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"Cantaloup, whom I will peridocially refer to as fruit boy"

#1 maareek[155894]
If it were anybody else I wouldnt' do this...
#2 maareek[155895]
DAMNIT! Any report by someone in the HoF should be auto-authorized :/ (Yes, I realize that's impossible without a log-in system and that having this with the log-in system would be kind of pointless but that's beside the point damnit! Let me in!)
#3 Heartcutter[155896]
LOL! Can you get in to read it?

#4 maareek[155897]
No, and all the raters are doing stuff "in real life" like working and going to classes and such...slackers.
#5 [155898]
#6 [155899]
nice little report in true heartcutter fashion. The writing was cool, the images were pretty good, and though I was a touch confused at some points (could have used a minimap and some more explanation) this certainly warrants an 8. GJ!
#7 BigD[155900]
6th on HC. woohoo
#8 BigD[155901]
Or 7th once I learn how to count. Nice report.
#9 Heartcutter[155902]
This was a different photoeditor. Some shareware product I'm not used to. That and it's been a couple of years since I wrote one. I do have a bunch of replays that are pretty interesting and if anyone wants to write a BR on one, I'll send one over.

#10 maareek[155903]
1. I know absolutely nothing about war3.
2. This report didn't tell me anything about it.
3. The report was nothing but bare bones really.

Maybe it's just the writing style, or the fact that I haven't read a BR in a little while but I enjoyed this as much as I think I would have enjoyed another BW BR from you.

You made my up til now shitty day a little brighter, thanks.
#11 Heartcutter[155904]
I read it again and I noticed that the colors kept flipping around (Orcs are Blue then Red etc). Next time I'll do a report with allied colors off.

#12 Dibbler[155907]
Damnit! A Heartcutter report!
#13 SCV~007[155908]
yeah, shit its hc
#14 Convider[155909]
wow, a war3 report I enjoyed.
#15 SuingForDamages[155910]
HC is god. His old starcraft reports made me a half decent terran, instead of one that gets owned by six lings twenty minutes in. 9
#16 [155911]
Fuzzy don't play that.

Indeed. For a report that contained all of maybe 200 words, it was kinda badass. Kind of "I don't give a shit". Maybe I watch too much sopranos.

#17 Desert Demon[155912]
Yeah, it was really freakin' badass. Is orc the new terran?
#18 SnK-Arcbound[155913]
If you mean cheap and overpowered, then yes.
#19 Desert Demon[155915]
Well, I meant HC plays both...
#20 SnK-Arcbound[155917]
Oh.......................................... then no.
#21 wakiki[155924]
Whoa cool report, almost makes me wanna go play W3 again. But placing buildings makes me lag in that game, so no ;[
#22 C_TiMe[155925]
yeah! HC! makes me wanna play Wc excpet idun have Frozen Throne. No Fuzzy for me :
#23 EMS[155931]
OMFG Heartcutter... dude, I read your book!
#24 EMS[155932]
Though I must say, it was short and I was confused at times (in fact, I'm not even sure who won).

But it was cool... I liked the "book of GG" comment, was funny, though maybe a common comment, cause I don't play war 3.
#25 wakiki[155933]
I assume HC won because so far he hasn't put up a report of him losing. Although he has talked about it in his past reports. But yeah, I wasn't exactly clear on that either ;]
#26 [155935]
Heh wow, the king of badass is back! The writing is just as I remember it, the easy flowing edgy style. Short but never boring, and of interest to those that don't need a War 3 hand holding. I gotta start playing War 3. Now that I'm done with WoW I think I will!

#27 TM[155936]
I hate wc3 with a passion.
On the other hand, Heartcutter has the most badass writing style and I worship his sc reports.
12, minus 2 for wc3
#28 Possumo[155937]
Heh almost no ones here plays wc3 :( Its not to late!
I have to say orc vs hu is just so frigging annoying, and the fact thaty they dont really have to change from rifle/caster am/mk vs any race also kind of shits me (and every person that dosent play hu :P). No matter how much you own them early once they have even a half decent army of rifle/caster you are basically going to get raped harder than a pedophile onto a 10 yr old girl :(

Oh and as for the report it was very short for a 30-40 minute game (which is seemed to be) and basically within one pic you went from a few grunts to a massive army of zerks tauren/walker which would of been at least 10 minutes later!
Also why no docs or shaman?? Even though he would steal it, he would be forced to build more breakers, since he would need 5+ to steal all of yours and tauren will ream breakers like nothing.

Btw how long have you been playing wc3 for?? The game has been out for over 2 and a half years and this is the first br you have done on it??

Anyways pls write more, this is site has been turning into!!!!!
#29 Heartcutter[155938]
I want to start playing Dawn of War like nobody's business. My problem is that this computer is a piece of shit and can't handle the graphics. DoW has Orks in space, which is my most favorite thing ever.

#30 Possumo[155939]
Oh and rep?? :P
#31 AnonymousNolifeLoser[155940]
Man you really seem to have work hard on that thesis. Not only have your micro suffered from this, your battlereporting-skills have too.
#32 AnonymousNolifeLoser[155941]
But it ain't that bad, reaaly, though it seems to me that you have done better. A lot of times.
#33 Heartcutter[155945]
Heh. My older work does seem a bit better than this, but, hey, don't expect the Mona Lisa for my first time out after some 4 years. It takes time to warm back up.

I have played a lot of WC3 and finally got my 750 win icon for Orc. At level 30-40 you see a lot of the same strats and it comes down to a micro battle.

However, I like to do weird heroes. Blademaster or Dark Ranger v. Elf. Tinker v. Orc. Now I've picked up Firelord/Panda for UD or HU.

As for walkers, they work pretty well vs HU and NE. Those two races have some strong magic shit that tear orc up. Disenchant deals well with poly and cyclone.

For UD it's all about docs, and I use them against orc as well.

#34 snowyday[155946]
Wow, it's been a looong time since a decent wc3 report, and the lack was hurting my desire to play wc3. I haven't played in waaay too long now, but more than likely I'm gonna have to boot it up again later today.

The writing was indeed kickass and edgy, and even though the entire mid-game was skipped, your report still delivered most of the essentials. I'm still not certain what map it was on however. =)
#35 SCV~007[155947]
I actually think this was a great read even though I haven't played War3, the fact that everything isn't explained in detail isn't negative IMO.
#36 notsoskinnyguy[155950]
omg, Dawn of war multiplayer is so hard
unbelievabley hard. Since you are limited to a couple of squads and some tanks and thats about it. oh yea Orks are annoying as crap in dow cuz they can get tanks 2 as fast.

#37 BigD[155965]
Read it again, "fuzzy" is now the only acceptable name for a brewmaster.
#38 RubiksCube[155968]

If anyone can submit a report like that and make it an 8 with his writing-style alone its HC.

Way to go man.
#39 badme at school[155972]
OMFG, it's heartcutter! <3!
#40 Sven[155974]
1v1? heh

aka TheAngel on Azeroth
#41 Chris[155977]
Though it was mostly well written, there weren't many words.

Formatting, other stuff like that is all average. No errors, but nothing jazzy either.

Could be longer, but I realize that this is a low effort and quick report, and it is a very good low effort and quick report.

But since it was one of these kind of reports, the max it can get is a low gold.

7.0, good work.
#42 CTretina[155982]
With all due respect to HeartCutter, whose battle reports and strategies I typically enjoy, I think this report's an excellent example of why the administrators of this site need to rethink its rating system. If one truly takes an objective look at this report, then he'll see that the text is brief to the extreme lacking any form of useful description save for "slang quotes" that some seem to love, the pictures are mediocre, the formatting's nearly non-existent, and the report's devoid of useful extras.

In all seriousness, if some relative unknown submitted this report, he'd be trashed and flamed for his "newbness" and then kindly shown the door. However, since the author field reads "HeartCutter," then the report receives a highly generous gold rating.

I would like to suggest the creation of a supplementary user rating system. Visitors to the site could then rate reports themselves and then the "Average Report Rating" would be the average of the raters' scores and the user ratings. Otherwise, there's just no way to discount the obvious bias shown towards this and other reports.
#43 [155983]
Actually #42, the mere fact this didn't get automatic high gold, and instead got a 7.7, shows that even the most respected Battlereporters in the history of the site is gauranteed a fair rating. This report was good, period.
#44 maareek[155984]
No relative unknown could have written this. This report would have been worse had it been longer, I feel pretty confident in that. You may look at it as he got a high rating because he is Heartcutter, and you're right. But that is because nobody else could give you so little that says and means so much.
#45 Heartcutter[155986]
I have a certain writing style that utilizes word efficiency over verbosity. I can write long paragraphs with reflection and nuance, that engross the reader in the fantasy theme and develop the setting for a deeper appreciation.

But I choose not to. I'll let Blizzard create the world and background and I'll create my characters.

I like 3 things in my reports: pictures, interesting characters and conflict. I bind all of these together with a gruff attitude and some strategy and let fly.

It makes me happy, the reader happy, and the feedback is appreciated (even the critical stuff). Sometimes the story is lacking (in this case, I could have ended it better, better strategy overview and a little more detail overall), but it's a creative artistic process and I'm a bit rusty. On the bright side I'll get better over time.

So to all those people who like my reports, keep posting!

For all those that think these reports are lacking somewhere, let me know. I've got a thick skin.

For all of those that just want to troll against me, go ahead. I invite everyone else to have a good time kicking the trolls...

Because I really, really enjoy watching a troll get kicked around (NTT anyone?).


#46 Collateral Damage[155987]
Couldn't have said it better myself HC.

Good BR man. Haven't read a report like that since your last one. Again, good work.
#47 Crazster[155988]
Nice report. I have a problem with my orc vrs ne. Currently i'm 80-100% vrs all races except Ne where my win is 0%. IF you have a good hard fought orc vrs ne (not wierd strats just close) send it over to me. my email is my name +
#48 SCV~007[155989]
#42 CTretina: First, a 7 is not a high rating. If the ratings would be unfair because it's Heartcutter he would get atleast 9 instantly, which he didn't. Now ratings are pretty pointless IMO, but you mentioned it.

Secondly, a battlereport doesn't have to be a Mark Twain book. Writing in Heartcutters style and making it good is alot harder than you'd think. Anyone can ramble on for pages, it's writing concise that is the hardest.
#49 Resonate[155991]
wow HC, i thought you died

#50 Dibbler[155992]
I a way I agree with #42. The pics weren't great, formatting almost non-existant, but those are all almost unneeded extra's in this report. It's HC's gritty writing style that pulls you through this report.

If you compare old '10'-reports with new ones, you'll find that the old ones all lack in pic quality and formatting. But their strength was in the writing, not in the outer appearances.
#51 [155994]
Mark Twain rules
#52 Meatwhad[155995]
What? No alt-text on the images? =[
#53 Napoleic[155996]
this site needs a Heartcutter. Nobody else can write a report that takes all of 5 minutes to read yet still rules. You think I want to spend half an hour every time I come here? This is perfect.. entertaining but not time consuming. I get all the fun with a fraction of the commitment.
#54 Bitter complain[155997]
Heart, I have been pounding Amazon for the last 5 years, and they claim there is no such thing as "The Book of Heartcutter". WTF?
#55 SCV~007[155999]
#56 SuingForDamages[156016]
HC = God. Nuff sed.
#57 DredNicolson[156029]
You kiddies are so priveleged these days. Back in the days of Deon Peon, Bork the Tank Commander, and Kei the Lockdown Queen, we didn't have none of this newfangled XHTML, CSS, and Adobe Photoshop haberdashery. We had black Arial text on white background with at most five pics uploaded at the end, and we liked it! And I for one still do!

Welcome back Heartcutter, you've been missed. I mean the "bedridden with withdrawal symptoms" kind of missed.
#58 [156060]
i liked that it was nice and short and fun, ill give it an 8 if the password i know still works...
#59 Raider[156079]
It was a fun read, but I'm not into war3. Any chance you'll ever pick up BW again? The online community is more active than ever.
#60 PeaceableGhost[156090]
Loved it, Heartcutter. Good to see a new report.

Problem is you make me want to play WarIII, and I'm not even any good at SC.

About a 7, I think.

CTRetina - if you look at some of the other reports submitted lately in a similar style, say, my two, the reason they get bad ratings isn't because I'm a relative unknown, it's because the reports suck. (Although that last one should have been a 4 or 5, not a three... j/k.) If you look at the HoF, you'll see reports by good reporters that got bad ratings because of their quality - even after they were well known. (I think there's a Dref report with a 4, for example.)

#61 BOBBY357[156106]
Glad to see a new HC report :).
#62 Auz[156139]
Damn heartcutter you're ranked! Thats my ultimate goal on East. It'll take a bit though. Great game and make some new reports!

#63 Slotham[156140]
I fully agree with CTRetina. I don't know what HC was trying to achieve with this report but it certainly shouldn't have featured in the 'Gold' section. If 7 ain't that high then it shouldn't be classed as a 'Gold' report.

This report gave me the same small chuckle as a throw away one liner that was nearly funny but wasn't pulled off very well. No trolling, no flaming it's just that I didn't find this report very amusing, engaging or informative.

Also, as a side note, I don't see the point in having pictures of a large battle with a lot of red guys on one side and a lot of blue guys on the other. We've all seen these types of screenshots before and we get no sense of what was actually happening from these images. Images should complement a report and should not be used to carry a report. I feel large battle images are used far too much in many reports.

Cheers HC for your past reports!
#64 PeaceableGhost[156148]
I guess it's the whole overlap of the numbers/"medals" system. An absolutely "average" report should get a 5.5 (as 0 doesn't seem to be a possible rating). An unacceptable report, though, gets a 1 - so average is bumped up to about 6: A 2 says "really bad, but there's *something* here". A 10 is (obviously) perfect. That makes a 6 an average for an "acceptable" report, meaning a 7 really isn't that great - but still worth a look.

Now, taking all that into consideration, I'd think a report ought to be about an 8 to get "gold" status, but I'm not JV, Mark, or a rater.
#65 Raider[156160]
Well, I have always looked at "gold" as something that was not complete trash, hence the 7 rating. Outside of VERY few ecxeptions I don't think I have read any reports that are rated 6 or below. *+ report though is one definitely worth reading in my book. I really like the fact that JV's new view random report function only picks reports rated above 8 and not any "gold" report.

And you can see this sort of upward trend in many things. One prime example are game ratings in the gaming magazine. For most part, games rated below 75-80 are not worth your time. And usually, unless you are a fan of the genre, you should not bother with anything below 85. Just an example, but I think it helps illustrate the system of ratings.
#66 Woah[156204]
I would like to 1x1 Heartcutter some day :D I remember the great, great, REALLY great (pretty much what hooked me for life to three-way/race FFAs with HC Terrans coming out victorious at the first try, that was really awsome work, the best of best report imho, like the old unbelivable replays from bw even through there are new ones just as well played and even with new neat tricks (what applies to reports aswell), it will remain as "the best of its time" :D, I actually changed my race on those times from Toss to Terran due to that report, and you seem to be on a good shape on w3 at this moment, thatīs why I think would be a great challenge just for the kick of it :) (Iīm not ranked on this account but check Gohsou on Northrend just so you donīt discard me right away as not worth the time)

I have to wonder why I only started to comment and stuff now when I read all the brs I can since the start TT :/
#67 Raider[157536]
Hey Heart, I don't play war3 right now, but I used to be top of the ladder in RoC, and played a bit after frozen throne came out, so I know a fair amount about it. Send me one of the rep you mentioned, and I'll write a nice pretty report about it, making you look like a star and getting myself an inflated rating ^^

IM me at phexac2001 or email at
#68 gumby[158460]
HC is back! Whoo. He has to be my fav author on this site. I love readin his reports
#69 [165318]
Wow, has it really been this long since this report was done? Heh, memories.

Great stuff, can't think of a HC report not worth a re-read every now and again.

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