|Trust me, I'm as scared as you are. |
|Word to this. |
All the best,
|ASdf go read gogogo blah blah |
|7000 words of kick ass|
All the best,
|5th! on to read |
|own + infinity |
|text only!?!?!? AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH|
ill try my best
|Hmm.. I was waaaaay too lazy to read past the 5th paragraph. Hmmm... I'll just assume its really good. there. 8/10 gj|
|1st!!! on a CM report! |
|Damn late again |
I just played Mario Bros Deluxe on GameBoy Color earlier today... first time in a month... beat the game on the second continue... it's really a good game.
|read the whole thing. That was damn good. The beginning four to five pages or so was hilarious. I've never played super mario world (I stopped playing console games too early) so the rest I didn't realy know what you were talking about but over all it was damn funny, and interesting too. |
|Read it. Loved it. Lived it. Go CM.|
Now all I have to do is wax philosophical on Pokemon and someone else does Sonic.
"You just died to a goomba"
|wow I just read a book gotta do a Book Report on this for school now!! |
|GFL reading that mofo, in one sitting, im trying |
OMG OMG OMG OMG
Ahh. . .CM, you brought all of those of my old memories. . .and this is just fuckin' hilarious.
|Man, that was deep and cool. I never thought so much about Mario before. |
btw, you should try Mario 64, that game rocks.
|lol i kept reading on and on expecting a sc br lol|
i thought it was a big long intro expecting a "button" like wc3 ? going on and on lol
|I sent some of the quote to my friends on ICQ they can't type cuz they are laughing too hard|
|This brought back so many memories. Although I disagree about your assessment of Mario 2...I was fascinated and intrigued by almost every philisophical, humorous, or just plain scary thought.|
I am dragging out my NES, SNES and N64 as soon as I finish this little paragraph, and I will play through each and every Mario game.
|hey good stuff man|
its brings back memories i love the way you guys talk to each other
hahaha good job
|hahahah BLAARGH BLAAAARGHHHH BLARGGHHH "what will their children eat tonight" that last part and the "mario has reached enlightnenment was my favroit this rocked i cant wait for the mario 64 version altough that isn't as deep as this was awesome veiw on this game great job ^^|
Good stuff. I had flashbacks.
|damn that was totally awesome|
brings back all kinds of memories and more ...
now i see i wasn't the only one to live through that
|-20 points for making a Bond parody =( |
|+1000000 points complete hilarity =) |
|wow this really made me want to go play mario. wierd how your mind works like that. |
|Thanks for the positive feedback, everyone. I'm glad some of you are going to get out the classics and replay them. They are damn good games.|
Splash & Pimp_Ninja: I don't have a 64, or even access to one I'm afraid. =P
[bad]derek: The main reason I didn't like Mario 2 was because it wasn't really a Mario game. Everything was all different and stuff. It was kindof fun, but it should've been a title unto it's own, not part of the Mario franchise.
SPIDERCHOBOHEAD: I love your name.
|lol... that was damn funny, CM. hmmmm, why did it remind me of fight club? did anybody else think so?|
|haha this rocked. my brother and i also worked together to beat super mario world in much the same way. |
there was one really irritating level i could never find the "key" for. the one where the level is 3 different "phases" and the last phase is a big yellow brick structure that moves up and down and you have to move through it and not get crushed. i'm not sure if i eventually got it and it was based on having to finish it quickly or something, or if i didn't get it at all.
hehe i remember the "starwalk" special levels. "tubular" "gnarly" "radical" rofl. the hardest one i think was the one where you were balloon mario, the others were ok.
|Ya, I loved MArio 2, u facker!|
Mario 3 was far far too easy, the first one was so much harder. :o|
super mario world = resale value of 2 bucks. I know, I tried to sell it ;o)
This owned, you had better dialogue than most movies, and by far funnier than SNL has been for the last 10 years.
|slings for the last time it's "facka" |
|The-Kod: Fight Club? Wow. That came outta left field. Although I was listening to the fight club soundtrack for some of the time while I was writing...|
POA: Don't even get me started about tubular. that one was soooo damned annoying. And I think the level you're describing was one from the chocolate island... either that or the bowser area. If you have a yoshi you can get a set of magic wings and fly over the level before teh big yellow block part.
Slings: Thanks man. I'll give the dialogue parts to my friend, and maybe someday you'll see it in a bad indy film festival.
|if you fly over it though, where do you get the key? |
or is exiting that way the key?
which one was tubular? do you remember all the names what they were?
if you do remind me.
|The <i>VERY</i> first <font color="Gold">Zelda</font> is the <font color="silver">best</font> 8-bit, perhaps the best of all time. <font color="green">Mario</font> is classic but...<font color="Gold">Legend of Zelda forever!!!</font> The second and the most recent(Majora's Mask) weren't that great. Second one nobody really cared for, and Majora's Mask has puzzle-solving over action. |
<Font color="red"(After we pull ourselves out of that senseless ramble, we carry on.)</font>
Good report, although as I've been doing recently, I speed read it and may have missed some.
|Oh yes, and please excuse all the different <font color="red">c<font color="white">o<font color="blue">l<font color="silver"o<font color="green">r<font color="yellow"s</font>. =P|
|#41 Damn, some got into my HTML tags. Oh well.|
|Oh, you needed a key.. I don't know which you're tlaking about then. But the one with the wings, you get them and you autofinish the level. But you dont get the secret exit =P |
|it was the one where at the end you have to walk through a big yellow block w/ tons of gaps (lava setting)|
it had a secret exit. i think it was something like finish it under a set time and you get it or something. there was one like that.
|K, I'm thinking of a different one then. sorry. |
|the wings one was also another annoying one. the one that led to the 3rd star entrance. i couldn't find it for a long time, and don't remember how to now.|
with the 4 lines and saws and the yoshi's wings.
|You think it's weird that Mario can get stoned and fly by means of a leaf... well what about the P-wing?|
You have to be pretty fucked up to fly during a whole level.
And the Frog suit?
What the hell was he on?
I'm a long time friend to Mario 3, just because Mario 2 sucked big Goomba cock. Fucking commies.
I love it.
|Which one was the special world? THe one where the names of the Levels were gnarly and stuff? Anyway, this reports really brings back some memories.|
|THe thing that made Super Mario World really special was that there were different ways to get past a level. I could never beat that ghost house inside the mountain for a long time, but you could get to the red power switch palace and use it to climb up the cave and get to the top of the mountain. I think it was the first game to introduce that idea of multiple ways to get through the game.|
I love you man! That was a great read.
|Absolutely fantastic. Although Super Mario 2 holds a dear place in my mind as the only Mario game I've beaten without any help. The only thing missing was a mention of the extra 1on1 game in Super Mario 3. Perfect for those who remember Mario Bros. ...before there was any Super. But that doesn't detract from the score.|
|Cyn, because of you, I just broke out my old SNES and a copy of Mario All-Stars. I love you. |
|#52 <Font color="Green">~Psi-Channeler~|
|Hmmmm...I liked the Mario games alot too but damn Legend of Zelda games just rock it. I haven't played one of the Mario games for a while; Mainly because my NES is going to hell. If you can get it to turn on and display something other than a blue/green screen its a Godsend. The memory/save data on the cartriges is mostly gone, especially on the original Zelda(One time I lost my save just as U was ready to kill Ganon). Enough rambling. |
Good report, read it all now.
|Damn fine report. Took me back in time, it did. But where was Luigi in Mario 64?! And why did he lose his cadaverous, haunting physique in the Super Nintendo series? |
Any thoughts on Wario? And what about the Mario RPG (one of the finest games ever)?
I'll say it again; damn fine report.
|PoA, the wings one with the 4 lines of saws is the Cheese Bridge|
The ballon one is Tubular!
Special World: (in no order)
Awesome, Tubular, Way Cool, Mondo, Outrageous, Fantastic?, Funky?...don't recall the others.
The one with the moving yellow brick...i know the level you mean. Valley of Bowser 2 maybe?
Fractal.MarioNerd == True;
All the best,
|if u made a book i would buy it no matter what the topic|
btw my comment above was kinda a joke :o
only one 10
only one mario
|Word to a ten from Praetor. I wish I had remembered the little fighting game.. =P|
~Psi-Channeler~: How on earth did you break a NES? Those things are indestructible, literally! It's like trying to get rid of the radiation in plutonium, you'd have you put it in a cement block for a million billion thousand years. Oh well.
KingJames: I never really played Wario, or the Mario RPG. I didn't even know the Mario RPG existed actually, and Wario was a game that none of my friends owned.
Fractal: If you're a mario nerd, what is the level that's being played at the title screen of Super Mario World?
znzf: I found "only one 10, only one mario" immensely funny for some reason.
I hate you. It's one of the special world ones...Radical? It's just after Mondo, I think.
All the best,
|I don't know the name of it, but it's the very very last one. |
|Of course you know that in the N-64 game Super Smash Brothers, Luigi could kick Marios lilly white plumber ass.|
But Link from Zelda could actually beat both of them. Oh well.
I'm also going to sell my sucky Sega and see if anyone has a NES or SNES with Mario 3 or Mario Allstars, cause I love it all.
(Mario 2 really did suck, all though those little dinosaurs that shot eggs at you must of been where they got the idea of Yoshi. I just now realized that.)
|mario 2 did have its own title is was :super mario bros2 mario madness|
and it was great! i do consider myself a mario guru.
i have done it all i think. the nes is indestructable but the power adapter isnt!
i had to give away over 400 games for it i cried myself to sleep for a month.
|Whoah! There's actually someone else (besides me) from Nanaimo who frequents the SC scene?!?|
And yeah, I know it's a self-centerd view, whatever.
Oh, and CM, me and a buddy of mine used to do that too, not many of the NES marios, but definately Mario World. We also kinda went through RPGs together... It's kinda weird, but it worked ;)
|Smash Brothers is good, mindless fun. There's nothing quite like watching Fox McCloud launch Pikachu into the stratosphere with a baseball bat. |
|Yeah, Super Smash Bros. is fun...And why wouldn't Link kick every ass in it? Samus is a good one too. Been hella long time since I played a Mario game, but I still remember alot about the worlds. Just cant remember what one I got to World 8-5 or soemthing like that and then was ruthlessly assasinated. Probably Mario 3. |
I'd hook up the NES if that werent such a pain in the ass =P .
|Bond has a PPK. PP7 is just from the game. |
|I DIDN'T BREAK IT!!! My mom and dad bought it when...well before I can remember for themselves. I think its a combo of a TV made before TVs were invented and an old system...bah well.|
|I DIDN'T BREAK IT!!! My mom and dad bought it when...well before I can remember for themselves. I think its a combo of a TV made before TVs were invented and an old system...bah well.|
|Crappyass double post =( |
|this is the funniest shit i ever read at battlereports. Honelsty i don't think i have ever laughed out loud reading something. The stuff you said brought back so many memoeries its not even funny. I too am a very cynical person and share alot of the same views. All in all that is the best report i have ever read..........its not even about starcraft either. Cynical Magician owns.|
ps:Mario 2 was a amazing "game" not a mario game butta "game"
|Funny stuff. Cause its all so true. |
|Wowo... this was friggin' amazing. I have beaten every single level in Mario 1,2,3, and Super Mario World. I spent most of 7th and 8th grade playing those games... ahhhh, memories. I can't believe how much thought you put into this.|
"<i>'Yeah, but she's a princess. When was the last time you ever heard of a princess having sex? Or doing anything but getting captured for that matter.'
'Never. She's a big dumb virgin.'</i>"
Hehe, yeah, the princess pissed me off too... always in another castle. However, the "big dumb virgin" insult just about made me fall out of my chair laughing.
"<i>'No way. If it was a Christian game, halfway through every level the Inquisition would jump out and arrest Mario for preaching Satanism and refusing to take the Communion wafer and then burn him at the stake. And this would be based on the testimony of Mario's ex-barber's cousin's dog's previous owner's son, who told their friend while they were drunk. And stoned.'
'Either that or Mario would nail a list of reforms on Bowser's castle door instead of killing him.'</i>"
Haha, comparing Mario to Martin Luther is just brilliant... not too mention hilarious. Was Luther Italian?
"<i>'Actually, I think the big red lava thing has the best name.
Blarggh!! He's named after the sound he makes!!
Blarggh!! Blaaarrrhgh! BBLAAARRRRARRGRGH!! I love saying that! BLAAArRARAGAGAA!!
Blaarrrggg! I'm the big red lava thing!! Look at me!'</i>"
hahahahhaa<i>!</i> Interesting commentary similar to the credit readings on the "<i>Who's Line is it Anyway</i>" show.
Anyways, there was so many other good parts to this. The writing was just brilliant the way you switched between dialogue and commentary was smart and everything just flowed really well. It was fun reminiscing and the strange thing is, I sold my N64 yesterday and hooked my Super Nintendo back up to the TV in my living room. Who needs N64 when SNES has mario world/cart?
P.S. Were you writing this while we were having that conversation the other night on ICQ?
|Ohmigosh. I remember Mario. I have an SNES, but no Mario. Dear Lord, I'm pathetic. |
CM, you're a frackin' geeniuz. Pleeeeease be my friend? Please? :D
Right. I have nothing else to say really. Geeniuz sums it all up. Yes, it does.
|Very Funny Guys! Keep it up. LOLOLOL |
|#74 Godlike Being|
|I bless you.|
Keep it up.
|OMG longer than my term paper...OMG, 3x longer than my term paper..|
Good reading though, keep it up.
|That was so wonderful, but it got me thinking. And when I start thinking I get all depressed. But absolutely fantastic little story thing.|
It just goes to show how much videogames mean to us nerds. Man you got me thinking of all my memories with super mario.......
|You made a Connection to A Communist worrying mad-man AND Pink Floyd... therefore you kick ass|
Good Job Cyn, See you Around
|If you're interested in playing the MarioRPG, Cyn, I have the *gasp* ROM. |
"Christ! I just killed a million potentially innocent troops! How are their kids going to eat tonight?!?"
|#80 drizzt from aod...|
|god you are a fucking faggot...nice fucking battle... you disgust me |
|drizzt from aod is gay......|
you come here expecting to see battle reports???
i come here to read bunch of stuff about being gay....
and how things are sexy......
there are some really strange people here.
but you are just gay
that report was funny as hell
|Majoras mask is zelda 6 |
|Cyn, very very nice.|
You have great writing ability and a sense of humor that I'll enjoy reading over and over again. This did bring up some old memories of late screen-lit nights in the basement with my cousins while we cursed and swore at another one of Mario's conundrums.
I can see you put quite a bit of thought into this, and it came out superbly. Frankly, I'm glad that br.com has writers like you and Jamellan who blatantly diverge from the site's intended purpose. These crazy-ass stories provide a welcome change and are a pleasure to read. Yes, I am comparing your humor to Jamellan's, you aren't seeing things.
Truly, a job well done.
|Yes i am the CM spinoff!!!! CM i've been trying to find you on b.net for a while now but i haven't seen you, please gimme your ICQ number also this is awesome it brought back memories, a note, Mario didn't get stoned on the leaf he got stoned wearing that damn racoon suit that when you held down and pressed jump button he got stoned(literaly) now that was awesome but i never figured out how when he went statue he got a fricken staff or some shit that a bishop has O.o|
Anyways very good BR on memories i give it a 10 and pls give me your ICQ number i want to talk with you like not just want, i need for colaberation needs ect ect ect
|Haha sage. Nice name >)|
icq = 24631249 - Captain Bones 2001
However, my computer with icq on it is unplugged right now as I'm remodelling my room. I'll be back on it on Tuesday or Wednesday though. Look me up in the meantime, or email me at <a href="mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org">email@example.com</a> (I hope that worked)
As for everyone else, thanks for the positive feedback. It's good to know that I don't have to rely entirely on pictures.
|Hehe, Mario was the greatest. To answer the question about which level is playing at the title screen... I'm not sure about the name. Let's see...|
I'm gonna say it's Way Cool. I do know it's the 5th level in the series, and it's pretty easy compared to the others. If I recall the last three were Mondo, Outrageous, and Funky, but I can't remember for sure the one before those three. Ahh the memories....
the first level: up high and back down
second level: Tubular! the balloon one, hard as hell till you learned the pattern
third level: the floating lift level!
fourth level: The ice level
fifth level: Pretty normal actually, and what they play at the Start
Sixth... the water one, also pretty easy
seventh level: Outrageous, the fire one, to this day about the only way I can beat it is to use a feather and fly across the whole thing. :P
eighth level: the last one, shortened time, but if you ate a green apple with Yoshi, it'd give you 10-20 more seconds per apple.
Nice philosophical stuff man. I always am amazed at how people sometimes express things so well, so that you think to yourself, "That's how I feel!" Great stuff.
|Damn-best non-starcraft text-only report-story i-have ever-read! |
|Holy shit how the hell did I miss this one? I can't believe that this masterpiece has been here as long as it has been and I just now got around to reading it. Awesome stuff! The nostalgia you've created makes me wish I had a time machine so that I could relive my childhood and conquer these games for the first time, again. Not to mention the writing was just plain excellent, as well. I loved the part about Mario doing hardcore leaf :D|
CynicalMagician, great job. You've raised the bar at BattleReports.com yet again (bastard).
|Blarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Blarghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! |
|I have mario64 for rom on corn2 emulator, does anybody have a save they can email me, i got 69 stars so far, email me it firstname.lastname@example.org|
|You should know that in Super Mario World, you actually CAN trade lives between Mario and Luigi. I think you press the L and R buttons, or maybe it's the select button, while you're on the map screen. Really good article, though. |
|i took out the snes and plugged it in after i read this. it was like covered in five inches of dust and other shit that isn't even funny; and took 20-30 tries just to get it up and working. beat bowser first try. cm is buff. |
|This is a work of art. It was hilarious, but it really got me thinking. And the ending was all tense and other good things. Dude you are a genius. I'm far impressed. The only Other category report to score a perfect 10|
|yo its Friday, June 8, 2000|
LAST LAST LAST
|Haha! No Thx BiOtch.... Monday June 18th 2001, thx gg ^^ |
Saturday 30 of June 2001 10:22'59 P.M
|damn u |
going through withdrawal.
i'm 13 now so when u were playing those when ur a teen i was like, 4, so my whole childhood is BASED on mario. i had EVERY single mario, even the allstars, RPG and the only game that luigi stared in, Mario is Missing (anyone remember that one?). and with this report u made all nostalgic and me not having any old systems (sold by unscrupolous parents Y_Y) u make me feel all sad and shit.
fuck u and bless u (would'nt be funny if there really WAS a preist who did that?)
|and i AM that nerd from Vancouver who knew everything (seriously. im in crapskatchewan now so that sucks) |
|Hahahaha this is all gold. |
|July 16, 2001 =D|
This is great. Although I'm not really sure if I ever beat the special world... or even played it for that matter... If I haven't beaten it, how in the world do I get there?
My comp would have been smoking had this report had images =O
|Can't believe I never commented on this. Excellent, CM. |
|And yes, I remember Mario is Missing. It provided hours of laughs for me and my mom as we tried the word "scurvy" for 75% of the answers. Ahh. I must go rent that game or find it on ebay or something. |
|all i have to say is...|
THIS IS THE FRIGGIN BEST BR EVER!
|November 5, 2001|
Can't believe it's been over a year since this was posted. I, too, missed out on the Mario games until I was 10. They were probably the single biggest impact on my life up to that point. This is just one of those BR's that you never forget and show to all your friends. And although some might consider it childish, I still feel this way: Mario 2 blew chunks.
With the GameCube coming out in less than 2 weeks, we will have come full-circle. I can't think of anything else to add that hasn't already been stated, so I'll just leave this at that.
|nov 22. this report is awesome. goes in my top 3. |
|#107 Febraury 8, 2002 !|
|OMG I can't believe after this has been out for sooo long that I just found it. This post is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time ('cept Jamellan's EELM, rofl) It was really thought-provoking too, makes you think of how brainless we really are, staying up so late to play a game that eats away at your entire life untill it consumes you completly and when you finally, FINALLY beat it after soo many hours of mastering the stratagy and losing everything you have to some game like Star-... uh oh, I've said too much. Oh, my, god.... I'VE JUST DESCRIBED MY LIFE I'M NOTHING BUT A PATHETIC LOSER! AHHHHHHHHHH|
*Several shots of hard liquor later....*
Alrighty, well I think I'm done with my blabbering.
But for all the mysticism you talked about during the game...
I can't believe you didn't like mario 2...
It was the best...
maybe I'm just funny that way...
"I don't know, I'm a stranger here myself..."
|Feb 21, 2002|
Such great memories.......
Best BR I've ever read.
|mwahaha i am unbanned i can read ths!! |
|We all have had some fond memories of that Game. Nice job recapping it |
|Man Ill never looka t mario the same again! |
|you know what, something that pissed me off specifically in super mario world is just how obvious it is that luigi steals credit. One thing i remember is that when luigi kills bowser, the credit say "once again MARIO saves the day". that bastard |
|bwahah only 84 levels in Super Mario World and you call yourself a veteran, i got them all you pussies :P |
I own mario, all the levels, and even got the Japanese followup (Yoshi's Island) best 2D platformer ever made. Officially.
|ZerG~LinG, when you link something, you won't be last. :P|
And I remember thinking some of these things so long ago...
|Best text report only link.|
|My favorite report on this site. |
|ahh, whenever you're feeling down, this is some awesome therapy |
|This, without a doubt, is probably the BEST piece of writing on the internet! |
|Wow, this was really funny! >XD |
|hope im last |
|Jesus, this was a great piece of nostalgic writing. Humourous, and well-written. It brings back great memories to the entire Mario generation.|
Thanks for writing it, CynicalMagician.
|Such ownage. |
|#125 Desert Demon|
This has to be one of the best things I've ever read. It's funny, it makes you think, and it's about Mario...wow.
Oh, and last ;P
And amazing, too.
|Heh, it's funny seeing a bunch of people you don't know commenting at the start, then all the familiar faces show up :)|
Hrm....best peice of writing on the internet I've ever read.
and yoshi's island rocked the HOUSE. god that game was awesome, what with the ninja-like eggthrowing and the bosses that all somehow resembled marshmellows and baby mario being a real prick...
|Yes, Yoshi's Island was a great game. Too bad the "sequel," Yoshi's Story, was so horrible :| |
its dec 6, 2004. remember when i commented on this over 3 years ago. jesus what the fuck
|#132 Last #2|
|Man this was great!|
10 outta 1!
All the best,
|The pinnacle. |
|See below. |
|see above. |
|By the way, to get to the star entrance from Butter Bridge:|
You have to be observant. You know how theres an arrow sign before every level ending? BUT, once you hit the bar and finish the Butter Bridge level, theres another sign! Now, no matter how high above the level you go, you will always end and fall back down, and walk past the second sign while the level ending finale plays. The answer is you have to hop back up to the platform from UNDER it.
But how do you do that? Well, first you have to get Yoshi. Now, normally the way you complete the level is by going along the platform with Mario, avoiding the saws. However, Yoshi can actually bounce off the top of the moving saws. (Mario can also do this if you spin jump) You have to bounce from saw to saw from the very end. (It isnt very hard with a cape.) Heres the tricky part: you have to let yourself start to fall into the pit below the stage. But before you die, you jump off of Yoshi while you are /behind/ the exit. Yoshi collapses into the depths, but voila! Mario is behind the level exit, and you havent finished the level yet. Theres another exit behind it, and you walk to it. (I think its on a lower platform, but in any case, its not hard to get to it.)
Then, you can walk down to a water level. You know when you beat Bowser and you are watching the ending credits, and you see those wierd long-shaped bullet bill looking things? (I forget what they are called.) They are in this level! (And only this level.) Its a pretty easy underwater level. After that, you get to the Star Road entrance. Pretty cool eh?
|By the way, I cant use apostrophes because theres some glitch in the system that doesnt allow comments to have them. |
|Thursday 15, December of 2005 and still awesome. |
|Still beautiful. Still elemental.|
August 23rd 2009.
|so..is trump president when you're reading this? |