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"Why don't you sit on your hand a while so the blood stops, then you can jack off and it will feel like it's someone else's hand?"

#1 [163028]
I read this a year ago, and Artius finally posted it. Read it guys, awesome report, and awesome game too.
#2 [163029]
Wowzers... can't finish this all tonight.

How old school can you get? Someone's going to have to one-up you and make a Hack report!
#3 [163032]
If someone posts a tradewars report that would be the best.
#4 micro[163033]
sweet sassy molassy
#5 [163034]
Holy god this was good.
#6 Sere[163035]
Goddamnit, they actually gave nethack non-ascii graphics? Already downloading and trying to figure out the controls. What have you DONE to me, Artius?
#7 PeaceableGhost[163036]
Wow. That was awesome. 10.
#8 CynicalMagician[163037]
wow intense. I felt really let down that you lost at the end. how much gametime had you invested in this play through?
#9 Artius[163038]
Thanks for the compliments everyone.

CynicalMagician - I can't recall exactly how much time I invested to that point as I played (and wrote this) about a year ago. I believe that it all happened over a 1-2 week span. I would play each "chapter", then stop to write that section of the report while it was still fresh in my mind. If I were to "just play" without the burden of the report, it would have taken somewhere in the 10-20 hours range to accomplish all of that.
#10 [163039]
totally awesome. i actually tried nethack once or twice, in the old ascii version, but it never really grew on me, and i didnt want to spend too much time on it anyways

maybe ill give it another try, but i doubt the gaming experience can even match this awesome report
#11 corp[163040]
wow just wow
#12 micro[163041]
"Some people have played NetHack for years and never laid hands on the Amulet, let alone survive long enough to hand it over to your chosen deity."

was that foreshadwing that u lost, or was it just a coincidence? ;o great report btw
#13 Dibbler[163042]
Simply awesome report. I allways joked about making a hack-report (the ascii-version) since pics in that game are not that hard to make. Man, Hack really took a chunk out of my life way back.
#14 CynicalMagician[163043]
alright I'll bite. What do I need to download to get the graphical version of this? I saw the official site and you can download the ascii there, but not a GUI version. I want to try this game.
#15 Artius[163044]
Micro - Was not forshadowing. From the start of any given game, I give myself about a 1 in 20 chance of winning. I really didn't expect to get as far as I did. However, if I "enter hell", I usually give myself about a 1 in 2 chance of winning, and this is the first time I've ever lost on the elemental planes. I've ascended a couple of times, but have not done so in many years. I believe this is the closest I've ever come to doing it without succeeding.

CynicalMagician - There's only one download really:

Just run "nethackw.exe" and you'll get the graphical version. I believe that F5 toggles between ASCII mode and graphics, but graphics are the default.

Enjoy, and don't forget to (p)ray if you get into trouble!
#16 NewbEye[163046]
Woah, magnificent. I actually downloaded NH a couple of months ago but set it aside because it looked so daunting. This report makes it look fun enough that I'm gonna have to give it another try.

Thanks for putting such effort into it.
#17 Psyonic_Reaver[163047]
#18 dodopout[163048]
Oh wow.
#19 PsideWinder[163052]
Lovely report dude. Makes me want to play again. I never devoted too much time to the roguelikes in the past cause I was always caught up in my Nintendo and other consoles. Looks like I got lots more to put time into.

Thanks again for bringing us something truly oldschool to reminisce about.
#20 OverTheUnder[163053]
very nice
#21 Convider[163054]
Mind blowing.
#22 Timid[163056]
#23 wakiki[163064]
Wow, that was addicting like those Civ III reports by Prae and Raider. I read it all in one sitting.

Nice work =]
#24 BeRzErKeR[163065]
"Died from kicking a wall." :(

How was I supposed to know walking around "testing" for secret doors hurt you?
#25 [163066]
Oh man, this was a beast! It took me three readings to finish it, and it makes me want to play neverwinter nights again (sadly, I do seem to require a third dimension these days).

All in all time well spent. I was only a little disappointed at the ending, but I read the comments first and CM spilled the beans before I could think spoiler. Other than that?

Simply awesome.
#26 [163067]
Oh, and I love the DHTML!
#27 Netaddict45[163077]
Aggh... tiled graphics! Blashphemy! You MUST use only ascii graphics.. preferably not even the IBM character set. And you do know there is a "s" key..

Sigh. I should write one of these.
#28 [163085]
this report actually made me go download nethack and try it out
best report i've read in a very very long time

well deserved 10
#29 Artius[163088]

The only way to know is via trial and error. If you peruse, you'll find lots of posts with "YASD" in the title (Yet Another Stupid Death). You can (t)hrow objects in Nethack - in the 8 obvious directions, but also up and down (using < and >). If you throw an object up, it will come back and potentially hit you, resulting in awesome tombstones like "... killed by a carrot"


I'm pretty sure F5 toggles back and forth between the tiles and the ascii. Let's just pretend that I played it in ascii, then switched to the tiles just for the screenshots (for other people's benefit rather than my own of course).

If you do write your own, feel free to use my HTML template if you think it would help. It's always hardest to write the first report for a game, as you have to provide much more detail and background. Personally, I'd be interested in reading reports of other roguelike games, as Nethack is really the only one I've ever played.


That's really exactly what I was shooting for. Looks like I got a couple of people to take the game out for a spin. It's tough to get into Nethack, but once you can get to the point where you can consistently sacrifice for artifact weapons, it's tough to put down.
#30 BeRzErKeR[163090]
Yay! I got to level 7!

And then I was killed by, wait for it, a "hallucinated raven."
Yep, I was killed by a bird I only imagined was there.
I'm so talented!
#31 [163093]
Question: can't you just keep going back and forth on the levels that are a piece of cake, slowly but steadily increasing your experience and level, killing little hobbits, until it [your level] can only be described as "partially fused with infinity" as penny-arcade put it?

And can you put your answer entirely in one sentence like I did?
#32 indeed[163095]
how the fuck could you play that with small tiles
big tiles is where its at, you can actually see what the fuck is going on instead of colored smudges
#33 Artius[163096]

You're welcome to try that - I think what you'll find is that the monsters start to become scarce once you clear out a level and stick around so getting a consistent food supply then becomes a bit of a problem; by around the mid-game (and this happens to me in this battle report) my character gets into a bit of trouble because my experience exceeds my equipment - if you do what you suggest you'd basically run into that same problem as well.

That's about all I could fit into one sentence.
#34 des[163099]
Load on up them semicolons.

#32 is blind.
#35 [163100]
I'd delete it for vulgarity, but it would decrease the comment count.
#36 [163101]
Oh, and Artius, using dash is cheating! :D
#37 Asmodues[163110]
Beyond words.
#38 [163132]
This was a great report even though I admittedly ran out of steam towards the end. And what a sad ending. I give this a 9.
#39 [163133]
haha, just kidding, 10.
#40 [163134]
With the fifth 10, your report is now sealed forever into the annals of battlereport history. Just like if you'd hit the slots jackpot the first time you put in a quarter, stop battlereporting while you're ahead (unless you've got a cool idea for lesbians).
#41 [163135]
41st comment
#42 [163137]
This is quite obviously an attempt to usurp my 'number of comments' superiority, and I shall not stand for it!
#43 Drefsab[163138]
I'd also like to point out that I have a black cat name Oscar... weird...
#44 [163139]
That was me in the previous comment. 44th!
#45 Artius[163142]
So, Oscar the cat was so-named because many years ago I was on a trip with my family down in key west and we were out on the pier and sunset watching the performers. One was this guy with a french accent who had a bunch of trained cats jumping through flaming hoops and stuff like that. His "best" cat was named Oscar and there's one moment that I vividly recall where the cat was being distracted by a tour boat travelling along the pier (to watch the performers from the other side). He kept saying to the cat, "Oscar! The boat is only in your mind!"

Strange dude.
#46 Netaddict[163143]
Whew. I was worried Artius.. I use a different set of binaries than you do, so no f5 key to switch to tiled, and no separate message box.. I've tried the windows binaries, but I keep missing important messages and such.
#47 Feanor[163146]
Woah, a ten!!!
Awesome, this masterpiece made me staying up a whole night and gave me a serious headake. But that was worth it...
To be honest I didn't expect do see a ten on this year...
I was wrong... and Iam very happy!
#48 BeRzErKeR[163156]
". . . killed by a cloak of magic resistance."

#49 [163157]
Suffocation, naturally
#50 Artius[163166]
Well, glad to see people enjoyed the report and are enjoying the game. We'll cap the comments off at an even 50. Happy hacking guys!
#51 DD[163183]
just to mess up the nice even comment number...

...great report!
#52 Convider[163211]
Yes, I always thought it was more fitting for him to die this report rather than succeed :p
#53 Convider[163212]
Yes, I always thought it was more fitting for him to die in this report rather than succeed :p
#54 Convider[163213]
Great, double post (triple now?) owned me :/
#55 [163386]
This is the best report I've ever read.
#56 Artius[163407]
Wow, thanks EE.
#57 Chris[163452]
This game is ugly. Everything has already been said though.

#58 athalus[163565]
Great report! No wonder u got 5 10s! Damn im too young for this kind of games.... the oldest old style games i played was those Avernum games by spidweb.. your report reminded me of those.... anyway well done!!!!
#59 BeRzErKeR[163699]
#58, have you read "The Redemption of Althalus"?
#60 Gullwhacker[165051]
So, I have you to thank - or possibly blame - for reigniting my formerly mild interest in NetHack. Have been playing with many deaths at the hands of monsters, realized that I was doing a thing or two wrong, and in particular remembered your report when first I found an altar.

A sacrifice later, it was mine, and I discovered some cool blessed stuff in gathered treasure - and less cool cursed stuff, but nice to have it identified.

Unfortunately, that character was killed not long afterwards. Accursed fire ants.

So, in my humble opinion - great report. Will recommend to anyone I want to drag into this game.
#61 [165412]
beautiful writing.
#62 CHJ[166739]
This report introduced me to this game and it helped a lot with my first ascension. Thanks for the effort in writing this!
#63 Greth[166843]
It is September 1st 2009 - this is the last 10 rated report on
But what a report it was!
#64 Born)Slippy[167048]
It is February 2011 and I re-read this report. Good stuff :)

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