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"It's really a historical moment in my life, this game; I feel strongly that it has altered the course of my intelligence flow for good. Brooke, who is the aforementioned village idiot, took her first turn with pride. She placed down three letters - A, W, T, following an N, which spells 'NAWT.'"

No one ever reads the title anymore, they just click on the link on the front
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Author:Bob the Newt
Date: 10/19/99 09:10
Game Type: Starcraft
Labels:Famous Reporter(1), Problem: Broken Images(1)
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Report Rating: 9.9, # of Ratings: 14, Max: 10, Min: 9
Lifetime Rating for Bob the Newt: 9.3654

Once again this BR is unhealthily image heavy, so for the love of all that is good and holy, let dis mofo load up 'fo you beez lookin at it.

Greetings, and welcome to my crappy BR. Another exciting 2v2 with lotsa gory pics, coming your way. If anything at all in this BR displeases you, I assure you, it is entirely Fractal_Wave's fault.

______ &
UpgradedHackaru, my arch-nemesis.
_____ VS.
Hmmmmm, I really have no idea who this is.
______ &
Last, and most definitely least, T_Mac.

Humbly observing, Bob_the_Newt and RD-Zard

Tool begins the game with a healthy dose of panic.

Scouting reveals T_Mac's inevitable doom. With the start of the game our players put there strats into action, all of them fairly certain of their plan, excluding -TOOL-. Gumbos[DX] uses a safe 2gate/gas build, T_Mac goes for heavy infantry with eventual teching, UpgradedKakaru does a wall in, deciding on heavy metal after finding no zerg opponents to threaten it, and -TOOL- uses the 10/9 trick for a second hatch that he plans to use for hydralisk production.

T_Mac's scouting scv notices -TOOL-'s late pool and quickly erects a bunker at the enemy choke, while sending his entire army of 4 marines there to fill it. The terran troops reach the bunker just as -TOOL-'s first 6 zerglings hatch, and are able to hold the choke while more marines slowly come to join them. -TOOL- does not attempt to break out with brute force as many zerg do, but gets hydras while morphing creep colonies to push out the bunker. By the time a colony is morphed close enough to threaten the encampment T_Mac has ten marines with more coming, while -TOOL- has eight zerglings and four hydralisks. T_Mac takes a risk and attacks before the colony can transform into its more dangerous, although less creepy, counterpart.
I could watch this all day.
T_Mac manages to win the battle without the help of medics or stim, but is unable to run over the base due to already established sunkens. However, T_Mac is a Canadian, so he never does anything without a gay back up plan. He deviously moves his seven marines behind the zerg mineral line, which is not protected by either of the two sunkens, forcing all the drones to retreat.
This is precisely why you should not play with Canadians.

This is your brain . . . This is your brain without micro. Everybody conga! -TOOL-'s plea does not go unheard, but since UpgradedKakaru was going heavy metal all that there is to help is seven marines and a tank in siege mode. Not wanting to risk the fine piece of terran machinery, the marines are quickly deployed while the tank stays at home for defense. However, the rescue squad runs into seven zealots from Gumbos[DX] coming to finish -TOOL-, and are killed without a loss.

Thinking that UpgradedKakaru must be weak now, Gumbos[DX] orders his zealots to make a U-turn towards the terran base. However, as Gumbos had pointed out earlier, Kak was "teching like a hoe," and had three tanks and two wraiths ready for the zealots. The tanks utilized their "dancing shoes" upgrade, enabling Kak to fend off the attack with few losses.

Those lings are hereby proclaimed badasses of the month. During this -TOOL- had gotten a lair and started a sunken that would rid his mineral line of the terran scum. Sensing the immanent danger to his loyal troops, T_Mac moved his marines away to pick off buildings not protected by the sunkens. He successfully destroyed the extractor, but while focusing fire on the spawning pool two last-minute-lings killed the five stimmed marines. -TOOL- immediately returned his drones to their rightful place mining.

Both Gumbos[DX] and T_Mac expand to their naturals at this time. -TOOL- tries to break through the containment with one lurker and 3 hydras, hoping that there is no detection to interrupt the destruction of the bunker. While the hydras do absorb fire long enough to allow burrowing, a quick comsat disposes on the offending beast with one loss.
For some reason this makes me crave tomatoes.
UpgradedKakaru grabs his natural, and T_Mac brings meds to the zerg choke at around the same time. In an effort to show off their masculinity to the meds, T_Mac's marines stim and charge onto the creep. Luckily for -TOOL-, UpgradedKakaru had two tanks in a dropship heading for T_Mac's gas, and dropped them behind his sunkens to save the day.
T_Mac has always believed that dropships are a greater threat than tanks or sunkens.
I hate to get off the subject with the ALT text, ala ducky, but just in case MasterOfMordor is reading this : FF6 > FF7 > FF8 mwahahahahahahaha! suck on that. As soon as the lurkers seen behind Kak's tanks hatched -TOOL- sent them off to obliterate the evil bunker still containing him. After taking down the poorly placed turret the lurks burrowed near the detectionless bunker, and managed to tear it down before T_Mac's comsat recharges. Celebrating his new found freedom, -TOOL- expands to his natural the second his choke is secure.

Gumbos[DX] has been planning an odd attack on UpgradedKakaru, using a single shuttle he ferried in four dragoons and four zealots out of Kak's sight, and then attack from the back of his base. The attack did a surprising amount of damage, and allowed Gumbos to expand to his mineral only in the confusion.
God forbid the scvs should attack.
UpgradedKakaru is able to fend off the invasion once he retrieves his two tanks from TOOL, but lost almost his entire army in the process. Meanwhile, -TOOL- goes to get his revenge on T_Mac, and attacks his natural with lurkers and hydras.
Hydras do so great vs. marines on high ground.
As usual, the hydras take hits while the lurkers do the real damage. They manage to kill most of the scvs, and force T_Mac to lift for a while, making him a janky expansionless Terran. Gumbos[DX] now sends eight goons to attack UpgradedKakaru at his front door, since most of his defense was called inside his main. They quickly destroy the expansion's defense of a single bunker, and proceed to burn the CC to the ground.
It's so hard to beat terran with goons.

Those weird mettallic spots on the ground seem to appear wherever Gumbos takes his goons.
UpgradedKakaru manages to sneak out a dropship with an scv and start an expansion on the upper island, hoping to go unnoticed. While it is not seen for a short while, a scouting shuttle carrying two goons finds it after its completion and demolish it.

After a small lull in action during which Gumbos[DX] masses troops at UpgradedKakaru's choke, and T_Mac uses a tank and comsat to rid his natural of the lurkers. Gumbos[DX] decides to end the silence by doing a full head on assault on Kak, consisting of about 12 dragoons, 5 zealots, and a handful of dark templar.

Fear the turtle.
Thanks to excellent building and troop placement by Kak, and one of -TOOL-'s overlords, the attack failed, and only took a tank and some marines with it. -TOOL- takes this as a queue to attack Gumbos[DX], and sends twelve hydralisks to attack the protoss mineral expansion.
The DTs should at least have an 'Ewwwww' sound for when they walk through hydra guts.
While very well timed, -TOOL- failed to bring any detection with his attack, and was soon driven off by two dark templar. He did kill the base's supply of probes and a few stray pylons before however, so it was by no means a wasted attack. T_Mac doesn't want any hydras with overlord support coming to kill his ally, so sends over some m&m and a science vessel to protect the scrawny protoss. He obviously hasn't gotten over his issues about -TOOL- expanding, and drops 2 tanks on the Zerg's cliff.
Will T_Mac ever cease his Gaynadian rampage? Tune in next time and find out!

Score one for the non-T_macs! The tanks take out a few of the drones before -TOOL- runs them away, and the three wraiths prevent him from dropping anything on the cliff to challenge the tanks. UpgradedKakaru comes to his aid yet again, in the form of a single cloaked wraith to dispose of the non-cloaked enemy aircraft. -TOOL- is now able to reach the tanks, and drops four hydras on top of them. Mmmmm, juicy. While his cliff is now safe, the tanks have already killed his hatchery, forcing him to long distance mine until he has enough cash for a new one. T_Mac decides to annoy -TOOL- further by irradiating the hydras protecting his cliff. This is the last straw for the blue zergy, and he loads up his entire army of, err, twelve hydras into overlords and heads straight into the evil Canadian's base.

D'oh! I just realized this makes T_Mac look good. Damn it all!
After the game the Dark Templar had this to say - 'Ewwwwww.' Had that lurker been morphed prior to dropping, and a few of his friends brought along, the drop may have been succesful, but they weren't, and it wasn't. Gumbos[DX] sends a small force of three zealots a dark templar and two goons to scout/screw with -TOOL-. They succeed greatly in posing for a really gory screen shot, but that's about it. T_Mac and Gumbos[DX] now send out their armies, both of which are pretty damn large. Confident of their chances, they split up, with T_Mac attacking TOOL and Gumbos[DX] attacking UpgradedKakaru. Obviously the strategy behind this was to give both of their opponents the sour end of the imbalance stick.

UpgradedKakaru puts up a good fight with tanks and marines on high ground, but the air soon crackles with psi storm and the protoss troops overrun the ramp.
The more I look at them the more I realize how much time archons must spend working out to get in such good shape.

-TOOL-, on the other hand, could only offer a drone bum rush to defend himself, which didn't work out so well.

GG was offered by all, and with the exclusion of T_Mac participating, it was.

Player Scores!

Gumbos >>>> All

Observer Scores!

Bob_the_Newt >>>> Gumbos

This has been a

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