuit. The zerglings kill a hydralisk before stopping and it looks like the other three will escape when Medics' four mutalisks arrive. The hydralisks are still in "move" mode and do not therefore return fire until one of them is dead and the other badly wounded. The result is that all four mutalisks survive and none of the hydralisks are as lucky.

A mutalisk's favorite pass time. During this attack Medics also expands to the upper-left main as one of JPaikman's overlords sent there to scout notes. Now JPaikman immediately begins an evolutionary bay and a few creep colonies at his bases in preparation for the mutalisk harassing that is sure to come. The overlord hunting squad of mutalisks that has now grown to six starts patrolling around the map and manages to pick off a couple of JPaikman's non-speed upgraded overlords.

I don't understand why these two can't fight on one side of the map at a time. Now these mutalisks find JPaikman's lower left expansion which is currently defended by two spores and a hydralisk. After situating themselves so that they can only be hit by one spore they manage to kill it and the hydralisk and then chase the drones to the other spore. At the same time though on the opposite corner of the map hydralisks which had been sent from JPaikman's main to attack Medics' new expansion upper left pass through Medics' natural. As these twelve hydralisks pass by the ramp into Medics' base ten zerglings most likely on their way to finish off Paikman's lower left expand come up the ramp and splits the hydras into two groups. The lagging group is quickly overwhelmed while the leading group stops and groups up. The hydralisks in the leading group are able to kill these zerglings without further loss.

Sir Robin the not so brave as Sir Lancelot. The four mutalisks that are still alive lower left are now instructed to return to base to deal with the hydra threat. The seven hydralisks which survived the zergling assault decide that since they just killed 'lings coming from the main that perhaps it would make a better target than the new expand they were headed towards. Once in the base though they find a sunken placed exactly where the last one had been and twelve zerglings that had just been scrambled. The hydralisk pull back after two of them die and begin running from ten zerglings giving chase. Meanwhile about ten more hydralisks are on their way northward to support the others.

Especially at public beaches.

Trust me, the game was even more confusing. When the first four reinforcing hydralisks arrive they encounter four of Medics' zerglings coming up the ramp. After losing one hydralisk the zerglings are dispatched and two of the three remaining hydras are morphed into lurkers. More of Medics' zerglings come up the ramp but the other six of JPaikman's hydralisks arrive and defend the lurker eggs while they morph. Meanwhile on the other side of the map, the five retreating hydralisk have crossed the entire map and ran straight into Medics' upper-left expansion which is defended by two sunkens. The hydralisks die quickly to the sunkens while I realize that the ten zerglings which I thought were giving chase to these hydras actually had other plans. Instead of following the hydras into the upper-left base they turned south and were now approaching JPaikman's lower-left expansion.

Damn pacifist hydralisks. Meanwhile back in upper-right just as the two lurkers are finished morphing the four mutalisks which had been taking a cigarette break during the proceeding chaos, finally return to the main to help defend. The six hydralisks and and two lurkers move into the main and the lurkers burrow near the sunken. Things are looking good for JPaikman when the hydralisks mysteriously pull back. This allows the mutalisks and sunkens to kill the lurkers. All of Medics' zerglings die but there is another sunken hastily being morphed and a sunken and four mutalisks still defending so the surviving five hydralisks retreat.

Math.random() battle number 173 of this game. Now back to bottom-left Medics' ten zerglings are able to kill several drones but eventually die to five hydralisks that had recently been spawned there. This time though zerglings and mutalisks manage to track down and kill the hydralisks after they danced half way across the map. Meanwhile, JPaikman's next attack was already on its way has four hydralisks and about eight 'lings head north from the lower-left to Medics' upper-left base. Once there they find three sunkens and a few zerglings and are only able to take out one sunken before they all fall.

In case you didn't follow (didn't read) the last five paragraphs heres some maps to make you really confused.

Paikmans troops pose for a group photo, zerglings bow down to god-like white drone, and of course chaos At the same time, Medics is building a hatchery at his natural and sending about nine zerglings over to the lower left for reasons unknown. This is only of mild interest though because as the hatchery at Medics' natural is merrily morphing away supported by a small group of ten or so zerglings, a large army of JPaikman's troops is headed straight for it. About twenty 'lings, eight hydralisks and two lurkers charge into the natural and before the lurkers can burrow the hatchery is canceled and Medics' troops fall back. JPaikman immediately pushes into the main. The resulting battle is quite chaotic. JPaikman's troops move to the north of the base so they will only have to fight one sunken but the lurkers burrow late and Medics has twelve mutalisks and eight fresh zerglings to defend. The zerglings all die but the mutalisks overpower the hydralisks and then finish off the lurkers. With his remaining zerglings Paikman attempts to suicide the spire but only gets it down to 129 hit points.

Hydralisks RULE! Meanwhile those nine zerglings in the bottom-left decide to make themselves useful and attack JPaikman's base there. One lurker burrowed by the hatchery fries the zerglings before they can kill anything however. Now during all this confusion of constant attacks JPaikman has built a hatchery at the far right expansion. Unfortunately mutalisks which have been patrolling this for most of the game find it and kill it before any minerals can be gathered there. About sixteen lings are also sent into this base to make sure the expansion stays dead. As the zerglings are leaving this base they encounter a string of hydralisks heading northward from JPaikman's main. The first few hydralisks are separated and killed but the rest take care of the zerglings quickly. The mutalisks try to go in and support the zerglings but seeing that it is hopeless pull back losing a couple of their number.

Et tu Brutus?

His scv still has 10 hit points left.  Clear evidence of hacking. During all of this I am forced to tab out of starcraft to transfer some screen shots. When I tab back in I hear, "Your forces are under attack." My forces are under attack!? I look to the center of the map and see that sure enough that back stabbing little mo fo has built an scv which is now busy cutting away at my base with his little fusion cutters. I immediately begin production of my own scv. Unfortunately, I am distracted by the game and uncle_a is clearly hacking so my scv is killed. I lift off my base and continue to watch.

Go Jose Go Now I notice that Medics has advanced to hive and presumably cracklings while JPaikman has just begun work on his queens nest. I also notice that Medics has not upgraded his troops at all while JPaikman is 1/1. To replace the hatchery lost at his natural, Medics now begins morphing another one at the natural to the upper-left base. Now the same attack force that was cut off in transit as it passed the far right expansion has finally arrived at its destination: Medics' upper-left base. The attack force now consists of twelve hydralisks a couple of lurkers and a few odd 'lings. They cut off a couple of drones which were being Maynarded to the hatchery at the upper-left natural and then move in. Defending they find three sunkens and a few hydralisks (Medics had recently built a den at the upper-left base).

Reinforcements have arrived. Medics begins pumping hydralisk out of both hatcheries at the expansion but his troops are still not upgraded. The result is that Medics loses all three sunkens about ten hydras and a few zerglings while JPaikman loses almost nothing. Now though a large muta/ling force of about ten mutalisk and sixteen lings which were preparing to attack JPaikman's main finally arrives. Once again all the zerglings die to lurker and hydralisk fire but the mutalisks survive unscathed and kill the last lurker with the help of overlords.


Late-Ass Maynards Galore Now hydralisks and zerglings which are gathered outside of JPaikman's lower left expansion intercept a late ass Maynard transfer. On the other side of the map an identical late ass Maynard transfer is being conducted by Medics but his goes unharrassed as JPaikman no longer has troops on that half of the map. Medics now gathers hydralisks, zerglings, mutalisks and overlords outside of the lower-left expansion. JPaikman now frustrated at his inability to carry out a successful attack and realizing that both his mineral gathering sites are running low, concedes the game. Does he leave the game? Of course not.

If it isn't Brittany Spears its uncle_a's stupidity.  How is Medics supposed to focus? Uncle_a now gets really confused and eventually admits that the entire time he thought JPaikman was white. Arrgg, this guy makes LionLord look good. Back to the game though, I_Hate_Medics attacks with his twelve mutalisks, twelve hydralisks, about 20 some odd lings. Defending the base they find four spore colonies, three lurkers and four hydralisks. Well the mutalisks are quickly shot down by the spores while the zerglings die even quicker to the spines of the lurkers. The twelve hydralisks manage to kill one spore, two of lurkers and all four of Paikman's hydras before the overlord falls to spores leaving the remaining hydras at the mercy of the last lurker.

More senseless violence for your viewing entertainment

Just when it appears to be over JPaikman warps 12 hydralisks in from out of his ass. JPaikman just refuses to die. Why is he wasting our ti... Suddenly I notice a huge purple splotch headed northward out of JPaikman's main. Twenty four hydralisks are on their way to wreak havoc on Medics' main. Meanwhile at JPaikman's last functional expansion five guardians have been morphed and are proceeding to rip through the base. A few hydralisks scrambled at this expansion manage to take out one of the guardians but that is the last bit of resistance offered to save lower-left.

Tide statitistics couretesy of the National Ocean Organization (yes we have one of those)

Sneaky little bastard might win after all. Back at Medics' main the twenty-four hydralisks have been reduced to eighteen by the defending forces of a sunken, eight lings and a hydralisk. The remaining eighteen quickly tear down the hive, greater spire, queens nest and spawning pool. JPaikman has run out of cash now though and is long distance mining with what drones he has managed to save. Medics has been reduced to his bases at the upper left main and the upper left natural and can only make hydralisks. The hydralisks immediately leave upper right after taking out the last structure and head towards upper-left. JPaikman starts morphing a hatchery at the far right expansion with hopes of getting back in the game.

Medics' demise As the hydralisks arrive at the upper left natural they find a few hydralisks, still 0/0 and two sunkens defending it. The hydralisks take more losses but the eleven surviving hydras begin to level the expansion. Eight more hydralisks come in from behind them from the upper left main but they file in one at a time and are killed without taking a single one of JPaikman's hydras with them. Now it is I_Hate_Medics turn to concede the game. Unlike JPaikman he actually leaves it though.

So much for under 25 minutes.  What a rediculous game.

Oooh pretty.

Thoughts on the game: I still think mutalisks and zerglings beats hydras and lurkers on a map like that. If medics had kept up on upgrades I think he would have won. Of course he might have needed the gas for his mutalisks. Of course I don't know what I'm talking about. Never give up. It actually won JPaikman a game this time. I think I_Hate_Medics still had a chance at the end if he realized how bad JPaikman's economy was he may have stayed in and just tried to hold the upper left main and then countered. I also think was a really good game. Good job guys.

Thoughts on the map: A lot of people don't like this map because the ramp is inverted which makes it a lousy choke to defend. This tends to turn it into more of a rush map despite its size. People also complain that you can fit an entire infantry division behind the supply line. Other quirky things about the map is the large quantity of mineral only expansions (eight) and the whole valley thing. I still like this map precisely because of all these things. Its not temple. Get over it. I think people should learn how to play on more than one type of map.

YES! JPaikman finally won a WilliamWC3 reported game. All has been forgiven. He can show his face in nohunters again. Ah but only if the story ended there.. (you were wondering about the sudden change in background)

He who laughs last.. probably doesn't get it.

About sixteen hours later and the night is still young, my roommate and I are back in the channel. Lo and behold our new friend I_Hate_Medics is in here. Before I even realize what's going on my roommate publicly asks Medics for a rematch. What is he thinking? Risking his only win in a WC3 report ever in a rematch, is the man a fool? It certainly seems so as Medics' one word reply speaks volumes: "revenge".

We meet in channel ruby and this time despite all my moaning and groaning the map is decided to be rivalry. I create on one of the several hundred observer versions of the map I have collected and start the game. This time no other observers. Just JPaikman, I_Hate_Medics and I. Medics selects terran as his weapon of choice and JPaikman as usual goes random. Medics, the terran commander, finds himself in the north-west corner of the map while JPaikman gets protoss in the opposite south-east corner.

Oh cool, I've seen the map before.  Maybe this time I'll have some idea what's going on.

prerequisite: BS 220 - RCC Training and Saying the Network is Down

JPaikman is good at playing dumb, you have to give him that. This game begins with two more unusual builds. Medics begins with a depot on 8 a refinery I think about ten and a barracks close to 12. JPaikman wins the unusual build contest this game by going pylon, gateway, pylon, assimilator, nexus at the southern expansion, cybernetics, robotics facility, robotics support bay, zealot. Sure this gives you a late zealot but if you like to tech like a whore while expanding like a whore simultaneously then it can't be beat.

Poor Deon.. Killed by the little robotic bastards again. Medics meanwhile realizes that his opponent is protoss (it would have been cute if he had gone refinery before rax against zerg) begins construction of two factories. His first scouting scv attacks a probe that is just milling around before getting drawn into the supply line and almost killed. The scv retreats but comes back shortly thereafter for a second look. He is killed almost immediately by another idle probe. This scv does however send back important information about JPaikman's build. I_Hate_Medics realizes that despite his ass late barracks he still has the opportunity to offensive bunker JPaikman.

Like a rat.. or an scv in this case.

Great, woud someone get a probe over here to clean this up. Medics sends an scv and all of his marines(two) to JPaikman's base. It would have worked too despite the zealot that was half finished now except the scv got too far ahead of the marines and began wandering through the maze of pylons. Somehow two probes manage to trap the scv in between the nexus and the cybernetics core. The remaining two marines try attacking the supply line anyway but a zealot finally popped out and with the help of the probes themselves the marines are taken down.

When I'm on the road, I'm invinvible.

Damn kids!! Medics' first two vultures just popped though and are already on the way to Paikman's base. The first two vultures dance with Paikman's zealot for a while at his ramp before the zealot finally retreats to the supply line. By now though two more vultures have arrived and the zealot dies quickly. The vultures immediately go behind the supply line and start blowing up probes. Now a reaver comes out of the robotics facility and a shuttle which had been hovering overhead scoops it up quickly. The probes flee to the southern expansion and the vultures follow. A reaver full of scarabs is there waiting for them though and after several explode the rest retreat.

Everyone is still saying 'owns' right?  I've been out of the loop for a couple of months.

top:Looking back this reaver drop doesn't look like such a good idea.  bottom: Two vultures except a dare from a marine and try to outrun a scarab. Now, the terran commander expands to the north-east main and sends his first two tanks to start seiging JPaikman's expansion. The protoss executor tries dropping the reaver next to the one sieged tank but an unsieged tank and five vultures manage to kill it before it does serious damage. All the troops now charge into the expansion and it falls quickly. Medics tries to push into the main now but JPaikman has several dragoons and another reaver.

JPaikman loses miserably despite pulling off a very cute reaver drop. Seeing that he can't push into JPaikman's base just yet, Medics expands again this time to the south-west main. JPaikman attempts a reaver drop at the north-east main and succeeds in killing a tank, a marine, a vulture and a couple of scvs before losing both reavers to more sieged tanks. Medics' tank push proceeds slowly as do most terran v protoss pushes until he finally just amasses tanks and sends them in unsieged. JPaikman's dragoons start collapsing and finally the expansionless 'toss is overrun.

JPaikman died.. badly.

Mini-Maps Rule!

Thoughts on the game: Wow, JPaikman got owned.

Thoughts on the map: This map is a lot like temple in the early game but can get quite interesting late in the game with all the bridges and points of entry things you have to consider. Some people say terran has a rough time of it on this map but I think they are alright. No islands for 'toss to turtle up on; few ledges to hide guardians and carriers; and I love watching protoss ground trying to cross one of those bridges into a well defended terran base.

Oh dear look what JPaikman has gone and done now. He has ruined his only chance of winning in a WC3 report. He just barely won the first game and got owned badly in the second. Is there any chance he'll win the tie breaker? Read on my friend.

Token ancient greek reference

In between the second and third game there is yet another map dispute. This time I refuse to let them play on temple or rivalry. I go through all of the ladder maps twice and finally acropolis is agreed on. Acropolis is a six player land 192x192 ladder map on jungle tile. There is one starting location at the top, one at the bottom and two on each side all evenly spaced. There is an island expansion in each corner and a raised jungle expansion on each side of the map in the middle. There is also several small expansions and one big expansion in the high jungle in the center of the map. The choke to each base consist of a ramp down from the high jungle, then a bridge and finally a gate formed by temple which units but not structures can be placed on. ahh look at the map.

Not another game on Acropolis.  Come on guys be original.

I created and this time Medics decides to switch back and go zerg. JPaikman, not wanting to take any chances with another zerg v zerg game changes his race at the last minute to terran to ensure his favorite match up. As the game begins I find JPaikman has drawn the 10:00 spot with I_Hate_Medics in the far away 4:00 spot. Before the game can even start, Medics begins complaining about the zerg vs terran match up.

Or sitting around waiting for these two goofballs to do something.

Wow, build orders that actually make sense.  That's refreshing. Medics goes surprise, surprise early gas while JPaikman does a one barracks, second command center, two more barracks build and then begins teching to science vessels. The zerg cerebrate meanwhile starts upgrading his base and then adds a second hatchery and a hydralisk den. About the same time as JPaikman's command center reaches the upper-left island, Medics begins morphing a hatchery at the 6:00 main.

Let's see... You go left at the bridge and then.. The size and unfamiliarity of the map seem to cause scouting problems for both players as both zerglings and scvs alike are frequently seen wandering through various parts of the map apparently dazed and confused. Medics finishes his tech up to lurkers and burrows two of them just up the ramp from his main. He is also busy developing his 6:00 expansion where he builds a couple of evolutionary bays to actually get upgrades this game. At about this time he also sends another drone out and builds a hatchery at the 8:00 main.

You know when the first blood of a game is a seige tank that you are doing something wrong. We finally get to see some action when five zerglings which had been running from base to base come stumbling into JPaikman's main. Amazingly this small force is actually able to kill a siege tank which had been very poorly placed before the zerglings die. JPaikman has now finished his three barracks and his tech to science vessels. His expansion in the upper left is running smoothly and another command center is being built there presumably for floating to another island.

Thankyou, the manner section of our game ends here.

Zerglings falling out of trees all over the place. Now when the first science vessel pops out, two siege tanks twelve marines and the vessel move out into the center of the map. Almost as soon as they are up the ramp one of the many zerglings Medics has sent on scouting missions runs into the terran party. The zergling dies quickly but not before it transmits the movement of terran troops to its cerebrate. Medics sends four lurkers and about ten zergling that had been guarding the choke at the terran squad. The lurkers attempt a push into the infantry while the zerglings take hits get in cheap shots at retreating marines. Four more marines and four of those sexy medics our zerg friend is so keen on arrive and prevent this harassment from doing serious damage. The tanks siege now and with the science vessel to give them sight the lurkers are forced to retreat.

Warning: When cornered zerglings can be quite ferocious especially if they are on crack. With the science vessel to show that the lurkers have left, the terran infantry pushes forward. They move down the ramp across the bridge and into Medic's main. Some of the m&m finds some zerglings cowering in a corner. The zerglings realizing that they are trapped charge the troops and surprisingly kill two marines despite medic support. I look at Medics' base. I see a queens nest and a hive. Ahh the little zergies are on crack now. This ought to be interesting.

Imbalance?  Actually I just like starting controversy.

dig, dig, dig, dig.. ahh shit. It occurs to me now what the zerglings were doing in the corner. They were hiding, trying to flank the terran squad. there are four lurkers hiding in the northern corner which have not been discovered yet. Medics now sends about ten hydralisks and fifteen zerglings at the terrans from his base while bringing the lurkers down from the north. Unfortunately he underestimated how quickly his troops would die to the m&m and unseiged tanks as all of the hydras and 'lings were dead before the lurkers finished burrowing. The lurkers barely got a shot off before they too died to the terran army. Now another science vessel has arrived and both have begun irradiating hydralisks and overlords.

The Terran Jugernaut: We don't brake for hydras Eight hydralisk charge but they lose horribly to the two unsieged tanks and twenty or so marines that are gathered in Medics' base now. The tanks finally seiged and immediately cracklings begin pouring in from all directions. The cracklings try suiciding themselves on the tanks but the marines are killing them too quickly. As the infantry gets lured into Medics' base they lose a few marines to lurker spines but the last couple lurkers finally fall. JPaikman's two tanks are sieged in the base now and the science vessels fly freely over it.

Thats just uncalled for. Just as cracklings finally take out one of JPaikman's original tanks, two more arrive. JPaikman irradiates his own science vessel and uses it to kill off drones. I_Hate_Medics, sick of this nonsense, concedes the game despite his remaining expansions.

Terrans RULE!

I Rule!

Thoughts on the game: Zerg v Terran is rough especially on a big map where early 'ling harassment is difficult. I think that Medics should have used his lurkers when he had them. He scout JPaikman several times so he probably knew that the terran was behind on tech for a while. If he wasn't going to use his lurkers he needed to tech to something else quick. And not just cracklings. Defilers would have been nice, or queens or even guardians. Of course science vessels eat all those things for breakfast. By his own admission he didn't macro very well. Perhaps more troops at the right time would have helped. It also might have been worth it to lose his main and counter on JPaikman's base. Its usually not worth it to attack a terran where all his troops are. M&m grows stronger in numbers.

Thoughts on the map: Acropolis is a pretty cool map though it is a little big for 1v1s. It can be fun in 2v2s and ffas though I personally prefer maps which are less symmetrical.

uh William? I mean I know its cool that you like to do these battle reports and all and you wanted to fit in a few extra background tiles but the series is over.. Well yes the story could have ended there but it didn't. We were sitting in the channel discussing the three game series and how much the last game sucked for Medics when some little devil took over my fingers. I'm not sure where he came from but he got in my fingers and made me type one short, simple and evil phrase; "best of 5?" Well it took a little while for the two to realize what I was referring to but when they finally figured it out they quickly agreed. Well Medics somewhat more quickly than JPaikman.

A lot like Star Wars only better graphics.. ok maybe not

I already knew from the last map dispute that I would never get these two to agree on a different ladder map so I suggested creating on a Math.random() map and surprisingly, after I explained what this meant, they agreed. I guess the evil you don't know is better than the evil you do. I went to my broodwar map directory placed my mouse over the scrollbar and closed my eyes. When I am reasonably confident that I've managed to pick a map I open my eyes. Hmmm.. Orbital Gully. Never heard of it. Well while our contestants tab out to have a look at it lets get a closer look ourselves.

It is a four player 128x128 land map on space tile. The starting locations are at 1:00, 4:00, 7:00 and 10:00 and each starting location has a quasi-natural in the clockwise direction. There are also two expansion in the center and each has two gas mines. All expansions and mains are on low platform while the rest of the map is on the just plain old platform level. There are two ramps into each main, one ramp into each natural and two ramps into each center expansion. There are also more whirling doodads than you can shake a stick at.

Orbital what?

When the two players have finished examining the map, they both agree to it. I_Hate_Medics decides to go back to his trusty terran while JPaikman decides that against a terran he had best random. When the two share vision with me, I see that we are in another same race game. This time two terrans will battle it out to the death. JPaikman draws the 7:00 spot with Medics in the near by 4:00.

In addition to being the fourth game of the series this game will also prove once and for all wether or not the degree of bullshit in a game is in fact proportional to the number of terran players in it.

I'm really not at all sure why Medics bothers to scout at all. JPaikman knowing his opponent is terran goes early gas while Medics who doesn't yet know what his opponent is gets gas early anyway because he always does. After this though their build orders diverge. JPaikman pumps marines continuously out of his one barracks while constructing a factory, a machine shop and then researching siege mode and training his first tank. Medics meanwhile stops marine production early while building two factories and he builds two vultures out of his first factory before constructing a machine shop.

Nothing cuter than planting spider mines next to sieged tanks. Both players send out their initial attack at about the same time and the two forces meet at the top of JPaikman's ramp. Medics' troops consist of six marines and two vultures while JPaikman has about ten marines two scvs and one siege tank. Medics' grenade launching bikes cut through the infantry pretty well but the two scvs actually manage to help turn the tide in the battle and JPaikman's forces win the first conflict with one tank, two scvs and four marines surviving. The troops immediately push forward to Medics' northern ramp where one of the scvs begins a bunker while the tanks sieges up. A couple of vultures a marine and an scv of Medics attacks these troops while the bunker is being built and manage to kill the last marine just as the bunker finishes. Now that the tank is unsupported a vulture gets up next to it plants a spider mine and than scurries out of there. Though the tank isn't killed by the blast it is badly wounded and is then forced to endure the humiliation of losing to one vulture.

Whats your vector Victor?

What can I say, I love taking pictures of lost scv's. Now Medics begins a command center at the 1:00 main and a starport at his base. He also adds a machine shop on to his second factory to begin tank production himself. JPaikman meanwhile is already sending a second attack force out. This time it consists of four marines, two tanks and an scv and is headed for the southern ramp. Five vultures find this force and start en route and start pounding away at the tanks before they realize their ammunition would be better used on the infantry which has gone ahead a bit. They pop the marines quickly and then "be out" while the first wraith shows up and chases the tanks all the way back to JPaikman's base. The scv in the mean time got lost in some doodads and ended up making it into Medics' base long after the battle was over. The scv sat there idly for some time undetected before it was finally killed.

Yo ass is contained.. so to speak. The first wraith is now joined by another and together they begin harassing JPaikman's troops which are not within missile turret detection range. Scvs and medics are able to keep the wraiths from doing any damage however and they eventually retreat. Meanwhile though a tank and a couple of vultures are stationed at JPaikman's eastern ramp while a marine is stationed to guard the western ramp. A couple of JPaikman's siege tanks which were being sent out of the base flatten this marine on the western ramp while a stray marine of Paikman's is splattered near the eastern ramp alerting JPaikman of the siege there.

Terran V Terran games RULE!

Check your indicators!! JPaikman now gathers five tanks, seven marines and two scvs on top of the western ramp to his base. Three wraiths find these troops but one runs out of cloaking energy and is shot down, and a comsat forces the other two to retreat after JPaikman loses a couple of marines. Now the five tanks quickly push forward and manage to all siege in a nice line formation so that they are all within range of the tanks. When they siege up Medics containing force consists of three tanks and a couple of odd marines, wraiths, vultures etc. JPaikman's five tanks siege within range of two of Medics' tanks and one of JPaikman's tanks is killed immediately. The surviving four blast away at a vulture which happens to be in the area. In the second round of fire JPaikman's tanks are cut down to three.

Thats why they call it no man's land. But now, nine of JPaikman's marines charge into no man's land to attract fire away from the tanks. Three wraiths and a marine of Medics do likewise. JPaikman comsats quickly and the result is the loss of one tank, one wraith and a marine by Medics and the loss of three marines by JPaikman. The other two wraiths retreated at the sight of the comsat. Two more marines die as they charge Medics other tank that is within range of JPaikman's tanks. JPaikman's four remaining marines manage to kill this tank but the combined fire of the third tank and Medics' two cloaked wraiths that have returned manage to destroy these marines. The three surviving tanks of JPaikman's which now lack air defense unsiege and return hastily to base.

Jose says tank push!

Suddenly his hatred of medics makes a lot more sense. In the meantime Medics has gotten his 1:00 expansion online and has constructed another starport there, as well as a third factory at his main. JPaikman is still determined to take out the containment though and he sends four marines, four medics five tanks and an scv straight at his western ramp. Medics has one seiged just on top of the ramp and another tank almost a whole tank range back. Medics also has a couple of wraiths in the area. JPaikman loses on tank going up the ramp but Medics tank also falls and a comsat chases off the wraiths for a short while. Now JPaikman's forces charge the second tank. This time though the combined assault of the tanks and the two wraiths which have returned again manage to cut the number of marines down to three.


Wraiths are cocky little bastards aren't they. Fortunately the wraiths are out of energy and the one marine with three medics is able to sustain indefinite wraith fire so the fighter pilots return to base. JPaikman's three medics, one marine, one scv and three of his siege tanks move towards the southern ramp while his fourth tank mysteriously wanders off towards the northern ramp of Medics base. The solo tank is quickly overwhelmed by several of Medics tanks while the southern group manages to kill several spider mines before they can detonate. Just as JPaikman's troops reach the ramp six wraiths arrive and kill the one marine. The wraiths then target the tank as they, the medics and the scv begins retreating.

They aren't so cocky when their cloak runs out however. All three tanks die just as eight marines of JPaikman's arrive to reinforce. The six wraiths engage the marines killing several of them but losing most of their number. Now though four unsieged tanks, a vulture and a couple more wraiths come down from Medics' northern ramp and finish off the marines. Now JPaikman says gg and of course doesn't leave the game. I_Hate_Medics who has learned not to take JPaikman's gg's seriously adds another starport and expands to the 11:00 natural.


Medics cleverly maneuvers his wraiths to attract turret fire away from his tanks. Medics now sieged tanks below the ramp in JPaikmans base and begins the push. He uses wraiths to fly ahead and assassinate tanks and help kill marines which charge his tanks. JPaikman gives ground as slowly as possible even lifting buildings occasionally to keep himself alive but he is running out of time. Now one of Medics' tank finally takes advantage of one of the peculiarities of this map and sieges by the western ramp where it can pound away at almost all of JPaikman's base. JPaikman is now completely hemmed in and his last tanks soon falls. A couple of Medics' wraith pilots still not happy with the situation, decide to fly in and target JPaikman's last missile turret and go down in a blaze of glory. Despite this loss JPaikman's base is soon razed. (woohoo spelled it write this time!)

I am a GOD!

Thoughts on the game: This game was really exciting. There was a lot of good terran strategies used. I think the most importing thing you can get from this game is how powerful wraiths are against an all ground terran.

Thoughts on the map: There were some accusations of imbalance etc. about the starting locations after the game. The fact that you start out below everything else is kind of ridiculous but I still think its a pretty cool map. A good alternative to forsaken valley if you think that map is too big.

So it has all come down to this. One game to decide once and for all who will be the victor and who just plain sucks. Five games, all that death and destruction all leads to the one final chapter. Yes folks, this one truly is for all the marbles.

You just said that

Well the map dispute which was now getting quite predictable began this time with JPaikman insisting we play on Temple. I was about to concede when surprisingly I_Hate_Medics stepped in and refused to play it saying that he hated that map. In order to avoid another Rivalry game I quickly suggest another random map. They agree, I close my eyes and we're off.

The map, Wasteland is a 128x96 (wider than it is tall) four player broodwar land map on desert tile. The starting locations, just like Orbital Gully are at 1:00, 4:00, 7:00 and 10:00. There is one expansion in between each main and there are no ramps or particularly narrow chokes between any of the mains or expansions. There is high ground surrounding each main and expansion and there is high ground in the center which has two expansion on top of it. None of the high ground is accessible without dropping.

Great, orange and yellow on a desert map.  This ought to be interesting.

I_Hate_Medics and JPaikman join the game and after they both check to see that the map is to their satisfaction I start. Medics decides to go terran again JPaikman once again sticks with random. When the two share vision with me I see the terran commander Medics at the 10:00 spot with JPaikman drawing the zerg at 4:00 on the far side of the map.

Its a good thing this report is almost over because I am really running out of things to say in these alt texts

Deon manages to take drone with him. JPaikman knowing that his opponent is terran, sets his mind on lurkers early. He goes extractor, spawning pool and the lair upgrade as soon as possible, adding a hydralisk den while the upgrade is going. During this he tries to beat his teching like a whore strategy of game 2 by only building two zerglings before he finishes lair. Medics meanwhile, quite amazingly builds two barracks before his refinery and for the first time in the series trains a marine before gathering at least 100 gas. While this is going on much to JPaikman's chagrin, Medics' scouting scv manages to kill one of his drones before the other zerg workers can ignite the terran vehicle.

Raising the question once more, why do some drones explode and others merely collapse?  And which would you rather do? The first attack is begun by Medics' with five marines. They head eastward out of the base towards JPaikman's encountering and killing a few zerglings in the middle of the map. This warns Paikman of the incoming squad but he isn't afraid with his sunken defending all the important structures. Unfortunately this map has no choke and the marines manage to walk all the way around the sunken's range and behind the minerals beyond the reach of the subterranean tentacle. It looks like this game may be cut exceptionally short. Fortunately for our protagonist though there is a gap in the mineral patches and all of his drones and his one hydralisk is able to get through and quell the marine uprising before too much economy is lost.

Wow, lurkers.  What a surprise. Not long after this JPaikman's first lurker finishes morphing and begins heading across the map. In Medics' base he has about six marines, three barracks blinking away and a busily churning machine shop. The lurker encounters some marines at the outskirts of the base and burrows. After a couple die a comsat shows the beast. The lurker unburrows and charges towards the only factory which is located at the southern edge of the base. The marines follow but the lurker still has half its hit points left when it escapes under the sand. Medics doesn't have enough energy for another comsat so he sends an scv to build a missile turret right next to the factory. Unfortunately the scv building the missile turret explodes before he can finish. The marines are then ruthlessly shredded. Medics now comsats but he has no marines left. His machine shop has stopped whirling but the factory is not active. The lurker would shred any tanks made by the factory as soon as they came out. Checkmate. Two more lurkers scamper into the base and start pushing to the mineral line. Medics concedes the game and then watches passively as his base is overrun.

I am a GOD!

Thoughts on the game: Wow, JPaikman won! Amazing. He took a pretty big risk by not making any troops early so he could tech to lurkers really fast and it paid off. In zerg v terran you have to make strong moves in my opinion. Wow, JPaikman won!

Thoughts on the game: This map is pretty cool, no choke makes it a bitch for terran and its pretty small. I think it has rush map written all over it.

I'll epilog you.

What!?! All this was building to that. A three paragraph lurker rush? Excuse me while I go kill myself. Well at least Jose won the day. From now on no one can say that JPaikman has never won a game. Here's proof. So show the man some respect for God's sake.

I'm silver`thunder here and showing my objective journalism as always.

Lessons Learned

1. Hydralisks rule!!

2. WilliamWC3 has way too much free time on his hands.

3. Five games should be in five separate battle reports because it will never load right this way.

4. These lesson learned sections are getting kind of dumb.

Game Statistics

# of back stabbing observers: 1

# of pictures that did not load correctly on your computer: all of them

# of times Picture Publisher 8 asked me to register it: 2,034

Jose actually winning in a WC3 battle report: priceless

Special Thanks

Special thanks go out to Ricky Martin for his inspirational music, the guy who invented Velcro and the manager of food services at Washington University.

Bonus Points

I award Bill Gates -21,245,234.13 bonus points as interest on his already large sum of negative bonus points.

I award anyone who thought the world was going to end at the the millenium -20 bonus points (another -20 for anyone who just said the millenium isn't over yet).

I award JPaikman, Jose_the_Monkey, 125 bonus points for finally winning a WC3 report.


None of the previously described events are true. All of them were manufactured by the Central Intelligence Agency to distract you from foreign policy decisions. You do not believe this however, and if you think on this disclaimer again you will keel over and die immediately. Thank you.

Author's Note

First of all, yes I do have no life. That out of the way, I've been working on this damn thing for almost a month now so I hope people can actually load it on their computer. I'm sure it will take several refreshes even on a pentium III with a cable modem so be patient. Also I use five different fonts in this report which I'm sure not all of you have so you can download those here. Just copy them into your windows\fonts directory. I don't know when my next report will be be but none too soon I can assure you that. Maybe I should pretend to retire to generate some more comments... Well I'm outta here.

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