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"Casper was here, and he was cool as ice"

#1 Kane[116164]
#2 Kane[116165]


#3 [116166]
1st non-Kane
#4 Adrenaling[116167]
#5 Adrenaling[116168]
omfg, testy didnt win this one! =[

anyways, great job jeb. i liked the intro thingy with all the players builds, except for the fact that u gave out everything, like up to their 70th peons and stuff. anyways, great job as always.
#6 Kane[116169]
I truly am the master of FFA cheese
#7 derek[116170]
any br where kane gets raped by lings while his carriers are half a map away

is a 10 in my book
#8 LoZeR-X[116171]
if kane wrote more ffa brs maybe his fate would have been diffrent ;)
#9 Erad[116172]
complete garbage compared to the bgh ffa you were supposed to report, 11 forge strat > this crap.

#10 Sovereignty[116173]
Jeb pwns again. 9.5 :) (round up to 10, of course)
#11 Sexy^Orangutang[116174]
#12 non-rook020[116175]
Well, awesome, awesome br. Some very funny parts. How could you not know Gundam!! punk ;)

9-10 in my book.

-The King of NoN
#13 [116176]
and yes, that was me. as df.
#14 ..Disturbed[116179]
So far I'm about halfway through it and I've found something that annoys me.

At the intermission (17:30), you list people's armies and upgrades. On SCV's upgrades, you have

His ground upgrades were <font color=#22eeee><span title="attack/defense/shields">2/1/0</font> and his air upgrades (for his handful of corsairs) were <font color=#22eeee><span title="attack/defense/shields">1/1/0</font>.</p>

Unless I'm mistaken, and I might very well be, you forgot to close both spans with </span>, and thus, throughout the entire rest of the br, if you hover over text a "attack/defense/shields" pops up, and it annoys me :o
#15 CrackHeadJeb[116181]
thanks, fixed
#16 Metamucil[116182]

10 10 10

that was awesome
#17 ..DisturbeD[116183]
Ok now I'm done reading the whole report.

I liked it. That beginning pic/whatever showing the bos was sweet. I liked all the bizareness with the span text and the links. I liked how you kept made fun of H-H the first time. I liked the mouseover pics of the stasised units. Hell all the pics were sweet.

What I didn't like was that you made fun of H-H too much. It got a little old after the first couple times, but that's just me. Also, the game was a little one sided. Derek expands, builds 20 carriers, and rapes everyone. If it hadn't been for him, the game would've been great though.

All in all a solid 9, even though my opinion doesn't mean jack shit in the ratings :)
#18 ..DisturbeD[116184]
Wow jeb you fixed that problem before I even finished reading it. Lurking your own comments section perhaps? :)
#19 CrackHeadJeb[116185]
always ;)
#20 striz[116187]
ownage, good job man. I especially liked the juicy pics. muy beuno.
#21 RockForce[116188]
Omg i would have been in this pure ASSKICKING BR if my computer didn't freeze after that first ffa >.<

#22 Zeon[116189]
i read the front page hookup mark wrote for this and mark anticipated this report so bad. then at the end, he kinda ended quickly with a note on kane, like he didnt care about him -

"Oh, and for those who have been following it, CitizenKane continues his Journey."

end of article. so its obvious that this report should have gotten soooo much better than kanes. anybody else know what im talking about?
#23 psychochild[116190]
Great report. I really liked the Alt text of the players build orders. Sweet. Give this man a ten.
CHJ as Rater!

#24 Tanks[116191]
How the hell is this not a 10? it had everything including the Retard Rapper, mouseovers, a complicated build order thingy, a pic of Proto...

#25 CaughtNaked[116192]
easy 10, gw jeb
#26 Alacrity[116196]
hmm good report. Hey DAh, do a BR on some of my games;l
#27 funnymarx[116218]
10:00 minute build-orders??!!
Seemed like a good job of explaining things to me ;)


"You lead three spades eh?"
#28 TrOGyLdItE[116222]
how the hell do you keep track of 10 minute build orders of 5 people......but the build order thing was really tight.
#29 (...BlaZe...)[116228]
scurgee dont get attack grades, only armor

gw report, sexy 9. GwGwGw
#30 plus2longsword[116231]
your like, too good at this

#31 [116241]
OMFG chj stop dodging and do that fucking FFA on dc or something.
#32 DarkRider[116248]
this report rocked

some more humor in it would be better
#33 Redemption6[116261]
Just a question on how the scores work. I noticed that Kane beat Derek by 50000 easily but Derek killed more produced more and lost less. How does that work.
#34 stonecoldnewbie[116265]
totel own~
#35 Corpus[116267]
Muy Bien!
#36 ..DisturbeD[116271]
Redemption6: Different units are worth different amount of points for building/killing. Kane built mostly high end shit and killed a lot of high end shit, thus his score is higher than derek's, who raped a lot of midlevel crap with carriers.
#37 NotDefault[116282]
Why is CHJ not a rater yet?
#38 Joe.Smurf[116284]
ROFL at the H-H stuff :) that picture if sucking hilarious , well jeb im late for chem thanks to you ! read every word Once again awesome work.!

#39 Redemption6[116295]
thx to 36.
#40 Mr.Mediocre[116303]
Superb! 10 for the super hot man-pic at the end!
#41 Serious[116305]
CHJ I love you! :D
#42 Zalbag[116310]
ill never wash these eyes again........ beautiful BR.
#43 Joe.Smurf[116315]
Jeb can I have your site address again, I wanted to post something on your forum, also wondering if you would proof - Criticize my nex Br wich is almost finished.

#44 [116322]
You done good jeb, cept for the picture of the fag at the end... what was up with that??
#45 ImperatorP[116328]
CHJ for Rater!
#46 vincible[116329]
What's the "sprite bug"? How is it triggered, how can I avoid it?
#47 Ender[116331]
i know.. wtf is the sprite bug?
#48 I-LoveStarCraft[116335]
You set a new standard in battlereporting.

gw very thx
#49 Mr. Coffee[116353]
Glad to see you use a bit more javascript in your reports, Crackhead. The photoshop images were a nice touch as well. Overall, a very nice report. However, if you spell Nexi wrong again I will be forced to bind and gag you, dress you up in a goat costume, and lock you in a room with you-know-who. Either that, or kick you in the balls. Yes, I am anal-retentive. (Does that have a hyphen or not?)
#50 Mr. Coffee[116354]
Oh yeah... 7up bug... in the words of the immortal (immoral?) Richard Lewis- "funny guy, FUNNY GUY!!"
#51 (...BlaZe...)[116356]
The sprite bug is that starcraft can only display 255 sprites on screen at the same time, and valkyrie rockets are like 463846783 sprites each ... result; valkyrie not firing ; 8
#52 NotDefault[116359]
I thought it was a limit on the total number of sprites in the entire map. I may be wrong.
#53 Kane[116368]
#52, there's a limit on that too
#54 Ling-erie[116370]
finally read it....

teh secs!

anyway, your anime chick at the end wasn't very anime chick-ish to be honest ;(

#55 HarvKilljoy[116375]
In one word: AUSGEZEICHNET! For those of you Deutsche, I'm sorry if'n I misspelled that one. For the rest, damn good stuff, Jeb. Interesting to see mass carriers fighting one another. Now I know why I don't use Valks too often in my AA defense programs, the 7-Up Bug. I'd seen my Valks not fire against 'Toss all too often and never knew why... STICK TO WRAITHS! They cloak, fire two missiles, emphasis on FIRE, and can attack ground targets! Good stuff, Jeb, good stuff. Oh yeah, I already said that, but it beats all the "1st!" crap in the #1 slot up there... duh...(JK Kane ol' buddy)
#56 Dino Din[116377]
my penis is hard just reading it
#57 Anathema[116382]
so many morons
#58 IcE-Inforcer[116383]
Sweet shit! Beasty fat pics, awesome descrition of the action.
Make more man.
#59 IcE-Inforcer[116384]
#60 Redemption6[116399]
Hey chj or anyone else who does this. Recently CHJ posted another great report blahblahblah and he made a moving picture. The one where if you roll over a location it creates another picture. Translation you're skipping frames. I made one of those with flash and I was wondering what you published it as. I was told that an animated GIF wouldn't work. What other file format should i use? and if swf or html, how do i link it? thx.
#61 CrackHeadJeb[116400]
rofl at most of the comments here ;)

Thanks to all for the comments, you guys are the reason why I do this stuff. Look out for something new from me in the future (since I've done nothing but Starcraft reports since February 2001).

Also, I'd like to address these 'CHJ for rater' requests. I haven't said anything the past month about that because I didn't quite know how to respond to those comments (and I really still don't know). If that's what you all really want, though, I would be willing to take the rater test if the administration wants another rater and felt that I'd be the best candidate for the job. Now let's not bring that up again, it's more praise than I deserve. :)

#62 Redemption6[116401]
this was just copied pasted from the forum so it was meant to go there...some of the wording isnt right for the comments section.
#63 CrackHeadJeb[116403]
there's more coming (that's just the object naming, and if you have multiple mouseovers the objects must all be encapsulated in the same script tags)
#64 CrackHeadJeb[116405]
That's what I used to show the stasising of the carriers, if you view source on my report there will be loads of other objects defined since I had the mouseovers on the BO's, carriers killing goliaths, and stasis on devs.
#65 Redemption6[116418]
....o....shit that looks hard. Well ill try it but i dont think ill succeed. so u dont use flash? thatz odd. Anyone know how to put .swf files into html?
#66 goldrush945[116423]
Wow... that's good :P Anyways, does this game tell us that the way to win in a FFA as Protoss is to go for Expansions, then Carriers? Well, hey, if it worked once...
#67 CrackHeadJeb[116424]
Depends on the map size. On an large map (especially an unfamiliar large map), the mobility of air always seems to beat out a well balanced ground force due to the air units making life much easier when reacting to attacks. On a 128*128 map, on the other hand, balance is much more important.

#68 ZerG~LinG[116456]
nuff said.

And the mouseover thing can be done in dreamweaver without much hassle (i think...)

Oh yeah, godly report...
Less pics of gay dudes at the end plz O_O
#69 [116466]
#70 Redemption6[116506]
Yea to zergling i know that u can use flash and dreamweaver to make it. I already did. My problem was incorporating it in my html, which i figured out how to do. Thx CHJ and twip anyways.
#71 Anathema[116514]
proto can skin every one of you with his thumbs
#72 [116531]
hjahahahd[fio hZ{*()#$Y o[IH


#73 HarvKilljoy[116543]
To respond, or add to, #69 of CHJ: I agree with the whole mobility concept, and I've lost far too many engagements to mass carriers/bc's/devourer-guard-mutie-OL combos to count. I did learn, however, that mass Goliaths can and do stand up to mass Battlecruisers. Don't ask the exact ratio, as I don't recall- I was too busy going "OH MY GOD! I KILLED 'EM!!" after the smoke cleared and dust settled, I'd killed something like two or three dozen BC's and Science Vessels in the center of the map using tons of Gol's and a very few Wraiths coming from the other direction. Of course, my opponent's infrastructure was in far better shape after the battle- he rebuilt more BC's where I couldn't field replacements for my losses. Air vs. Ground- Air usually wins, emphasis on USUALLY.

#74 SunTzu[nG][116658]
disturbed of gamingeye?
is that you?
#75 EAT-AT-JOES[116679]
#76 EAT-AT-JOES[116680]
#77 EAT-AT-JOES[116681]
JEB 4 RATER!!!!!!
#78 [SM]Strega~F[116693]

Yeah, hi.
Godly, as usual. And, as usual, I've been slack as fuck and not done an ounce of work on my report that has been 95% complete for about 6 months now. Bleh. =/
I'll get around to it - I promise!

Oh, and CHJ for God.

#79 Spuzz[116750]
Well, I finally read it, and what can I say? Friggen awesome report dude. Well written and funny to boot...thanks for writing it! :D

#80 Bazooka Bob[117067]
I haven't read a BR in a long time. I usually just skim through them and look at the pretty pictures :^) but thanks to you this has been my first BR read in a very very very long time. It was very well written and upon having a friend say "well why don't you just watch the replay" I commented "the reports are much better because you have witty antidotes and awesome pictures in them. Its like the Book vs. Screenplay adaptation thing"

Very good my friend, my pants go off to you.

#81 SCV~007[117661]
Nice, an easy 9. The game wasn't exactly extraordinary though, but a cool report nontheless.

For the record, I don't normally lose 2v2comp games :] The problem here was that my friend got rushed, couldn't handle it, and I tried to help him instead of easily winning the game by myself. But whatever, I DO suck. :]

#82 Tavernology[118358]
As per usual, a wonderful report from CHJ.
What more can i say?
#83 sdf[123232]
#84 Element[123233]
Fo sheezy,

havn't been to in years! fox jv yrm bc btn ack what happened all the smart people left
#85 Barney Rubble[126442]
#86 [159408]
#87 Convider[159409]
wow, cool

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