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"permission to warp in sexy-bengalaas for this"

#1 [159450]
Well this report is longer and more detailed than your previous one but in some ways its worse. The spelling/grammar is simply terrible again.

While the grammar wasn't good, what really made reading difficult were all the unnecessary comments everywhere. I suppose they were supposed to be funny, but I felt they hindered more than they helped. I haven't played AoE2 so I didn't really know what everything is or does, so I just ended up guessing.

Due to these 2 problems I had to make several attempts to read this report, doing a few paragraphs at a time was all I could tolerate.

I think I'd rate it a 2-3 (Since a 1 is a delete and you did try somewhat). Don't know. I'll let someone who actually knows the game rate it.
#2 ban request[159459]
ban request
#3 Eugenioso Chileno[159462]
can some1 that has actually played the game and isn't a hardass rate the damn thing plz?
#4 [159463]
"P.S.- to all the people reading this, i will try to give a teaching w/ every single 1 of the reports i make, frm the first and forward; and this teaching in particular goes to all the people that Hummiliated ( yes, with capital letters) me because of my first BR, so here goes ( you know who you are! ): first appearances do not decide how things are, it's the second one that counts."

"first appearances do not decide how things are, it's the second one that counts"

Eugen, to tell you the truth, the second one doesn't help your standing much as a BRer. Although you improved your spelling a bit, and might have even read it once (thought I doubt it), the grammar was still atrocious. It was hard to make sense of what you were saying.

You avoid using capital letters to start off sentences like your mother-in-law, you continually interrupt your own paragraphs with out of context information. Seriously, some of the jokes should have been deleted. Many were long-winded, with you trying to fit too much into one sentence.

I had trouble understanding what was going on. An example:

" FOR DEATH AND GLOOOORY! is the only shout that was heard before the sarracens saw a mob of sick, hungry, yellow-looking men as they charged towards them and decided to hold their ground, not making the mistake of the troops that were charged just a few minutes ago, and fighting bravely from their own caste they withstood the charge, that, suprisingly, was unsupported by CAVALRY, which took the right flank, ignoring the enemy completely and leaving their kinsmen for dead as they rushed to the hospitallers camp, EXACTELY 10 men, ten chosen dudes that survived though deception and murder, to be greeted by food, water and rest, after some smart ass man said: "Man, that shit is whack! go on and rest awhile will ya!". "

This is ONE sentence. Spelling was horrible here, and you broke a bajillion grammar rules. I couldn't make sense of what was going on. Who 'decided to hold their ground'. The Saracens or Teutons? This was a very difficult paragraph, but there were many more.

1) Read your own report before you post, and edit it. I suggest that if you write it, wait a day or two, then come back to it and read it. Then wait one more day, THEN turn it in. This will encourage you to change it through that time, hopefully for the better.
2) Grammer please.
3) Spelling please.
4) Forget the humor unless it actually makes sense and works in the context of the paragraph.

On the bright side, you did post another report. Good to know you have perseverence, but please put that to good use, perhaps in learning cribbage.

#5 [159464]
Here's what you need to do:

-With a new gametype, EXPLAIN THE DAMN GAME. Again, compare NewbEye's latest report, or my own Freelancer reports, with this. How many people here have played this game anyway? Explain explain explain.

-Holy shit, improve your writing. Your writing is probably the single biggest thing that's dragging you down. It is simply awful, for many of the reasons #11 described.

-Improve your formatting. Black text on white background with no pictures is not a recipe for success.

-Improve your humour. Like #11 suggested, just do without the humour on your next attempt. Focus on writing a good, clear, legible br, and then try and add humour. Don't overdo it though - check out SCN and I's new br for examples on how to use humour fairly well.

-Improve your ego. It's cocky as hell to expect to get a 10 on your second br, especially when it's clearly bs. If I were you I'd,

-Read high-rated reports. It's not a big deal. It's not alot to ask. Compare this report to any 7+ rated report, and you'll see a HUGE difference. Compare it with a 9 or 10 rated report and weep. When the difference is so obvious, it's pretty clear to me you didn't read any others brs, and hence didn't try on this piece of shit at all. Good reports take 15+ hours of work; I'd be surprised if this took you an hour.

In short, this is a horrible, horrible battlereport. The only way in which it might be better than your last report is in that it is longer. However, sadly enough reading MORE of this sort of text only makes me want to rate it lower. So I'll hand you another 2.
#6 Niek[159465]
Erhrtre mescha trezum, nomre hasto qurtra! I have now drawn a protective ward around this comment section
Anyone who posts a negative comment about Eugene will become gay.

And Eugene..plz put some pictures in your report ....... Oh, tootsies
#7 [159466]
No pictures = No read
#8 Eugenioso Chileno[159468]
no pics = VERY CRAPPY WIN 98 pc
and also i dnt know hot 2 upload stuff in2 it
#9 MidnightGladius[159469]
Then write fanfiction :D

Then again...don't :D

Besides, my next one WILL have pictures, formatting, a glossary, and some mass editting, so :D some more!
#10 [159470]
"and also i dnt know hot 2 upload stuff in2 it"

#11 SCN[159471]
yo guy ignore everyone else's hints and tips and shit: just hang yourself.
#12 Mr.Puddles[159474]
#13 Nurbo_Toob[159475]
i think he is developing his own personal style
#14 Micro[159476]
there is no style here. if he wants a style then he should pick some of his favorite authors (assuming he reads books) and mimic them until his writing floats up a few more points, like so many grease-ladden turds in a toilet. then he can start to work on a style of his own.
#15 [159480]
rofl Convider - you are such a nerd ;). That looks ridiculously better though; I could actually understand what was going on. WTF?!
#16 Turbo_Noob[159481]
hey convider want to finish my 3rd metal thug report for me?
#17 Convider[159482] :D
#18 SCN[159483]
Turbo_Noob at times like this its appropriate to resort back to high school economics class. in the early 1900s, America went through many hardships, such as the great depression and aids and superbowl I and whatnot. in this situation, is america, and we are currently going through the great depression. now, during the great depression, things like "supply and demand" were used to help companies reason out how they'd sell and market goods. consider yourself a struggling (ie: failing) company in the great depression in america. you have to consider, what is the supply of your brs? being that you are a nerd, 12, and have no life, the supply is very high. but now, what is the demand? as you are unentertaining as a person and as a writer, the demand is zero. basically what all of this adds up to is quit writing brs and get better hobbies like hanging yourself.
#19 [159484]
nice flame, though this is why I had to edit/add to all your gayass writing, newb
#20 Turbo_Noob[159485]
i heard the words economics and highschool and i stopped reading, but I saw america in there too and I agree, America is pretty kickass and we don't say that enough.
#21 micro[159487]
#22 dodopout[159488]
i'm not sure whether this report makes me laugh or cry...
#23 Turbo_Noob[159491]
OMGOSH! SCN and I both use comcast, and it looks like he lives in Minnesota. Someday I could take a roadtrip down to see him.
#24 [159496]
haha Turbo owns scn
#25 MidnightGladius[159503]
By the way, how do you use the report formats that Zerg~Ling provides?
#26 Convider[159504]
I copied the source code, and deleted all the text code inside of it in a html editor (openoffice). I then copied and pasted the original report in JV's report editor, and copied the source code from that, pasting it in the html editor. Then I did a find/replace, changing <br /> to <p> and changing the title. After that, I fixed up the report.

Simply: cut and paste in your own code :]
#27 [159505]
your fanfic would like tight in that formatting midnight
#28 [159506]
#29 MidnightGladius[159509]
That's exactly why I'm asking :D
#30 Dice[159516]
Not this guy AGAIN!?
#31 Redemption6[159521]
You might wanna consider learning English before you write another report.

#32 Eugenioso Chileno[159526]
responding comment #14.- i have my own way of writing, so instead of critisizing my work you should read and enyoy or STFU about the "this shit is whack" comments
#33 Eugenioso Chileno[159527]
by the way, turbo noob?, tnx 4 specifying so well your opinions
#34 Eugenioso Chileno[159528]
not referring to anyone in specific, but if you are not going to use the forum for comments about (how good) my report, please abstain yourself of writing.
#35 Eugenioso Chileno[159529]
a good qay 2 help me would be telling me how to put pics in my thing, hell, maybe remake my other reports
#36 Convider[159535]
Okay you fool, learn to spell and learn proper grammar. It isn't very hard. However, this might prove to be hard for you, seeing as you lack the ability to read or form coherant thoughts. Now, if you've ever looked at the website, you will notice this section in the navigation bar called "Help."

Help is defined as "To give assistance to; aid"
Under the Help section, you will notice (or not, considering that your ability to read is disputed) that there is a link called "Guides."

Click on this link. Learn to read. Read the guides. And stop making reports that look like you shat on the keyboard.
#37 Turbo_Noob[159537]
hey convider the report is too big to email you because of too many pictures
#38 [159541]
"responding comment #14.- i have my own way of writing, so instead of critisizing my work you should read and enyoy or STFU about the "this shit is whack" comments" --Comment 33

Oookay, so, does your way of writing by any chance involve grammer and logic? Or is it just one big ramble? Come on, I've played that mission before, several times, and I really didn't understand much of what you said. I mean, being irreverent and crazy is one thing, but "emperor of the glorious city of constantinople to let me use his fleet, to whichever human beeing would have said "yeah sure, take my 9999999 florings worth of fleet for free to lose it to something i don't really know about, like jesus and stuff...", instead, still raging of fury for the looting of his city during the last crusade, he cursed me by saying my soon-to-be-destroying-his-palace/wonder army to be filthy " is quite another. If you don't know anything about the time period, then please just concentrate on the report.

P.S. This is the 2nd or 3rd Crusade (I think 3rd), Constantinople was sacked in the 4th.
#39 Convider[159543]
email me your aim turbo -.-
#40 BeRzErKeR[159544]
Better then the last one. But that's not saying much.
#41 Dice[159545]
well yeah I guess
#42 MidnightGladius[159557]
Eugenioso Chileno, if you don't respond to criticism, you'll never improve.

Hell, if I hadn't listened to some of these same people, I'd most likely still be writing 4s.
#43 Eugenioso Chileno[159558]
then ill stick with the 2s rather than changing my style
#44 MidnightGladius[159559]
Then I suggest you stop wasting your time by posting these.
#45 Dice[159562]
Yeah go to hell!
#46 Dice[159563]
ignor my last commat look IM me my Screen Name is jaws4rl ok mon if you have AIM or X-fire thats what it is on mine we'll talk about how to improve
#47 MidnightGladius[159564]
Typo: I meant to say for you to stop wasting OUR time :P
#48 Eugenioso Chileno[159571]
if you meant BP's, i won't stop; in the other hand, if you want me to stop sending msg's through forum, i won't stop
#49 Convider[159576]
What's a BP?
#50 maareek[159581]
Nobody could legitimately be this stupid, therefore he must be a troll. Ban request. :(
#51 [159585]
I suggest you never write another battlereport ever again. Then you won't get any flames, right?
#52 Dice[159587]
I secend that motion
#53 MidnightGladius[159588]
Aye aye Captain!
#54 neoviper[159592]
i think they have some battlereporting and screenshot guides on this site, look on the left margin.
#55 Eugenioso Chileno[159595]
ive been reading all the stuff, and, first and foremost, i will keep writing BP's no matter the amount of shit i get, and 2nd, ill check out the whole html stuff to see how i can paste stuff
tnx 2 the people that helped
#56 MidnightGladius[159596]
Sadly, the amound of shit you get is directly related to how many "BP"s you write.
#57 Eugenioso Chileno[159603]
#58 SCN[159605]
its going to be funny when you write more shitty reports and dont get the satisfaction of getting them approved to be seen by the public because you suck so much ass. isnt it funny how things work out?
#59 Eugenioso Chileno[159609]
#60 wakiki[159610]
Sheesh guys, you just don't understand him. It's his style of writing BattlerePorts.

Eugenioso, do you mind if I borrow a bit of your style for my writing? I'm making a Civ3 report, and I want to emulate some of the writing techniques that you used. Thanks.

One criticism though: be sure not to put peoples' email addresses in your report! F@&*ing is probably getting alot of spam from email search bots. Just need to look out for that.
#61 MidnightGladius[159618]
Next time you're trying to be sarcastic, please indicate it with the [sarcasm] and [/sarcasm] brackets. Otherwise, we might actually think you were being serious...
#62 wakiki[159622]
[sarcasm]But I wasn't being sarcastic![/sarcasm]
#63 Dice[159629]
[sarcasm]can I barrow it to?[/sarcasm]
#64 [160459]
what the hell is going on?
#65 [160460]
your mom
#66 Eugenioso Chileno[160465]
plz rate it
#67 Eugenioso Chileno[160466]
wah was dat thing aboot spam?

plz msg me if you think my report was ok
#68 Eugenioso Chileno[160467]
this goes 2 all the people that keep whining about my reports:
dont, and ill keep doing the exact same way of writing, no matter how much amount of BULLSHIT i get.
#69 VisMaior[160468]
That`ll show us good...
#70 Convider[160472]
Love is a warm ban button
#71 rook025[160473]
+2 for the report
+4 for the best comments section in a while
-5 for being a whiny stubborn little bitch in your comments section
#72 LuckyNewbie[160505]
#73 dustbiter[160513]
#74 LameJoker[160515]
I feel for the raters who had to read this.
#75 wakiki[160570]
I feel your mom. =[
#76 sir skum[160862]
my comment wont post!!!!
#77 sir skum[160863]
oh dear i wrote way too much,
but please keep writing them eugenio, cos you have brought me so many laughs from this comment section

and keep up the amazingly educated "writing style" its like 2 cul mun an enuff peple thik its like da best..
#78 mattzarella[163943]

"I heard the words economics and highschool and i stopped reading, but I saw america in there too and I agree, America is pretty kickass and we don't say that enough. "

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