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"Another great report. All I can say is... the staff at this site should be checking their email this week ;)(NOTE: this is mainly here for posterirty purposes. da blizz loves us all - FW)"
-David N. Blizzard Entertainment

#1 Fractal_Wave[57263]
1st the best,
#2 CynicalMagician[57264]
As we walk through the halls of life, we are often forced to contemplate our position in the world and society. I hope this BR gave everyone an insight to their hopes and fears. Even if you aren't in the same position as Ezekiel, take a moment, and try and relate to him. If you can do that, then I've done my job.

On the other hand, don't.
#3 u3[57265]
#4 ::nobody::[57270]
LMAO i read the whole thing and it was SOOO funny. hahahahahaha that was soo great. Cyn, u rule :D

#5 Fractal_Wave[57271]
I saw the leaving on a jet plane one. But I'm tired to day.

That's an amusing br.

All the best,
#6 Phoenix-S-[57274]
This was "interestng"
#7 ::nobody::[57275]
btw, Kashya is the hottest NPC :D

#8 Bane[57276]
hehe, thisll be my first rating as a rater :)

reading now...

#9 probe[57278]
ya'll go get your boners off of CGi characters now, ya here?
#10 probe[57279]
star hear
#11 ChinksWithGuns[57282]
probe, stop doing idiot stuff like spelling out thanks, good work, and star(*) hear (which should be 'asterisk hear' you moron). bleh. No Thanks, Bad Work.

Whats a Cyn BR w/o pictures? shame on you bastard.


#12 Bane[57283]
Haha, the first D2 battle report ever =] I was debating whether I should rate this or not since I haven't been playing D2 very much, but after reading it, getting hooked to it, and finishing it, I can honestly say I enjoyed it very much.
The sentences were a little short (wtf do i know?!). I don't think that just because I couldn't have done it any better I shouldn't take off for that, however hehe =]
A lot of it was funny as hell though, even if I haven't played D2 very much. Really good job!


#13 Frozen~SCV[57285]
OMG... I tried to think of some witty comment to say Cyn...but this just takes the cake. Bear my children? I read it all and damn near broke my face when I repeatedly fell out of my seat. Es good! You got real fresh eggs!
#14 CynicalMagician[57286]
Congrats on rater bane.

I wrote it with short sentences to indicate that he was going insane.. the part by deckard was different though.

That was the effect I was going for anyway, glad you liked it.
#15 Shepherd[57288]
I must say one thing. . .

#16 BW-sux[57301]
Damn Cyn, I gotta read this tomorrow, you are poisoning my 56k! :(

On a side note, dammit I can't smurf as Bane on now! :D

#17 [57304]
Hmm, I don't have DII so I skipped this sucker. There are probably people out there that are more qualified to rate this than I...

I did think that the background was a little too prominent and made the text a little tougher to see. But again, I didn't read it so that's no big deal to me... ;-)

Anyway, looks like you spent a lot of time writing this, so I'm sure it was good... :-)

My novel will be released soon, do you want an autographed copy?

#18 CynicalMagician[57311]
What constitutes a background that isn't hard to read off of? 1 colour? Or is it a text issue.. ie I should be writing everything in 20pt Wide Latin? I really don't see how someone could have trouble reading off of this. I don't mean to sound insulting btw, I just want to know how I can improve. I thought I fixed the whole background conflict that a couple people mentioned from the treasure hunt BR.
#19 [57314]
Absolute fucking masterpiece.
#20 CynicalMagician[57316]
Holy shit! I was expecting 7's and 8's on this! Thx M4 and Bane! A 10 from M4 totally makes it worthwhile to spam on the shockwave forum. Wheee!!
#21 Death Hawk[57318]
AHHHH, you ruined my 56k.

<FONT COLOR=aqua size=+1>9</font>

Death Hawk
#22 ProtectorofAiur[57320]
this was really cool. i expected nothing less from cyn. :D
#23 testosterone[57322]
omg this was halarious
#24 lol[57324]

Bane-not the 1st ever, just the first really good one.
#25 probe[57328]
chinks is gay
#26 ???[57329]
Great Job!! Though i think the music in middle of report is kinda gay..

If i were to rate this id give it 10
#27 probe[57330]
star chinks is a fucking moron
#28 Starookie[57339]
I got 'respect' and 'gratitude' and 'a feeling of good inside of me'. That's crap. I want treasure. I want money, I want weapons, I want armour. Give it to me baby. Bloody cheapasses.

ahhhaah i laughed so fucking hard. This owned. Sorry warleaderjustin, i have a new favourite d2 now =(

-Keep it up
#29 [57341]
D2? What D2? What is that?

Diablo whores


<font size=1>mostly beside I don't have D2 =[</font>
#30 asdf[57342]
<font size=1>beside</font> = because
#31 GameOverZ[57347]

Ok.. what's B2B internet commerce?

Does it have anything to do with AOL M4M ?
#32 SlingsNArrows[57349]
Cyn, you needed a yeti picture to fit the current SCANDAL. ;o)Awesome, I always knew u'd make the news, I just thought it'd be for rape... terrorism... raving related injuries.. etc. ;o)
#33 Fractal_Wav[57355]
Cynic doesn't rave, does he? I though being a crazy candy-junglist raver was my department. Or do you mean raving in the proper sense?:)

All the best,
#34 QuadManiac[57370]
B2B = boy to boy?
#35 Napoleic[57380]
I dont have D2, and I hate what its done to bnet, but I have to say this report almost justifies it's existance. ROTFLOL funny. Great work!
#36 [57391]
CM, I don't think the background is all that bad. However, its comprised of some pretty dark brown with some whitish color. Having a dark color and a light color in a background makes it hard to find a text color that shows up properly all the time. In my opinion, the dark brown makes the black text a little harder to read. Of course, YRM is the expert on this, and I got this advice from him on a couple of my earlier BRs that had backgrounds. He could probably give you better advice than i could... ;-)

Anyway, that's just the first thing that popped into my head when I looked at this. Its not a real big deal, especially since the text kicks so much ass... ;-)

#37 BW-sux / D2-sux[57396]
Hahahaa. Damn that music that slowed loading time to a crawl! This report fucking owned!

BW-sux / D2-sux
#38 JFeTT[57417]
LoL! I can't believe you went through all the tombs hehe. At least you got a good amount of experience from doing them all........Anyways, What are the stats on your paly? Like what are your skills and what kinda equipment do you have now? I noticed you have concentration in one of the pictures.

Good report by the way, You should do another with another characters point of view.
#39 CynicalMagician[57428]
JFeTT: All the screens were taken with a level 27/28 guy, after all the experiences with him happened. I've been using zeal/concentration combo lately, works well. My equip: 25% lifesteal (muahaha), 47-165 damage per hit, 2 hander sword of something or other, a unique.. crappy armour for the most part... Level 4 concen, 6 zeal, just waiting on fun skills like redemption and fanatic. I've got about 350 health and 101 mana btw too. I can't remember a whole lot of the stuff I have though.
#40 AlexanderYoshi[57433]
Heheh, cute story, but you could have cut back on the language.

#41 jeezumcrow[57457]
"deck of pain"

"..I had to chase the wench around for 1/2 hour b4 i offed her" hehe, i was thinking the same damn thing when i was playing.

anyhow hehe, nice twist to diablo2 :)

great job!
#42 TerranTurtle[57484]
This. Fucking. Owned.
#43 WarLeaderJustin[57486]
How can I put this?

<font size="20"><font color="yellow"><center>200 FUCKING PERCENT</font></font></center>

Really, a great job! Although, if your paladin did get laid... that would've been better...
#44 TerranTurtle[57491]
This. Fucking. Owned.
#45 JFeTT[57502]
Nice stuff, that's some huge ass damage too. If you find the right people to trade with you can find some pretty good armor, although a lot of stuff seems to be duped now but as long as I got what I wanted, lets see, I'm a lvl 49 Necro, I have two stone rings of jordan (+1 to all skills), Silks of the Victor (+1 to all skills), Wormskull (+1 to all necro skills), Ume's Lament (+2 to necro skills), Sigons Guard (+1 to all skills), and the eye of etlich (+1 to all skills), +8 in bonus items!! I found some ornate armor the other day too, 800 something defense, I gave it to my barbarian friend.
If you find the right stuff to trade and find a moron who is desparate to trade anything he has, Your in good luck.

Conversion, might, and defiance work well too I hear.
#46 KetchupFactory[57512]
"Im leavin, on a jet plane. Dont know when ill be back again..."

Oh sorry

Great report, but whats up with the "IQ of Ketchup"? I mean come on, Ketchup happens to be one of the worlds premier life forces, right up there with spam.

Go pick on Mustard.

#47 [57515]
i didnt like it that much.

that mp3 gives it a +1 bonus tho
#48 Snork~Dimmy[57549]
This is BS, the report i have been working on for the past week has a similiar theme, i'm now having second thoughts about finishing it.....
#49 Hiso[57791]
Diablo 2 is just boring to read about:( sorry
#50 Psi-Channler[58235]
all i can say is: lol that was good. was lmao =D

#51 [58327]
This owned


#52 Breeze[58461]
You are great, Cyn =]
#53 [58651]
Wow someone finally wrote a d2 report. And not just any report, a really good one too.

#54 +AnathemA+[58957]
i feel even more gay than i already am. my p133 is ruining me, i need that damned game. you shoulda dropped the weirdass beginning. what was with the child molesting shit? i'm just confused. i'm sure i'll understand more than .02% of this br if i actually buy the game some time.
#55 Peon "How Could You" Lover[59451]
How could you spoil those 56K people. Only 1 MP3. Comon Cyn. You need 382048023 KB of files in this so that even us with cable get screwed by you.

9.3. Too long to keep my attention span. I must have Bobo Sindrone

Note: Bobo rules, and i did not mean to insult him.

Disclaimer, The use of a nickname is the sole property of Peon "Insert Name Here" Lover
#56 blessedSCV[63859]
yo man,
loved that BR.. it was real cool!
i totally relate to your struggles. i am playing a paladin and i am doing so much wrong, got Charsi to imbue a 2 handed sword in the first Act, so it was useless by Act ii. then the birds in the stupid desert followed me back to town and camped out waitin on me. 1 thing tho.. i did all the tombs on purpose to build exp and level up. now i am in the jungle using zeal and vengeance to right wrongs.. seem to have fallen in love with two hander tho,cant bring myself to use shields or one handers... by the way, does anyone know what the gem perfection trick is? if so, mail it to
again, loved that BR..
#57 dex0r[65320]
Cyn! man, that owned. thats the funniest fuckin report i've ever read. and btw, Charsi is the hottest
#58 Blacky[66209]
Whaha, LOL this is one of the best "reports" (how should i call it?) i've ever seen! And oh no, not Charsi, not Fara but the girl in act 3 standing all alone next to the blacksmith there owns ! i don't know her name but she rulez (she has black clothes i guess and dont have something interesting to say, but that the point ? NO =) )!
#59 Ray[92562]
That was so fuckin funny.
#60 Cearas[94518]
#61 HUK HUK NO DIS![123783]
I was reading this in a public net-lounge...and everyone beside me was starting because I was holding up my hand covering mouth trying not to laugh aloud. Unfortunately, it was just too hilarious to the point that my stomach was hurting. Own.

"But we mustn't forget the cannibals, oh no. We'll never forget them. HUK HUK NO DIS! HUK HUK NO DIS! A cacophony of pygmies, childlike in their rhthymic chant. HUK HUK NO DIS! HUK HUK NO DIS! Would you like to hear them Cain? Would you? I'm sure you would! Let me take a part of you inside!"

#62 RabidMurloc[162177]
Screw the Horodric Cube, I now pay allegince to the almighty Whore-on-a-stick cube!

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