|hmmm, i'm going to have to masturbate now|
|Family Reunions are FUN!!!!|
|Date: ||11/03/99 09:11|
|Game Type: ||Starcraft|
|Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 5, Max: 10, Min: 9|
Lifetime Rating for Eggfoo-young: 8.4706
Twas the dawn
sun shining on the snow as darkness enveloped the planet. The
darkness slowly invaded this bright land full of newly packed
snow and trembling Ursadons. But a new tremble began as the
lonely Ursadons lived completely oblivious to the terror that
would strike. And as the dust settled this land was bestowed
two new races. Each race with two commanders; this was to be
the battle to settle the snow. This is to be WINTER CONQUEST
DUKES OF HAZARD STYLE!
|In the north and north east mineral sections the
p-ohhhh-lease set up camp and prepared for the inevitable.
Across the map two Terran's started up their General Lee's and
established mining colonies and the necessary things to defend
their moonshine business. Players will be colored according to
team. Terrans are red, Protoss are blue.|
|The Dukes (Terrans)|
Luke Duke (Storminator/T_mac)(TEAL
Choosing Terran, Storminator begins in the South and
chooses to tech. He goes 8 depot, gas, barracks at ramp,
followed by another depot to form a defensive wall. Hoping to
utilize the seiging possibilities of this particular map,
Storminator immediately builds a
factory with machine shop and follows up with a starport with
control tower. Storminator prepares
to do the dreaded tank drop.
(Dictator-Lewis/King-Lewis)(YELLOW 7:30): Letting fates decide his race, Dictator-Lewis chooses random and draws
Terran. Storminator and Dictator-Lewis round out the Terran
allies. Dictator-Lewis doesn't fall
into Storminator's mistake and
builds his first supply depot at his ramp. Also going standard
8 depot, gas, barracks, depot, factory with machine shop, and
finally a starport with control tower. Before action begins
Dictator-Lewis has wraiths, seige
tanks, and marines galore.
also chooses random and the fates decide to have a game of two
Terran vs two Toss; one of the largest disputed matchups.
Papa'Smurf decides to go 8 probe,
pylon, gateway, gas, gate, pylon, and a core. At his natural,
beside his base he sets up a pylon, builds a nexus, and a
forge for cannons. Preparing for battle, Papa'Smurf builds temps.
Opting for random, CrisseDeMarde is blessed with Protoss. He
builds 8 probes, pylon, gate, gate, pylon, gas, cybernetics
core and pylon. He goes for a Robotics Facility. CrisseDeMarde prepares reavers before the
first drop of blood be shed in battle.
|As the game begins (Narrated by Waylon
|Each side decided to guard their land and learn themselves
some new technology. Each team talks a lot as the game
progresses and them silly Duke boys started actin' like they
from Canada, sayin all them "eh"'s and stuff. But they shut
that up once Daisy Walked in and they realized that ain't no
Canadian's ever been good enough for a southern belle like
her; even though she was their sister. |
| Now, as the games started out, Luke looked pretty small compared to his
brother Bo, but that sure didn't
last. See, Luke was building up for
something big, Bo was massing those
small units. The police were spreading up north with Boss Hogg taking his nat'ral expansion.
Rosco sends out a reaver and a goon in
one of them there shuttles but Bo's
invisible wraiths take care of that problem and the Duke's
territory is safe again.|
| Luke sends a
dropship to seige up Boss Hogg, but
the dropship gets taken down by the man. But Luke ain't gonna give up quite yet, no
sirree. He sends another out and cleans out some of Boss Hogg's probes, his gas collecting
contraption, a pylon, and a cannon. Boss
Hogg, calls up a friend of his called High Templar who
sends storms raining down over the units. Rosco , being the slow sheriff he is,
finally gets his shuttle over to the scene, but again the
Dukes tuck tail and run suffering the loss of their seige
| The Dukes are about to hit their hardest
moment in the game as Boss Hogg
finally does something right for a change. Bo sends about 8 wraiths over to Rosco's base but Boss
Hogg calls up on that High Templar fellow and he hurts
them duke boys good. Just one psi and Bo lost all his wraiths.|
| The Dukes however start up the General
Lee and start moving their Command Centers to the center
expansions. Boss Hogg spreads his
greed some more and expands to the 10:00. Rosco expands his police station to his
natural and starts mining there. Other then the little
skirmishes, there ain't been any big squabble's 'tween the
Dukes and the police, but that's all about to change.
Deeeeestruction begins as the police send three observers down
to the Duke's center expansions but the Dukes outsmart ole'
Boss Hogg again. They been thinking
ahead and all those turrets they've been building start to pay
off now as the observers pop like a pair of horny frogs during
the Fourth of July. |
| The Dukes decide to take the law in
their own hands as Bo moves out to
Boss Hogg's 10:00 expansion. Luke helps with 2 seige tanks that he
dropped just 'fore the battle and Bo
files in. Between the two of them, serious damage occured.
Boss Hogg sends up his zealots and a
High Templar to save his expansion and they end up fighting
side by side with Rosco's 14 goons and
6 zeals. Boss Hogg misses most his
psi's, but he only delayed his victory a little bit over there
as the Dukes quickly fall to the might of the p-O-lice.
| The p-O-lice defenders move out and
decide they want to arrest Bo cause
word got out 'bout the Duke's moonshine buisness. The skies
turn grey for Bo, but his brother
Luke sends some seige tanks to help.
But 'fore the seige tanks could be dropped, Bo mysteriously defeated the police; it
seems that Bo had hidden some
wraiths up his sleeves. Well, that did the p-o-lice attack in.
The Dukes did lose a pair of tanks, some scv's, Bo's expansion, but got to keep all the
roadkill from the increased traffic. Mmmmmm....mmmmmmm....
ain't nothing like some good ole' country possum! Call up
Shufford's Bar-be-que, we're havin' a hoe-down
|Rosco wasn't worried the slightest
with the decrease in the possum population, no sir. He took to
expanding at the 4:00 main, righ next to Luke. Luke, just
after Rosco got his stuff settled in
and began mining, seiges up that expansion and shows some real
southern generosity to Rosco.|
| Boss Hogg wasn't
one to lose quietly, he sent down seven zealots, a scout, and
a corsair to eradicate Bo. But Bo spent the time rebuilding and had
almost enough to take out the invaders. Boss
Hogg got behind his defenses and dwebbed some tanks,
the thing is that his zealots just stood inside the dweb which
was on several tanks. Now, Bo wasn't
thinking since he was moving his seige tanks out of the dweb
causing their death. One last tank stayed in and was guarded
by four zealots, there were others attacking buildings but
four were right next to the tank. But the tank picked up it's
bags, and moved out of the dweb after a while. Bo certainly wasn't on his game today.
Just as it seemed that Bo was going
to fall, he pumps out two goliaths and the Boss Hogg's air force falls like Gerald Ford
in an earthquake. Luke takes the
forces he was using to seige Rosco and
moves them to Bo to help, but Bo has the situation in hand so Luke's forces sit by and guard Bo's base.|
Rosco just doesn't know
when to give up, good thing Boss Hogg
was there to come up with the plans. Rosco sends some police, about 7 goons and 5
zeals, to Bo's base and splits them
Rosco is real enthusiastic
about this attack.
CLICK PLAY TO HEAR Rosco TALK ABOUT IT!
| Bo pulls more
wraiths from up his sleeve and weaves through two psi-storms
conjured up by Boss Hogg's high
templar friend. Bo's wraiths kick
ole' Boss Hogg out of that center
location quicker then a gerbil runs out of a gay
been sittin' back all quiet like lately which is quite
peculiar. But nothing was peculiar about Luke's 5 dropships full of seige tanks and
goliaths and science vessel moving up to Rosco's main at 2:00. The drop happens and
Rosco sends up some carriers. Luke tells his goliaths to pick em off one
by one and they finish one of the carriers off 'fore they turn
tail and run. Then some wraiths come in and finish another
off. The two remaining veteran carriers and a new one go up
and destroy Luke's forces in his
main. But ole' Rosco was feeling the
pain, half his main was in ruins.
CLICK PLAY TO HEAR Bo!
didn't back off after that either. In what had to be the
determining point of the game, Luke
followed up his first attack on Rosco's main with a drop on Rosco's 4:00 expansion. Boss Hogg tries to help with some zealots
but they're popped by the seige tanks as they scurry 'round
Rosco's buildings. The carriers come
down with two scouts and a corsair and clean up Luke's forces and the marines Bo just dropped down. Luke sends down 10 goliaths and two seige
tanks which take out a carrier, two scouts, and a corsair.
WHoooooooo-eeeeeeeeeee there was a lot of goliaths there.
Rosco then tries to drop something but
Luke's got that place sewn up
tighter then the hole on a colostomy patient.
|Luke packs up his bags and takes
out Boss Hogg's expansion at 10:00.
Rosco then builds a nexus at the
natural of the expansion which was just blown away by them
Duke boys. That friend of Boss Hogg's,
the High Templar fellar, seems to have been doing a little bit
of drinkin as he psi's everywhere but on Luke's forces. Luke pulls a 180, and heads for Boss Hogg's 12:00 natural at his main.
Well... his troops just march on through to their death, but
not before taking Boss Hogg's natural
out on the way. At this time Bo
finishes up that cheap little expansion Rosco was trying to pull off. But when Bo's troops came in they found a bunch of
probes just sittin' there waiting for the cows to come home.
Right when Bo started fire, the
probes got up and finally started mining, but it was too late.
After Bo finished up Rosco's little outpost at 4:00, he moved up
to 2:00 and started pounding on Rosco's front door. His natural was
destroyed 'fore he gave up. Luke
sends a final assault to Boss Hogg.
Finally a well placed psi or two but it's too little too late
as the Dukes claim victory.
|Now, what have we learned
If you got chi'dren runnin round, frogs will pop on
Fourth of July. Trust me on that one.
For one, if you've been sipping moonshine all day, don't
expect those templars to do damn thing to help you.
And another thing, once you get the advantage, keep
poundin' at em.
If you go to a family reunion, don't drink too much
moonshine or you'll git dem loops in yer kinfolk tree.
Dweb is funny. If you dweb tanks, don't run in zealots.
They won't attack that hunk o' steel. If they dweb you and
run in zealots, keep you units in the dweb. Now, ain't that
It's hard to talk all this english stuff if you only got
Making fun of rednecks nev'r gets old