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"Scorched Basin: where the women are uglier than the tileset and the peons require state-sanctioned bussing to reach the nearest trees."
- CattleBruiser's Basin Street Blues

A BR and nude teens!
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Author:Bob the Newt
Date: 09/18/99 04:09
Game Type: Starcraft
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Report Rating: 9.5, # of Ratings: 4, Max: 10, Min: 9
Lifetime Rating for Bob the Newt: 9.3654

No there isn't really any porn here. But I knew that would get you to read this, you pervert.

If you do not like long load times due to pictures, then leave now! This BR is pic heavy. I advise you go do something else while the loading takes place, such as learning the banjo, mugging old women, or preparing the complaint that you'll put in the comments section.

This game started as a good number of my games start, that is, me yelling out "me watchy! me watchy!" in channel nohunters after someone announces they're making a game and hoping that the host picks a map with enough slots. Luckily Shiny`Arbiter made the game on an observer map just for me. Well don't I feel special.

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_____ VS.

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As the battle begins the players discuss their course of action. [IceBerG] chooses infantry with support from factory units, Shiny`Arbiter makes the conservative choice of zealots to goons, Orcmaniac decides on goons with temps, and -pitt- goes for an Xpool rush then tech.

-pitt-'s Xpool (7 or 8 I believe) hits Shiny`Arbiter, forcing Shiny, to run his probes away until the first zealot pops out. After the psiblade wielding one comes to the rescue the probes return to work and the zerglings are forced to make hit and runs on buildings, but never get anything. Once 2 more warriors are warped in the lings retreat, but their damage was done in lost mining time.

After a little while Shiny`Arbiter had gotten a small force of zealots, [IceBerG] had some marines and had an academy up, -pitt- had teched to Lair and had a hydra den up, while Orcmaniac had put up a cyber core and was starting on goons. Shiny suggested a double attack on the zerg, and soon 9 marines and 5 zealots were on their way to meet at the enemy's choke. On the way to -pitt- the infantry unknowingly alerted Orc to the assault by blowing a scouting probe out of existence. 6 zealots are now deployed to save the zerg, but they can only come as fast as unupgraded zealots walk, and that's not too fast.

As you can see, the zealots and marines mowed down the few defenses, and reduced the drone count to six before they were put down by Orcmaniac's zealots. What you cant see however, is that as soon as the offending units died, 2 lurkers hatched. -pitt-, no doubt wanting revenge, immediately sent the two bad boys after Shiny`Arbiter. The fact that -pitt- had his phasers set to lurker was no secret now, and detection was going up all around. Unfortunately for Shiny, his cannon was only halfway warped when the shambling monsters, umm, shambled into his base. The teal spiders planted themselves in the ground beside the unfinished detector and killed it the second it warped in. Shiny`Arbiter wisely retreated all his probes and started a new nexus at his natural. Shiny is later able to kill the lurkers with help from [IceBerG]'s trusty comsat and retake his main.

Splat. Orcmaniac takes -pitt-'s advice sends a group of goons and zealots to protect his relatively bare main. [IceBerG] also takes his partners advice, and sends a band of marines to attack -pitt-. However on the way there Orc's goons had a short talk with the marines and convinced them to turn back. Orcmaniac, obviously feeling like a big fat wuss for being the only one not to attack, takes 12 goons and 3 zealots to attack [IceBerG].

The dragoon horde knocks through [IceBerG]'s choke defense, and starts to trash on the terran base before being repelled by newly produced marines and vultures.

Despite this, -pitt- is still not impressed with his odds of winning, and disconnects like the bitch he is (he later gave the totally lame excuse that his comp locked up, yeah right pitt, whatever =) ). Orcmaniac realizes that he needs more resources to compete with 2 adversaries, and grabs his natural.
[IceBerG] is evidently the kind of guy that likes to kick a man while he's down, and unloads 2 dropships chock full of m&m on Orcmaniac. Here's something else that's pretty and shiny to distract you from my lack of literary ability.

For those of you who are blind and having this BR read to you by your assistant, who BTW is only there because it will look good on her resume, the goons were able to overpower the marines with few losses due to better positioning. Shiny`Arbiter has amassed a sizeable goon force, and camped it out in front of Orcmaniac. Orcmaniac, however, has an even bigger goon army, and sends it over for a visit at Shiny's main. The opposing goon encampment was on the way, but Orc trampled it with sheer numbers. Then mechanical military made its way to Shiny's choke, managing to level some pylons and cannons before fresh dragoons were warped in to save Shiny's sorry ass.

Meanwhile [IceBerG] was launching an "attack" on Orc, if you can even consider it that. He used the coveted Line Dance tactic, enabling his 20 marines and 6 vultures to lose horrible to 4 goons and 2 cannons, killing only one cannon. Ice, you should be ashamed.
After a little bit of time passes Orcmaniac's dragoon force has backed by templars, and was massive enough to take out either enemy. However instead of showing off his shiny new army he opted to take his mineral only expansion. This gave Shiny`Arbiter enough time to finish his templar archives and get a DT . Orc, without any observers or cannons at his new expan was forced to cancel and retreat to his natural's cannons. Meanwhile he hastily started up a robotics facility for observers.

Eventually Orc got observers to spot the ruthless DTs, and was ready to rock.

Unfortunately for him, [IceBerG] and Shiny`Arbiter unloaded 2 tanks and 2 templars on his natural's cliff. All of the probes were killed in storms before any could retreat, and the tanks assured that none would be coming back. An enraged Orcmaniac commanded all his troops to move out. They soon meet up with Shiny's almost identical army, and settle things the old fashioned way.

The brave and injured orange goons are able to get halfway to Shiny`Arbiter's base before new pansy blue goons come to hit them. Orc's cybernetic gladiators make a strategic retreat to his natural. Once there they are able to hold off the invaders thanks with help from cannons and a good number of psi storms. Right after this Orc takes a brand spankin' new shuttle and drops 2 goons next to the tanks on his ledge. The few probes at his main stop playing hopscotch and come back to mine the natural. However before Orcmaniac could get back in shape economically, [IceBerG] attacked his natural with m&m. All of the templar were drained from storming Shiny, and the marines tore through all the goons and almost the nexus before being put down by probes.

[IceBerG] obviously realized that he had conducted an attack without Shiny`Arbiter that wasn't a complete disaster, so he set out to reclaim his reputation with a nuke drop. Amazingly, Ice managed to launch the nuke, and show the red dot, yet get the ghost killed by a cannon before the voice could say "Nuclear Launch Detected." Ice loaded up the four extra ghosts and left with his tail between his legs.

Shiny`Arbiter takes a few goons to do what [IceBerG] had repeatedly failed at, destroying Orcmaniac's expansion. They succeed, but while coming up the ramp are stopped by 2 archons, and only get 1 before being killed. Eventually tanks and more goons come, finally bringing an end to Orc.

GG to all involved, except -pitt- =)

Lessons Learned

1. The Ice Whoop team can only win by lag hacking their opponents.
2. Umm, that's it.

This has been a

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